Sister has sauce for spaghetti bolognese in crock pot. Hubby just brought the whole crew to the train station after pulling Belac out of school after second period, Math. Jake in school til 1:30, hubby and I about to leave to pick up the turkey from the farm and pick up a few more things, including a requested Yamazaki scotch of which there is only one left at the last place we called.
Cousin and her hubby texted, she's at the hotel! In from North Carolina.What? I thought they were arriving tomorrow! That's awesome! I texted, here is how to get in the house. Help yourselves to anything.
Happy.
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Entourage
Boys accompanied by cousins, grandpa, hubby and dog on their walk to school at 7:30 am. Everyone ate leftover udon for breakfast at the counter, with every seat filled. WNYC in the background and planning our day. Sister and BIL sleeping in and naked tot, running around. She just doesn't want to wear clothes.
Love it.
Love it.
Arrived
Hanging by the fire with hubby and BIL over chips and scotch. It's almost 1:30, highly unusual for me. We are shooting the shit in the quiet of the house as everyone sleeps. Now discussing grilling the 9 lb beef tenderloin in indirect heat on the Weber. BIL now just refilling his glass like the night is young. OMG! And hubby making a sandwich.
I'm sleepy and off to bed.
The holiday has begun!
I'm sleepy and off to bed.
The holiday has begun!
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Surprise
I happened to ask Jake to get the mail. He brought it in and there was something addressed to him from the school. We opened this single sheet. We get so much junk mail from the school over the silliest stuff they could just email, we certainly weren't expecting anything special.
The letter was addressed directly to Jake from the Principal. "The faculty and staff at Sunny Patch High School join me in congratulating you on achieving Honors for the first quarter of 2015-2016 academic year...." What??? I said nothing and made sure Jake was reading. He was silent. Is this how they tell kids they made the honor roll? This had never happened before....
Wow, I told him after giving him a minute, look at that! All of your hardwork, Jake...!
He was still not saying a word.
I think you should go show Dad.
And off he went.
So proud of Jake! Never give up.
ready
Just made beds for my little sis and fam, arriving to LGA at midnight. Surfaces wiped down and bathrooms scrubbed. Huge Costco run, earlier, with hubby and dad. Wine and Grey Goose purchased at a discount place. It was fun to prepare, all these weeks, but now ready for everyone to arrive, already!
Monday, November 23, 2015
Class
Meanwhile, I had the sweetest, greatest piano class on Sunday. I was so proud of my students. I also played Franck with hubby, we all schmoozed and lingered over treats. I am not in this to exactly pay the mortgage, though the money is nice. It has to be a combo of yes, earning moolah, but also effort on the part of the student. If they are not practicing, I don't care how much they are paying me. It is torture. Glorified babysitting and then I have trouble getting my students and their families out of the house in a timely manner.... I'm not training Juilliard bound kids, but only want to be teaching those who practice at least minimally and care about/enjoy the music. I just don't want it, otherwise, and view it as a waste of time. My kids need supervision and especially Belac, on a daily basis, and I just have other more valuable things to do.
Burned
I was teaching a friend's kid piano. And she was not practicing. And their other daughter, who was my mommy and me music student, showed great promise on violin. As a favor, I tagged along 10 minutes of violin to the older sibling's piano lesson. For free. But then 10 minutes became 20 minutes became 30. And suddenly I was giving away 2 lessons for the price of one when I wanted and needed to be with my own kid. How was this right? And because she is a friend I couldn't say anything. And then I found out that they paid more for someone else for the summer when I wasn't teaching. And then, now that I've basically said they should find someone else, they are looking for both a violin and piano teacher.
Really?? And you dare tell me this?
Even if you paid basement prices for both, they'd together collect more than me. So yes. They love me. They think I'm the best. But isn't it also because I'm a sucker and gave them something no one else would. Isn't that why they love me so much?
Never ever teach the kids of friends. Never. It ruins friendships.
Really?? And you dare tell me this?
Even if you paid basement prices for both, they'd together collect more than me. So yes. They love me. They think I'm the best. But isn't it also because I'm a sucker and gave them something no one else would. Isn't that why they love me so much?
Never ever teach the kids of friends. Never. It ruins friendships.
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Max prep
Hubby stacked wood and made lunch. Jake blew leaves down the drive, moved his desk upstairs and finished hwk. Belac cleaned up the family room and read for social studies. I emptied out the mudroom and cleared out the hall closet for people's stuff. All of us running laundry, tidying. Doing dishes. Making sure the basement stays in order for ping pong. The fridge is cleaned out and wiped down and the pantry is in order. The house is sparkling, sparse, and ready for everyone to help themselves and make themselves at home.
I pick up my dad from LGA soon. Performance class and party, tomorrow morning. Monday, a big HMart run. Tuesday, Costco and to airport for sister in borrowed van and car seats. Wednesday, turkey pick up from Hemlock Hill farm, and then the cooking and the trickling in of people begins. Dinners for 19 on Thurs, 24 on Friday and 11 on Saturday, sleeping 13 at the house and the rest in hotels and other places. It's crazy!! But I could not be happier and more excited to have everyone in.
It is my favorite holiday I look forward to all year. I love everyone together. Happy Thanksgiving!!!!
From little sis
We are going to leave to have lunch with dad soon.
Just so you know, none of the eggs/embryos made it for Big Sis. She doesn't want to talk about it at thanksgiving. She's sad.
The two that survived were both bad genetically.
We are going to try again in February.
Oh god. Bad in what way?
Doctor didn't say.
But clearly not good.
Just so you know, none of the eggs/embryos made it for Big Sis. She doesn't want to talk about it at thanksgiving. She's sad.
The two that survived were both bad genetically.
We are going to try again in February.
Oh god. Bad in what way?
Doctor didn't say.
But clearly not good.
Grateful
Oh my god! hubby exclaimed as he walked away, I can't take it!!
I laughed my head off. He had suggested that I download the Citibank app and manage my music finances that way with just the touch of my thumb. But I wasn't sure about my App Store password that has changed a dozen times over the course of like a year....
This morning, he showed me exactly where his spreadsheet of all our money, log ins and passwords are. For the first time, I really tried to pay attention and commit this to memory. Father's aunt is trying to figure out all of their finances and where anything is now that Uncle is incapacitated. They even had to borrow money from their son to pay their mortgage until aunt could receive power of attorney. Hubby showed me how I need the password to access the master spreadsheet. But what if I can't remember, will it lock me out? Oh god, Gimky! Scroll through all the usual ones and you'll get there! It's an old one...!
We looked at our money. So there it was. All cash, not including the house. Our piggy bank for the future and rainy days. I don't know how hubby did it, but he is so diligent and disciplined at socking away money. I feel we live a very luxurious lifestyle as it is, but looking at this, it is very clear that we live well below our means for him to be able to save what he has. In joint accounts, I notice. We don't touch any of it. And now we had an Amex bill just sent, this morning. So, I said, looking at my music account, why don't I pay half from my music account and the other half from the joint checking? We are feeling the effects of the new furniture that was purchased and now, well over 1000 dollars worth of Thanksgiving shopping between 3 big dinners for 23 people, other food, booze, and house stuff.
We agreed. Lucky for us and lucky for hubby's stable 11 year run at his company.
I laughed my head off. He had suggested that I download the Citibank app and manage my music finances that way with just the touch of my thumb. But I wasn't sure about my App Store password that has changed a dozen times over the course of like a year....
This morning, he showed me exactly where his spreadsheet of all our money, log ins and passwords are. For the first time, I really tried to pay attention and commit this to memory. Father's aunt is trying to figure out all of their finances and where anything is now that Uncle is incapacitated. They even had to borrow money from their son to pay their mortgage until aunt could receive power of attorney. Hubby showed me how I need the password to access the master spreadsheet. But what if I can't remember, will it lock me out? Oh god, Gimky! Scroll through all the usual ones and you'll get there! It's an old one...!
We looked at our money. So there it was. All cash, not including the house. Our piggy bank for the future and rainy days. I don't know how hubby did it, but he is so diligent and disciplined at socking away money. I feel we live a very luxurious lifestyle as it is, but looking at this, it is very clear that we live well below our means for him to be able to save what he has. In joint accounts, I notice. We don't touch any of it. And now we had an Amex bill just sent, this morning. So, I said, looking at my music account, why don't I pay half from my music account and the other half from the joint checking? We are feeling the effects of the new furniture that was purchased and now, well over 1000 dollars worth of Thanksgiving shopping between 3 big dinners for 23 people, other food, booze, and house stuff.
We agreed. Lucky for us and lucky for hubby's stable 11 year run at his company.
soon
Okay so text me when you land.
Well, I don't really know how to text, Gimky.
For the past months it has been so hard to be in touch with my dad. He doesn't reliably use email. He doesn't carry his cell phone, and when once in a blue moon he does, it's not on. He has never responded to my texts. It has been just so hard to get in touch with him without going through my mom. The few times we spoke privately, he was at work. He's there 1-3 times a week, but which days change every week.
Gimky, you know I was upgraded to first class? he laughed.
Yes! Isn't that amazing? It was a cheap 500 points to change your ticket earlier, dad, and even the rep was surprised to find your seat was reassigned to first class! You see? It was meant to be to come out earlier!
Upgrades to first class never happen, anymore. It used to happen to us, but these days it's impossible to get a complimentary seat!
I know! I told him. Your seat going home is unchanged and coach, so enjoy your flight here! Okay, so callwhen you land, ok? And I'll tell you where I am.
Okay, see you soon.
Well, I don't really know how to text, Gimky.
For the past months it has been so hard to be in touch with my dad. He doesn't reliably use email. He doesn't carry his cell phone, and when once in a blue moon he does, it's not on. He has never responded to my texts. It has been just so hard to get in touch with him without going through my mom. The few times we spoke privately, he was at work. He's there 1-3 times a week, but which days change every week.
Gimky, you know I was upgraded to first class? he laughed.
Yes! Isn't that amazing? It was a cheap 500 points to change your ticket earlier, dad, and even the rep was surprised to find your seat was reassigned to first class! You see? It was meant to be to come out earlier!
Upgrades to first class never happen, anymore. It used to happen to us, but these days it's impossible to get a complimentary seat!
I know! I told him. Your seat going home is unchanged and coach, so enjoy your flight here! Okay, so callwhen you land, ok? And I'll tell you where I am.
Okay, see you soon.
Friday, November 20, 2015
Chin up
And because we don't have enough on our plate, hubby found out today that he has to go back next week for blood tests. At least one thing looks funky, and something corresponding is borderline. Why couldn't they have called Monday morning?
You know how some people seem to attract bad energy? Nothing going on is bad, necessarily. There are just unknowns.... Well, and general sadness about hubby's good friend's wife, and his Uncle whose prognosis is unknown, he still cannot move any limbs.... Then the general up and down stuff with the kids. And my mom who is derailed. I mean, there is sadness but so far we are doing fine.
Still it can be damn hard at times to think positively.
You know how some people seem to attract bad energy? Nothing going on is bad, necessarily. There are just unknowns.... Well, and general sadness about hubby's good friend's wife, and his Uncle whose prognosis is unknown, he still cannot move any limbs.... Then the general up and down stuff with the kids. And my mom who is derailed. I mean, there is sadness but so far we are doing fine.
Still it can be damn hard at times to think positively.
Push
Looks like midnight out there and I know that Jake is running around town. He had asked to skip track but I wouldn't allow it. He missed 2 practices this week because he wasn't feeling well. Yesterday he ran in the ran and came home sopping wet. At least today was dry and relatively warm.
Belac out, too, at the Lab. I just finished my afternoon lessons and preparing to accompany services tonight. Hubby to join later.
It is my belief that the kids must be busy. They need to be doing anything but being on the computer and on devices. Doing something good for their brains or social life. There's a dinner before services and I know Jake will not want to go. But I'm also happy not to cook and there will be other people we know there. Waiting for him to arrive and then off we will go, I will save food for hubby and Belac when they arrive late.
We have a good life. But the kids need to be pushed and hard! Until they can take over for themselves.
Belac out, too, at the Lab. I just finished my afternoon lessons and preparing to accompany services tonight. Hubby to join later.
It is my belief that the kids must be busy. They need to be doing anything but being on the computer and on devices. Doing something good for their brains or social life. There's a dinner before services and I know Jake will not want to go. But I'm also happy not to cook and there will be other people we know there. Waiting for him to arrive and then off we will go, I will save food for hubby and Belac when they arrive late.
We have a good life. But the kids need to be pushed and hard! Until they can take over for themselves.
the right thing
Just had a difficult conversation with a friend. I suggested to her that I should not be teaching her daughter piano. She often comes to lessons not having practiced at all and hasn't brought all of her books to her lessons all year. It's just not a good use of the family's limited resources. I offered that it might be because we are all too friendly, making it extra difficult for me to be strict. The situation, I didn't say, frustrates me to no end. No one should pay for lessons when their child is not regularly practicing. As much as I love the family and the girl, it is such a waste of time and money, week after week, and this has been going on just way too long.
I know it's the right call and I feel relieved. I cannot be close friends with the families I teach unless it's at nursery school or Mommy & Me.
Just wrote to another piano teacher in town, who I am very friendly with. We have given each other students before. Do you have room for another student?
I know it's the right call and I feel relieved. I cannot be close friends with the families I teach unless it's at nursery school or Mommy & Me.
Just wrote to another piano teacher in town, who I am very friendly with. We have given each other students before. Do you have room for another student?
facebook fatigue
Tired of Facebook. Seeing everyone's red, white and blue pics. Their political rants. Their fabulous trips. The oversharing and smugness. Every single person is so predictable in their posturing. It's superficial and annoying.
My mom and I are no longer Facebook friends and our interactions have improved. I send the occasional pictures and she has been writing letters to the family from Taiwan. Maybe this is the way it should be with everyone. My neighbor and I - for example - never interact anymore. We were once friends, I think. But it's just easier for her to like pictures posted by me and my family, and it suffices. Facebook brings together friends you'd never be in touch with, and that can be great. But it also works the other way, too. What happened to a friendship? Replaced by Facebook.
My closest friends are off Facebook. And as I have become a texter in mostly the recent year, I have found it much more meaningful and enjoyable to be in touch one on one. Not in front of an entire audience.
Of course I'm not going off it. It's a way to be in touch. But I find myself there less and less.
My mom and I are no longer Facebook friends and our interactions have improved. I send the occasional pictures and she has been writing letters to the family from Taiwan. Maybe this is the way it should be with everyone. My neighbor and I - for example - never interact anymore. We were once friends, I think. But it's just easier for her to like pictures posted by me and my family, and it suffices. Facebook brings together friends you'd never be in touch with, and that can be great. But it also works the other way, too. What happened to a friendship? Replaced by Facebook.
My closest friends are off Facebook. And as I have become a texter in mostly the recent year, I have found it much more meaningful and enjoyable to be in touch one on one. Not in front of an entire audience.
Of course I'm not going off it. It's a way to be in touch. But I find myself there less and less.
next
So are you allowed to meet with anyone at DC company? Jake asked at breakfast.
Nope! explained hubby, the deal is not done yet, and they don't want anyone talking to each other. They don't want this plan to be come derailed. Imagine how hard it is now for anyone to motivate their teams to get work done! They have been our rival, one of our fiercest competitors! And now we are getting married...?!
We all laughed.
Whatever anyone does now, helps the other company. And it's hard for people, hubby explained. I'm talking to a few people, today, at other companies and a couple on Monday, and we will see what happens. I'll get something, hubby reassured the kids, maybe even at DC company, but our first choice is to stay.
Belac! I exclaimed, not your crocs. Where are your mocs? Go put them on!
Mom, they hurt my feet.
What? Really? He has been wearing size 1 shoes for over 3 years. Are they too... small?
Yeah, I think so.
So I should order you the next size up? I wondered aloud. I am never in the habit of checking to see if his clothes still fit.
Yeah.
That's wonderful!! I'll order you another pair, today!
Nope! explained hubby, the deal is not done yet, and they don't want anyone talking to each other. They don't want this plan to be come derailed. Imagine how hard it is now for anyone to motivate their teams to get work done! They have been our rival, one of our fiercest competitors! And now we are getting married...?!
We all laughed.
Whatever anyone does now, helps the other company. And it's hard for people, hubby explained. I'm talking to a few people, today, at other companies and a couple on Monday, and we will see what happens. I'll get something, hubby reassured the kids, maybe even at DC company, but our first choice is to stay.
Belac! I exclaimed, not your crocs. Where are your mocs? Go put them on!
Mom, they hurt my feet.
What? Really? He has been wearing size 1 shoes for over 3 years. Are they too... small?
Yeah, I think so.
So I should order you the next size up? I wondered aloud. I am never in the habit of checking to see if his clothes still fit.
Yeah.
That's wonderful!! I'll order you another pair, today!
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Just a regular day
Drinking wine and eating potato chips. I had conversations with many people. I just don't have the energy to rehash. Not sure what to think or feel. Dot and I chatted by text and I brought almost none of it up. You know what, though? At the end of the day, because she has Sarah and also because she has Ethan.... Because I can tell her basically anything without fear of being judged or misunderstood or pitied... Because she would defend my kids like her own, and I do the same, but she can summon supreme bitch and is stronger than me and fast at her comebacks. She is just very valuable to me.
the trickle of info
Spoke to Jon...
You did? And...?
He didn't know until yesterday at 11am that they wanted him to head the transition. He had until end of day to accept.
Wow. And...? I listened intently and hoped hubby had not shown his cards.
He has not committed to moving to DC and there is a lot to figure out. Obviously, they need and want to retain talent, they can't lose everyone. It's unclear how fast they will move everything to DC or even if there might be a small Stamford presence for awhile. There's a part of me that wonders if I might get an offer that I can't turn down. There will be for sure financial incentives to stay and also to move, for those they want to retain....
Yeah, well, I was very calm, let's just see what happens. What time are you coming home?
I will leave here at 4:30.
Amazing, I didn't say. There really is nothing to do in what should be the busiest few weeks of the year. Okay, I said like nothing was unusual, see you soon, sweetie pie!
You did? And...?
He didn't know until yesterday at 11am that they wanted him to head the transition. He had until end of day to accept.
Wow. And...? I listened intently and hoped hubby had not shown his cards.
He has not committed to moving to DC and there is a lot to figure out. Obviously, they need and want to retain talent, they can't lose everyone. It's unclear how fast they will move everything to DC or even if there might be a small Stamford presence for awhile. There's a part of me that wonders if I might get an offer that I can't turn down. There will be for sure financial incentives to stay and also to move, for those they want to retain....
Yeah, well, I was very calm, let's just see what happens. What time are you coming home?
I will leave here at 4:30.
Amazing, I didn't say. There really is nothing to do in what should be the busiest few weeks of the year. Okay, I said like nothing was unusual, see you soon, sweetie pie!
anti-stuff
I brought an entire back seat of stuff to charity, yesterday. After organizing the kitchen, I boxed up dishes and wires and stuff we haven't ever and no longer use. Bags of clothes and random objects lost in backs of closets. And the kids dragged out a whole month or more of paper and boxes to the curb, last night. The pile was enormous!
I asked family to please not bring knick knacks or more clothes for us, this holiday season. If you feel you must, food items, books on kindle, and family games most welcome.
I'm not a big fan of cushions, hubby had told me, eyeing the new ones I had purchased, but if it makes the couch more comfortable for others and for you, then let's keep them.
Hubby and I are on the same page about keeping the house very simple and sparse and easy to maintain. Few knick knacks, minimal clutter and as much open space as possible. It's also in a state - I can't help but think - that is very easy to show and pack up. Keep only what is beautiful and useful. You'll appreciate more what you have and need and can focus on the relationships and what is truly important in your life. Chuck and aggressively avoid anything else at all times!!!
I asked family to please not bring knick knacks or more clothes for us, this holiday season. If you feel you must, food items, books on kindle, and family games most welcome.
I'm not a big fan of cushions, hubby had told me, eyeing the new ones I had purchased, but if it makes the couch more comfortable for others and for you, then let's keep them.
Hubby and I are on the same page about keeping the house very simple and sparse and easy to maintain. Few knick knacks, minimal clutter and as much open space as possible. It's also in a state - I can't help but think - that is very easy to show and pack up. Keep only what is beautiful and useful. You'll appreciate more what you have and need and can focus on the relationships and what is truly important in your life. Chuck and aggressively avoid anything else at all times!!!
thanksgiving
filming in progress
Well, it's the right decision to make the announcement now, before the holidays.
Why? Because then people will know not to blow 5 grand on a Disney Christmas vacation, this year?
So people can have emotional support among family and friends, over the holidays, about losing their jobs.
I was stretched out on the couch with feet in hubby's lap. He was sipping a scotch and rubbing my feet as we watched the fire burn.
He had earlier been invited out with colleagues, all much higher up on the chain than he. Well, so how was it? Oh it was fun enough, we chewed fat. And...? The feeling among everyone? They're fine. I mean, they are all getting millions of dollars in the buy out. But get this, Jon is heading the transition process! He's obviously headed to DC and has networked right in.
Jon was hired after hubby at the same level, over a decade ago, and while they were both promoted quickly in the beginning, Jon passed hubby when he agreed to live in Europe for 4 years with his young family, before returning home a couple of years ago, for an even greater position Head of North America in another division.
How do you feel about that?
Fine. He deserves it but had to make sacrifices to get where he's at and will move to DC for sure. We are not in that position and willing to move so easily.... Gimky, I'm not staying around at this company. I will wait for my bonus and hope to jump this sinking ship by spring. I'm talking to Partner at consulting company on Friday (someone whose butt hubby helped save on a complex problem and worked closely with) and Joanne wants to talk again, Partner from his former firm, and I also reached out to that research company. Now that would be interesting!! he exclaimed with excitement in his voice. He pulled out his phone from his pocket, but no, his former colleague who had moved there had not yet responded to his email.
Good everyone is coming in. I am so lucky for my very close sisters, who are wickedly smart and astute and fun and easy to talk to and be with. And my dad who will be in for over a week. And my cousins. Everyone bringing husbands and partners. Everyone but my dad, but that is for another post.... It will be interesting and strange without my mother, but it will still be good. Hubby will get plenty of emotional support this Thanksgiving.
like everyone else
Mom, let's just figure out how we are going to decorate my room.
Okay. How about the chalkboard wall over there...?
Well, I was thinking we could put toys here.
Toys...? You know why your room is so nice, right now? Because we cleaned it up and made it much less cluttered! Toys??
Well, that's what other kids have in their rooms. I want my room like other kids' rooms.
We had just spent at least one hour of his crying about wanting a smartphone. He did bring up good reasons, but out popped the same sentence I've heard a hundred times: "I just want to be like everyone else." It's a preoccupation that he's had for years.
Belac, do you like our bathroom downstairs? It's special right? Do you know anyone else who has a bathroom like ours where you can draw on the walls and see whatever else anyone has written or drawn? Right. It's special. One of a kind. People spend so much time in our bathroom! And when someone new comes by, people always say, 'go look at their bathroom' because they feel it's worth seeing. If we had a bathroom like everyone else, it would be pretty boring! So thank goodness it's not like everyone else's. And our mudroom. What do people love about that? They're always drawing on the chalkboard wall. That's different, too.
If you want to bring toys up here because you want to play with toys in your room, that's one thing. But if you're bringing up toys just because you want to be like everyone else? That's not a good reason. I don't even see you playing with toys downstairs! Do you really want to clutter up your room with toys? Now. If you want to hang up posters of movies and drawings and some of your art and pictures of friends or family, that's another thing. You told me before you wanted to do that and enjoy looking at stuff on the walls. So think about it.
Mom, I just want to be like everyone else.
I know. A little of that is okay, but you also have to be yourself. Be true to yourself, Belac, and love yourself for all of the great things about you, even if that makes you different! There's a lot to love about you.... And especially when it comes to your bedroom, YOUR place that YOU spend so much time in and not 'everyone else', it should be about YOU and what YOU want. Okay?
Okay.
Okay. How about the chalkboard wall over there...?
Well, I was thinking we could put toys here.
Toys...? You know why your room is so nice, right now? Because we cleaned it up and made it much less cluttered! Toys??
Well, that's what other kids have in their rooms. I want my room like other kids' rooms.
We had just spent at least one hour of his crying about wanting a smartphone. He did bring up good reasons, but out popped the same sentence I've heard a hundred times: "I just want to be like everyone else." It's a preoccupation that he's had for years.
Belac, do you like our bathroom downstairs? It's special right? Do you know anyone else who has a bathroom like ours where you can draw on the walls and see whatever else anyone has written or drawn? Right. It's special. One of a kind. People spend so much time in our bathroom! And when someone new comes by, people always say, 'go look at their bathroom' because they feel it's worth seeing. If we had a bathroom like everyone else, it would be pretty boring! So thank goodness it's not like everyone else's. And our mudroom. What do people love about that? They're always drawing on the chalkboard wall. That's different, too.
If you want to bring toys up here because you want to play with toys in your room, that's one thing. But if you're bringing up toys just because you want to be like everyone else? That's not a good reason. I don't even see you playing with toys downstairs! Do you really want to clutter up your room with toys? Now. If you want to hang up posters of movies and drawings and some of your art and pictures of friends or family, that's another thing. You told me before you wanted to do that and enjoy looking at stuff on the walls. So think about it.
Mom, I just want to be like everyone else.
I know. A little of that is okay, but you also have to be yourself. Be true to yourself, Belac, and love yourself for all of the great things about you, even if that makes you different! There's a lot to love about you.... And especially when it comes to your bedroom, YOUR place that YOU spend so much time in and not 'everyone else', it should be about YOU and what YOU want. Okay?
Okay.
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
more pillow talk
we had no clue yet 8/2006
Everything that happened to you and everything you worked hard to accomplish since you were born makes you the great kid you are today!
Oh.
And guess what? I love you and always have, just the way you are! It doesn't matter that you had special needs. (He used past tense, so I used past tense.) You know we all sort of have special needs in a way? I was a crybaby, did you know that? I was very sensitive and would have probably annoyed you as a little girl. I had things to fix and so did dad.... And I want to tell you something else. If you're lucky to be born with few problems and you coast along and have few problems, then you are lucky. But, Belac, if you are born with challenges and you really improve yourself, like you work hard and you're ambitious and keep trying even when it's hard. And if you are kind to others, especially knowing how hard life can be.... Well, that is much more impressive and amazing!!
Oh.
You know, when you were a baby, you knew your alphabet and could count to a hundred, before we even taught you? I don't know how you learned.... And you could draw all the car symbols like you were a copy machine! Everyone loved how well you could draw!
Well, other people draw better than me.
Don't worry about other people. You drew very well and you are still so creative and make people laugh and think with your drawings! Don't ever be ashamed of yourself and don't be sad. We should look at your baby and kid pictures, because you'll see that even with special needs you had very good times. Be proud of who you are and how far you have come, Caleby. You are such a great kid and I love you so much and I am so proud of you!!
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
10:30PM
Mom. I feel bad I was born with special needs. Like, I couldn't do a lot of things as a kid. And now I'm not a kid. Like, I wish I could go back and be a kid without special needs.
Hubby
Hubby off at a synagogue meeting where he is being forced to announce a 40k shortfall. Will the lights go off? I don't know. Jake ran and folded laundry. Belac did all of his hwk independently. Lights off everywhere in the house except occupied rooms and the fireplace blazing with heat. We are living lean and efficiently and as simply as possible and I'm just so proud of that.
It makes all the difference at this point that we've saved substantial money. That we weren't tempted to buy more house and stuff over the years. I'm just really grateful for hubby for his discipline, not ever taking this good 11 year run at his company for granted. Because now, in this time of uncertainty, we are able not to panic about our next mortgage payment. We are so lucky.
Dad? I heard Belac ask tonight, can you help me? I can't do my math. Belac, I heard hubby say, I am always here to help you.
And that is hubby for you. Yes, he is a total nerd at times and obsessed with exercise and couldn't care less about appearances in a way that makes me cringe occasionally, but he is really the most incredible, generous, substantial person. He makes hard calls but is quite forgiving, is hard working and reliable, but also knows how to have a spectacular good ole' time, and he is very funny. And even though I'm no Miss America, he makes me feel like the smartest, most attractive woman on the planet. He believes in me, despite knowing all of my faults. He is compassionate and thinks things through and is incredibly fair.
How was I ever so lucky to have caught his eye? And that things could have turned out this way? I'm just a very lucky girl.
It makes all the difference at this point that we've saved substantial money. That we weren't tempted to buy more house and stuff over the years. I'm just really grateful for hubby for his discipline, not ever taking this good 11 year run at his company for granted. Because now, in this time of uncertainty, we are able not to panic about our next mortgage payment. We are so lucky.
Dad? I heard Belac ask tonight, can you help me? I can't do my math. Belac, I heard hubby say, I am always here to help you.
And that is hubby for you. Yes, he is a total nerd at times and obsessed with exercise and couldn't care less about appearances in a way that makes me cringe occasionally, but he is really the most incredible, generous, substantial person. He makes hard calls but is quite forgiving, is hard working and reliable, but also knows how to have a spectacular good ole' time, and he is very funny. And even though I'm no Miss America, he makes me feel like the smartest, most attractive woman on the planet. He believes in me, despite knowing all of my faults. He is compassionate and thinks things through and is incredibly fair.
How was I ever so lucky to have caught his eye? And that things could have turned out this way? I'm just a very lucky girl.
decluttered
Hubby began 2 weeks ago, packing up excess clothes in drawers and closets, and off to charity it went. Belac dismantled and packed up his legos. I finished up and just carted away a bookshelf and 2 large kitchen bags full of junk, school papers for recycling, and anything that did not belong. I should have taken before pictures. His room is actually massive, now more cheerful and you can breathe, again, in there.
Belac will be thrilled! He wants to paint a blue chalkboard wall and hang up his artwork.
days off
Not much for hubby to do at work. Twiddling his thumbs.
He called. He has spent the better part of the morning getting his resume together. Reaching out to people from his past and networking about jobs. He ticked off all the people he emailed and corresponded with, this morning.
Thinking about taking a couple days off, next week.
It's not a problem?
Gimky, there's nothing to do. After Thanksgiving, I meet with my twin at the other company, and I show him everything. I teach him my job, I explain everything in the pipeline.... If I network I'm pretty sure I could find something, but DC....
Hubby, nothing is off the table. It's really okay. You'll see what else is out there but you need to network within the new company, too. Maybe they'll offer something you can't turn down.
They won't pay for me to commute....
But you don't know that it won't be worth it. What if you're promoted? What if they give you something exciting to do? Silence. I don't want to move either, but let's just see what you can find and how things pan out. We will figure it out. So. How about taking Tuesday and Wednesday off? That would be a real help and the kids have just have a half day on Wednesday.
Okay, I'll be home.
He called. He has spent the better part of the morning getting his resume together. Reaching out to people from his past and networking about jobs. He ticked off all the people he emailed and corresponded with, this morning.
Thinking about taking a couple days off, next week.
It's not a problem?
Gimky, there's nothing to do. After Thanksgiving, I meet with my twin at the other company, and I show him everything. I teach him my job, I explain everything in the pipeline.... If I network I'm pretty sure I could find something, but DC....
Hubby, nothing is off the table. It's really okay. You'll see what else is out there but you need to network within the new company, too. Maybe they'll offer something you can't turn down.
They won't pay for me to commute....
But you don't know that it won't be worth it. What if you're promoted? What if they give you something exciting to do? Silence. I don't want to move either, but let's just see what you can find and how things pan out. We will figure it out. So. How about taking Tuesday and Wednesday off? That would be a real help and the kids have just have a half day on Wednesday.
Okay, I'll be home.
chicken soup
Are you home?
Yes, Kiki, everything okay?
Older son is sick at school. Can't even walk for fear of passing out. Can you get him and drive him home? Hubby and I are both out of town.
Yes, no problem. I'll go get him now.
I arrived to the nurse's office at the high school. I gave him a hug. He was all sweaty. You poor thing! The nurse and I talked a little bit. No fever, but she recommended fluids and sleep. I ran outside to pull the car to the door and she walked him out.
Are you stressed? I asked and we talked a little. I know he is applying to schools. I did not ask since when or until when his parents would be out of town. What had he eaten in the past 24 hours? How did he sleep last night?
We pulled up at his house and I went in with him. We exchanged cell numbers. Listen, I'm coming back at 12:30 to bring you chicken soup. Make some tea and bring it up to bed with you, okay? Gimky, I might be sleeping. I will text you before I come and if I don't get an answer at the door I will leave it on the stoop. But better that I see you to check in and know that you're okay.
Thank you so much, Gimky.
Now, one more thing, I told him and took the surroundings in. The house was so dark and quiet and frankly, sad feeling. I felt so bad about leaving him but he didn't want to come to my house. His parents are trying to save their marriage and preoccupied always with work. It's just so bad that they let their nanny of 5 years go, why did they do this? It was such a very bad decision!
I want you to feel free to call me about any little thing. If you have a panic attack, throw up, feel anxious, anything... okay? I'm home today and can be right over. Also, you are welcome to change your mind about staying at our house. The guest room is all set up.
Okay.
How is little brother getting home? He has karate and then walks home.
In the dark, I knew. On a stretch that has no sidewalk. And what were they going to do about dinner? Especially now that older brother was not feeling well? Are the parents coming home tonight? I bit my tongue and decided then to bring food for the day at lunch.
I hugged him. Now lock the door behind me, I instructed and had no choice but to be off.
He's home, I texted Kiki as I left, and I'll come by later to check in on him and bring lunch.
Yes, Kiki, everything okay?
Older son is sick at school. Can't even walk for fear of passing out. Can you get him and drive him home? Hubby and I are both out of town.
Yes, no problem. I'll go get him now.
I arrived to the nurse's office at the high school. I gave him a hug. He was all sweaty. You poor thing! The nurse and I talked a little bit. No fever, but she recommended fluids and sleep. I ran outside to pull the car to the door and she walked him out.
Are you stressed? I asked and we talked a little. I know he is applying to schools. I did not ask since when or until when his parents would be out of town. What had he eaten in the past 24 hours? How did he sleep last night?
We pulled up at his house and I went in with him. We exchanged cell numbers. Listen, I'm coming back at 12:30 to bring you chicken soup. Make some tea and bring it up to bed with you, okay? Gimky, I might be sleeping. I will text you before I come and if I don't get an answer at the door I will leave it on the stoop. But better that I see you to check in and know that you're okay.
Thank you so much, Gimky.
Now, one more thing, I told him and took the surroundings in. The house was so dark and quiet and frankly, sad feeling. I felt so bad about leaving him but he didn't want to come to my house. His parents are trying to save their marriage and preoccupied always with work. It's just so bad that they let their nanny of 5 years go, why did they do this? It was such a very bad decision!
I want you to feel free to call me about any little thing. If you have a panic attack, throw up, feel anxious, anything... okay? I'm home today and can be right over. Also, you are welcome to change your mind about staying at our house. The guest room is all set up.
Okay.
How is little brother getting home? He has karate and then walks home.
In the dark, I knew. On a stretch that has no sidewalk. And what were they going to do about dinner? Especially now that older brother was not feeling well? Are the parents coming home tonight? I bit my tongue and decided then to bring food for the day at lunch.
I hugged him. Now lock the door behind me, I instructed and had no choice but to be off.
He's home, I texted Kiki as I left, and I'll come by later to check in on him and bring lunch.
What does this mean...?
"Biggest hotel company?? What does this mean?" a piano student's mom texted out of the blue just now.
Last night, from Lulu. "Gimky, I just read the article in the NYT. What does that mean for hubby? The article said: 'the deal would create $200 million in annual cost savings in the second full year after closing by leveraging back-office and operational efficiencies.' Scary!"
"Hope hubby is hanging in there with news of adquisition. thinking of you," wrote another friend.
It means that he has a job until the deal closes, mid 2016. It means that if he's one of the "lucky" ones retained and accepts, he will need to work in the DC area. (Statistically, each employee has less than a 50% chance of receiving a retaining package.) Obviously, we are working on a plan B and C and will just have to see how this all pans out.
grocery list
Hi everyone!
Hubby and I are making a comprehensive Thanksgiving grocery list. If you'd like to make any dish while here - not mandatory or expected! - please let me know what ingredients you need. Also, let me know your personal requests (i.e. skim milk, a certain yogurt, etc.)
FYI - Thursday, we will have roast turkey and beef rib roast on the menu. Friday, we will be grilling steaks and baking a ginger/scallion salmon. Saturday will be leftovers and ordering in. Brunch will always be buffet style, all day long until dinner, so come as you want! Everyone welcome to hang all day, or go into the village (we have a great bookstore, cafes, theater) or NYC.... There is good public transportation and our cars to borrow. So plan your fun (and relaxation)!
Looking forward to seeing everyone!
xx
Gimky
Monday, November 16, 2015
94.9 gallons
Our oil was filled up in September. In 2 months time we used 93.9 or so gallons of oil. $244.36 we paid for today's refill. Not a drop for heat, just hot water, clothes washer and dishwasher. It's our bill for next month's filling that will be so telling.... I think we may halve our oil bill. That is, if we successfully keep a fire burning through most of winter!
I have high hopes for our insert!
I have high hopes for our insert!
Deep breath
I bought 300 dollars worth of stuff for Thanksgiving today. And I sort of felt bad. How can I do this? Now? Today?
I bought a roasting pan for the turkey. My sister always brought hers in the past, but this year she is flying instead of driving. I bought a meat thermometer and a gravy strainer. A cutting board large enough to carve the turkey on, our old one broke in half while I was in Boston. I also bought 12 cake plates for 2 bucks a piece. It's about time we stop with the paper plates.... And 4 throw pillows for the couch, a splurge. But we needed something to rest one's head on while vertical and 2 seemed not enough for a 90 inch long couch. They were on clearance, though, and I'd never get cheaper for pillows that had removable covers.... And there was the metal ash bucket for the fireplace - we've been bad and using paper bags - and just other not easy to not buy things because we'd need them eventually....
I had multiple calls with dad and little sis, early this morning. Dad is coming to me early, on Saturday, I changed his flight. Little sis will take him to lunch and get him to the airport. Older sis and I talked, too. She offered to put hubby up if his company decides to retain him. She's just a few miles from their headquarters.
And meanwhile, hubby and I are upbeat in front of the kids. Moving is a last resort, I heard hubby reassure Belac. Because dad, Belac explained, I don't want to leave my friends. I need my friends.
How much could we sell this house for? I know what we spent on it and what we poured into it to fix it up. We will get at least that, not expecting more. But hopefully it won't come to that. Gimky, hubby said to me tonight, I love where this house is located and how we have these big gatherings here. It's too soon to give this up without looking to see what other job I could find.
Okay. I understand. Deep breath.
I bought a roasting pan for the turkey. My sister always brought hers in the past, but this year she is flying instead of driving. I bought a meat thermometer and a gravy strainer. A cutting board large enough to carve the turkey on, our old one broke in half while I was in Boston. I also bought 12 cake plates for 2 bucks a piece. It's about time we stop with the paper plates.... And 4 throw pillows for the couch, a splurge. But we needed something to rest one's head on while vertical and 2 seemed not enough for a 90 inch long couch. They were on clearance, though, and I'd never get cheaper for pillows that had removable covers.... And there was the metal ash bucket for the fireplace - we've been bad and using paper bags - and just other not easy to not buy things because we'd need them eventually....
I had multiple calls with dad and little sis, early this morning. Dad is coming to me early, on Saturday, I changed his flight. Little sis will take him to lunch and get him to the airport. Older sis and I talked, too. She offered to put hubby up if his company decides to retain him. She's just a few miles from their headquarters.
And meanwhile, hubby and I are upbeat in front of the kids. Moving is a last resort, I heard hubby reassure Belac. Because dad, Belac explained, I don't want to leave my friends. I need my friends.
How much could we sell this house for? I know what we spent on it and what we poured into it to fix it up. We will get at least that, not expecting more. But hopefully it won't come to that. Gimky, hubby said to me tonight, I love where this house is located and how we have these big gatherings here. It's too soon to give this up without looking to see what other job I could find.
Okay. I understand. Deep breath.
housing thoughts
Walked the dog around the block. And it dawned on me to come home and look, again, to see if that house attached to the 6 unit apartment building is still on the market. It appears so.
It's not my taste, the house, and you can't reasonably do anything about low ceilings, but we'd figure it out. The upstairs looks very weird, does it just have 2 bedrooms because of a master suite conversion? It's also just on the edge of the "nice" neighborhood and across the street from at least one unsightly house. It's literally, the house that separates the 2 sections. But. It's an easy walk (and easier from our current house) to the train. It's in the school district. It appears there is a small room I could possibly teach piano from on the main floor, though it's unclear. There is a fireplace, a plus for hubby....
One day, a kid could 'rent' an apartment and maintain a sort of dignity while commuting to college, and we are so close to everything there's no need to drive. And the real reason I can't get it out of my mind? Fully rented out - which I understand it is - it covers most of the monthly mortgage and taxes on the entire property, based on numbers hubby and I ran months ago. In other words, we could live for very little by moving there. Hubby could take a less paying job and we'd worry less. He could take a job in DC with the company and it would allow for renting an apartment there....
Again, totally getting ahead of ourselves but not really. We have 6-9 months until this acquisition is completed.
It's not my taste, the house, and you can't reasonably do anything about low ceilings, but we'd figure it out. The upstairs looks very weird, does it just have 2 bedrooms because of a master suite conversion? It's also just on the edge of the "nice" neighborhood and across the street from at least one unsightly house. It's literally, the house that separates the 2 sections. But. It's an easy walk (and easier from our current house) to the train. It's in the school district. It appears there is a small room I could possibly teach piano from on the main floor, though it's unclear. There is a fireplace, a plus for hubby....
One day, a kid could 'rent' an apartment and maintain a sort of dignity while commuting to college, and we are so close to everything there's no need to drive. And the real reason I can't get it out of my mind? Fully rented out - which I understand it is - it covers most of the monthly mortgage and taxes on the entire property, based on numbers hubby and I ran months ago. In other words, we could live for very little by moving there. Hubby could take a less paying job and we'd worry less. He could take a job in DC with the company and it would allow for renting an apartment there....
Again, totally getting ahead of ourselves but not really. We have 6-9 months until this acquisition is completed.
Announced!
Company is being bought out and will become largest hotel company in the world. Deal done by mid 2016. No lay offs until the transaction is final.
Hubby read aloud The announcement and letters from the company. There was a tiny line somewhere about relocation to big sis' neck of the woods. I had asked hubby before, could you commute from NY?
I had my head on hubby's knee as he skimmed and read to me. The alarm went off at 6:30. Hubby, I patted his leg and forced myself up to go nudge the kids up, it's officially time to look, sweetie pie.
Okay. Now we know.
Hubby read aloud The announcement and letters from the company. There was a tiny line somewhere about relocation to big sis' neck of the woods. I had asked hubby before, could you commute from NY?
I had my head on hubby's knee as he skimmed and read to me. The alarm went off at 6:30. Hubby, I patted his leg and forced myself up to go nudge the kids up, it's officially time to look, sweetie pie.
Okay. Now we know.
Sunday, November 15, 2015
good night
Mom, I'm afraid of growing up. I'm afraid of college.
We talked a bit about it. Again, I reminded him he could go to college close by.
But you're going to die. And I won't see you, again. And I will miss you.
Belac, unfortunately everyone dies. But you know what? Why we're lucky? Is that we've had a lot of time together. And if I'm not around and you need me, you'll feel it in your heart and know. You'll always remember how I love you so much and believe in you. Always. Hopefully you'll have great friends and your brother around. And anyway, it will be a long time until you need to worry about this. Dad and I will be around for awhile! (Knock on wood, I didn't say.)
Mom, I don't like school. I like my friends better than school.
Yeah, I can understand. But try to make it a game and figure out how to like achool, okay? Because school, learning and enjoying learning, really trying very hard in school... these things will help you get a good job when you grow up. It is so important.
Also I think our family is too nice. I want to be different.
?
Like I want to curse and be crazy.
Well... You have to be careful because you want to attract the right kind of friends. Look at these great people we are friends with. If dad and I went around with a potty mouth and behaved in crazy ways, do you think we'd have the same friends? Or such nice friends?
Oh.
It's something to think about. You want to attract the right kind of friends, okay? Good night, sweetie pie!
Good night, mom.
We talked a bit about it. Again, I reminded him he could go to college close by.
But you're going to die. And I won't see you, again. And I will miss you.
Belac, unfortunately everyone dies. But you know what? Why we're lucky? Is that we've had a lot of time together. And if I'm not around and you need me, you'll feel it in your heart and know. You'll always remember how I love you so much and believe in you. Always. Hopefully you'll have great friends and your brother around. And anyway, it will be a long time until you need to worry about this. Dad and I will be around for awhile! (Knock on wood, I didn't say.)
Mom, I don't like school. I like my friends better than school.
Yeah, I can understand. But try to make it a game and figure out how to like achool, okay? Because school, learning and enjoying learning, really trying very hard in school... these things will help you get a good job when you grow up. It is so important.
Also I think our family is too nice. I want to be different.
?
Like I want to curse and be crazy.
Well... You have to be careful because you want to attract the right kind of friends. Look at these great people we are friends with. If dad and I went around with a potty mouth and behaved in crazy ways, do you think we'd have the same friends? Or such nice friends?
Oh.
It's something to think about. You want to attract the right kind of friends, okay? Good night, sweetie pie!
Good night, mom.
secret santa
Jake bought Belac a geometry dash pillow.
Belac chose a Leapster for little cousin.
Hubby clicked on a gear builder for middle cousin. This took awhile and I helped. He had to get in the mindset of an independent, 5 year old girl.
And then I looked and looked for cousin's boyfriend. In the end I totally went over the $25 dollar limit, 3 times over. I couldn't help it if I was purchasing for Made in America and durability. I figured it was a gift for really the both of them, especially the cousin I'm closest to, and I give them my whole hearted blessing. With a few clicks I purchased a foldable wine bottle and a Mambe waterproof picnic blanket.
So excited for Thanksgiving!
pictures
Baking bread. Watched Belac run down the sidewalk and to the corner from the porch window. He was invited to tag along with 3 boys to a museum in CT. Jake at tennis, hubby grocery shopping and working out. I was back to back all morning with lessons. And you know, I earn nothing compared to hubby, but I realize the trickle of cash through the teaching is not insignificant. Especially in this time of uncertainty.
The Rabbi who married us is in from Israel and coming to dinner in a couple of hours. How time flies.
Recently Belac was asking about hanging pictures like at other houses. What kind of pictures? I asked him. Like when we were babies and pictures of our family! he explained. We have nothing basically on the walls. We can do that, I agreed, but you'll have to help me figure out which ones.
Yesterday, looking at Paris photos made such an impression on me. I was brought back to a time that feels not that long ago, and yet the kids were just babies. I could almost still feel what it was like to carry Belac on my hip and smell and kiss his fuzzy head, and to hear Jake's cute little laugh and squeeze his chubby cheeks. We were so young and didn't have many worries. Everything was just perfect in a way, and it feels like yesterday.
Pictures are good. Yes, we should have pictures.
The Rabbi who married us is in from Israel and coming to dinner in a couple of hours. How time flies.
Recently Belac was asking about hanging pictures like at other houses. What kind of pictures? I asked him. Like when we were babies and pictures of our family! he explained. We have nothing basically on the walls. We can do that, I agreed, but you'll have to help me figure out which ones.
Yesterday, looking at Paris photos made such an impression on me. I was brought back to a time that feels not that long ago, and yet the kids were just babies. I could almost still feel what it was like to carry Belac on my hip and smell and kiss his fuzzy head, and to hear Jake's cute little laugh and squeeze his chubby cheeks. We were so young and didn't have many worries. Everything was just perfect in a way, and it feels like yesterday.
Pictures are good. Yes, we should have pictures.
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Paris
Looking at old pictures from our summer in Paris 2004. We were such a cute family. My mom, and sisters all took turns coming out and visiting us, too. We'd amuse ourselves all day and meet hubby after work, usually with kids falling asleep in stroller. A romantic and beautiful city. Good times.
driving
Mom, do you think when I'm 16, I will be tall enough to drive?
I chose my words carefully and slowly.
There are many reasons not to drive, Belac. Height is not one of those reasons.
Okay.
And with that, we were on to something else.
I chose my words carefully and slowly.
There are many reasons not to drive, Belac. Height is not one of those reasons.
Okay.
And with that, we were on to something else.
Merry Christmas!
Mom, why was I born with special needs?
Well.... First of all, you're lucky. You're a smart kid who tries hard and you keep learning and improving.
Yeah, like I did some bad things in 4th grade.
Well, yeah. (What exactly he was referring to, I wasn't sure, but I didn't want to get sidetracked.) And those days are behind you. You'd never do those things again, right? And you keep learning how to behave well and I'm proud of you.
Yeah.
Mom, at school everyone leaves me out and I'm always behind. At Hebrew School everyone likes me and I just want them to laugh.
Okay, but before and after class, okay? You can't be disruptive like you've been. You have to pick the best times, because it's annoying to the teachers and interrupts everyone's learning. You might be annoying the kids, too, even if some of them laugh. Those kids will like you even if you are more serious in class....
Last week, he had showed up in the classroom and threw an armful of leaves in the air, shouting something like "Merry Christmas!" or "Let it Snow!!" It's kind of funny when you think about it, but they were NOT amused at Hebrew School, least of all the Rabbi.
Belac, everyone is born with special needs. It is each person's responsibility to make the best of what they have and you are doing great. I can tell you are trying so hard. I'm proud of you. Good night, sweetie pie!
college
Mom, I'm kind of worried about college....
Why? It's still far away.
I'm worried about being alone.
Well, first of all you'll make friends. But also, if you go to college close by, you can come home on the week ends.
You mean like take a plane?
Yes, but maybe even closer. Like you could take a train. If you go to school in NYC - like if you studied at Parsons School of Design or Pratt School of Art - you could be home in an hour by train.
Or I could drive!
No, you wouldn't want to do that! (Planting seeds now of how great it is to not drive.) There would be so much traffic and we have great public transportation! And even then, we have Pace University you could almost easily walk to, and remember where you went to computer camp? That was SUNY Purchase. Also not far at all.
Okay.
And still there are other options, too. (Community college, I didn't say). You could start off at a nearby school and always transfer and graduate from another. We will figure it out, okay?
Okay, he told me with pencil in hand. And off he went to begin homework.
Why? It's still far away.
I'm worried about being alone.
Well, first of all you'll make friends. But also, if you go to college close by, you can come home on the week ends.
You mean like take a plane?
Yes, but maybe even closer. Like you could take a train. If you go to school in NYC - like if you studied at Parsons School of Design or Pratt School of Art - you could be home in an hour by train.
Or I could drive!
No, you wouldn't want to do that! (Planting seeds now of how great it is to not drive.) There would be so much traffic and we have great public transportation! And even then, we have Pace University you could almost easily walk to, and remember where you went to computer camp? That was SUNY Purchase. Also not far at all.
Okay.
And still there are other options, too. (Community college, I didn't say). You could start off at a nearby school and always transfer and graduate from another. We will figure it out, okay?
Okay, he told me with pencil in hand. And off he went to begin homework.
ramblings
First Saturday morning I haven't had to work in a long while. Slept in after performing a concert on violin at our synagogue last night. Especially a chamber work by Peter, a congregant. Followed by wine and sushi. It was so nice. Hubby also played piano on some beautiful Jewish tunes. It was a great evening with a turnout of about 60 people. This is definitely our community.
My mother is in Taiwan. A text to hubby showed a location of Taipei and she indicated she was boarding a train to Kaohsiung. Wow, little sis wrote, she's already there. Tried to call my dad, to no avail. Next time you guys see him, ask if he wants me to change his flight to NY earlier. No point in his being by himself those extra days between work and his flight....
Je suis Paris. What is happening to this world?
And yet as Mr. Rogers aptly put, in times of turmoil you have to keep an eye on the helpers. Recognizing the helpers is comforting.
And tonight, we go to Flower's house for dinner. Out of the blue, the mom wrote and asked us over. These are people who we might be more close to if we didn't have such an awkward first few years with Belac's - albeit so sweet, at times - obsession over Flower. And even now, it's like there is so much unspoken between us that makes being truly closer difficult, despite a lot of potential there. I am just so guarded with them. Still, what such a nice gesture and off to dinner we go tonight.
Preparing for Thanksgiving with major organizing and decluttering. Cleaning out Belac's room with him, today, where our foursome will sleep. I still have to organize our own bedroom, the largest piece of real estate, where 3 sleeping bags and camping mats can fit nicely around the bed. Dad gets the guest room. Older sis and her hubby on an aerobed in Jake's room. And Eddie, on the pullout in the family room. 10 others all in hotels or other places to sleep. Borrowing Kati's van to do airport pick ups and lending a car to my cousins to get to and from the hotel.
Just asked a cleaning company about sending someone for 4 hours every early evening of Thanksgiving week end, to help tidy up the house and do dishes. With basically 25 people in and out of the house all week end, major cooking, and high traffic in the bathrooms, I'm going to need all the help we can get and am happy to pay for a little less stress.
Hubby's annual budget meetings, next week, were just cancelled. It most certainly means a buyout is imminent.
Still. Everything is good. We're doing the best we can and that's all I can ask for.
My mother is in Taiwan. A text to hubby showed a location of Taipei and she indicated she was boarding a train to Kaohsiung. Wow, little sis wrote, she's already there. Tried to call my dad, to no avail. Next time you guys see him, ask if he wants me to change his flight to NY earlier. No point in his being by himself those extra days between work and his flight....
Je suis Paris. What is happening to this world?
And yet as Mr. Rogers aptly put, in times of turmoil you have to keep an eye on the helpers. Recognizing the helpers is comforting.
And tonight, we go to Flower's house for dinner. Out of the blue, the mom wrote and asked us over. These are people who we might be more close to if we didn't have such an awkward first few years with Belac's - albeit so sweet, at times - obsession over Flower. And even now, it's like there is so much unspoken between us that makes being truly closer difficult, despite a lot of potential there. I am just so guarded with them. Still, what such a nice gesture and off to dinner we go tonight.
Preparing for Thanksgiving with major organizing and decluttering. Cleaning out Belac's room with him, today, where our foursome will sleep. I still have to organize our own bedroom, the largest piece of real estate, where 3 sleeping bags and camping mats can fit nicely around the bed. Dad gets the guest room. Older sis and her hubby on an aerobed in Jake's room. And Eddie, on the pullout in the family room. 10 others all in hotels or other places to sleep. Borrowing Kati's van to do airport pick ups and lending a car to my cousins to get to and from the hotel.
Just asked a cleaning company about sending someone for 4 hours every early evening of Thanksgiving week end, to help tidy up the house and do dishes. With basically 25 people in and out of the house all week end, major cooking, and high traffic in the bathrooms, I'm going to need all the help we can get and am happy to pay for a little less stress.
Hubby's annual budget meetings, next week, were just cancelled. It most certainly means a buyout is imminent.
Still. Everything is good. We're doing the best we can and that's all I can ask for.
Friday, November 13, 2015
keep it positive
texts, last night
By 6:50am, everyone was showered and downstairs. By 7:18, everyone done eating. Jake telling stories. Me talking about the interesting and funny strategies Dr. Kutscher shared last night about punishment.... What everyone wanted to eat for dinner. Me helping hubby find a jacket. Everyone checking their desks for anything forgotten. Everyone out early, by 7:30. Everything wiped down and spic and span by 8. It's always best when time is on our side. Early is good.
Hubby called me at lunch, yesterday. We had chatted. That's something I learned from hubby, especially, and what he is so good about. He doesn't hold grudges and let things fester. He tries to resolve matters, fully, properly, and timely. Gimky, we've got a great life, he told me before hanging up, and he ticked off the things. Of course I know that, but your job.... Well, don't forget, he told me and now it was his turn to be positive, I can do a lot of different things and am pretty marketable. Whether I can get as good of a paying job is another matter, but I have good experience and a valuable skill set.
100 people later showed up for Dr. Kutcher's lecture. I welcomed the audience, gave a little history about our organization and introduced him to the group. I then sat back and was totally engaged and amazed. He is a heavy hitting child neurologist, who spent the first 40 minutes discussing the ADHD/ADD syndrome mix in neurological and symptomatic terms and provided fascinating data and totally relatable anecdotes. And then he talked solutions. It was like he was talking exactly about my own children, of what did and did not work. I chuckled along at times at his stories. Keep it positive, he repeated all night. Be calm. This is a 30 year journey, he quipped. Does yelling work? So don't yell! Does your kid want to be this way, disorganized and full of anxiety? No! So don't be the anxious, emotional parent he has to deal with on top of all of this! Most punishment is ineffective, if the goal is to produce a behavior change in the future, so you need to consider punishment carefully. And remember, that rewards are very important. We eat a lot of ice cream in my household, he told us, and when we don't get to eat ice cream in our household, well, that's pretty significant....
I received these texts, last night. I'm obviously concerned but am resigned. My parents, my mother in particular, will do what they feel they need to do.
Can't forget to mention, also, that Belac's teacher and I had a great talk about him. She's proud of how he is doing in her class, had sound advice, and also came to Dr. Kutcher's lecture, last night.
Hubby and I back to our sweet ways. Boys, hubby and I plowing ahead and each trying to do the best we can. It's all good. Lucky for my awesome foursome. And Bailey! I can't forget Bailey.
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Letter
dear hubby,
I'm sorry about last night. I don't know what is going on with me but I am one big emotional mess. I think I'm not dealing well with the stress of our lives and am unable to detach.
I am stressed out about what's going on with your job and what it means for us. Over Jake and his challenges. About Belac and Hebrew school, opening up a whole can of worms about our history there, this whole idea that people only care because of what they otherwise get from us.... About the fact that my mother has put us in the position of now choosing between my cousins and my parents and we will probably never all be together again.
And so yes, now there is that kid's situation and it sent me right over the edge. And while they are wrong to try to get something for free, I also don't have the utmost confidence that SPS can provide adequately for him either. And while it's easy to say he won't get a bar mitzvah in September or Belac won't have his, or they can't until they show they want it, it pains me because it's just one more huge hurdle for these kids, who are overwhelmed enough at it is being bombarded by language and discussions they are unable to process and participate in. Whereas a typical kid can get their act together and pretend, our kid can't pretend and has to try so much harder than the majority of the others just to get something out of this time.
I feel like everything is hard. And while I'm trying to keep everything together, I feel like not a single thing is easy and we can't get a break. No insurance coverage for growth hormone. I haven't mentored Sarah for weeks and dropped off the face of the planet, in large part because of all the services I have to play. And I forgot to get someone to fortify weatherproofing above the kitchen. It's like I have a huge long list of things to do and fix, for us and others, all seemingly long term and endless works in progress and it just never ends.
I'm sorry I was so angry. I know you are trying to keep the lights on at synagogue and keep this place afloat. But there is a part of me that just thinks, let it sink. I'm done. We can't be propping up the place as we have been doing. Leave it to those who are being paid to figure it out. It sounds selfish of me but is it really worth what it's doing to us?
Maybe we need some time to ourselves or something. I don't know. I hate fighting with you and don't want to add to your stress but lately I've had all of these emotions I don't know what to do with. And mostly it is this helplessness to improve the situation around me.
Of course, hubby, we could not have this amazing life without you. We'd be so lost and despite the kids always wanting me, they really need you and your love and approval, and at least jake sees clearly how we balance each other out parenting wise and that both of us are so essential together in that way. As for us, I think things have been generally amazing, but I'm just stressed. Not sure what to do about it though.... And I'm really sorry you got the brunt of it last night. I really do appreciate everything you do and suffer over everyday to make things right at home and work and SPS and I know it's a thankless job at SPS especially.
I hope you have a good day and we will talk soon.
I love you so much.
Gimky
Sent from my iPhone
I'm sorry about last night. I don't know what is going on with me but I am one big emotional mess. I think I'm not dealing well with the stress of our lives and am unable to detach.
I am stressed out about what's going on with your job and what it means for us. Over Jake and his challenges. About Belac and Hebrew school, opening up a whole can of worms about our history there, this whole idea that people only care because of what they otherwise get from us.... About the fact that my mother has put us in the position of now choosing between my cousins and my parents and we will probably never all be together again.
And so yes, now there is that kid's situation and it sent me right over the edge. And while they are wrong to try to get something for free, I also don't have the utmost confidence that SPS can provide adequately for him either. And while it's easy to say he won't get a bar mitzvah in September or Belac won't have his, or they can't until they show they want it, it pains me because it's just one more huge hurdle for these kids, who are overwhelmed enough at it is being bombarded by language and discussions they are unable to process and participate in. Whereas a typical kid can get their act together and pretend, our kid can't pretend and has to try so much harder than the majority of the others just to get something out of this time.
I feel like everything is hard. And while I'm trying to keep everything together, I feel like not a single thing is easy and we can't get a break. No insurance coverage for growth hormone. I haven't mentored Sarah for weeks and dropped off the face of the planet, in large part because of all the services I have to play. And I forgot to get someone to fortify weatherproofing above the kitchen. It's like I have a huge long list of things to do and fix, for us and others, all seemingly long term and endless works in progress and it just never ends.
I'm sorry I was so angry. I know you are trying to keep the lights on at synagogue and keep this place afloat. But there is a part of me that just thinks, let it sink. I'm done. We can't be propping up the place as we have been doing. Leave it to those who are being paid to figure it out. It sounds selfish of me but is it really worth what it's doing to us?
Maybe we need some time to ourselves or something. I don't know. I hate fighting with you and don't want to add to your stress but lately I've had all of these emotions I don't know what to do with. And mostly it is this helplessness to improve the situation around me.
Of course, hubby, we could not have this amazing life without you. We'd be so lost and despite the kids always wanting me, they really need you and your love and approval, and at least jake sees clearly how we balance each other out parenting wise and that both of us are so essential together in that way. As for us, I think things have been generally amazing, but I'm just stressed. Not sure what to do about it though.... And I'm really sorry you got the brunt of it last night. I really do appreciate everything you do and suffer over everyday to make things right at home and work and SPS and I know it's a thankless job at SPS especially.
I hope you have a good day and we will talk soon.
I love you so much.
Gimky
Sent from my iPhone
Hard
I don't know how it happened. We were all having a perfectly good dinner together. It was so sweet. But after the kids left and it was just hubby, we had a disagreement about people, a special needs kid and his parents, who have not paid anything to the synagogue for his Hebrew School, and I just lost it. I was screaming and crying. You said this, no I didn't, and back and forth we went. I also criticized everyone at the synagogue, for not knowing how to deal with Belac and who we withdrew from Hebrew School on Sunday. Story for another day.
I think I am not dealing well with the stress in our lives.
Mom, can you and dad not fight on Friday? Belac asked me at bedtime, I want it to be a good night.
I'm sorry I yelled at you, I told hubby when we had a moment alone at breakfast. Gimky, you fundamentally don't know what I do. Otherwise you wouldn't say what you do. You don't understand.
Jake arrived, what? What just happened?
We both said nothing. Neither of us were going to start a fight.
The problem is this. We are both just trying to keep our heads above water. It is clear that hubby is going to lose his job in a buyout of his company. We are both trying not to freak out about his finding another job, here in NY. And when he worries we will have to move, I have to force myself not to react or worry along with him or we'd be in a bad place. I just have to keep saying that everything is going to be okay, as I have been saying to the kids and protecting them, we will do everything we can to stay in Sunny Patch and moving will be a last resort.
As treasurer of the synagogue, he spends many hours a week trying to keep the lights from going out. We have big problems there, the synagogue is short tens of thousands of dollars and so we do have to go after unpaid bills. And I... I just know that this family doesn't really have the means but if they knew their kid would be educated properly they would find a way. But they aren't sure and frankly, I don't know exactly what to advise or require, because look at Belac. We just pulled him. And are they thinking Phew! He's gone? Or are they thinking, he'd better come back and let's make sure we talk to the parents in a week? Frankly, I know how they should behave, but I'm not exactly sure what they will do. And if they don't ask us back and just let us go easily, they are going to lose hubby and me very quickly as pillars.... This whole situation hit a raw nerve. Go after the millionaires that are trying not to pay, but after this family...?? Of course you can't send your kid and expect something for free. But fundamentally, they're like us. I was now crying my head off. And if anyone is going to understand their pain and uncertainty, it would be us.
It's also Thanksgiving without everyone. I just cannot believe my parents are missing it and for what? To prove to my cousins that she has disowned them? So we will never be together again, is that right? It will have to be a choice between my parents and cousins from here on out?
It's Jake and his stress about school and keeping on top of stuff. Just those freaked out phonecalls from the other day, to tell me about a piece of homework that he forgot to turn in and what should he do, the teacher was not there, only to figure out, by the 3rd call, when he went to the office to drop it in her mailbox and didn't have it, that he had actually turned it in. We laugh now but to hear this kid's stress...!
It's Belac and his behavior that caused us to pull him from Hebrew School and keeps us worried about him in school. The fact that his teacher is going to call me today and I wonder if it's bad news. I was the one that wanted to touch base and I should be so happy that she is calling me right away, but you know, these calls over time can be so hard to endure. Trying to keep up and manage.
The fact that I didn't get the roof over the kitchen fixed yet and winter is upon us.
And that I can't seem to control my emotions.
Our problems will follow us wherever we go. But maybe there is something about not living in metro NY that would take the edge off of everything.
I think I am not dealing well with the stress in our lives.
Mom, can you and dad not fight on Friday? Belac asked me at bedtime, I want it to be a good night.
I'm sorry I yelled at you, I told hubby when we had a moment alone at breakfast. Gimky, you fundamentally don't know what I do. Otherwise you wouldn't say what you do. You don't understand.
Jake arrived, what? What just happened?
We both said nothing. Neither of us were going to start a fight.
The problem is this. We are both just trying to keep our heads above water. It is clear that hubby is going to lose his job in a buyout of his company. We are both trying not to freak out about his finding another job, here in NY. And when he worries we will have to move, I have to force myself not to react or worry along with him or we'd be in a bad place. I just have to keep saying that everything is going to be okay, as I have been saying to the kids and protecting them, we will do everything we can to stay in Sunny Patch and moving will be a last resort.
As treasurer of the synagogue, he spends many hours a week trying to keep the lights from going out. We have big problems there, the synagogue is short tens of thousands of dollars and so we do have to go after unpaid bills. And I... I just know that this family doesn't really have the means but if they knew their kid would be educated properly they would find a way. But they aren't sure and frankly, I don't know exactly what to advise or require, because look at Belac. We just pulled him. And are they thinking Phew! He's gone? Or are they thinking, he'd better come back and let's make sure we talk to the parents in a week? Frankly, I know how they should behave, but I'm not exactly sure what they will do. And if they don't ask us back and just let us go easily, they are going to lose hubby and me very quickly as pillars.... This whole situation hit a raw nerve. Go after the millionaires that are trying not to pay, but after this family...?? Of course you can't send your kid and expect something for free. But fundamentally, they're like us. I was now crying my head off. And if anyone is going to understand their pain and uncertainty, it would be us.
It's also Thanksgiving without everyone. I just cannot believe my parents are missing it and for what? To prove to my cousins that she has disowned them? So we will never be together again, is that right? It will have to be a choice between my parents and cousins from here on out?
It's Jake and his stress about school and keeping on top of stuff. Just those freaked out phonecalls from the other day, to tell me about a piece of homework that he forgot to turn in and what should he do, the teacher was not there, only to figure out, by the 3rd call, when he went to the office to drop it in her mailbox and didn't have it, that he had actually turned it in. We laugh now but to hear this kid's stress...!
It's Belac and his behavior that caused us to pull him from Hebrew School and keeps us worried about him in school. The fact that his teacher is going to call me today and I wonder if it's bad news. I was the one that wanted to touch base and I should be so happy that she is calling me right away, but you know, these calls over time can be so hard to endure. Trying to keep up and manage.
The fact that I didn't get the roof over the kitchen fixed yet and winter is upon us.
And that I can't seem to control my emotions.
Our problems will follow us wherever we go. But maybe there is something about not living in metro NY that would take the edge off of everything.
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
me and Olivia
On Tuesday, November 10, 2014 Gimky wrote:
Thx for yesterday and hearing one bad story after another.... Always good to see you - you are such the greatest friend.
By the way, our Room and Board Furniture arrived today! It's a little dark and we will have to brighten up the room somehow, but I think it's going to be better, socially, in there. At least Bailey likes it.
Let's figure out when to get together soon! My schedule is much less crazy until Christmas.
XX
Gimky
On Nov 11, 2015 at 12:36AM Oliva wrote:
You have always been, of my friends, my sisters, my colleagues, the mother that I most admire. I may have told you many times. For your grace and fortitude, and your style of love and spirit. You have that kind of strength that my own mother has that I admire so much in her, an iron will underneath your love that leaves no doubt that you will carry on, whatever it turns out to be. And you do this all so quietly and purposefully, and you do it out of the beauty of your own human nature born to you. So I treasure these things in you that you learned yourself, and Gimky I wish you could have been graced with all of those wonderful ministrations by your own mother, but you carry such an incredible blessing into the world to be able to do this for your own children. And I am so grateful that we are still friends after all of these years. I am always here to listen to your stories just like you are always there for mine.
Thx for yesterday and hearing one bad story after another.... Always good to see you - you are such the greatest friend.
By the way, our Room and Board Furniture arrived today! It's a little dark and we will have to brighten up the room somehow, but I think it's going to be better, socially, in there. At least Bailey likes it.
XX
Gimky
You have always been, of my friends, my sisters, my colleagues, the mother that I most admire. I may have told you many times. For your grace and fortitude, and your style of love and spirit. You have that kind of strength that my own mother has that I admire so much in her, an iron will underneath your love that leaves no doubt that you will carry on, whatever it turns out to be. And you do this all so quietly and purposefully, and you do it out of the beauty of your own human nature born to you. So I treasure these things in you that you learned yourself, and Gimky I wish you could have been graced with all of those wonderful ministrations by your own mother, but you carry such an incredible blessing into the world to be able to do this for your own children. And I am so grateful that we are still friends after all of these years. I am always here to listen to your stories just like you are always there for mine.
And I love the furniture.
xxx
Olivia
Well, what can I say. This morning, I had just sat down to a coffee in the kitchen when I read this surprise letter. I cried. What a dear, good friend I have in Olivia.
Well, what can I say. This morning, I had just sat down to a coffee in the kitchen when I read this surprise letter. I cried. What a dear, good friend I have in Olivia.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Okay
We had the sweetest, nicest family dinner. We all lingered. Everyone loved and ate the salmon. We talked and about funny, stupid stuff. Like where a pool table would go if we could have one (our bedroom) and what we'd do to make that play space amazing. Could we even get it up the /
stairs? Would the floor support such weight? Jake was just so funny, what a sophisticated sense of humor he has/
I couldn't help but think, you know? We will be okay wherever we end up. Of course it would suck to leave NY and everything we know. But if we have to, if it comes to that, we will be okay if we are together. It will be okay.
stairs? Would the floor support such weight? Jake was just so funny, what a sophisticated sense of humor he has/
I couldn't help but think, you know? We will be okay wherever we end up. Of course it would suck to leave NY and everything we know. But if we have to, if it comes to that, we will be okay if we are together. It will be okay.
Lunch talk
You're not going to believe what I'm doing today, hubby told me as he munched on lunch and laughed. What?? I'm modeling out what it would cost another company to decimate our entire, whole division! Really? What does that mean? Severance packages, rank by rank, person by person, vested stocks, scenario by scenario.... And what does this mean for us? We'd get a year salary. Does everyone else, too? Nope. Level below gets six months and so on.... Wow.
Gimky, if a smaller company buys us, we have more time and a better chance of retaining my job, wherever that may be. A bigger company than ours and we will all be gone, almost instantly.
Wow.
Our beautiful couch and chairs arrived today. Made in America by Room and Board. Just in time for house showings? Hope not. but we will do what we have to do.
Gimky, if a smaller company buys us, we have more time and a better chance of retaining my job, wherever that may be. A bigger company than ours and we will all be gone, almost instantly.
Wow.
Our beautiful couch and chairs arrived today. Made in America by Room and Board. Just in time for house showings? Hope not. but we will do what we have to do.
Asus
Asus Chromebook. That's what I'm zeroing in on and it's $229 bucks on sale at Best Buy. It's better than a smart phone and it will be great for him to take his notes and have his homework in one place. Go paperless. And have alerts and reminders. I just received an email from Guidance. He has permission to use it at school.
Yay. I want to go with him today and pick one up.
Yay. I want to go with him today and pick one up.
lighten up
2 weeks until people start arriving for Thanksgiving. The big clean out continues.
We emptied out the garage of garbage. Broken lamps and terrible things, like all the huge styrofoam coolers that Belac's growth hormone had arrived in. A broken electronic keyboard. After dragging the couch and cushions out to the curb, I later noticed someone had taken it. I was so happy and relieved. Waste not, want not. It really wasn't in good shape but it was useful to someone else.
Next week, I'm putting 4 outdoor chairs on the curb a day early. The Salvation Army wouldn't take them, but I bet someone driving by will.
Tuesdays are my light day. I only teach one lesson and have a good part of the day to get us organized, tidy up and pay bills. Things got out of hand while I was away and now a big week end coming up gives us a goal.
Lighten up! Let go!
We emptied out the garage of garbage. Broken lamps and terrible things, like all the huge styrofoam coolers that Belac's growth hormone had arrived in. A broken electronic keyboard. After dragging the couch and cushions out to the curb, I later noticed someone had taken it. I was so happy and relieved. Waste not, want not. It really wasn't in good shape but it was useful to someone else.
Next week, I'm putting 4 outdoor chairs on the curb a day early. The Salvation Army wouldn't take them, but I bet someone driving by will.
Tuesdays are my light day. I only teach one lesson and have a good part of the day to get us organized, tidy up and pay bills. Things got out of hand while I was away and now a big week end coming up gives us a goal.
Lighten up! Let go!
Baby steps
It's 7:40. Belac just left, Jacob a few minutes before that and hubby before that.
I was upset with Jake, who even after packing his bag last night and saying he was done, remembered he had to still print something out, this morning. Yes, good he didn't forget, this time, but the whole point of preparing early was to avoid this very thing. I had him retrieve his assignment pad. I want you to make sure there's nothing else. He sighed.
We looked at Monday. Please check off each thing you did. Meticulously. Is it in your bag? Are you sure?
Now what are a few things you need to remember today? I nudged him. Yes, you need to see Guidance. What about your locker? Okay good, write it down.
He sat down and fooled around with the Rubik's cube. What could you be doing? He looked at me blankly. Jake, when we're you planning to talk to Guidance? After school, he replied. Well, how about now? You're just sitting here but could go to school now and take care of some of these items. There's a lot to take care of at the end of the day.... Now might be a good time to find Mrs. Math about how you can do better this 2nd quarter...
Okay, I will do that.
Outside on the drive, I wished him a good day and kissed both his cheeks. His face was glum. What I'm asking you to do and what you need to do is nothing me and dad didn't also have to fix ourselves. We suffered through this, too, and it's hard. But you'll figure it out, like we also had to, even if it feels impossible. I hope so, he sighed. You will! The great thing is that by getting on top of things, you will reduce stress and have greater peace of my mind.
Now don't forget especially to talk to Mrs. Guidance. The Palm arrived yesterday, and it was clear within minutes that this device was not going to cut it. See if they will allow you a Chromebook in class.
Monday, November 9, 2015
stress
It ended up being a stressful day. I teared up with Olivia today at goodbye, recounting a story I read about a mom's wish for her kids and how it was just so foreign to me to think that a mom could be so emotionally generous and loving and if there was anything I wanted from my childhood... and how it's hard for me now as a mom, to imagine behaving in my mom's way to my own kids, even on my worst days. She's really not mentally well, I realize, I explained through tears. And then she was crying with me and hugged me. I love you so much, Gimky, and you are the best mother ever. But I overdo everything, I told her, I'm worried because my kids struggle and I just have no point of reference of how invested or detached I'm supposed to be and am constantly trying to figure it out....
I talked to another of Jake's teachers, who understands this real concern about his organization. All of his teachers see it and there is this feeling that "he's so bright, but...." Jake is so stressed, and started the first day of the 2nd quarter with a 0 in French. He had no idea something was due, today. We studied his assignment pad. I told him, when you write down an assignment, you also need to write when it is due.... and if you don't know, you need to ask. Belac, also was missing an assignment today. I had been gone this week end. And after my rehearsal tonight, when I came in to find hubby and kati's hubby together, enjoying a scotch together - something I know both hubbies needed - but the kids on the computers, I took a deep breath and tried not to lose it. Didn't we agree, no computer games on the week days? And Belac still has work to do...?! What? I didn't know Belac had more work... Well, that's why you have to check, assume nothing!! And in a snap, I had ruined a perfectly fine evening for all.
We moved the couch. No one believed me that the couch would fit through the door vertically. It was the 2 couples and Jake. Hubby wanted it his way, let's just do it!! I heard him say, not wanting to waste time looking for a measuring stick, and scratched the floor badly when he pulled the couch several feet on his own and then took a piece off the wall, unsuccessfully stuffing the couch through the door. I forced everyone to stop, let me measure! I swear it will go in vertically and yes, the stupid heavy thing was going to fit vertically. I bit my tongue and tried to say nothing, but I couldn't help but get upset seeing the deep scratch on the floor and the crumbling corner wall. F* it!!!
How did that happen? hubby asked honestly shocked. Sweetie pie, I tried to contain my exasperation, you simply cannot drag anything across a wood floor, especially something this heavy! It scratches!
Jake was weepy at bed. Belac wanted me too. The dog was on Jake's chest and licking his face. Don't go, he said several times to me. The dog is the sweetest thing ever, I told him, and Jake agreed. Of course they feel the stress everywhere. Hubby already in bed. Everyone just majorly worried about their own things and I have to just not internalize anyone else's worries and be the captain that keeps things steady and productive. My Boston concerts are over, now, so I'm more capable as the shit hits the fan. I too am very worried about hubby's job situation. Concerned we will have to move or that he has to look for new work, so best to try not to think about it until there's something to think about.
Time for a good night's sleep. If I can sleep.
I talked to another of Jake's teachers, who understands this real concern about his organization. All of his teachers see it and there is this feeling that "he's so bright, but...." Jake is so stressed, and started the first day of the 2nd quarter with a 0 in French. He had no idea something was due, today. We studied his assignment pad. I told him, when you write down an assignment, you also need to write when it is due.... and if you don't know, you need to ask. Belac, also was missing an assignment today. I had been gone this week end. And after my rehearsal tonight, when I came in to find hubby and kati's hubby together, enjoying a scotch together - something I know both hubbies needed - but the kids on the computers, I took a deep breath and tried not to lose it. Didn't we agree, no computer games on the week days? And Belac still has work to do...?! What? I didn't know Belac had more work... Well, that's why you have to check, assume nothing!! And in a snap, I had ruined a perfectly fine evening for all.
We moved the couch. No one believed me that the couch would fit through the door vertically. It was the 2 couples and Jake. Hubby wanted it his way, let's just do it!! I heard him say, not wanting to waste time looking for a measuring stick, and scratched the floor badly when he pulled the couch several feet on his own and then took a piece off the wall, unsuccessfully stuffing the couch through the door. I forced everyone to stop, let me measure! I swear it will go in vertically and yes, the stupid heavy thing was going to fit vertically. I bit my tongue and tried to say nothing, but I couldn't help but get upset seeing the deep scratch on the floor and the crumbling corner wall. F* it!!!
How did that happen? hubby asked honestly shocked. Sweetie pie, I tried to contain my exasperation, you simply cannot drag anything across a wood floor, especially something this heavy! It scratches!
Jake was weepy at bed. Belac wanted me too. The dog was on Jake's chest and licking his face. Don't go, he said several times to me. The dog is the sweetest thing ever, I told him, and Jake agreed. Of course they feel the stress everywhere. Hubby already in bed. Everyone just majorly worried about their own things and I have to just not internalize anyone else's worries and be the captain that keeps things steady and productive. My Boston concerts are over, now, so I'm more capable as the shit hits the fan. I too am very worried about hubby's job situation. Concerned we will have to move or that he has to look for new work, so best to try not to think about it until there's something to think about.
Time for a good night's sleep. If I can sleep.
6:30
Alarm blared at 6:30am and I turned on lights. I told the kids I'd see them downstairs as soon as they could get there. I was shocked to see Belac's drawers, all organized and pared down. Who did that...?? I asked hubby. I did! And you should see their empty closets!! There are 2 huge bags of clothes for charity, downstairs. The kids only have clothes they wear.
I made coffee and started packing lunches. Both kids down by 6:50 and eating. Jake heated up leftovers. Hubby toasted a bagel, and Belac slurped down ramen. Belac, are you sure we are going to disassemble all of your lego creations? Yup! he told me, and I don't want my shelves anymore. Wow. All that money and time, not long ago. I will box them up for their own future kids. Okay, I told him, we will do this before Thanksgiving.
The boys finished eating soon after 7, and I nudged them to get their dishes in the dishwasher. It was 7:25. They were all now playing around with the 4cube I had brought home.
No drama. No raised voices. No rushing. Quiet and some laughter and talking. Everything packed and ready to go by the door.
It should be this way, everyday. And why did it happen? Because I had been gone and they needed to rise to the occasion.
I made coffee and started packing lunches. Both kids down by 6:50 and eating. Jake heated up leftovers. Hubby toasted a bagel, and Belac slurped down ramen. Belac, are you sure we are going to disassemble all of your lego creations? Yup! he told me, and I don't want my shelves anymore. Wow. All that money and time, not long ago. I will box them up for their own future kids. Okay, I told him, we will do this before Thanksgiving.
The boys finished eating soon after 7, and I nudged them to get their dishes in the dishwasher. It was 7:25. They were all now playing around with the 4cube I had brought home.
No drama. No raised voices. No rushing. Quiet and some laughter and talking. Everything packed and ready to go by the door.
It should be this way, everyday. And why did it happen? Because I had been gone and they needed to rise to the occasion.
good
Belac's new poster of his moods I found taped to his bedroom door
After exchanging some niceties, Jake, hubby and me sat in 3 seats of the front row across from his History teacher. She was very formal but cordial.
So, I began, I thought we could reflect on what went well and what could go better, now that Jake has had his first quarter with you.
Well! she began. Jake gets very high test scores. His last exam was a 100! And the one before that was a 97, right, Jake? He sort of nodded but looked at her blankly. But it's the homework that sinks him. You'd have the highest grade point average in History of your entire class, she pointed out and emphasized for full effect, if you turned in all of your homework. But because you're not getting it in, all of those 0s, your average is an 86....
We talked about taking pictures of the small board, where the assignments for the entire week were. His cellphone didn't have picture clarity, he mentioned, to which I suggested getting closer and taking a few pictures. About his signing out with her (he's been forgetting, again.) About coming back and taking a picture of the board. He just needs to sit down and do it, and check for it before he leaves. I mentioned to her that he'd soon be bringing an electronic planner - but not a smart phone - to school.
Did you hear that? I said to Jake as we descended the stairs, highest test scores...! Mom, it's because the kids in my classes don't care.... he looked at me glumly. Well, I told him, let's get your quarter grades to truly reflect what you're capable of and we'll fight to get you into more challenging classes! And thank goodness for those crazy high test scores, you still managed to get an 86 despite it all.
As we hugged him good bye at the school door and I told him I loved him, he suddenly felt for something in his bag. Mom? I forgot my flash drive at home and I need it for French. Okay! Hurry up! Dad'll drive us home and I'll drive you back. We chitchatted both ways.... It's the 1st day of second quarter. I'm proud of Jake. He's come such a long way and I believe he can figure this out. He is such a good, sweet kid who is really trying. What more could I ask for?
All good.
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Home!
7:45 am meeting, tomorrow, with Jake's history teacher and all of us. A quick coffee with Olivia, who needs to drop son's cello with a technician in town and then off to work I go. Then I bake a cake. Rehearsal in the evening. Then Kati and hubby come over at 9:30 for my chocolate cake and anything else in exchange for helping us move one heavy couch to another room in prep for a new couch arriving Tuesday.
Kids obsessed with the 4 cube I brought home. So many hugs. Belac showed me the FUNNIEST sign he made for his door I will post tomorow. Sweet bedtime. A huge hug from Jake when I emerged from the car. All good. Happy to be home.
Kids obsessed with the 4 cube I brought home. So many hugs. Belac showed me the FUNNIEST sign he made for his door I will post tomorow. Sweet bedtime. A huge hug from Jake when I emerged from the car. All good. Happy to be home.
Buyout
And while we have nothing to complain about for our cushy life. Frankly, it is such a bad decision on the company's part to sell. They are a valuable American company. Distinctive. Everyone above hubby is going to get million dollar severances and buy outs. And they are the ones making this decision to sell, there is no incentive to make the company better and more successful on its own. The busy bees beneath them will probably get some sort of parting gift, but those are the ones that have to scramble for work and their next paycheck. It just makes no sense at all.
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