Without fail

I did make sure to run 3 miles on the treadmill and then hike up Sourire the next day and be outside in frozen weather all day with the kids, before hopping on the scale for the first time in months. Let's put it this way. 10 pounds ago, I wanted to lose 10 pounds. And now I needed to take a real look at myself on the eve of 2016. As I sat naked next to hubby in the steam shower, I asked hubby what I could and should do about what's happening. He was reluctant to enter into this topic, but I told him he needs to help me.

I don't eat badly, it's that I stopped exercising, he pointed out. And probably I need to do something about my eating too, if I want faster results, as obviously I am consuming more calories than I'm burning. Don't you just hate that everyone's New Years resolutions are about losing weight? But here I am. In this place.

And yes, no matter how hard I try, I cannot divorce myself from genetics. My mom is at least 75 lbs overweight. She suffers from many weight related problems. And she is not well. I think she has forgotten the last 20 years of her life and the rest is all convoluted and unreliable. When borderline personality disorder meets dementia, this is what I think you see.

I need to lose 20 pounds. I need to exercise 5 times a week. I should find a yoga class to go to, once a week, or find a dvd. I need strength training. By Belac's bar mitzvah on April 2, I hope to have lost 10 lbs. I want to feel strong and proud of my body, and I know the exercise and being outside will help my brain.

I can still tie up my shoes and run 3 miles. I have it in me, but in order to preserve myself in my best state, I just have to keep doing it, without fail.