Sunday funday

previous night's dinner: all freezer finds and a bowl of freshly picked tomatoes

The ac on the main floor has broken down. Installed an old window unit, which proved also to be dysfunctional. Now winding down in the dark family room, basking in front of the one fully functional window unit with a beer. Everyone unpacked and put away stuff, all day long, Jake running loads and loads of laundry, all of us grocery shopping for the week and getting stuff done. The house is now tidy and organized. Soon each has a friend coming over for dinner, everyone now just content doing their own thing. It's really always the best: work first, then play.

Packing up

Jake

Having my coffee and a bite of bread I baked last night. Looking out over the field and lake. It's crisp and wet. Last night we all slept in the tent because the boys wanted company. What a locker room smelling, gritty messy place after 2 weeks of the boys and cousins in there! But it's what you do for your kids.

We have a lot to do to get out of here and if I even start thinking about the school year for my boys, my heart beats a little faster. Today I put on jeans and something presentable and clean, now returning to civilization. What an amazing couple of weeks, over a month for Jake in the Laurentians. What lucky dogs we are.

Two

We are so far north, the trees have started changing and it suddenly became sweatshirt weather in a day. It's time to go home and we have begun packing. The kids have one last night in the tent before we pack up for a night in Lake George. Hubby and his bro have a triathlon on Saturday.

It's been an amazing couple of weeks with so many people under one roof.  Hubby's family is a colorful one, wide spectrum of parenting styles, voice dynamic, sensitivity, sense of adventure and religious observance.

In another world I would have had many more kids, but it didn't turn out that way. Looking around and seeing hubby's siblings with so many kids, cute as they all are, I just count my blessings. We may have been fine with more but couldn't push our luck and I'm actually relieved, more and more, for just my beautiful two. We've been lucky. And what has happened? We grew into a tight and efficient family of 4. We've kept life simple with public school and a lifestyle we can manage and afford, knock on wood. There's more wiggle room all around.

Mom, Belac weeped the other day in front of a bonfire, I feel like such an idiot. I can't remember what he was thinking about or what had happened. His granny patted his shoulder saying nothing but felt his sadness. He eventually sat on my lap and cuddled with me.

Two kids for us. It's all that we can handle and it's perfect.

out with a bang

Checked into a hubby affiliated hotel and was surprised with a pretty serious upgrade to a suite at check-in. I've never seen such nice hotel digs. Then splurged and went on a zip line Eco tour, almost 5 km of zip line and intermittent hiking and learning over 4 hours.  http://m.ziptrek.com/en/mont-tremblant-canada/videos-a-images. It was absolutely scary and beautiful. Bonding for our family, and then we found out that our amazing tour guide was a camper then counselor at the camp Jake just attended.

Boys swimming now and I am able to hear them below, as our balcony overlooks the pool and I have the terrace door and windows open. Really, I feel like royalty. We are so lucky! Soon we will eat at a creperie a walk away that I found through yelp and watch a movie in our suite... Tomorrow we have plans for putt putting and biking along a creek.

Vacations are bonding. So is no electronics. The laughter has stopped and they must be returning. Better get off my phone, like now!

Match making

On a whim and a hunch, I made an introduction today. Two one of a kinds. Wouldn't it be amazing...?

I said nothing to either beforehand. Had no idea of either statuses. Don't know what either's types are or what could transpire. But what I do know is this.

They have the same kind of snarky humor. A certain kindness and deep compassion that they each don't exactly go wearing on their sleeves. They are both introspective and share a certain life understanding having travelled very different  paths. He would bring something substantial and beautifully real to her kind of - dare I say - emptyish life. She'd bring a certain general levity and fun to his. They both have a thing for cats, neither has children nor carries too much baggage from what I can see. And you know what? I just think if there's even a little spark, there could be something good there. 

As I wrote in my note to both. I love you both. Either you'll forgive or thank me one day. (Hopefully, I didn't say, the latter.)

Soft and hard

Woke up to fighting between the boys. Some words (aka fuck you) passed between them. By the time they were sitting on my bed and telling me both sides of the story they were both weeping and feeling sorry for themselves. Jake claiming that he's always patient with Belac but he never learns, that Belac always promises to deliver but never does and Belac claiming his brother is a bully and always tells him he is incapable. They were both right and they were both wrong.

Then hubby home from a run, what's up with all this crying?

Nothing, Jake said, we are fine. Belac immediately ran off to join with his cousins. Not now, Jake said under his breath to me. After another 10 min of quietly hugging the dog and hanging with me, he too was off with hubby down to  the lake, where they swam and canoed and amused themselves.

Time will tell how well-adjusted these boys turn out. But I think - in an ideal world - that boys need both soft and hard. In this case a dad to be adventurous and bold with, and a mom who nudges them to consider their feelings and needs.

xxx

Me: did you read all of her stuff on gun control?

Hubby: I think I blocked her... Haha! I did have her blocked.

Me: that's what happens when someone takes such an emotional, blind stand. I even generally agree with her but find her crazy and don't read a thing she posts.

Hubby: I think she's highly opinionated and enjoys debating people. Frankly something we need more guidance on how to do online given how much communication we do out there.

Me: make the idis and Israel analogy then. But the emotional, reactionary kick is not good. It's not good.

Hubby: you got me distracted now reading her posts. Might even take precedence over Liszt. What have you posted on your blog???

Me: she is monotonous and impossible sounding. Egocentric. And how does she have a job? She's posting every 60 minutes.

Hubby: reading your blog now. I have my next entertainment source.

Me: start farther back. Read in sequence, don't read backwards.

Hubby: too late. Where should I start? It's important we find a way to save this whole blog to disk. If I have to save each page I'll do so. I posted, "is it me or should we see more posts of you in cute outfits, and less about gun control!" (Joke, I didn't post that but wanted to scare you)

Me: bad boy

Hubby: you don't reconcile why you behaved the way you did in your post. Even following the interpretation of how we misunderstood each other.

Me: I don't know why except I was caught off guard for not having a credible opinion bc I was supposedly emotional about my own mother. And I hate that when you shhh shhh me when you are joking.

Hubby: what kind of joking?

Me: I didn't understand where any of this came from.  When I am reacting to something and I'm being shhh shhed like it's okay, I know you're being all emotional as a woman. I felt dismissed and misunderstood.

Hubby: well, if it's any consolation it's not about you being a woman! :) can you call me? Are you on a phone somewhere?

Me: why are we chatting on FB?? Why aren't you sleeping?

Hubby: great minds think alike. I should go to bed.

Me: me, too. I'm tired. I get Jake tmw.

Hubby: your husband understands you very well. Your husband didn't understand that particular conversation, but your husband is your biggest advocate and loves you tons.

Me: I know. Mwah

Hubby: now go to bed and enjoy your nxt day in Happytat! MWAH

Me: Ok, go to bed!!! Xxx

Hubby: xxx

Home

I showed up at camp and everyone was clearing out. Jacob! Someone called out for me. And then this man jumped off the ledge. Hi mom! he said as he hugged me a longtime in front of all his friends, I noticed.

Back in the car, I simultaneously laughed and gagged all the way home. Oh my God, Jake, when was the last time you showered? You stink!!

I heard about thunder boxes on the canoe trip. How he didn't poop for 5 days in order to avoid these plastic boxes you poop in in the woods. How he had only 2 outfits for his 5 day trip. The one you wore, the one in your bag, so one wet and one dry. I heard about the occasional desserts they served. How the food was so bad and bland but you had to eat it anyway to maintain energy. How he swam at 7am every morning to earn points for your tent. How his tent always passed cleaning inspection but how on one day, 4 tents did not so lights out was 20 minutes early, 5 min for each tent. So you all suffer the consequences together? Even if you're not guilty? Yes, he confirmed.

He told me a string of racist jokes he learned at camp, preparing me beforehand that they were really offensive. They were totally awful and funny, we talked about it and the demographic of the camp. Obviously there were few blacks, Hispanics or Asians.  One of the less offensive ones: how do you know your house was burglarized by a Chinese person? Your hwk is done, your dog is gone, and the burglar can't get out of your driveway! You do know that your uncle is Filipino, right? I asked after one joke, and he is a lawyer and both his parents are medical doctors, right? And that the President of our country is African American, I reminded him, an upstanding citizen who will probably accomplish more good than most people on this planet....

It was past lunch time and I brought snacks for the drive.  Chocolate cookies and mango
Jellies. They sat on his lap and he gestured at the awesomeness. Thanks, mom he told me as he just looked at the goodies before diving in.

He told me about a huge rock, 10m tall, that he jumped off on his canoe trip. He was scared and jumped twice. He told me the one meal on his canoe trip was so good, chicken quesadillas. Otherwise he ate oatmeal every morning mixed with water, bootka (something like that) a gooey bread for lunch and then something warm for dinner that they heated by fire at night. He told me that the few times they had dessert in the cafeteria, you had to be fast bc when the plate came to the table, there would only ever be 2 morsels of chocolate among the bunch for the table of 8.

His favorite friend was Angus from Vermont. 3 others from Montreal. He read the 3 books I packed him in the last 5 days of camp. (Now I understood why he hadn't showered. Like me, he can't stop reading once started.) His favorite story was Princess Bride. He played hours of ping pong everyday. He got my letters. Was homesick at times and told me he was so busy outside all of the time, that's why he didn't write.

He loved camp and is planning to go back.

Back home, we opened his suitcase. Everything was wet, mildewy and disgusting. I now understood it wasn't just him smelling but everything he owned. Everyone in the house screamed over the smell. The socks all went into the trash. I intermittently gagged and laughed hysterically as I did loads of laundry. Scrub your hair down 3 times please! We found random clean clothes for him to wear in the house. So happy my boy is home!

Hubby

On my drive up to Canada, hubby called to check on us. Pull over if you're tired, you didn't sleep well last night!  I love you, hubby! I told him. 

We have now been notified about all sorts of suspicious activity on our street. Also, hubby cc'ed me on a reminder for a financial planning meeting at our house.

****

Me:

Hubby make sure the kitchen is wiped down and that the air is on!

Also did you put the alarm on today? 
****

Hubby:

I planned to turn the heat on, leave garbage & flies in the kitchen, hire some strippers, and turn on Christian love-Jesus music in the background, for our 7pm meeting. Hope that's ok...

As to the alarm, I left the doors open and sent a posting on Facebook that we're having an unsupervised garage sale. Hope you don't mind - I'm sure someone will leave a reasonable amount for your violin.

****

We miss hubby and wait for him to drive up. 

bon voyage

Hubby and I never got into such a huge fight, last night. I ended up screaming, throwing my stuff around as I packed and then, still in my dress, laid in the dark sunporch on the couch and sobbed. At some point I heard the dog come in and he curled up in the little chair next to me. This is terrible, I thought in the wee hours, how did this happen? What happened? I can't leave tomorrow like this.

I went upstairs and was astonished to find our bed untouched, fan on, light on. Wasn't it like 3 in the morning? I went down the hall and chose Jake's bedroom and there he was. I pushed him over and laid down.

I head the word Mom over and over between the two of you and you were crying. I thought this had to do with your mom. I didn't like how she was condescending you, that's why I said what I said, I thought I was protecting you....

Why did you come in here? I asked. Because I was afraid of you, hubby replied. In our 14 years of marriage, I never saw you behave this way. Never. And I was afraid of what you might do.

Under other circumstances I would have laughed upon hearing that. I wished I could make some joke about his being afraid of me, but I couldn't. Thank goodness Belac spent the night at his buddy's.

It was so hot in the room. The only people who say they wish they'd go back and change things are people who did something wrong, I told hubby, I did nothing wrong. Nothing. Those are words that should come from my mom, not me.  I mean, from Dot who doesn't know better, she can say what she wants. But from you! It just came so out of left field, it made me feel like you don't understand me at all. I was weeping. My history is part of me....  You know why I was crying? I was crying because she misses her mom so much she's calling a psychic everyday. A psychic who is feeding her this garbage about what her mom is doing right now.... That's why I was crying, not for me.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Gimky, my hubby hugged me this morning, I love you so much! I know all this and believe it but my eyes were still teary. What is wrong with me?

And off to Canada we go. Yay!

time

I actually think not a single person understands me.

I was bawling tonight at Dot's. And no one understood. Not even my own husband, who had not been paying attention. They all told me. Awww. You didn't have a good relationship with your own mom. You would have traded your own childhood experiences.

Really?!

Really?

You're all so sure. Well I'm not so sure, how could you be so sure?

Why is this about me. Why is this not about YOU. Why could no one listen to what I was saying? This had nothing to do with me!!!

Dot, I had weeped. What you and your mom had was so intense. It was so close and so special. That you don't feel her.... I promise you. You will. You will. You don't have to pay some 'medium.' You don't have to call some person on the phone you've never met. Pay money. Dot.... And I'm sobbing, I can't help it. I promise you will feel her. I promise. Just give it time.

summer time!

Packing the car for Happytat. Belac and I (and Bailey) drive north at the crack of dawn with bikes, tent, gear, and clothes. We hope to arrive in 7 hours with no hang ups at the border. I also just booked a luxurious and very discounted hotel for a Monday night in Tremblant. Next week, after hubby arrives, we are going to back pack - bike the Train du Nord to Tremblant and back with the kids, a 70 mile round trip ride. It will be an adventure...!

So happy to see Jake after all this time. We were over at Olivia's for brunch, today, and a walk on the nearby aquaduct. Now off to Dot's for some dinner. Ethan just got home after 7 weeks away, and Belac is in heaven.

Last days of summer. Sweet.

Hi Jake!

Belac and I drive to Happytat on Monday! Dad arrives very, very late Thurs night. We are so excited to see you. Bringing up tent and new camping mats. (They are self inflating foam ones and very comfy!) Belac can barely wait, but are you going to be too tired of being in a tent? All of our cousins are either too small or the parents are too worried about little critters, however, I think it's fine being close to the house and Bailey as our guard dog! Your choice, but I think being in the tent will be quieter than in the house, where it will be overflowing with people!

I am bringing up your bike and kindle. If there is anything else, you must write me tomorrow (Sunday) because we leave Sunny Patch on Monday. It's your last opportunity to communicate with us before we arrive to Canada!! :) But it's really okay if you don't. From all of the pics, you look like you are having a blast and it makes me happy to see you always outdoors, involved with the other kids and smiling.

I saw you in the canoe. So cool! You'll have to give me a canoe lesson. Dad wanted me to paddle across the lake while he swims and I told him there's no way I can do that! But if you were in the canoe with me, I could. You'll have to teach me what to do! I have never mastered the J stroke.

Dad wants us to bike on the Train du Nord and possibly up to and around Tremblant. Are Belac and I going to be able to keep up with you and Dad...??

I think Bailey is going to go berserk when he sees you next. Recently, we saw a youtube video of a dog who saw a girl (her owner) for the first time after some years. She went away to Europe and didn't come home, the parents obviously always went there to visit and couldn't bring the dog. The dog was jumping around, did a back flip and fainted upon seeing her!!! It was the cutest thing ever!

Looking forward to seeing you on Wednesday! Belac and I will be there to pick you up!! Enjoy your last days of camp.

Lots of hugs and kisses,  Mom

back to my big city ways

Hubby and I searched the house top to bottom. With the house newly cleared out, it was easy to see my purse was no where. Not in the cars, either. And these past few days I hadn't really gone anywhere or done anything. But the car was parked on the street for days because we had someone working on the steps. I was not in my usual routine. Did I really lock up the car? Am I sure I didn't leave my purse on the front seat?

The other early morning, the unlocked cars parked on driveways of a nearby street had all been rifled through. One car was straight out stolen. And the house doors.... I never lock the door. I go for a run, walk the dog, am off on an errand, the door is always open. It's Sunny Patch, after all. I hate to admit it, but there have been times I even leave my keys on my driver's seat, knowing that I'm just briefly stopping into someone else's house or that I'm going to soon leave the house again anyway. Even now, it's really hard for me to believe that someone took my purse, but I've retraced my steps a hundred times. The only explanation that makes sense is that it was lifted when I wasn't looking. I'm going to have to change my small town ways.

I cancelled my cards. Waiting for the arrival of a new bank card, today, so I can pay for a new driver's license. Someone now has 300 dollars worth of checks to cash if they can figure out how. There is a prescription for Belac, those coveted stimulants that everyone abuses. I wonder if I'll ever know if someone filled it if they pay for it in cash? Maybe I had 10 bucks in my purse. But the bad thing is that my keys are missing. Keys to both cars and 3 house doors. That is the real pain in the ass!

The town sent some cops by to file a missing/stolen purse report. Replace the house locks, came the recommendation, don't bother with the cars. And now lock up from now on.

Really too bad.

new friend

During the quiet of the summer, Belac made a very good friend with whom he's begun to have regular play dates. The parents and I have gotten to know each other for the first time, too, and have chatted about teachers and programming, the small class pushing into mainstream vs. mainstream, supplemental tutoring. I hadn't gotten chummy with any of the parents in Belac's small class, but found with these parents, that we care very much about the same types of things and share a similar philosophy and resources. Their son is also in the small class Belac is in, and has been in it for years. I don't know what his issues are, he seems like a totally normally developing, neurotypical kid to me. And I feel he is someone who is a very good role model for Belac. The kid is very alert, conscientious and well-behaved. He is a kid who did so well, academically, high As last year in mainstream work, that the school district gave the boy the option of going full out into the mainstream class with few supports. His parents have taken a conservative approach and feel one more year in this smaller class would be best. I really respect that.

Yesterday, Belac went right after camp to his friend's house, where they spent the whole time building with planks and running around the backyard with the neighborhood kids. Belac was invited and wanted to stay for their Taco Thursday and texted me a photo of his dinner. Does he like tacos? the dad had asked. I didn't know, but he's not picky and just so you know and won't worry, he's not a big eater....

At 8pm, the dad texted:
Kids are still playing well. They are outside playing eagle eye. It's your call on pick up.

Me:
Thank you! Could you give him a little warning that I'll come by at 8:30? Thanks for having him.

Dad:
Sure. He was a pleasure. Very polite!

Showed up to kids and kids running around the back in the dark. Everyone wanted Belac to stay another 20 minutes. A sibling announced that Belac really liked tacos and I should make them at home.

I will never stop appreciating Belac being able to go somewhere and hold his own. I have never been over there for a play date so I don't know what happens. But he keeps getting invited and the boy keeps coming here and they play together, so I just assume that it's going well.

Belac's going into 6th grade having developed a relationship with this kid in his class. He always otherwise complained that he didn't like his small class because he had no friends there. Now Belac's own grass has become a little greener. Hooray for his new buddy!

plans for parents

Thurs 10:48 AM
TO: Mom, Little Sis, Older Sis, BIL
FROM: Gimky

Hi Mom,

Everyone is looking for you and worried. Please respond when you get this.

Love, Gimky
***********

Thurs 1:25 PM
TO: Gimky, et al.
FROM: Mom

we are okay.
dad drop me off at golf club, and he went to somerset walk.
every thing are okay.
I miss read dad's working schedule.
***********

Thurs 1:47 PM
TO: Mom, et al.
FROM: Gimky

By the way, you have a very good daughter who texted us all, called the cops to make sure you didn't get into an accident, and sent her husband to your house and Uncle to the MALL!
***********

Thurs 7:01 PM
TO: Gimky, et al.
FROM: Mom

OMG!!!!!!
This morning dad drop me off at golf club, & dad went to somerset walk, he came to pick me up around 11a. My sony computer Microsoft program was crash during when we are at shanty creek (even ask your BIL look at it), I still don't have chance bring it to Microsoft office to fix it.
I did receive original schedule (show he is off this week) I did check the email because dad was sick & I didn't pay any attention to it,  office email out update schedule email (I even don't know when). But anyway
We are okay.
***********

Little Sis to sisters:
I think it's fine to ask for her iMac password so we can find her.

I think dad should either keep his cellphone on or get an old school text pager that he wears all the time.

***********

Me to sisters:
FYI: I sent mom 3 apt listings in White Plains. They are all 2 blocks from mall, shopping, restaurants, theater, and next to a beautiful park. Close to 35 min train to NYC, few blocks from hospital and library. 2br/1ba, 2b/2ba, 3br/2ba. 15 min from my house, 15 min from White Plains airport with direct flights to Detroit. Living in those apts require little driving and there are cab stands. We have looked at NY apts before and I think we should look again.

***********

My parents bought their Michigan townhouse with the intention to retire there. But if either became widowed it would be hard and my dad is already not driving much. If they sold that place, they could buy an apt. in Ann Arbor near little sis and one of these larger White Plains apts. near me and have options going into the future. There's Amtrak up and down the east coast to see older sis and many of their aging friends, now living off that line. But my sisters and I all need to be onboard about this. I sense my little sis doesn't want to lose my parents to me, which is how she views it, and my parents are very stubborn.

found!

Little Sis: Ok. Uncle hasn't even left. Clearly he doesn't seem concerned bc "they are having lunch."

Me: Can we call the mall and ask them to yell their name on the loud speaker?

Little Sis: The mall is not an airport. R u kidding? They would be making announcements constantly then.

Little Sis: Does anyone remember the pw to mom's computer? It's prob the same pw to her Mac account. Aru - something in Japanese?

Me: Hubby must know, I'll ask. He's her tech help.

Little Sis: Oh cool. Good.

Me: Sis' hubby, are you still at the house? Not to be morbid, but did you look in every room? Is there any evidence dad had his usual coffee and toast for bkfst?

It's hard not to worry. It has become clear that no none has actually spoken to my parents since Tuesday night, and it's now Thursday. I had called to ask my dad about water tanks. In that conversation, my dad said he felt almost all better, and my mom sounded her usual self, a little tired, maybe? I also asked about rescheduling my mom's birthday dinner and she said no, that they both weren't eating very much these days....

Little Sis: Mom just called!! She's at the golf club with dad, the one place I didn't call!

Me: Dad's there without his clubs?

Little Sis: Mom probably had league and dad prob went to sit on the porch and drink tea.

Me: Okay, good.

Older Sis: Oh man.

BIL: I'd suck at CSI. I didn't check for dishes or bodies.

Me: Thank you so much, BIL!  You gave us such relief by confirming they weren't at home!

I wonder if my little sis told parents that we spent some hours worried something so terrible had happened. They aren't going to believe we called the police! Good for a laugh. Tomorrow.

M.I.A.

I had just gotten off the phone with my neighbor, who texted to ask if the police had come knocking on my door, this morning. There was a car that was stolen off our street, last night.

I was now 2 miles on foot from the house and had resumed my run.

Little sis texted: Anyone talk to mom and dad today? Dad did not show up for work and they aren't answering their phones. Sent hubby to their house.

Oh God. My dad has never missed a day of work in his life.

I paced up and down a little patch of grass by the road. I called my mom's cell. No answer. Called the house line a couple of times and then her hubby picked up. No one's home, he told me, and I was never so relieved to open the garage and see one car missing.

Thank God! Do they have a carbon monoxide detector? We will have to remember to check....

He rifled through the calendar to see if it said anything. Called the swim club where my mom sometimes goes at 9:30. Looked for any evidence of my parents' DL numbers.

Lots of texts back and forth with little sis. Are they at the mall? Swim club called back to say my mom did not show. Little sis called Police. They told her no car with my parents' plates numbers had been involved in an accident today or yesterday.

I called older sis as I marched home. Who can run and think at the same time? She obviously was working and hadn't read her texts yet. I told her, after we find them, the 3 of us need to sit down and talk about mom and dad. Little sis does not live close enough, she's an hour away. In fact mom and dad don't live close enough to anything and are too isolated! Dad is not driving anymore, mom won't let him, and so mom is driving for him. And to be honest, I don't know if we can rely on her to be able to always do that, going into the future.... Older sis was quiet and just listened. I don't like the set up one bit! I have showed them listings. At least in White Plains they'd have so much to see and do on foot from an apartment, and I'd be 15 minutes away.... Who knows where they have driven to??

Little sis texted: Mall opens early for old people to walk. I sent Uncle. Mom and dad are prob sitting at Coney Island or at the grocery store and mom is being completely deaf and can't hear her phone.

Me: LOL! Hope you're right. We need to install the 'find my iphone' app to mom's phone when she's not looking.

my garden

The stoop was taken apart and repointed with all existing stones. My garden is growing like crazy and overcrowded because I didn't know better. It's such a huge improvement from before and the process has been a fun obsession. Next year, I'm going to tame another patch and grow more colorful plants.

nudging

Hubby told me this morning about a kid who bullied him in elementary school. Turns out the guy is now a serious racer and they have many friendly FB exchanges over biking. There was also mention of a super popular, athletic guy in high school. Turns out the guy, still friendly as ever, is barely recognizable today and could stand to lose over a hundred pounds. There's hubby, too. Someone who wasn't exactly pegged as someone who would hands down 'make' it, to the degree that a few people were more than a little visibly shocked to catch up with him at a high school reunion. And this is life, nothing is set in stone. There's always the hope that things will get better, always the risk that you might slip from where you are. The important thing is to trudge on, enjoying the peaks while picking yourself up every time.

Belac and I cleaned out his room, yesterday. We talked about making his desk a bright, nice spot to sit and get work done. Mom, I really, really hate school, he told me, and I'm really stressed out about 6th grade. I know, sweetie pie, was all I could say, but at least we can make your desk a happy place to be, okay? Because this is where you're going to do your homework and maybe draw sometimes....  Look, here's a drawer with just markers, this one's with just crayons and pencils, okay? And all the paper is here.... He studied a drawing my parents and sis had done for him. It was a sketch of Wally from some employee at Pixar that read "Keep on Drawing! See you at Pixar...." Where should we hang it? I asked. Mom! he exclaimed while studying it, I am so worried I am not good at school and I will never work at Pixar!!

What could I promise? All I could say is to keep working hard and do the best he can. For me, the list of things to worry about is endless. There's his very small size and weight and minuscule growth. The fact that it takes him 10 minutes to do something that takes anyone else 2. The amount of prompting from me to keep him on task. His persistent difficulty with understanding what he's reading. Missing social cues. Not being tuned in with conversations and always needing to repeat dialogue for him to follow....  My primary concern is his global inattentiveness when he's not hyper-focused on a drawing or creating something. Recently, I've been studying him in various social situations and I see he's missing more than half of conversations and sort of floating and flapping. Usually redirecting himself when everyone starts laughing, and asking someone to repeat what they just said. It's disheartening in a way but this is the way his brain is wired, always thinking about a movie or game he's making up and humming the background music or reciting dialogue under his breath, or reviewing something he's seen by playing it back in his head. One could say it's creative and brilliant, on the other hand, he really needs to work on being able to push a pause button and be more consistently present outside of all that.

I ran into the crossing guard, the other morning. Gimky! she told me, I'm impressed to see Belac walking the dog every morning! He's doing impressively well with that and good for you that you make him. Good for you, she repeated. He's really growing up!

Her casual vote of confidence meant a lot to me. I just have to keep nudging him along and hoping for the best.

dismayed

I was so proud of myself, this early morning. I logged onto Amazon and painlessly and quickly bought all the school and household supplies. I figured I saved substantial money and time. And now, all evening, my phone has been dinging.

Your box of #2 pencils has shipped! was one email.

Your Seventh Generation laundry detergent has shipped! came the next.

Your post-it notes and red 3 ring binder have shipped! came yet another, minutes later.

Are you kidding me? Please do not tell me that the 41 items I bought today are trickling to my doorstep, practically individually boxed and wrapped! I made sure every single item was bought directly from Amazon and qualified for Amazon Prime shipping. I thought it would all be dumped into one big box!

I'm sorry planet earth!

my sister's piano

his usual AM routine: chocolate Ensure Plus protein shake, fruit, and that unassuming little thing on the table....

I sort of inherited my sister's piano when she moved to Afghanistan the first time. It was a beautiful, brand new studio upright that cost a pretty penny. The one thing she ever bought outright for herself and spent a good amount of time and thought choosing. And did it without any kind of payment plan, unlike anything else. This girl, who paid off her 6 figure medical school bill because she lived like a poor student until it was paid off...! She is just the most disciplined, most responsible person I know. It was her splurge, a gift to herself! So today, she wrote to me asking if I wanted to buy the piano from her, otherwise she'd have it moved to DC. She now has a townhouse there, the space, a companion, the stability....

It's a beautiful piano, but it belongs to her. No matter what, her piano should go back to her. It's her important history. I recognize she's not really trying to sell it to us, but understands I've kept it for years for her, tuned, dusted, played on. Maybe we've even gotten attached.

It's the most beautiful upright piano I've ever played on and it's yours! I wrote back, I'll help you find a mover.

off my chest

Belac in front of Juilliard

The other night I was at a bbq with people I thought I knew pretty well. Even liked.

And then someone made the comment. Yeah, I think one of my colleagues at work has Asperger's. What an ass! I don't like him.

I sipped my water. I wasn't drinking, having had plenty at Lulu's party the night before.

Who has Asperger's? the conversation continued at the table. Oh, this guy at work, he explained.

So no elaboration? No mention of what this person did to be an ass? So that suffices as an explanation, Asperger's makes someone an ass? And Dot, normally so outrageously outspoken and who actually has a daughter with a diagnosis of Asperger's, was going to just laugh it off because she wants these people to like her so badly? Who are these pathetic people?

I kept sipping and was quiet. My car was blocked in the driveway. I was stuck. And tired. I didn't want to fight this battle with these people.

Gimky looks tired, someone said, are you ready to go? Oh well, you know, I was up all night and then what sleep I did get was in a tent.... But yes, it's true. I wanted to go, you know, because you guys are showing your ugly sides and my smiling has become a chore.

Then there was some talk about some house guests that had stayed literally 100 days too long. Beyond anyone's control and just an unbearable situation. There was mention that their son - Belac's friend - liked it though. Because the guest (a mom) was always home when the son arrived home. And I guess he liked it because he otherwise always came home to a sitter or an empty house.

Let me tell you, I heard Dot say, having a mom home all the time is highly over-rated!

What? said the boy, not thinking he heard clearly.

I said, repeated my very good friend who knows that I'm mostly home despite the fact that I do "work," having a mom who is always home for you is highly over-rated!

I sipped my water some more and just listened. I wasn't going to be defensive and I wasn't going to be mad at them. There was no way I was going to change their feelings. And I was very tired and knew I would become derailed if I opened my mouth. I could see hubby had withdrawn, too. So now will just say here....

So yeah, to all of you parents sitting around the table that are supposedly my friends. Just remember that your kids choose to come to me 1-2 times a week after school ALL YEAR LONG so they can be together. THEY LOOK FORWARD TO IT ALL WEEK AND IT ONLY HAPPENS BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS FUCKING HOME in my FUCKING OVER-RATED WAY OF HAVING ALL THIS FUCKING TIME TO PAY ATTENTION TO THEM. My own son has some form of AUTISM, REMEMBER? And Dot's daughter, RIGHT? THEY ARE NOT ASSES, YOU ARE THE ASS, YOU ALL ARE!! My son is not a charity case and I'm not just a free babysitter. If you want to see it that way to make yourselves feel better, so be it. FUCK YOU ALL.

Okay. That felt good.

To be clear, I still love the kids and they are always welcome. Even if the parents drive me nuts.

Happy Tuesday.

Robin Williams

Terrible news about Robin Williams. I grew up with him over Mork and Mindy and a lot of his movies.... I had heard stories that he always got into trouble for misbehavior at the high school, near mine. No surprise. And by the time I was at Juilliard, the stories I heard about him were legendary and always in the name of good fun, as was his friendship with Superman, Christopher Reeve. He was one of the good ones. How could it have come to this?

I am shocked and so sad to hear that he suffered such demons and that he felt this was his only way out.  I mean, this is not someone who never got his life off ground. He had children, he married, he was on the big screen and lauded for being his own person and kind, he made people laugh. People loved him. He was never offensive, which says volumes for someone in comedic domain. How could he have taken his own life?

RIP Robin Williams. You are now an angel!

FB not

I deleted the Facebook app from my phone today. I still have my account and can still browse from my phone or computer, but it's no longer this thing sucking my battery dry. And to be honest, their trying to force me to download their messenger kind of pissed me off.

I feel like the ones who want to be in touch know how, or would figure it out. With few exceptions, it's the interactions outside of FB that seem more real.

house proud

I was more ruthless than ever but lost steam as the pile grew. It was too hot upstairs, too musty in the basement. Still, I did get rid of that ornate fondue pot, a gift from my wedding, tarnished and never used. I always thought it was like a huge bed pot, fit for a king. Kati laughed her head off, that thing is huge! And a little obnoxious, I added. A felt-lined cherry wooden box for the silver someone assumed I'd have and keep. A reliable vacuum cleaner, great for the wall-to-wall carpet I tore up. A printer that copies, I explained on a taped sign, but can no longer connect to any computer without expert help. And just bags and bags of stuff to which Kati also added. Purple Heart came this morning and took it all. I'm happy if anyone likes and uses these things. My tendency to be stuff adverse has only grown stronger over time and I just feel such relief to let go of the material things.

Now have someone here fixing 2 crumbling staircases outside and repointing our front stoop. They are taking everything apart, mixing concrete, recycling all the stones and making sure everything is secure, safe and neat-looking. Nothing fancy. Our homeowner's insurance has again instructed us to add a banister to some steep steps, which I will be able to do with new concrete to drill into. Replaced a broken security light and updating outdoor fixtures requiring many fewer bulbs overall. Someone's also going to seal the cracks in our driveway....

The house is in good shape, now. It's cleaned up, glistening, and working better than it ever has. Dare I say, it's in almost market-ready condition? The best state to enjoy it, of course, while also considering our options.

me vs. me

I just would like to know.

If you only saw me on Facebook, could you really know me or even have any real feelings for me? I don't think it's possible. Plus, I'm not that kind of person.

If you could only read me on this blog, though, where I have diarrhea of the mouth, then what? Am I... likable? And is this me?

And then, if you were to really meet me in person... you know, and see that I appear older in real life and am not able to edit out my big stomach, nor string words together as nicely as I do here. Would what you read match the me you'd see in real life? Are we the same or different, is one better or worse?

Would the real me please stand up?

25 years

purple heart pick up

Lulu and hubby threw a beautiful party for their anniversary, last night. We were in a field in the Berkshires, where a tent was set up with christmas lights, round tables set for 60, dressed in crisp white and flowers from the garden, a dj with a small dance floor, lots of wine, beautiful and smiling hired help passing food and food. It was like something out of a movie. It was the wedding party they never had, having gotten in line to marry in NYC with just one friend in attendance, 25 years ago. And now with their parents no longer alive, Lulu's siblings aging (she is the youngest of 11 kids), they celebrated like there was no tomorrow.

Kati, Lulu and I danced the night away. Our hubbies gathered around a campfire under the brightest super moon. Lulu's son and Belac tried to catch frogs and ran around the field, playing chase with one other boy as the stars began to appear. Eventually we found sleep in the tents we had earlier pitched. What an amazing evening.

25 years! That's a big number.

Visitor's day

Granny and Pops arrived and gave Jake the opportunity to Facetime us. Amazing. Hubby, me and Belac crammed in one screen, and Jake in another. It's been 2 weeks since we've had any contact with him and there he was! His voice was so much lower than I remembered and he seemed more serious, studying us. Could he be missing us suddenly? But then every so often he cracked up from one of Belac's funny faces and there was the Jake I knew!

We found out that he canoed far during his trip. That they went to some water fall and to some huge rock they could jump off of and that week of camp was 'cool'. That he was eating oatmeal every morning and 'different stuff' the rest of the time. Omg, what a teenager he was becoming.... That he was mostly hanging out with everyone in his tent. That camp was better than he expected. Last week, he focused on soccer and climbing. This week, it was going to be canoeing. Question after question from us, some sputtering because of delay, some discussion of his rec specs, that we loved seeing the photos and that he had received our letters... Not a ton of spontaneous talking from him since there was no silence for him to fill up. I miss you, Jacob, Belac exclaimed, it's boring without you! And then it was time for him to go.

I was so happy to have those 10 minutes with him. Technology is amazing!

technology

stuff for charity: just beginning the purge

No cell phones beyond this point.

That's the sign that's going on our front door. Seriously! I'd throw out a few computers if I could, too.

Jake has not written to me and it's okay. He doesn't have access to a computer or phone or any electronic. He's living with limited electricity. I'd rather that he continue to be truly unplugged. That I can email him - the camp prints out my letters and leaves them on his bed - with upbeat home news and encouragement to have a good time is enough. He has only Sundays to give the office a handwritten letter - as an international student - to be scanned and emailed to us. So far, no news! But that also means no mention of bean salad.... I think Jake is having an amazing time and I occasionally catch a glimpse of him on the camp portal. Yesterday, I could just make Jake out in a photo of kids playing basketball - he's not exactly sporty, but there he was - and another of him sitting topless, among a bunch of guys, and laughing.

You know what's amazing? We don't watch tv, anyway, and he's not one to use his phone much, but he is truly off the grid. Not totally remarkable for Jake, however, but remarkable that it is the same for all boys there. They are outside and amusing themselves in a place that becomes lit almost solely by stars at night. There are no computer games, no noses in handhelds and everyone hovering over a screen.... They are looking at each other, engaging each other, needing each other, and figuring out what to do. Head on. How truly priceless an experience is that, in this world today...?

This morning, I woke up to news that a 12 year old in Michigan stabbed and killed a 9 year old boy he didn't know. The boy is obviously very troubled, but you know what else he supposedly said? 'No one loves me.' I interpret that statement as, no one is paying attention to me.

I have a strong and emotional point of view that people don't pay attention to each other anymore. Is anything more important than the buzz of our phones? It's amazing to me how so many people can't finish a thought without acknowledging the interruption of a virtual interruption, can't be on their own without staring at their phones. Fine and harmless, you might say, especially if you're by yourself. But what are you not doing by being distracted by your phone, who is sitting next to you that you could exchange a smile with? And it's a whole world behaving this way. Overwhelmingly larger numbers of parents spend more time with virtual others than their own children. More and more children spend increasingly more and more time on their ipads, everyday, but do they have any quality time with their parents or friends? Sometimes I think. Fine, let the whole world do this and become more self absorbed. At least we will level the playing field for Belac, who I'm not going to allow get sucked into this.  But let's just face it, kids today suffer the most from our inattention.

We spend hundreds of millions of dollars on autism awareness and education every year in the states. Meanwhile, our addiction to technology is creating another sort of autism. Think about it. How often are people saying Happy Birthday to their young children on Facebook or wishing their spouses happy anniversary with the most beautiful posted words...?  You think they are paying such beautiful tributes in real life? No one's really present in these moments and no one blinks an eyelash over this behavior. We are so f-ing oblivious.

Hi Jacob!

Yesterday I went into the city with Kati and visited the Museum of Modern Art. We laughed so hard at what was considered art at times! There was an empty white canvas displayed, a bike wheel, videos that made no sense and other esoteric stuff.... Still, it is my favorite museum. There are so many beautiful paintings I could see over and over! Then we ate at Bon Chon (korean fried chicken, yum!) It was nice to be together because all the girls and you are away. We have to keep each other company so we don't miss you kids too much!

Granny and Pops are coming on Saturday for Visitor's Day.  I'm so glad since it's too far for me and dad to drive up for the day. Granny is bringing treats and they also want to take you to lunch. You will decide together what to do and you might ask someone, before they arrive, if there's a good restaurant to get lunch nearby. Don't prevent Granny from taking a lot of pictures. I want her to email all of her pictures of you and camp!

Belac is working on a film at the lab. He thinks it's much better than the gum drop space ship one. This one involves someone running away from school and he plays a bully, of all things! He finishes next week and we will show it to you in Happytat.

Dad is taking it easy with the exercise, but will soon be ramping up again for the Lake George tri in a few weeks. He decided he won't race the NYC tri again. The Hudson was not very clean (he had to jump in after seeing a dead fish, including a dead eel, a half eaten bagel!! and a floating board with nails!!) and it was just stressful logistically. Dad said, I think I did it twice, for the first and last time! (Do you know that the Hudson at that point where he swam is not exactly freshwater or seawater? It's mixed.)

If there is something that you want after camp while we are in Happytat, let me know. Otherwise I'm going to assume that you don't want your kindle or anything else you might be missing these past few weeks!! :)

Hope you're making some good buddies and loving camp. Have you learned some good knots? Learning some techniques in sailing and canoing? How are you spending most of your time in camp?  Can't wait to hear the news!

Lots of hugs and kisses,

Mom

Take it back

Hubby just got home from walking the dog. I was weeping. What is wrong?? Well, I just got to pg. 138 of this book. For all it's faults, it does touch something real.

Out of my mind

Began reading Draper's 'out of my mind' with Belac this afternoon. Then continued by myself as I made dinner and washed dishes and did everything one-handed. It's the way I am with books, once I start I can't put it down. But I can't figure out if the story is ok or if I simply and truly hate it. It is weird. On the one hand, reading this book WITH Belac, it's moving. Every paragraph I stop with a why question. Why, I asked Belac, does the dad wish he could trade places with his daughter?  But on the other hand, describing the situation to hubby, it's a fairy tale at best and I'm now skimming....

I think it takes a gifted writer to compose believable fiction if they haven't remotely lived it. The jury's out on this one.

a day

Dropped Belac off at camp and then headed over to the station. There was Kati and off we went. The whole ride there I heard all the details about some big family fight that erupted in Hungary and her girls being dragged in. I couldn't believe it. We talked about my terrible head shots and when she agreed, commenting, wow! you really look old, I could only laugh so hard. About Belac and the swearing. Jake. How they are really 2 different boys and tricky in a way. That Belac is not much of a conversationalist but tells me everything. How Jake can carry conversations, but he holds things in. The difference between boys and girls. Do males feel equally better than females when they talk about their problems? We had a few hours at the MoMA, late lunch at Bon Chon, a smoothie at Grand Central, all the while talking and talking and then we were back. Some nice hours to ourselves, leaving all responsibilities behind.

So take your time with your hair and make up, get dressed up and let's just try. I'll take a bunch of photos, there's got to be one that's acceptable and looks more like you!! At least we should try before you spend more money on this... We hugged. She walked one way and I walked the other. See you Friday!

Caleb

We have had months of discussions about his swearing. It landed him in the assistant principal's office, too. Oh my God. What the Hell? What the F *! Dammit. It was disrespectful to his teachers. Distracting to other kids. All the reasons why he shouldn't swear. We've been through it all over time and the words more or less just keep falling out of his mouth.

But it makes him feel good. Feel better. Stronger. Older. Other kids do it, why can't I? I understand the confusion. I even heard an NPR segment on the benefits of swearing. When I grow up, can I swear? I heard you swear. I hear you say shit. I heard dad say things. How come you get to swear and I can't? Why? Why...?

Last night, his friend was over. OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I heard Belac exclaim as they were building something. There's worse for sure. But everyday, the words slip out. The F word, half spoken, and what the hell? especially. Everyday I hear from him that "all" the kids at camp say it and when they say it to him, it's fine. Normal. Hubby heard on this occasion and separated Belac from his friend and was again lectured for the umpteenth time. It was again reason for tears. But it feels good coming out of my mouth, Belac protested.

It was an hour over dinner of his weeping and talking to me about it. Hubby was on a conference call. Mom, are you going to get mad at me if I tell you something? I called someone a bitch. You did? Yes, I told a girl that someone was a bitch to me. When? In 4th grade, my worst year ever.... First of all, a bitch is a girl. And you must promise me that you never ever call a girl a bitch, especially not to her face. It's one of the very worst things you can say to a girl. Well, I didn't, I called a boy a bitch... Okay, but it shows you really don't know what you're saying. It's really offensive. I mean, Belac, you don't want people calling you a bastard, do you? He looked at me, bastard...? Mom! You just taught me another word! Ugh. And around and around in circles we went. It's hard for me to think on my feet.

Then he told me this story. Mom, at elementary school, I heard a dad swear at his kid. You did? Why? I Um, I don't really know. So he yelled and swore at his kid? No, he didn't yell. But he said to the girl, what the hell are you doing! Hm. And what do you think? It was wrong. Wrong of the dad? Yes. Well, what if the girl did something terrible, do you still think it was wrong of the dad? And then here we were. Entering an area his mind hadn't ventured yet. Yes, came the reply after awhile. Why? I pushed him. He didn't know and couldn't figure it out. Maybe he sounded like he lost control, that's why? Even though you don't know what happened, it sounded like the dad was out of control and mean, right? It's not the way you talk to someone you care about, even if you're mad. Is that right...? You don't want people to think that about you, do you? That you're out of control or mean? You're one of the nicest kids I know, Belac.

And the tears flowed again. I want to be part of the club, Mom! Don't you want me to be part of the club?! I want to be like everyone else...!!

I want you to be YOU, I told him and now tried hard not to cry. You are an amazing kid and I am so lucky for you. You're perfect! Kind and thoughtful, but I wouldn't be doing my job if I wasn't trying to help you be better. You can be an example to the other kids that you don't have to say those words to be cool.  There are other ways to be cool. And yes, I swear and I shouldn't. I'm going to try not to swear okay? But that doesn't mean that I can't encourage you not to swear, just because I also find myself doing the wrong thing and swearing at times. I know it's hard and we'll try to stop swearing together, okay?

We never had a discussion like this before. There was total engagement on his part. And for the first time, he explained to me his confusion and feelings about what was going on. To hear him talk about feeling stronger and better and wanting to fit in by doing something we were telling him was wrong, for him to know that we want him to fit in but to feel we were saying something totally contradictory by telling him not to swear, and his wanting to be like everybody else.... Could I even begin to articulate such a thing at 11? Much less 18? Oh my God! was all I could think as I wiped my tears and cleaned up, this kid never ceases to amaze me.

meds

Is he on medication? my friend asked while we caught up at the hippo playground.

Yes, but pretty much only on school days, so like today? No. This, I gestured, is how he is naturally.

You know, my parents finally helped my brother get meds when he was like graduating high school. (He's now in his mid 30's.) He was so upset with them because he felt he really needed them sooner.

Wow! That's interesting, I had no idea.

Yeah, she continued, things are different these days. There are more treatments available and studies about efficacy and long-term effects. It was a different era then, she shrugged, my parents were understandably scared.

This is an exchange I have filed away. I had been anti-meds my whole life until a few years ago. And while I am hardly an advocate of popping pills now, I am somewhere in between. Recognizing that even with a ton of therapy, sometimes people - through no fault of their own - still need something extra to better cope. It's okay, I realize, it's really okay. And I have intimately lived how it has helped my son, who tries so hard.

home in nyc

Picked up some chunks of cheese at Fairway and a couple bottles of wine, last night. Then headed over to the apartment of hubby's friends from b-school, who had invited others we knew from back then and had also raced in the tri. Some I hadn't seen in over a decade, well, just one I had seen in a NYT article about renovating her entire brownstone in Harlem....

It wasn't what I expected, as we arrived to the upper east side address. Theirs was a brownstone walk up, 5 flights up, and I just had to smile from ear to ear as I climbed each step, remembering life at my 6th floor walk up. Hubby was lugging up his bike and Belac lead the way, amazed at what it meant for these people to go home everyday. Entering into the apartment, I looked around with curiosity. A modest 2BR railroad apartment for their family of 4, with the bedrooms on opposite ends. This is the way we would have lived had we stayed at 83rd Street. The place was minimalist, had modern furnishings and was totally clean and thoughtful. I loved it. And then, going up one more flight of stairs, my mouth dropped. A roof, cooperatively maintained. There was someone picking beautiful tomatoes from a whole array of containers. Another lounging and reading. A big dining table with lots of chairs for meals. Nothing fancy and the barriers at the edge looked rickety - I made Belac promise to stay within a certain area - but really so special for NYC. A shared outdoor space for everyone to enjoy.

Oh my God! Belac said, looking around at the tall buildings all around and the big sky above, this is amazing! I love NYC! Look, Mom! there's a garbage bag flying in the air!!

It was interesting to catch up on everyone's lives. The group was mostly women and very professionally successful ones at that. Some had kids, others didn't. Some clearly had A LOT of money. But up on that roof, the conversations meandered from what everyone was doing about their kids' schools, to renovations, authentic ethnic restaurants, the triathlon... and all this with pretty minimal posturing from what I was mostly expecting. Then suddenly it was 10pm and we really had to get driving home.

Even if we lived in the city, I recognize this would have been a novel kind of week end and not just the usual. Still, I overheard hubby tell someone, Gimky would move back here in a heart beat! It made me stop for a second, had I ever said that? Then again, it always sort of shocks him how unfazed I am about getting around and wanting to see, hear or taste another new thing.... It's probably true. If I didn't have to worry about the kids' schooling, I'd love to live in NYC.

NYC tri

Hubby just sprinted back to the apt having forgot all of his water bottles. Transition closing in 15 minutes. No ifs, ands or buts with tightened security. Thank goodness he had left 30 minutes earlier and had time to realize. He was already sweating when he ran in. Take it easy, sweetie pie! I nudged, and he was off.

I'm really not thrilled about his swimming in the Hudson. I know it's the cleanest it's ever been, but all that swimming by 4000 athletes on that same stretch is going to kick up drudge. I heard it's disgusting and sticks to any hair. Everyone was told to shave last night.

Belac and I are hoping to catch hubby but security is so tight, we will likely not get close enough to see him until Central Park. The logistics of this tri - of legs not starting and ending at the same place -  are unwieldy and complicated. And just think. There were 4 million dollars worth of bikes parked at the Hudson, last night. If there are 4000 bikes at 1000$ a piece.... And the pro bikes are easily 10-20k. That's just a lot to secure in the middle of NYC. Not to mention making sure that everyone comes out of this alive and well!

Uws

Before Ella knew I was already in NY, she texted offering her UWS studio as a pitstop in case we needed. We took a tri tour along the Hudson, but Belac and I moseyed up the promenade to the Hippo Playground ahead of hubby so he could do what he needed. Another city based friend just so happened to write with something funny just as I marveled being at this playground for the first time after 11 years and was finding a bench. I used to go everyday with Jake. Hubby arrived. And then, very wild, a very good friend showed up at the playground. Oh My God hubby and I exclaimed as she, hubby, and 3 children arrived and we chatted away a couple of hours. Not so long ago, and over 14 years ago before kids, we became friends in Boston, both moved back to NY around the same time, and managed to witness eachother's every major milestone along the way.

There was later dinner at a too expensive place on Amsterdam, but at an outside table on this breezy night. There was frozen yogurt someplace else. A little shopping for bkfst stuff at a corner store, hubby is up at 3:30 tmw. You're smiling from ear to ear, hubby remarked, you're so happy!

I could definitely live in the city again. The UWS feels like home!

Ny, ny

After 15 minutes of trying to get closer, hubby and Belac decided to travel to hotel by foot . Hubby needed to attend a security meeting at the Hyatt downtown before he could park his bike uptown. I headed up town and crosstown to the studio. So much traffic, honking and aggressive driving, even around the many bikers sharing the street. I'm not scared driving around the city, but now was in sole possession of hubby's treasured $2000 bike hanging off his car with bad visibility out back. I was never more concerned about a fender bender as I was today. What a way to shatter hubby's week end if someone crashed into his bike!

Arriving to the building, there was confusion to figure out of what apt I was going to. The doorman was chatty and I made nice, having asked to double park while I dragged bike and stuff up. Coming down I handed the doorman a five dollar bill. So where do you usually head first to look for parking? You want to park on the street? Yes, I told him. I really try to avoid paying for parking unless it's an emergency. My shift is done in 15 minutes, you can have my spot. See that car? It was parked just in front of the building. Go around and wait, I'm leaving soon. Yay!!

I lived in NYC for a decade at least. I know. It's unaffordable, unlivable, smelly. There are roaches and mice, sometimes rats. But... I just love it here and always did. The people are the friendliest of any major city and the excitement of so much to experience, both the simple and outrageous, is just alluring. Back in Central Park I had showed my cousins the turtles at the pond, directed them up Shakespeare garden and suggested a meandering route back to their hotel downtown. I wished I didn't have to turn back so soon.

I love NYC.

hubby

Woke up to hubby tearing apart the house in search of something. Oh my god! What can't you find? His indoor sneakers. It was pouring out. He had just installed the ac next to the treadmill and was planning to run, this last morning before the NYC tri. I laid in bed listening, I really didn't want to get out of bed yet. We had each made a plan on how to get into NYC by the time of his security lecture he was required to attend. I had to drive the dog to a hotel and had a couple of piano students this morning. Getting up this early was definitely not part of my plan.... Did you take them to Japan? I asked from bed. Did you try the black suitcase?

As his fit escalated, I got out of bed and started looking. Can you run in another pair? I think you left them in Canada, I forgot my pair there, too. I know you didn't wear them there, but you could have brought them there and left them by accident? It makes sense you know, because sweetie pie, they really aren't here....

Suitcases and gym bags were emptied and topsey turvied, closet doors open in every room and things on the floor, shopping bags from the cars emptied and scattered. I can't find one water bottle either, he muttered. I rolled my eyes, we have a ton!! But they weren't big enough. True, I didn't know where any of the big ones were.

5 minutes later he was back downstairs wearing old sneakers and puppy dog eyes. I'm sorry.... And this is my hubby for you. It's the one thing he always loses his mind about, misplacing stuff. You are a piece of work! I told him, putting on a pot of coffee, these triathlons! They're messing with my life! Oh stop, he said as he adjusted his earphones and headed to the treadmill, some hardship! Of all people, you're the one that's going to be smiling and loving ny all wknd!

Hubby up at 5:15, every single morning and off to train. 2 of 3 legs of the tri every Fri, Sat and Sun. In bed early, being increasingly careful about his diet, more recently no drinking and loading up on carbs instead of his usual meat. And the dizzying array of swimsuits, bike shorts and goggles, anti-fog spray for them, and accoutrements to keep track of. I mean, he has like 3 pairs of sneakers at least, maybe more. But the ones he couldn't find were specifically for indoor and on the treadmill.... I mean, over time this has become serious stuff! He is always off somewhere, a 6-10 mile run, another 30 mile bike ride somewhere, swimming a couple miles at a time.... But as much as I tease him and am exasperated by all this craziness, it is unbelievable and admirable.

At this stage of the game, he could easily be letting himself slide with a beer belly and 30 extra pounds. Especially because he was never really athletic his whole life. He could be settling into his ways and a pain to live with for all the ho hum of suburban life. Instead he's out there, challenging himself, exploring every nook and cranny of Westchester by bike and foot and making buddies over it. He's the happiest I've ever seen him and it's all good.

camp life

Saw a pic of Jake at the start of his canoe trip. All the boys wore their waterproof shells under their life vests. Shorts and sneakers. I noted which pair of his were going to get ruined.... Water bottles hooked to themselves. Jake stood out amongst the baseball caps, wearing a wide brimmed fishing hat and glasses. He's probably the only asian in camp, come to think of it. 5 boys with 2 counselors lined up. Babies, really. All posing before getting into the truck and being driven with packs and canoes to their starting place in the wilderness.

Hubby misses Jake. I'm sort of surprised how sentimental hubby has been. Every night he asks if any pics of Jake were posted, shares some musing of how he must be faring or memory of what it was like for him. Hanging food in a tree, far away from the tent. Wearing wet shoes and dirty clothes. Pooping in the woods. Being exhausted and sore at night, waking up to a cold bath in the lake every morning. And actually using and needing your pocket knife, everyday. The reoccurring theme is that he'll only get out of it what he puts in and he's definitely not being pampered. Needless to say, we both agree this is an awesome new experience for Jake. And probably not bad for all of us!

I like that this camp is in the wilderness and that the kids are being taught to survive and appreciate nature. Yesterday, cuz confirmed with me that Jake's camp is a very rugged kind of place, with a certain kind of kid from a certain kind of family. The kids are overwhelmingly public school educated and from middle class families. They do truly rough it up there but apparently love every minute of it. And now I understand why pops really thought Jake should learn some boxing maneuvers before heading up north. I think in the earlier years, the kids might have been from tough families and tough neighborhoods before mellowing out into the more crunchy granola, left-leaning sort of place it seems today.

Last week, when hubby's family bought a camp canoe to take home, records showed that the last one the family purchased was just 26 years ago. What happened?? they exclaimed, not hiding their dismay, they are supposed to last 50 years!  You know, in the states, no one would ever shame you for not taking good enough care of a canoe if it meant another sale....  This camp is different from other places and seems to actively live what so many others thoughtlessly preach. As a parent, I like everything about this camp so far! Of course, it's up to Jake to reveal what it's truly like up there.