Last person left at 9:30. Jake and Belac finished hwk as I walked the dog and then walked a couple of miles on the treadmill. Everyone into bed on the late side, I hear Belac talking to himself and it stresses me out he's not sleeping yet. It is now 11:47 and I myself have been up since 5am when hubby drove off to DC.
I am on a roll with the exercise, walking minimum 5 miles a day. I've stopped losing weight at the same fast pace because of building muscle and eating a more normal diet which includes the occasional bread and dessert now. Still consuming less than I did, though, and I can see my thighs in particular have become more shapely, firm and trim.
What a very long day! But a good one for the kids. I corked up the wine no one ended up drinking. What am I going to do with that? I'm not going to drink it myself and I'm not sure it will keep until hubby comes home. What a waste. I'm going to have to find someone to give it to. I have no desire.
Pooped. Good night.
Monday, October 31, 2016
OMG
A GIRL has arrived! Her name is.... Allegra. Never met her, have no idea what grade she's in. There is laughter upstairs and she is joining in on some 8 player game. Well, wow. I don't know what to say. I have a bunch of 15, 16 and maybe even a 17 year old upstairs. They are nice kids I can see, and look like adults. How did this happen?
Party
Listening in on the dinner conversation. It's sweet, juvenile and interactive. And the truth is, Jake's best friend among them is a kid named Andrew. They text everyday and he is someone who has come often and someone Jake is comfortable with. Jake describes this kid as being 'hated' by some at school, I think because he is one serious geek. But I get this kid, who I think might be spectrumy. The laughter is awesome. Jacob is happy. Another kid called for Jake's address and is joining. I love it.
One more makes 5. It's a party!
One more makes 5. It's a party!
happy Halloween
Wow. I'm so happy for the boys. Just dropped Belac off at a friend's house. He and 3 boys will trick or treat together, check in by phone every now and then and then end up here where the parents will pick up. Just put some beer in the fridge and am opening up wine. Sipping seltzer, myself, of course. And now just drove up and 2 kids I don't know arrived. Totally nice kids and up they go to play some smash. I am putting pizzas in the oven. Lulu texted and said she'd wait for Ian here. Her hubby is in the Netherlands and otherwise she is alone, too.
So a nice Halloween. So far so good, anyway!
So a nice Halloween. So far so good, anyway!
Party
So are any kids coming? Yeah, Jake told me and rattled off 4 names, all kids not in his grade and none who've been here before. Impressive! I told them I'm having a party at my house. A party?? I didn't say and now felt a little nervous. So do you know they are all coming? I tried to sound upbeat. Yeah, Jaja - captain of the varsity XCountry team- said he'd "love" to.
I have a bunch of pizzas in the freezer I will put in the oven, the prerequisite junk food and soda. And before I leave to bring Belac to his friend's house I will put on some lively music. Jake? I said, I'm going to clean up the basement, okay? Because if things get a little, you know, slow which it can sometimes get, you can offer up some ping pong. Do they all play smash? I think so.... And I'd wear some long pants in case some of the guys want to go out trick or treating after all.
I'm so glad he took initiative to invite some kids over, but this is just a little stunning. Upper classmen? Why didn't he just say to "hang" instead of party? He's not even dressing up! But I don't want him to doubt himself or make him worry. let him be happy and excited and figure it out as the night comes. If a party is what he's having, a party is what I'm supporting. I just hope they all come like they say they are!
PS - Belac's PacMan costume won a prize at school today! I knew it would and he almost didn't bring it, worried it would get tampered with and smushed in the crowded hallways. It took talking it through with him and wondering together if showing his friends his costume and possibly winning a prize was worth his costume getting a possibly little damaged. He and Izzy both won for the grade; dressed up as popcorn and wore a shirt covered in popcorn Kati had stitched on one by one and red and white leggings she had painted, and red and white ribbons in her hair. Awesome!!!
I have a bunch of pizzas in the freezer I will put in the oven, the prerequisite junk food and soda. And before I leave to bring Belac to his friend's house I will put on some lively music. Jake? I said, I'm going to clean up the basement, okay? Because if things get a little, you know, slow which it can sometimes get, you can offer up some ping pong. Do they all play smash? I think so.... And I'd wear some long pants in case some of the guys want to go out trick or treating after all.
I'm so glad he took initiative to invite some kids over, but this is just a little stunning. Upper classmen? Why didn't he just say to "hang" instead of party? He's not even dressing up! But I don't want him to doubt himself or make him worry. let him be happy and excited and figure it out as the night comes. If a party is what he's having, a party is what I'm supporting. I just hope they all come like they say they are!
PS - Belac's PacMan costume won a prize at school today! I knew it would and he almost didn't bring it, worried it would get tampered with and smushed in the crowded hallways. It took talking it through with him and wondering together if showing his friends his costume and possibly winning a prize was worth his costume getting a possibly little damaged. He and Izzy both won for the grade; dressed up as popcorn and wore a shirt covered in popcorn Kati had stitched on one by one and red and white leggings she had painted, and red and white ribbons in her hair. Awesome!!!
Sunday, October 30, 2016
Early dinner
Making dinner. Kati and Lulu's families are coming. Bread out of the oven, veggies chopped and I'm about to bring out chunks of cheese. Hubby stoking the fire to grill. Just realized I have to rename Lulu here, as the dog will soon be arriving. Hubby leaves at 5am tomorrow morning. This is one way we discussed to make the most of his time home, inviting friends over. Of course this is a bit much for one wknd, but that's the way it is.
Powder
Not 10 minutes after she arrived and hubby had handed her a scotch, did she begin to weep. Her hubby was on the driveway taking a call. It was scary. Her violin was still in the pit and while others lingered, she was one of the first to leave the premises declaring that she didn't give a shit about her violin. Whereas a friend was so concerned about the safety of his viola, he defied orders and went into the pit to get it anyway. They had not evacuated everyone immediately and it took 45 minutes for them to cancel the show midway. Custodial staff had been instructed to sweep the powder into a bin and it was dumped in the trash where all the musicians congregate and just a few feet from her. Whoever made that call was going to get fired. Someone should have called to have the powder removed by hazmat and the audience evacuated immediately. No one followed protocol. And now she was worried about anthrax. Apparently she had driven home on the verge of hysterics, and speaking to her father she could not sputter out one word.
I don't want to die this week, she quipped. And when do anthrax symptoms begin to develop? Hubby was looking online about symptoms and when they'd appear: headaches, nausea.... Stop! she said, because I will proceed to have every one of those symptoms tonight. Hubby reassured Olivia that in the case of the anthrax mailings years ago, no one died. Not even the postman who delivered and came in closest contact to the powder. That tidbit seemed to make her feel a bit better, but she was clearly still very upset and anxious.
Through the next hours her hubby took call after call. William Tell was not broken down yet and needed a crew of 15. The crew for the next show - cancelled- was there and since the show was much smaller, there was only half the number needed to break down the existing set. But it was still a crime scene and everyone was just standing outside waiting. And the instruments, he said as a person obviously in authority, could you please make sure that so and so is there? I think the musicians would feel better about that. And let's lock the instruments all in the women's locker room? Olivia received text after text on her phone asking about what she knew via hubby.
As the evening wore on, her hubby was updated it was probably a dead person's ashes. What??? I saw her relax much more as our kids continued to amuse themselves beautifully. It's just another example of global mismanagement and how they don't give a SHIT about us, Gimky! If we are all distraught and upset and poorer year after year, they feel they've done their job well!
Still, despite this we had a good night. It is just easy and normal with them, no matter what the circumstances and on a night like this, when she was so upset and anxious, I'm glad we were together.
I don't want to die this week, she quipped. And when do anthrax symptoms begin to develop? Hubby was looking online about symptoms and when they'd appear: headaches, nausea.... Stop! she said, because I will proceed to have every one of those symptoms tonight. Hubby reassured Olivia that in the case of the anthrax mailings years ago, no one died. Not even the postman who delivered and came in closest contact to the powder. That tidbit seemed to make her feel a bit better, but she was clearly still very upset and anxious.
Through the next hours her hubby took call after call. William Tell was not broken down yet and needed a crew of 15. The crew for the next show - cancelled- was there and since the show was much smaller, there was only half the number needed to break down the existing set. But it was still a crime scene and everyone was just standing outside waiting. And the instruments, he said as a person obviously in authority, could you please make sure that so and so is there? I think the musicians would feel better about that. And let's lock the instruments all in the women's locker room? Olivia received text after text on her phone asking about what she knew via hubby.
As the evening wore on, her hubby was updated it was probably a dead person's ashes. What??? I saw her relax much more as our kids continued to amuse themselves beautifully. It's just another example of global mismanagement and how they don't give a SHIT about us, Gimky! If we are all distraught and upset and poorer year after year, they feel they've done their job well!
Still, despite this we had a good night. It is just easy and normal with them, no matter what the circumstances and on a night like this, when she was so upset and anxious, I'm glad we were together.
Saturday, October 29, 2016
Family
Hubby and Jake at the island reviewing grades and past computer science graded work. Since he started working with a tutor in Math and began understanding how to be meticulous, he got a 95 on the most recent exam and brought his grade up to a low B. It's great he's getting on track there. Now the other problem is computer science. Should he be in AP computer science vs. General computer science? He's weepy. Hubby going through all past graded homework. And what's terrible? The teacher doesn't even say why he got the grades he did. For example, a 30 out of 40 on a lab gives NO INDICATION, not one red mark why it's not a 40. And his exams don't get sent home so he cannot precisely study what he did wrong. How does one learn under those conditions?
In almost every class there are 0s for homework peppered in. Much better than in previous years but still, it adds up for someone wanting to keep their grades up. There were 3 math assignments he did online but didn't realize he had to hit the "submit" until the 4th assignment. The teacher was nice and gave him 50/100 for each. But there were also straight out 0s here and there for each class because he left the homework in the printer at home or just straight out 'forgot.'
It's hard I know for him, both academically and emotionally. But still, I am so proud of this kid who is really making so much progress in big important ways in facing up to his challenges and putting the work in. He works hard, not always in the right ways, but he is putting in serious effort and time. I appreciate hubby going through his computer science with him with a fine tooth comb saying, Jake we have to analyze this situation and figure out what's driving these numbers. And now they are going to work on his past work with a compiler to understand some of his low grades. Again he vacillates between low grades and high grades and there is not much in between.
Everyone home on this chilly morning. Hubby going on virtual reality biking now, me to walk the dog and get on treadmill, Belac to the Halloween parade and Jake to tennis in a few hours. Olivia and fam here for dinner later. Hubby, Jake and I all decided that instead of the computer tutor, which turned out to be not that helpful for what he needs, Jake will work with hubby every week end to review Computer work and look ahead at what's coming up.
We have a plan! I love my family so much.
In almost every class there are 0s for homework peppered in. Much better than in previous years but still, it adds up for someone wanting to keep their grades up. There were 3 math assignments he did online but didn't realize he had to hit the "submit" until the 4th assignment. The teacher was nice and gave him 50/100 for each. But there were also straight out 0s here and there for each class because he left the homework in the printer at home or just straight out 'forgot.'
It's hard I know for him, both academically and emotionally. But still, I am so proud of this kid who is really making so much progress in big important ways in facing up to his challenges and putting the work in. He works hard, not always in the right ways, but he is putting in serious effort and time. I appreciate hubby going through his computer science with him with a fine tooth comb saying, Jake we have to analyze this situation and figure out what's driving these numbers. And now they are going to work on his past work with a compiler to understand some of his low grades. Again he vacillates between low grades and high grades and there is not much in between.
Everyone home on this chilly morning. Hubby going on virtual reality biking now, me to walk the dog and get on treadmill, Belac to the Halloween parade and Jake to tennis in a few hours. Olivia and fam here for dinner later. Hubby, Jake and I all decided that instead of the computer tutor, which turned out to be not that helpful for what he needs, Jake will work with hubby every week end to review Computer work and look ahead at what's coming up.
We have a plan! I love my family so much.
Friday, October 28, 2016
Almost the wknd
Where is my last student of the day? I am now sitting in front of the fireplace getting my toes warm. If she doesn't come soon, I will be ready for a nap! Hubby upstairs working, I can hear him talking, and both boys off at tennis and the lab. I just feel better that hubby is home. While I was teaching he took a call by cell and was able to drive Belac to class, a request because Belac was afraid of it raining on his newly painted and "fragile" pac man costume. Hubby also filled up the firebox to the brim and brought other wood in and just other things along the way that an adult does to keep the household running As much as I do a lot at home, he still does some and I really feel it when he is gone during the week.
I am so happy my mom is getting the dog. I love that our Cavapoos are siblings and we will have something to share and bond over as we train and enjoy our pups, even from afar. It's just amazing that my mom will have Tako as her companion and I love hearing and seeing how excited she is. On my way home from work I suggested that she get her doctor to write that Tako is her therapy dog and is a medical necessity for the purpose of flying with him. Wait, what? I don't think my doctor will write that! Oh, I think he will, it's worth asking about. You have chronic pain (and anxiety, I didn't say, and I've spoken to the office about my concerns about my mom before and they know full well it's complicated with her) and I bet the doctor would write that the dog helps you. You can tell him your daughter bought you a therapy dog to be by your side... At least ask!
Wow, maybe she's not coming. No longer in the mood to teach and just want to be done!
Bailey and Lulu! Has a nice ring to it! On Tuesday Nov. 15, I drove to PA to pick up both Lulu and Tako. I will have a few days by myself with THREE dogs until hubby comes home from Bethesda and my mom flies out to come get hers. We don't have a fenced yard. I am going to have to do shifts with the walking! Thank God for the studio and the doors that separate our house from the professional! We're going to be a dog house for a little bit!
She's here!!! Wknd not yet.
I am so happy my mom is getting the dog. I love that our Cavapoos are siblings and we will have something to share and bond over as we train and enjoy our pups, even from afar. It's just amazing that my mom will have Tako as her companion and I love hearing and seeing how excited she is. On my way home from work I suggested that she get her doctor to write that Tako is her therapy dog and is a medical necessity for the purpose of flying with him. Wait, what? I don't think my doctor will write that! Oh, I think he will, it's worth asking about. You have chronic pain (and anxiety, I didn't say, and I've spoken to the office about my concerns about my mom before and they know full well it's complicated with her) and I bet the doctor would write that the dog helps you. You can tell him your daughter bought you a therapy dog to be by your side... At least ask!
Wow, maybe she's not coming. No longer in the mood to teach and just want to be done!
Bailey and Lulu! Has a nice ring to it! On Tuesday Nov. 15, I drove to PA to pick up both Lulu and Tako. I will have a few days by myself with THREE dogs until hubby comes home from Bethesda and my mom flies out to come get hers. We don't have a fenced yard. I am going to have to do shifts with the walking! Thank God for the studio and the doors that separate our house from the professional! We're going to be a dog house for a little bit!
She's here!!! Wknd not yet.
tako and lulu
I priority mailed deposits for the brother/sister pair this morning and will pick them up after Veteran's day. My mom will come to me to get the boy (Tako - named for her hometown in Japan) and Lucy will be mine. I am so excited and thrilled! My mom, my sisters and I talk and text all of the time over the dogs. No one can believe my mom is getting a puppy!
Thursday, October 27, 2016
Rainy day
Went for a quick hour on the treadmill on this rainy day. Interrupted by a call from Belac, who initially didn't want to go to art class. It was raining, but you have an umbrella I reminded him. He has a SS test on Tuesday, you'll study on the week end. And a drawing due Monday, same thing, there's time. And he still needed to touch up his costume. It's raining, you can't paint. No, not even in the garage. Back and forth we went and I put my foot down. Go to art class, if you're early, study. If you're hungry, eat your leftovers. Okay? Okay.
I slathered on some lotion on my legs after my shower. First time in months I did that and I couldn't believe how much more shapely they were. And remarkably leaner in the thighs. I was really shocked. Now wearing a pair of jeans I didn't wear in at least one season or two. They are almost too big and not very flattering actually. I should put them in the charity bin and whittle my wardrobe down to the basics again.
Hubby soon on his way home and will get in around 10. Putting rice in the cooker and marinating chicken before my first student. House looks clean, I am clean and fresh. The stove is loaded up. Kids home in 90 minutes. All good.
I slathered on some lotion on my legs after my shower. First time in months I did that and I couldn't believe how much more shapely they were. And remarkably leaner in the thighs. I was really shocked. Now wearing a pair of jeans I didn't wear in at least one season or two. They are almost too big and not very flattering actually. I should put them in the charity bin and whittle my wardrobe down to the basics again.
Hubby soon on his way home and will get in around 10. Putting rice in the cooker and marinating chicken before my first student. House looks clean, I am clean and fresh. The stove is loaded up. Kids home in 90 minutes. All good.
Pups
Spoke to the breeder today and if all goes well, hubby will stop by, see all is good and legit with Gabriel and put down a deposit for my mom. I mentioned to the breeder I was now interested in Ginny, his sister, but hubby and I would have to discuss afterwards. Hubby is worried about my hands being too full with two dogs on top of everything else.
Gimky, she told me, I don't want to pressure you. But the other inquiry from NY who wanted Gabriel told me if you take Gabriel, then she wants Ginny. She is expecting my call tonight after your hubby comes by. Really...?? OY! Of course if you are already buying one dog, it's easier for me if the pair goes to you... Well, for sure we are all in for Gabriel and my mom will come get him Veteran's Day wknd, but I will have to talk to hubby about Ginny!
Of course it could all be untrue and there is no other person. But of her 6 pups, Gabriel and Ginny both clearly have that twinkle in their eyes. The video shows just how playful, adorable and good spirited these creatures are. Am I crazy? How much more work will it be, really? I guess I just want more love in the house. Hubby is away during the week. The kids are growing up and they can help, too. Wonder what hubby will think when I ask him to please play with Ginny a little. Ultimately he always goes with what I really want, but with this I tread lightly. After all, this is a living being we are talking about and if he really doesn't think it's a good idea....
I have already chosen her name: Lucy, for light/dawn, and Lulu for short. Bailey and Lulu!
Gimky, she told me, I don't want to pressure you. But the other inquiry from NY who wanted Gabriel told me if you take Gabriel, then she wants Ginny. She is expecting my call tonight after your hubby comes by. Really...?? OY! Of course if you are already buying one dog, it's easier for me if the pair goes to you... Well, for sure we are all in for Gabriel and my mom will come get him Veteran's Day wknd, but I will have to talk to hubby about Ginny!
Of course it could all be untrue and there is no other person. But of her 6 pups, Gabriel and Ginny both clearly have that twinkle in their eyes. The video shows just how playful, adorable and good spirited these creatures are. Am I crazy? How much more work will it be, really? I guess I just want more love in the house. Hubby is away during the week. The kids are growing up and they can help, too. Wonder what hubby will think when I ask him to please play with Ginny a little. Ultimately he always goes with what I really want, but with this I tread lightly. After all, this is a living being we are talking about and if he really doesn't think it's a good idea....
I have already chosen her name: Lucy, for light/dawn, and Lulu for short. Bailey and Lulu!
It's... snowing??
Jake is on a French field trip today. Do all your teachers know you'll be gone today? He thought about it, no. Well, how about writing them an email letting them know? And that since you won't be back until 4 you can't stop by to check in at the end of the day. Mom, my computer is off. What about your phone? It will just take a minute, you can write all of them at once, you know how to do that? Yes.
He sat at the island typing. Can you read me your letter before you hit send?
Dear 6 Teachers, I will miss school today because of the French field trip. Will you please put the homework on the website so I can check it later today... he read. I interrupted before he finished. I wouldn't say 'you' and as the student, you don't want to sound like you're ordering the teachers. Rather say, I will miss school today because of the field trip and 'will check your website for the homework at the end of the day.' Tell them what YOU are doing and in this way you remind them to do something they are already supposed to be doing or at least they can hit reply and write you back directly. And don't forget to say thank you!
I watched him pack his bag with 20 dollars of his own money for lunch. An umbrella. He put his headphones around his neck. He was looking forward to missing school, he told me, though he thought the actual trip would be boring. Well you'll be with Andrew, right? That'll be nice.
Off he went. Love you, I patted his back as he left. He is such a good kid.
Jake is on a French field trip today. Do all your teachers know you'll be gone today? He thought about it, no. Well, how about writing them an email letting them know? And that since you won't be back until 4 you can't stop by to check in at the end of the day. Mom, my computer is off. What about your phone? It will just take a minute, you can write all of them at once, you know how to do that? Yes.
He sat at the island typing. Can you read me your letter before you hit send?
Dear 6 Teachers, I will miss school today because of the French field trip. Will you please put the homework on the website so I can check it later today... he read. I interrupted before he finished. I wouldn't say 'you' and as the student, you don't want to sound like you're ordering the teachers. Rather say, I will miss school today because of the field trip and 'will check your website for the homework at the end of the day.' Tell them what YOU are doing and in this way you remind them to do something they are already supposed to be doing or at least they can hit reply and write you back directly. And don't forget to say thank you!
I watched him pack his bag with 20 dollars of his own money for lunch. An umbrella. He put his headphones around his neck. He was looking forward to missing school, he told me, though he thought the actual trip would be boring. Well you'll be with Andrew, right? That'll be nice.
Off he went. Love you, I patted his back as he left. He is such a good kid.
Wednesday, October 26, 2016
Routine
The trick is to do one long walk with the dog, early in the morning, before I have to shower and go teach. Then get on the treadmill for an hour before the kids come home and students arrive for lessons. I like getting my 5 miles in early in the day, and then the rest is icing on the cake. Today I put in over 17,000 steps.
Also Wednesday is now laundry day, the day before hubby comes home. I don't want to do any laundry when he's around. Washed 15 towels. Considering we were 6 people for most of the week, showering everyday, that's not too terrible.
Hubby just called at 9:45 having arrived home. His team from CT arrived today and he took them all to dinner. He interviewed 2 for jobs today and another 2 will interview tomorrow, on top of an off site event his assistant arranged for his combined CT and MD teams. The other news? He was able to convince the guy who was on performance warning and everyone disliked to resign. He reasoned with him that he could leave with good grace now and some severance, or stay but they would have to follow up on the sexual harassment claims and it would be on the record if there was cause for termination. The guy opted to resign, left immediately and what a relief for everyone. That negative energy is gone. And the guy who is being promoted to VP and moving from the Arizona office is much relieved to not have this guy as a direct report. I didn't realize this but hubby, who was a VP up until October, now has 4 VPs directly reporting to him. Hubby has a very big job....
We then talked about Gabriel, the dog. He was shocked that I was letting my mom choose him as I had been sort of obsessed with him, and while hubby was not very inclined to go see the dog on his way home before, knowing that my mom wanted him, he was suddenly very motivated. This I found touching, he knows full well what kind of chronic, unsolvable problems my mother endures. Your mom getting a dog is the most brilliant thing in the world!!! he exclaimed. Can you pretty please withdraw some cash and leave a deposit for him and my mom will pick him up in a couple of weeks...? It was a big ask. He is exhausted and this prolongs his drive home. Text me the breeder's contact info and I will leave here at 4, ok? Okay! And maybe... I added mischievously, you could just have a look at Gabriel's sisters while you're there.
I love you sweetie pie! I told him after the kids took turns talking with him, I can't wait til you're home. I love you so much, Gimky, he told me before hanging up.
We are so lucky.
Also Wednesday is now laundry day, the day before hubby comes home. I don't want to do any laundry when he's around. Washed 15 towels. Considering we were 6 people for most of the week, showering everyday, that's not too terrible.
Hubby just called at 9:45 having arrived home. His team from CT arrived today and he took them all to dinner. He interviewed 2 for jobs today and another 2 will interview tomorrow, on top of an off site event his assistant arranged for his combined CT and MD teams. The other news? He was able to convince the guy who was on performance warning and everyone disliked to resign. He reasoned with him that he could leave with good grace now and some severance, or stay but they would have to follow up on the sexual harassment claims and it would be on the record if there was cause for termination. The guy opted to resign, left immediately and what a relief for everyone. That negative energy is gone. And the guy who is being promoted to VP and moving from the Arizona office is much relieved to not have this guy as a direct report. I didn't realize this but hubby, who was a VP up until October, now has 4 VPs directly reporting to him. Hubby has a very big job....
We then talked about Gabriel, the dog. He was shocked that I was letting my mom choose him as I had been sort of obsessed with him, and while hubby was not very inclined to go see the dog on his way home before, knowing that my mom wanted him, he was suddenly very motivated. This I found touching, he knows full well what kind of chronic, unsolvable problems my mother endures. Your mom getting a dog is the most brilliant thing in the world!!! he exclaimed. Can you pretty please withdraw some cash and leave a deposit for him and my mom will pick him up in a couple of weeks...? It was a big ask. He is exhausted and this prolongs his drive home. Text me the breeder's contact info and I will leave here at 4, ok? Okay! And maybe... I added mischievously, you could just have a look at Gabriel's sisters while you're there.
I love you sweetie pie! I told him after the kids took turns talking with him, I can't wait til you're home. I love you so much, Gimky, he told me before hanging up.
We are so lucky.
proud
Jake wants to ace this Math test so badly, he is almost done solving every problem in the chapter. Did you check all of your answers? Mom, I'm so tired! I bit my tongue. I wanted to tell him he should have checked every section as he went and fixed as he went along. It's cumulative skills, after all. He has been at this for HOURS. Mom! I'm sure I got all the answers correct! But how can you be sure? How about you tell me where the answers are and I will check them for you? The test is on Friday, he told me, I will check them tomorrow. I wouldn't wait til then but didn't say. Okay, I told him, I'm proud of you for working so hard!
Belac had slogged away at work and walked the dog. Now he has down time.
They are both now sitting at opposite ends of the porch at their desks with all of their books, papers, and anything they could want on shelves. The couch sits between them. It's THEIR study and really the best thing of all, that neither is upstairs in their bedrooms unless sleeping. There are no anti-social teenagers holed up in their bedrooms with doors shut here.
I brought in wood myself, have been tidying up and doing laundry after teaching from 12:30 to 5:45. Now getting on the treadmill for a half hour before hubby face times. Call me if you need me, okay?
Over all a productive, low key kind of day for all.
Hubby comes home late tomorrow!
Gap
Basically I purchased a boatload of clothes for the family at the Gap. Using 40 percent coupons online and accumulated Gap cash. It's just easy there. They have slim fit clothes, reviews, and it's not preppy. Both boys needed new pants, pronto. A couple of long sleeve t-shirts and a sweater for Jake. Bought a shirt and sweater for hubby, too, while I was at it. He doesn't have much and now he has clothes to keep track of in both places. When does he have time to do laundry over there?
He is up at 6:15 in Bethesda, stops at a bagel place on his way to the office early for 8am meetings and then works until 8:30PM. No time for calls, emails or texts. He doesn't read any of mine. At all, to my astonishment. He has asked for people to call him instead. He is otherwise swamped with 1000 work emails a day he can't get to, and a designated assistant (Aliza, I think her name is) who sits outside of his office taking his calls, managing his schedule and the like. Everyday there are important things to prepare for. He had a one on one meeting with the CEO of his company, today. The day before that, he ran a class on excel at lunch for 25 people on his team and anyone who wanted to sign up. His assistant brings him lunch, everyday, because he has no time to get it himself. He told me he doesn't have even enough time to go to the bathroom when he needs. At night we face time at 10:30PM and he tells me when his head hits the pillow he doesn't stir until his alarm goes off at 6:15. He is exhausted.
Will this craziness pass? Or is this the pace of his job? I can't imagine.
On the other hand, life is changed here, too. I always made dinner and was around. But now I have to make the fires and keep them going. When Belac's arm is hurting, it's up to me and only me to decide whether or not to take him to the doctor, or to give him 3 junior ibuprofen before bed. I miss his help with the dishes or walking the dog or taking out the garbage and recycling, helping with the kids and managing the ups and downs, picking up groceries on his way home, the stories over breakfast... The being able to call him to come get me when my flip flop broke a mile away from the house and I was walking the dog. I would have called him to get me but wanted to save such a call to friends for something I really need... The year is young, after all.
Everyday that passes, I marvel and am relieved that the kids are alive and seem well enough, clothed, fed and clean and getting their work done. I see how much they rely on me and need me. And when we fight or there is some pressing dilemma, they are turning to me and there is no one else to ultimately help resolve whatever it is.
I have a new found understanding and sympathy for what it is to be a single parent. And yet I am not really because I get along with the boys' father who is also providing us a secure lifestyle, and we are not fighting. We talk every morning and night about stuff and he he is home 3-4 nights a week. Still, it can be hard....
I ate pizza with the kids tonight. It was bread and cheese. After teaching there was no cooking to be done. I will get on that treadmill a little before bed. Gotta get in shape and keep in shape. I want hubby to always remember: there is steak at home.
He is up at 6:15 in Bethesda, stops at a bagel place on his way to the office early for 8am meetings and then works until 8:30PM. No time for calls, emails or texts. He doesn't read any of mine. At all, to my astonishment. He has asked for people to call him instead. He is otherwise swamped with 1000 work emails a day he can't get to, and a designated assistant (Aliza, I think her name is) who sits outside of his office taking his calls, managing his schedule and the like. Everyday there are important things to prepare for. He had a one on one meeting with the CEO of his company, today. The day before that, he ran a class on excel at lunch for 25 people on his team and anyone who wanted to sign up. His assistant brings him lunch, everyday, because he has no time to get it himself. He told me he doesn't have even enough time to go to the bathroom when he needs. At night we face time at 10:30PM and he tells me when his head hits the pillow he doesn't stir until his alarm goes off at 6:15. He is exhausted.
Will this craziness pass? Or is this the pace of his job? I can't imagine.
On the other hand, life is changed here, too. I always made dinner and was around. But now I have to make the fires and keep them going. When Belac's arm is hurting, it's up to me and only me to decide whether or not to take him to the doctor, or to give him 3 junior ibuprofen before bed. I miss his help with the dishes or walking the dog or taking out the garbage and recycling, helping with the kids and managing the ups and downs, picking up groceries on his way home, the stories over breakfast... The being able to call him to come get me when my flip flop broke a mile away from the house and I was walking the dog. I would have called him to get me but wanted to save such a call to friends for something I really need... The year is young, after all.
Everyday that passes, I marvel and am relieved that the kids are alive and seem well enough, clothed, fed and clean and getting their work done. I see how much they rely on me and need me. And when we fight or there is some pressing dilemma, they are turning to me and there is no one else to ultimately help resolve whatever it is.
I have a new found understanding and sympathy for what it is to be a single parent. And yet I am not really because I get along with the boys' father who is also providing us a secure lifestyle, and we are not fighting. We talk every morning and night about stuff and he he is home 3-4 nights a week. Still, it can be hard....
I ate pizza with the kids tonight. It was bread and cheese. After teaching there was no cooking to be done. I will get on that treadmill a little before bed. Gotta get in shape and keep in shape. I want hubby to always remember: there is steak at home.
New
Upping the ante. I haven't been very restrictive in my diet but am trying something new. I am going to make one of my daily meals be brown rice and beans and mostly stick to fish and chicken for other protein. Lately when I want something sweet, I have a banana or an apple and I'm fine. I'm going to start counting calories a little and continue on with 5 miles a day. It's good for me and it's really nothing crazy. I just have to make it a priority so it is always a simple choice.
BURN THIS FAT OFF. I'm done.
BURN THIS FAT OFF. I'm done.
Puppy
Hubby not sure about two dogs for us. I read our 2nd dog should be female if our resident dog is male and so you know, Gabriel is not a good option for us cute as he is. My sisters and I and my mom have been texting constantly about dogs. My mom had told me if I was getting Gabriel, she'd get his sister Ginny. I know she wants a male dog and I know my dad had also - like me - been smitten first thing by Gabriel's picture. My mom had adored him in the video as well.
Mom, I wrote this morning, you should have Gabriel and I will either get his sister or will wait. Hubby needs convincing about a second dog.... I didn't tell her or anyone yet that hubby is supposed to stop by on Thursday for a quick visit with Gabriel and could drop off a deposit for them.
More important than me getting a dog, is my parents. They started off in the Bronx with a dog named Lucky. And you know? These poodle mixes, they can live like 15 years or more. My dad, he's 79. It would be great for them to have a puppy and it would be amazing for my mom, who is really a small dog lover. She grew up with a miniature poodle. My dad could see what positive energy my mom gets from Bailey, recently, and you know, my dad could be in his 90s and they still have this pooch in the house. My sister agreed - along with her office staff - to take the dog when they are on vacations. It will work.
My mom is getting a puppy!!! I am so happy for her!!!
Mom, I wrote this morning, you should have Gabriel and I will either get his sister or will wait. Hubby needs convincing about a second dog.... I didn't tell her or anyone yet that hubby is supposed to stop by on Thursday for a quick visit with Gabriel and could drop off a deposit for them.
More important than me getting a dog, is my parents. They started off in the Bronx with a dog named Lucky. And you know? These poodle mixes, they can live like 15 years or more. My dad, he's 79. It would be great for them to have a puppy and it would be amazing for my mom, who is really a small dog lover. She grew up with a miniature poodle. My dad could see what positive energy my mom gets from Bailey, recently, and you know, my dad could be in his 90s and they still have this pooch in the house. My sister agreed - along with her office staff - to take the dog when they are on vacations. It will work.
My mom is getting a puppy!!! I am so happy for her!!!
Two
Yelled at Jake this morning who couldn't find any pants. Down to the laundry room he went twice. Must be in your closet, I suggested. Up I went and then hollered for him to come up. Floor of his closet, stuffed with towels, dirty clothes and who knows what, but there were definitely at least 2 pairs of pants in there. I pulled it all out and told him to deal with it. You don't have to shout, Mom, he declared. Yes I do! I shouted at him, mornings are hard for us. This is 10 minutes wasted looking for clothes. This dirty stuff?? It goes in a laundry bin, it takes less than 5 seconds to throw your dirty stuff into a bin!!!
This morning, Belac was wearing his new slim cords. They are both transitioning out of shorts, and they both have grown significantly since last year. Mom? Can you adjust the waist band? Of course. Thank God they still do this for size 14 pants at the Gap and that they have real drawstring waists for their athletic pants. All of his pants need tying up and adjusting. He was swimming in these but they are the skinniest pants I could find and God help us if Gap ever discontinues this skinny fit. It's online order only, and each pair of pants came specially wrapped with tissue paper around the waist button and tissue paper in between the legs. Obviously untouched and on a shelf somewhere, they don't even bother to stock these at the store.
By the way, Jake, I told him before he left for school. I also bought you 4 pairs of pants from the Gap. 2 trainers, a pair of cords and jeans, all slim fit. They didn't have 28W with 32L so you'll have to wear a belt with 29W, but I do know you need pants too and they're coming.
Okay, cool! he told me, as he left the house wearing sweat pants that were a bit short and definitely not very clean.
Keeping these kids clothed and even minimally presentable takes constant attention. Good thing we have just two.
This morning, Belac was wearing his new slim cords. They are both transitioning out of shorts, and they both have grown significantly since last year. Mom? Can you adjust the waist band? Of course. Thank God they still do this for size 14 pants at the Gap and that they have real drawstring waists for their athletic pants. All of his pants need tying up and adjusting. He was swimming in these but they are the skinniest pants I could find and God help us if Gap ever discontinues this skinny fit. It's online order only, and each pair of pants came specially wrapped with tissue paper around the waist button and tissue paper in between the legs. Obviously untouched and on a shelf somewhere, they don't even bother to stock these at the store.
By the way, Jake, I told him before he left for school. I also bought you 4 pairs of pants from the Gap. 2 trainers, a pair of cords and jeans, all slim fit. They didn't have 28W with 32L so you'll have to wear a belt with 29W, but I do know you need pants too and they're coming.
Okay, cool! he told me, as he left the house wearing sweat pants that were a bit short and definitely not very clean.
Keeping these kids clothed and even minimally presentable takes constant attention. Good thing we have just two.
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Little by little
OMG I am wearing cargo pants I haven't worn in like 3 summers! They don't look perfect and are a bit tight but I can't believe it. Earlier this summer they would not have zipped up, I never bothered trying! Well, if that's not motivation, I don't know what is. I am going to lose another 10 lbs, goddamit.
Yesterday, all made up, I was pretty surprised. I looked more like my younger self without all the juiciness in my face and I was wearing a pencil skirt that was still snug but more comfortable than it had been in awhile.
I'm going to do this! I feel great and am so determined to take this extra weight off!!
Yesterday, all made up, I was pretty surprised. I looked more like my younger self without all the juiciness in my face and I was wearing a pencil skirt that was still snug but more comfortable than it had been in awhile.
I'm going to do this! I feel great and am so determined to take this extra weight off!!
Ethan
Gimky? Yes...? I forgot my piano books at your house, can I come get them? Yes.
Arrived 10 minutes later and I handed him his books. Do you want a snack? Yes, can I make ramen? Of course.
I left him and Belac be. You want ramen? Ethan asked. No, I'm alright, I heard Belac. 10 minutes later I came through. Ethan was helping Belac with science. Gimky, is it okay if I stay and help Belac with homework? of course, I said, looking at him curiously. Does your mom know you're here? Yeah. Okay, no problem. Do you have homework? Yes. Okay, you could get it done while you're here and since your piano books are here, you could go practice in the studio. Okay...
I'm glad he likes to come here, like old times. And he is the most loyal friend to Belac. He is very, very mature and funny. Smart as a whip. And yet he loves Belac and is like a part of the family. His sister is now at boarding school and it's not just him and his mom. Wonder how that is going, they had a very hard year, last year, at each other' throats constantly.
I'm getting on the treadmill! I called down, if anyone needs me come up! Also, Ethan...? Let me know before you leave, okay? Okay.
I hear talking and eating downstairs. Grateful.
Arrived 10 minutes later and I handed him his books. Do you want a snack? Yes, can I make ramen? Of course.
I left him and Belac be. You want ramen? Ethan asked. No, I'm alright, I heard Belac. 10 minutes later I came through. Ethan was helping Belac with science. Gimky, is it okay if I stay and help Belac with homework? of course, I said, looking at him curiously. Does your mom know you're here? Yeah. Okay, no problem. Do you have homework? Yes. Okay, you could get it done while you're here and since your piano books are here, you could go practice in the studio. Okay...
I'm glad he likes to come here, like old times. And he is the most loyal friend to Belac. He is very, very mature and funny. Smart as a whip. And yet he loves Belac and is like a part of the family. His sister is now at boarding school and it's not just him and his mom. Wonder how that is going, they had a very hard year, last year, at each other' throats constantly.
I'm getting on the treadmill! I called down, if anyone needs me come up! Also, Ethan...? Let me know before you leave, okay? Okay.
I hear talking and eating downstairs. Grateful.
caremark
Wow. I wonder if this means Belac's med is covered. This mailing is so cryptic.
A couple of weeks ago, Caremark told us we could pay a $60 deductible for a limited 30 day supply of Belac's med during which they would review his claim. Previously via Blue Cross Blue Shield, Caremark rejected Belac's claim for the med in 4 appeals and a State appeal. Cigna - with it's own pharmaceutical plan - approved the med after just one rejection, but we couldn't stay because hubby's employer was changing. So here we are with Aetna, our one and only option offered by his new employer, having chosen the most expensive plan available, and now just waiting.
In the meantime, Aetna has given me a check for 90 bucks to cash. 60 for the med and 30 for the needles. Why would they do that unless they decided to cover him? But I'm not getting my hopes up. Nope. Not even a little bit! We've been plenty burned by verbal misinformation. I'm not even calling the doctor's office. Until I get an official letter from Aetna, the jury is out.
BMI
I was just curious.
Normal BMI range is 18.5-24.9, underweight is anything under 18.15. I'm now at 24.2, the high end of normal. But where do the kids fall?
I knew Jake was skinny but was a bit surprised nonetheless. If I had one 'normal' ranged kid, maybe I'd be all over Jake, too. Based on his last physical in April, Jake is underweight, just 2 percentile at 16.13 BMI. Belac? Stuck year after year at 0 percentile at 12.0 BMI, he is very underweight.
What am I going to do? He is so skinny and almost sickly looking and I have tried practically everything. His bones are sore everyday, now, and I know that if I bring him to yet another doctor's appointment they will likely find nothing. And yet the nature of being alone with the kids during the week, I worry without hubby keeping me in check. What if we wake up one day and there really was a serious problem I should have bothered to figure out, or he can't move at all, or some crazy stupid thing?? I do have an overactive imagination. I've been told more than once in my life I should write fiction based on the things I think up.
He doesn't sleep well, eat well, concentrate well and then, of course, doesn't feel well emotionally or feel emotionally regulated.... I think I should take him to a nutritionist next.
Normal BMI range is 18.5-24.9, underweight is anything under 18.15. I'm now at 24.2, the high end of normal. But where do the kids fall?
I knew Jake was skinny but was a bit surprised nonetheless. If I had one 'normal' ranged kid, maybe I'd be all over Jake, too. Based on his last physical in April, Jake is underweight, just 2 percentile at 16.13 BMI. Belac? Stuck year after year at 0 percentile at 12.0 BMI, he is very underweight.
What am I going to do? He is so skinny and almost sickly looking and I have tried practically everything. His bones are sore everyday, now, and I know that if I bring him to yet another doctor's appointment they will likely find nothing. And yet the nature of being alone with the kids during the week, I worry without hubby keeping me in check. What if we wake up one day and there really was a serious problem I should have bothered to figure out, or he can't move at all, or some crazy stupid thing?? I do have an overactive imagination. I've been told more than once in my life I should write fiction based on the things I think up.
He doesn't sleep well, eat well, concentrate well and then, of course, doesn't feel well emotionally or feel emotionally regulated.... I think I should take him to a nutritionist next.
Happy money
Hubby and I going over finances as I sign on to the insulation contract today. Do we really have enough to pay cash? Barely, he said looking at our checking, even after axing the basement insulation portion of the estimate. Well, $1460 will be billed to the studio to insulate its own 3 walls unique to itself, I told hubby, and the remainder is then more manageable....
The thing is, as much as I don't earn enough to actually support the family, we're lucky my income is rarely touched once deposited into its own hard to access account. We have it, I remembered and told hubby, we have it in my account! So we will sign up, okay? It's money definitely well spent. Okay, he agreed, that's good!
It's very, very good. I'm relieved. My beloved piano and violins are now sitting in the coldest, draftiest room of the house, which was once a 2 car garage. There's nothing in all 3 walls! I have a dozen students I'm otherwise asking to shiver in there and how could I charge the rates I do? Looking forward to a cozier and more consistent environment overall.
Money happily spent.
The thing is, as much as I don't earn enough to actually support the family, we're lucky my income is rarely touched once deposited into its own hard to access account. We have it, I remembered and told hubby, we have it in my account! So we will sign up, okay? It's money definitely well spent. Okay, he agreed, that's good!
It's very, very good. I'm relieved. My beloved piano and violins are now sitting in the coldest, draftiest room of the house, which was once a 2 car garage. There's nothing in all 3 walls! I have a dozen students I'm otherwise asking to shiver in there and how could I charge the rates I do? Looking forward to a cozier and more consistent environment overall.
Money happily spent.
Monday, October 24, 2016
night night
Temperatures are dropping to 30s, tonight, and the fire is left to me. I will not get up in the middle of the night like hubby, though, to stoke it. I will let it burn out. I really hope we can get our attic and the walls of 3 rooms - including the studio - insulated before it really gets cold. Today, I went through item by item with choice company and negotiated a price reduction of 10% and no tax for cash. Went over the numbers with hubby tonight, who gave a thumbs up. We're saving the basement insulation for another year.
The fire is at a controlled 1150. Kissed the kids good night. Threw some laundry into the dryer. Grabbed a seltzer and alarmed the house. Charging devices and noticed, 16,000 steps today! Over all, a pretty productive day.
The fire is at a controlled 1150. Kissed the kids good night. Threw some laundry into the dryer. Grabbed a seltzer and alarmed the house. Charging devices and noticed, 16,000 steps today! Over all, a pretty productive day.
evening work
And so off I go. Kids studying and I leave them to go and play a service once I make up my face.
Fried up last night's brown rice with an egg and peas in olive oil. And now have a slab of salmon slathered with miso paste, cooking in the toaster oven on a timer. They will eat when they are hungry.
Jake is logging his study time and has been instructed to help Belac as necessary. If Belac finishes in time, he might join me at synagogue with the promise of cookies and soda at the Kiddush....
It works! Not a bad life.
Fried up last night's brown rice with an egg and peas in olive oil. And now have a slab of salmon slathered with miso paste, cooking in the toaster oven on a timer. They will eat when they are hungry.
Jake is logging his study time and has been instructed to help Belac as necessary. If Belac finishes in time, he might join me at synagogue with the promise of cookies and soda at the Kiddush....
It works! Not a bad life.
in 'normal' range
Got myself on the treadmill and walked 90 minutes. Did the same thing yesterday when I had some time to spare between getting the kids places. I'm trying to move whenever possible and am buoyed by my 9 lb. weight loss over 10 weeks.
It has been transformative that we moved the treadmill upstairs into hubby's office. Another night I topped off my steps before bed. It's easy. 10,000 steps a day has turned to 12,000, whatever gets me to 5 miles a day. I leave my sneakers and socks next to the treadmill, always ready to be pulled on at moment's notice and I can tell my body is changing, more than the numbers reflect.
Still, when I can finally move that 10 lb. bar to the left on our scale, I will jump for joy. I am only just now in the high end of "normal" BMI category. To be 5'4"and smack in the middle of "normal" BMI range, though, I need to be weight about 125 lbs. That's about 15 more lbs. to lose! Too much? When did I ever weight so little? After Jake was born, I think. Who knows. It's good to have goals. Trying.
It has been transformative that we moved the treadmill upstairs into hubby's office. Another night I topped off my steps before bed. It's easy. 10,000 steps a day has turned to 12,000, whatever gets me to 5 miles a day. I leave my sneakers and socks next to the treadmill, always ready to be pulled on at moment's notice and I can tell my body is changing, more than the numbers reflect.
Still, when I can finally move that 10 lb. bar to the left on our scale, I will jump for joy. I am only just now in the high end of "normal" BMI category. To be 5'4"and smack in the middle of "normal" BMI range, though, I need to be weight about 125 lbs. That's about 15 more lbs. to lose! Too much? When did I ever weight so little? After Jake was born, I think. Who knows. It's good to have goals. Trying.
Baymax
The cutest thing. I asked hubby if he'd go visit him on his way home from Maryland, pretty please with a cherry on top. I asked the owner, an Amish woman, if she'd be able to hold onto him until after Veteran's day and she said yes, but only with an appropriate deposit and a promise to really come and get him.
Gimky, hubby half protested, don't you think you are the one that should go visit the puppy? It's on your way home but 3 hours away for me, I explained. You're a dog person, I reassured him, you'll know if the dog is okay for us. So you'll check him out?
I don't know what's gotten into me. But I'm afraid someone else will come along and want him before us. I see this pup happily running around in a video with his siblings - all girls - and am in love. I think he's a good match for Bailey, too.
firsts
Whenever you make a life style change, days pass of firsts. It was the first time I wasn't drinking around my parents. Day 1 it was just me and my dad. Did he want some wine? Yes, I opened up white and gave him a glass. I noticed he didn't even finish it before heading up to bed. Had he said yes only because he thought I wanted? I corked up the bottle and put it in the fridge.
On the third night, I opened up a red with our steak. Dad had a glass and that was all, hubby did not have either, having had a scotch earlier. I corked up the bottle and it, too, went into the fridge. How long does wine last after it's been opened?
My dad and I talked about it. I'm not a big drinker, Gimky. When it's just mom and me at home, we don't drink. You know what's interesting? I told him, I don't miss the wine. Sometimes when I'm cooking, that's the time I feel like I want a glass of something but as soon as I sit down at the table, I'm not interested. Plus I tried a sip a couple weeks ago, just out of curiosity, and I didn't like it. I lost my taste for it. However, if it is really hot on a summer's day? It's interesting! I like the idea of a cold, cold beer. Maybe one day again, but for now I'm getting in shape and would like to lose another 10 pounds....!
It's good, Gimky, he approved, it's very good!!
On the third night, I opened up a red with our steak. Dad had a glass and that was all, hubby did not have either, having had a scotch earlier. I corked up the bottle and it, too, went into the fridge. How long does wine last after it's been opened?
My dad and I talked about it. I'm not a big drinker, Gimky. When it's just mom and me at home, we don't drink. You know what's interesting? I told him, I don't miss the wine. Sometimes when I'm cooking, that's the time I feel like I want a glass of something but as soon as I sit down at the table, I'm not interested. Plus I tried a sip a couple weeks ago, just out of curiosity, and I didn't like it. I lost my taste for it. However, if it is really hot on a summer's day? It's interesting! I like the idea of a cold, cold beer. Maybe one day again, but for now I'm getting in shape and would like to lose another 10 pounds....!
It's good, Gimky, he approved, it's very good!!
Baymax
Jake and I got into an argument this morning about how much time is spent goofing off on the computer versus doing homework. Tonight, I cannot get him to tennis because I have to go play a service. But I was also a little hesitant leaving him at home, despite his having an exam tomorrow, because I worry about time wasted. He thought he did more work than I gave him credit for and we recounted yesterday. I tell you, this kid knows how to argue and get me speechless. He doesn't have an easily excitable temperament like most on hubby's side of the family - all lawyers - but it just always shocks me how he is able to defend his positions. It's not just teenage boisterousness. And of course, I was raising my voice and then saying, fine, you win! I'm done. Okay, I won! he said to me, also not happy.
Belac was out the door and I noticed Jake was moseying around the house and in no hurry. I emptied out the dishwasher and was quiet. Again, thinking outside of myself. What do I want to do? What should I do? Well, I'm not going to say anything, let him make the first move. But that's not nice, I don't want him to leave and spend the whole day upset about this argument. And I don't want him to leave and not having resolved this.
Okay then, I saw Jake with backpack, strolling slowly through the kitchen, I'm going now.
I hate arguing with you like this, I told him.
It wasn't an argument, he told me, it didn't feel like one. Well, whatever it is, I don't like it, I told him, now standing with him in the mudroom. Can we just compromise? he looked at me with suspicion. Can you just log time that you're working? Actually write it down and not try to remember off the top of your head? So it's a list... 5-5:30 studied whatever, 5:30-5:50 took a break, etc. Just keep a log, for you and me. That would be useful for you and also if you show me you're keeping track of your time, I will feel less like I need to do it for you.
He went up and got his watch and was off. Need a pen? Yes, he did. Have a good day! I told him, I love you! I called after him.
Would adopting the little dog I am obsessed about make things easier or harder for me? I asked hubby last night, why do you think I want this second dog so badly? The kids are growing up, he pointed out, and I'm gone during the week... it's not entirely surprising! They boys and hubby don't exactly know how to envision life with a second dog. There is the pressing logistic of needing to be in LA during Veteran's Day wknd when the pup is just still a babe and not trained yet. Who would take care of the dog for us...?
And I already chose a name. The kids sort of groaned and rolled their eyes, but I think it's brilliant: Baymax! It's a little unwieldy, so Max for short. Bailey and Max! The dog is not even 2 hours from Chevy Chase and on hubby's way home... He is adorable! Yes, I am crazy.
Belac was out the door and I noticed Jake was moseying around the house and in no hurry. I emptied out the dishwasher and was quiet. Again, thinking outside of myself. What do I want to do? What should I do? Well, I'm not going to say anything, let him make the first move. But that's not nice, I don't want him to leave and spend the whole day upset about this argument. And I don't want him to leave and not having resolved this.
Okay then, I saw Jake with backpack, strolling slowly through the kitchen, I'm going now.
I hate arguing with you like this, I told him.
It wasn't an argument, he told me, it didn't feel like one. Well, whatever it is, I don't like it, I told him, now standing with him in the mudroom. Can we just compromise? he looked at me with suspicion. Can you just log time that you're working? Actually write it down and not try to remember off the top of your head? So it's a list... 5-5:30 studied whatever, 5:30-5:50 took a break, etc. Just keep a log, for you and me. That would be useful for you and also if you show me you're keeping track of your time, I will feel less like I need to do it for you.
He went up and got his watch and was off. Need a pen? Yes, he did. Have a good day! I told him, I love you! I called after him.
Would adopting the little dog I am obsessed about make things easier or harder for me? I asked hubby last night, why do you think I want this second dog so badly? The kids are growing up, he pointed out, and I'm gone during the week... it's not entirely surprising! They boys and hubby don't exactly know how to envision life with a second dog. There is the pressing logistic of needing to be in LA during Veteran's Day wknd when the pup is just still a babe and not trained yet. Who would take care of the dog for us...?
And I already chose a name. The kids sort of groaned and rolled their eyes, but I think it's brilliant: Baymax! It's a little unwieldy, so Max for short. Bailey and Max! The dog is not even 2 hours from Chevy Chase and on hubby's way home... He is adorable! Yes, I am crazy.
Monday morning
Kissing the kids good night at 10, last night, I asked them to get up in the morning and take initiative on their own. Whatever we could do to prevent any stress on our Monday morning. Hubby was up at 4 today and out of the house by 4:45. At 6am he called and we chatted while I made coffee. At 6:35 the house alarm went off and blared some music he and the kids had chosen. And then I heard water. Jake was in the boys' bath. I went up.
Mom, Belac told me, if my arm didn't hurt I would have been the first one in the shower. He was having trouble taking off his shirt. What do you think is worse? My hip hurting or my arm? I turned on the shower for him. They're both not the best, but I think this might be better because you can get around without pain and once you are in school, you can get your arm in position and still write.... But it sure sucks this is your right arm, I didn't say.
I have no choice. After his X-ray did not turn up anything unusual with his hip and now this, there is something definitely going on. I had to help wash his hair and pull a shirt over his head. Growing pains? It's debilitating for the first hours of the morning and then fine. What is that?
Getting lunches together and it is still pitch black out. So far so good.
Mom, Belac told me, if my arm didn't hurt I would have been the first one in the shower. He was having trouble taking off his shirt. What do you think is worse? My hip hurting or my arm? I turned on the shower for him. They're both not the best, but I think this might be better because you can get around without pain and once you are in school, you can get your arm in position and still write.... But it sure sucks this is your right arm, I didn't say.
I have no choice. After his X-ray did not turn up anything unusual with his hip and now this, there is something definitely going on. I had to help wash his hair and pull a shirt over his head. Growing pains? It's debilitating for the first hours of the morning and then fine. What is that?
Getting lunches together and it is still pitch black out. So far so good.
Sunday, October 23, 2016
visit
Thank God the dinner did not happen with hubby's boss. I had dropped my parents off at the Westchester Mall for a few hours. By the time I picked up my mom, she was writhing in pain. By the time I came back into the car after filling up the car with gas, she was all out crying and groaning and moaning about her foot.
My dad and I talked quietly in the front row. Wait didn't she just get shots, yesterday, and everything is better? This was something else. Her fibromyalgia acting up. Did she take any medication for it? Do we need to see the doctor? How long do these attacks last? I tried to find something soothing on the radio, in part to reduce the distressing sounds from the back seat, but then turned the radio off. I should be sympathetic and attentive. My mind was everywhere. I wanted to roll my eyes but willed myself to be patient and take her very seriously.
Has she tried alternative therapies for her pain? I asked my dad. What about diet? I have read about intermittent fasting to reduce inflammation in the gut. Could there be something with diet that could alleviate the pain?
By the time we pulled up to the house, my mother had kicked off her shoes and looked complete asleep. I didn't know if she was or just pretending, but she wouldn't get out of the car. My dad said he'd sit with her. I went inside and gave hubby a look. Maybe she will get out of the car if you go and help. She behaves well around you. Eventually, they got her shoes on like a child and hubby and my dad carried her into the house.
Thank God, hubby whispered under his breath as he started a fire in the living room, Thank God there is no dinner tonight. My mom was whimpering on the couch, laying in her jacket, unable to speak. My dad was tending to her like a child. It's unpredictable, he explained, these flare ups.
And then 20 minutes later she was completely fine. And actually looking at dog videos with me. (I have my eye on a dog to adopt...) Wait, you might ask, wasn't she sounding like she was about to die 45 minutes ago? Why yes, but in a snap, she was fine and almost like nothing ever happened and probably weirdly to anyone else, we ended up having a great night.
And this is why my sisters and I behave the way we do. It is impossible to tell when something is serious or not, real or not, and honestly, most of the time her symptoms are grossly exaggerated or when real, brought on by her inability to take care of herself. And when we don't appeal to her with sympathy in the moment, it makes it worse because she thinks no one believes her. So it's like this whole way we have to behave and it's like we are all in on this charade. We made steak last night. And for whatever reason, she decided to eat 2 pieces of sliced white bread as her main course with a miniscule amount of steak, veggies and potatoes on the side, offering a slice of bread to Belac only for me to say no before he could answer. Did she think she was offering himself better? Ask her about her condition and she can't tell you anything more than the vaguest detail of her symptoms. Can't tell you what she can do to make it better besides pop a cocktail of pills. And her diet? She makes terrible choices and eats at all the wrong times and in the middle of the night, to boot....
And yet we had a really good time this week end. She was so kind to the kids and Ethan and was doting. We spent hours looking at dogs together. And she also spent hours just patting and petting Bailey. I told my dad over and over how I thought they should get a dog. How it lowers one's blood pressure to cuddle with an animal . How she perks up with Bailey and how a dog would get her up and walking two times a day. Otherwise, I think she spends a lot of time in bed during the day....
And before we put my parents on the plane, hubby and I played some pieces together for them and they soaked it up and behaved as if we were rock stars. Mostly, I enjoyed the hours I had to myself with my dad, early in the mornings and late at night, when my mom was in bed and everyone else was occupied or off.
All in all, a really great trip with my parents. And nice that we could just be in the best way we know how and in private. I accept this is the way it is with my mom and I am no longer out to change her or try to improve her situation. I have learned to sympathize. She is obviously not well but she held it together admirably well for most of the time.
My dad is a saint.
My dad and I talked quietly in the front row. Wait didn't she just get shots, yesterday, and everything is better? This was something else. Her fibromyalgia acting up. Did she take any medication for it? Do we need to see the doctor? How long do these attacks last? I tried to find something soothing on the radio, in part to reduce the distressing sounds from the back seat, but then turned the radio off. I should be sympathetic and attentive. My mind was everywhere. I wanted to roll my eyes but willed myself to be patient and take her very seriously.
Has she tried alternative therapies for her pain? I asked my dad. What about diet? I have read about intermittent fasting to reduce inflammation in the gut. Could there be something with diet that could alleviate the pain?
By the time we pulled up to the house, my mother had kicked off her shoes and looked complete asleep. I didn't know if she was or just pretending, but she wouldn't get out of the car. My dad said he'd sit with her. I went inside and gave hubby a look. Maybe she will get out of the car if you go and help. She behaves well around you. Eventually, they got her shoes on like a child and hubby and my dad carried her into the house.
Thank God, hubby whispered under his breath as he started a fire in the living room, Thank God there is no dinner tonight. My mom was whimpering on the couch, laying in her jacket, unable to speak. My dad was tending to her like a child. It's unpredictable, he explained, these flare ups.
And then 20 minutes later she was completely fine. And actually looking at dog videos with me. (I have my eye on a dog to adopt...) Wait, you might ask, wasn't she sounding like she was about to die 45 minutes ago? Why yes, but in a snap, she was fine and almost like nothing ever happened and probably weirdly to anyone else, we ended up having a great night.
And this is why my sisters and I behave the way we do. It is impossible to tell when something is serious or not, real or not, and honestly, most of the time her symptoms are grossly exaggerated or when real, brought on by her inability to take care of herself. And when we don't appeal to her with sympathy in the moment, it makes it worse because she thinks no one believes her. So it's like this whole way we have to behave and it's like we are all in on this charade. We made steak last night. And for whatever reason, she decided to eat 2 pieces of sliced white bread as her main course with a miniscule amount of steak, veggies and potatoes on the side, offering a slice of bread to Belac only for me to say no before he could answer. Did she think she was offering himself better? Ask her about her condition and she can't tell you anything more than the vaguest detail of her symptoms. Can't tell you what she can do to make it better besides pop a cocktail of pills. And her diet? She makes terrible choices and eats at all the wrong times and in the middle of the night, to boot....
And yet we had a really good time this week end. She was so kind to the kids and Ethan and was doting. We spent hours looking at dogs together. And she also spent hours just patting and petting Bailey. I told my dad over and over how I thought they should get a dog. How it lowers one's blood pressure to cuddle with an animal . How she perks up with Bailey and how a dog would get her up and walking two times a day. Otherwise, I think she spends a lot of time in bed during the day....
And before we put my parents on the plane, hubby and I played some pieces together for them and they soaked it up and behaved as if we were rock stars. Mostly, I enjoyed the hours I had to myself with my dad, early in the mornings and late at night, when my mom was in bed and everyone else was occupied or off.
All in all, a really great trip with my parents. And nice that we could just be in the best way we know how and in private. I accept this is the way it is with my mom and I am no longer out to change her or try to improve her situation. I have learned to sympathize. She is obviously not well but she held it together admirably well for most of the time.
My dad is a saint.
Friday, October 21, 2016
10 weeks down
My last lessons cancelled and I am done early, today. In 45 minutes, hubby and I pick up Belac from film class, Ethan from his piano lesson and Jake from tennis, and then head into White Plains to eat burgers. Parents in the city until late and eating dinner with my cousin.
Hubby's boss cancelled dinner on Saturday, not wanting to interfere with my time with my parents. And I am relieved. I just could not see it working well without awkwardness. Probably my mom would have been on her best behavior, but she doesn't always present well. I don't want to be mean and I can hardly say it, but between her difficult to understand English and her physical appearance which shows lack of discipline, her physical ailments that flare up from moment to moment, the way she holds herself depending on where she is emotionally from hour to hour, the unknown of how she would be was really stressing me out as the dinner drew near.. Once my sister invited my mom out to eat with her family and friends, and my mom sat at the end of the table pretending to sleep. My mom has done this with me, too. And not being close to my hubby's boss and wife, some pretty disciplined, high achieving and highly presentable folks, I just worried that even on my mom's best day, she wasn't going to "help" us make the evening easy.
I am determined to get my weight down to 125-135 lbs and maintain this level of activity. My mom is going to need yet another surgery. I asked my dad, is it genetic? Will sisters and I have to worry about chronic pain? What would happen, I didn't ask, if she lost 75 lbs. Would her joints feel better, her back hurt less, would it be easier for her to move around? in her 60s she moves like a 90 year old, and I hear her sick-sounding call for my dad every few minutes and while it doesn't drive me crazy like it once would have, I resolve more than ever to fight aging and to not let myself go. I want to age well. I want to age happily. Hubby and I owe it to each other and ourselves to take care of our bodies.
Finished today 10 weeks of not drinking and taking care of myself better. And onwards and with determination I continue.
Hubby's boss cancelled dinner on Saturday, not wanting to interfere with my time with my parents. And I am relieved. I just could not see it working well without awkwardness. Probably my mom would have been on her best behavior, but she doesn't always present well. I don't want to be mean and I can hardly say it, but between her difficult to understand English and her physical appearance which shows lack of discipline, her physical ailments that flare up from moment to moment, the way she holds herself depending on where she is emotionally from hour to hour, the unknown of how she would be was really stressing me out as the dinner drew near.. Once my sister invited my mom out to eat with her family and friends, and my mom sat at the end of the table pretending to sleep. My mom has done this with me, too. And not being close to my hubby's boss and wife, some pretty disciplined, high achieving and highly presentable folks, I just worried that even on my mom's best day, she wasn't going to "help" us make the evening easy.
I am determined to get my weight down to 125-135 lbs and maintain this level of activity. My mom is going to need yet another surgery. I asked my dad, is it genetic? Will sisters and I have to worry about chronic pain? What would happen, I didn't ask, if she lost 75 lbs. Would her joints feel better, her back hurt less, would it be easier for her to move around? in her 60s she moves like a 90 year old, and I hear her sick-sounding call for my dad every few minutes and while it doesn't drive me crazy like it once would have, I resolve more than ever to fight aging and to not let myself go. I want to age well. I want to age happily. Hubby and I owe it to each other and ourselves to take care of our bodies.
Finished today 10 weeks of not drinking and taking care of myself better. And onwards and with determination I continue.
quick run
I did not lose any weight this week and am upping my game. Got home from teaching and sat with parents and hubby as we nibbled on food. Got them off into car service to go back to the hospital and then got on the treadmill to run/walk. I wanted to get my 10,000 steps in and 5 miles. Hubby and I had laid down the rubber mat under the treadmill and he went to listen as I ran. He could barely hear anything.
And so I ran and amazingly I was not out of breath and could tell I am 8 lbs lighter than before!
Student here! Gotta go...!
And so I ran and amazingly I was not out of breath and could tell I am 8 lbs lighter than before!
Student here! Gotta go...!
Thursday, October 20, 2016
Forward
Jake called to talk from the HS office. He didn't have his cross country shoes for practice. Do you have much homework? We chatted. He told me his math teacher gave him the opportunity to do a few problems at activity period. The teacher didn't know yet what he'd do with those problems in terms of grading, but at least he gave Jake an opportunity to show what he knows. Jake had written him last night to tell him he had hastily taken the quiz when he shouldn't have. it was nice of the teacher to let him do a few problems. More importantly, to me, is that Jake learns the material and confronts his challenges readily. Even more important than the grade, is to learn from your experience and try to do something positive about it and also do better the next time. Doesn't sound like you have too much hwk, I told him, come home, change and go back for cross country. Mom, he told me, I still don't feel good about yesterday. So you're going to come home and mope? I asked rhetorically.
I didn't see the debate but saw clips from last night. Hillary Clinton was better at coming back strong to Trump, from what I saw and read, and it is only because she practiced and studied and was willing to look critically at herself and work to do something about it. It's not easy to figure out how to debate with a loose cannon up to dirty tricks without stooping to his level. She doesn't give up, that woman, and I think she will do a very good job. (Can't believe I just wrote that.)
Bye mom, Jake called to me as he ran out of the house in cross country clothes. dad's on his way home and we're having a great dinner tonight! Cool! he called over his shoulder.
And off I go to my next student.
I didn't see the debate but saw clips from last night. Hillary Clinton was better at coming back strong to Trump, from what I saw and read, and it is only because she practiced and studied and was willing to look critically at herself and work to do something about it. It's not easy to figure out how to debate with a loose cannon up to dirty tricks without stooping to his level. She doesn't give up, that woman, and I think she will do a very good job. (Can't believe I just wrote that.)
Bye mom, Jake called to me as he ran out of the house in cross country clothes. dad's on his way home and we're having a great dinner tonight! Cool! he called over his shoulder.
And off I go to my next student.
Amends
I was up until after 1. My dad nursed a glass of wine after everyone went upstairs and we chatted. And later we tried to figure out how to get the tv to show CNN live for the after the debate commentary. And still this morning, we had 45 minutes to ourselves to chat about everything. From my students and how the studio is working out, the kids, Oberlin and the importance of a good grad school education, my childhood friend, my sisters, hubby's job.... There was a time I would have resented that my mom wasn't in on any of these conversations but I realized that my dad and I have a certain, close understanding and we don't have many instances where we can be by ourselves. It's been very meaningful to me to be able to talk to my dad. About a lot of things.
And it was also weird that at midnight, I saw that I had been tagged in a 5th grade show of Oliver the Twist and saw names and faces of people from childhood I haven't seen since I was like 10! It was my last year of public school and I never saw any of these people again. Incredible. And you know what's interesting? From what I see, they did more or less just as well as the kids I graduated private school from, though most stayed at public universities post highschool. UMich was popular, MSU, someone went to Harvard, a few were now living in Europe. One girl I was friendly with clearly has a child with Down's syndrome. And there was such a crossing of paths. A girl I was very good friends in 5th grade married someone I knew in highschool. Crazy. I had seen pictures of her but never knew it was Mary, my school friend. Another girl who once called me her "best friend" reached out to me to say hello. It was very emotional for me to see all of our names together and a picture of me, awkward as ever and the sole visible minority among a whole group of All-America white people. How could my parents let me dress and look that way??
In a way I was wistful for the camaraderie of at least a dozen people tagged in this particular post. I only was included because an old school friend reached out to me last year and I accepted the friendship and I'm so glad I did. It's a mix of nostalgia, revisiting a time of my life when - was I unhappy? Happy? When was I particularly vulnerable to my mom's problems? Then? Or later? And these kind people, would I ever have been close enough to tell them anything? I realize Troy is not completely different Sunny Patch. Some of my classmates are even still living in Troy, having returned and raising kids there.
My mother did not help us build community. She got in fights and often stopped speaking to people in the Taiwanese community, sending off poison pen letters to people she felt did not stand up for her in petty fights. She had a reputation for instability. My sister told me that her first serious boyfriend, a Taiwanese Doctor, broke up with her because the Taiwanese community warned the family my mom had a bad temper and though she had a heart of gold, she misbehaved. One day my mom got mad at our conductor of our regional orchestra and physically pulled my sisters and I out of rehearsal with the conductor basically running after our car and begging us to stay. There was basic distrust of people's loyalties and her very thin skin made things difficult, time and time again. And even in the best private school, there is not the same building of community when everyone comes from different cities everyday. I never felt I fit in at middle school and highschool, and sometimes I just wonder if I might have been better off at public school. not because I would have been any more similar to anyone else, but it was bigger and maybe I would have had a better chance to find a close core group of friends I lacked in the private school I attended.
I hope what hubby and I are doing ends up being the best thing we did for the kids. Going to a good enough public school, me not working too much and being around for the boys, his taking that job for the financial security, staying put in Sunny Patch where life is pretty straightforward....
I walked down to put my parents in a car to the city. My mom is at the Hospital for Special Surgery today and tomorrow. We chatted walking down to the street. my mom said, I wonder if hubby's siblings are jealous of how successful your hubby is. I wasn't sure they were. I explained, hubby works extremely hard and is very practical and probably harder and with much longer hours than most if not all of them. It's not without a lot of blood, sweat and tears. Yeah, my mom said, but I wonder if his parents are surprised it turned out this way. Of course! I laughed, his dad has said time and time again that he's shocked that hubby has been able to make the life that he has. He wasn't always so confident in what Mark could do. Yeah, my mom said, and he's lucky for his wife, because without his wife, without you, he wouldn't have such a good life. I smiled, she was paying me a compliment! And to think that when I originally chose hubby almost 20 years ago, my mom advised against it, telling me I didn't have what it takes to keep a man like hubby. My mom lacked confidence in me at one point, too. Amen!! I laughed.
Will now teach a couple more hours and prepping a huge dinner of roasted chicken, rice and broccoli. Hubby called and is driving home! Ethan here tonight. My parents will be home, boys too. All together! And all good!
And it was also weird that at midnight, I saw that I had been tagged in a 5th grade show of Oliver the Twist and saw names and faces of people from childhood I haven't seen since I was like 10! It was my last year of public school and I never saw any of these people again. Incredible. And you know what's interesting? From what I see, they did more or less just as well as the kids I graduated private school from, though most stayed at public universities post highschool. UMich was popular, MSU, someone went to Harvard, a few were now living in Europe. One girl I was friendly with clearly has a child with Down's syndrome. And there was such a crossing of paths. A girl I was very good friends in 5th grade married someone I knew in highschool. Crazy. I had seen pictures of her but never knew it was Mary, my school friend. Another girl who once called me her "best friend" reached out to me to say hello. It was very emotional for me to see all of our names together and a picture of me, awkward as ever and the sole visible minority among a whole group of All-America white people. How could my parents let me dress and look that way??
In a way I was wistful for the camaraderie of at least a dozen people tagged in this particular post. I only was included because an old school friend reached out to me last year and I accepted the friendship and I'm so glad I did. It's a mix of nostalgia, revisiting a time of my life when - was I unhappy? Happy? When was I particularly vulnerable to my mom's problems? Then? Or later? And these kind people, would I ever have been close enough to tell them anything? I realize Troy is not completely different Sunny Patch. Some of my classmates are even still living in Troy, having returned and raising kids there.
My mother did not help us build community. She got in fights and often stopped speaking to people in the Taiwanese community, sending off poison pen letters to people she felt did not stand up for her in petty fights. She had a reputation for instability. My sister told me that her first serious boyfriend, a Taiwanese Doctor, broke up with her because the Taiwanese community warned the family my mom had a bad temper and though she had a heart of gold, she misbehaved. One day my mom got mad at our conductor of our regional orchestra and physically pulled my sisters and I out of rehearsal with the conductor basically running after our car and begging us to stay. There was basic distrust of people's loyalties and her very thin skin made things difficult, time and time again. And even in the best private school, there is not the same building of community when everyone comes from different cities everyday. I never felt I fit in at middle school and highschool, and sometimes I just wonder if I might have been better off at public school. not because I would have been any more similar to anyone else, but it was bigger and maybe I would have had a better chance to find a close core group of friends I lacked in the private school I attended.
I hope what hubby and I are doing ends up being the best thing we did for the kids. Going to a good enough public school, me not working too much and being around for the boys, his taking that job for the financial security, staying put in Sunny Patch where life is pretty straightforward....
I walked down to put my parents in a car to the city. My mom is at the Hospital for Special Surgery today and tomorrow. We chatted walking down to the street. my mom said, I wonder if hubby's siblings are jealous of how successful your hubby is. I wasn't sure they were. I explained, hubby works extremely hard and is very practical and probably harder and with much longer hours than most if not all of them. It's not without a lot of blood, sweat and tears. Yeah, my mom said, but I wonder if his parents are surprised it turned out this way. Of course! I laughed, his dad has said time and time again that he's shocked that hubby has been able to make the life that he has. He wasn't always so confident in what Mark could do. Yeah, my mom said, and he's lucky for his wife, because without his wife, without you, he wouldn't have such a good life. I smiled, she was paying me a compliment! And to think that when I originally chose hubby almost 20 years ago, my mom advised against it, telling me I didn't have what it takes to keep a man like hubby. My mom lacked confidence in me at one point, too. Amen!! I laughed.
Will now teach a couple more hours and prepping a huge dinner of roasted chicken, rice and broccoli. Hubby called and is driving home! Ethan here tonight. My parents will be home, boys too. All together! And all good!
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
hard day
Omg this kid drives me crazy. He even knew his math tutor was coming. Why did he take his online math test at activity period when he had all night to do it? mom, I heard him on the phone line, I feel terrible. I did terribly on my math test. I got a 75.
Where were you at activity period? Why didn't you go for help? Because I was taking the test, he sighed heavily, I shouldn't have done it until tonight.
Activity period is for checking in with your teachers, not studying and trying to complete an exam! And if you had all night to do an exam, why wouldn't you have studied again beforehand? You know what's at stake. You even knew your math tutor was coming and you could have studied with her first!!!
I wasn't thinking!!
Why didn't he think this through?
He skipped cross country, came home and cried. He got a terrible grade in today's Bio quiz, too, getting 4 out of 10 wrong, when yesterday's quiz was 10/10.
Up and down he is going again. After teaching I chatted with hubby. I can't take this stress, I don't know how to help him. I wanted to tell him he needs to quit this job but didn't. We talked awhile and then I put on Jake.
I feel terrible, Jake told me after I finished quizzing him for a French exam tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day, I told him, and we always learn from our mistakes. Mom, I feel like it's so hard and stuff like this is always happening to me. It is hard, but you pick yourself up and keep trying. Don't give up or it only gets worse. Plus in terms of keeping on top of things, you are far better than you used to be! This is not anything you can't turn around, okay? Set your mind to it, you can.
Can I play a little? Of course. And now my mom has texted me, they've landed! Off to HPN.
Where were you at activity period? Why didn't you go for help? Because I was taking the test, he sighed heavily, I shouldn't have done it until tonight.
Activity period is for checking in with your teachers, not studying and trying to complete an exam! And if you had all night to do an exam, why wouldn't you have studied again beforehand? You know what's at stake. You even knew your math tutor was coming and you could have studied with her first!!!
I wasn't thinking!!
Why didn't he think this through?
He skipped cross country, came home and cried. He got a terrible grade in today's Bio quiz, too, getting 4 out of 10 wrong, when yesterday's quiz was 10/10.
Up and down he is going again. After teaching I chatted with hubby. I can't take this stress, I don't know how to help him. I wanted to tell him he needs to quit this job but didn't. We talked awhile and then I put on Jake.
I feel terrible, Jake told me after I finished quizzing him for a French exam tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day, I told him, and we always learn from our mistakes. Mom, I feel like it's so hard and stuff like this is always happening to me. It is hard, but you pick yourself up and keep trying. Don't give up or it only gets worse. Plus in terms of keeping on top of things, you are far better than you used to be! This is not anything you can't turn around, okay? Set your mind to it, you can.
Can I play a little? Of course. And now my mom has texted me, they've landed! Off to HPN.
material
What is ridiculous about my friend's situation is that her husband wants stuff even at the expense of spending money they shouldn't be spending. Here we are talking about their $100,000' private school bills they are having to pay, with her telling me privately they aren't saving anything for college. He's also looking for a new job, not having been paid as much in this new job as forecasted and promised. And then he's talking about buying the a9. Seeiously? And unbelievably, it's a very real argument they are having. Get any SUV you want but we aren't getting the a9, she tried to reason with him, we have a family of 5, we need a third row and we don't have a car that has a 3rd row!
Cmon, Gimky, he looked at me as if to help him out, how often do you use your third row? Enough, I said, not wanting to wade into this but stuck to the truth. I could tell my friend was upset. On vacations and for airport pick ups we've all piled in... not often because the kids and their friends walk and do most extracurriculars locally (not the case for you guys, I didn't say) but it's been helpful when we've been able carry 7 in a pinch.
This wknd we have just one car. Friday night we are going out to eat with parents and Ethan. That's 7 of us in the RAV4, a tight squeeze for for a local ride but completely legal and doable.
I don't have any desire for fancy cars and jewelry and fancy material stuff, and neither do our other friends actually, who also like to keep it simple. I think the company you keep and your own feelings of self worth have powerful influences on how you view - and why one wants - material things.
Cmon, Gimky, he looked at me as if to help him out, how often do you use your third row? Enough, I said, not wanting to wade into this but stuck to the truth. I could tell my friend was upset. On vacations and for airport pick ups we've all piled in... not often because the kids and their friends walk and do most extracurriculars locally (not the case for you guys, I didn't say) but it's been helpful when we've been able carry 7 in a pinch.
This wknd we have just one car. Friday night we are going out to eat with parents and Ethan. That's 7 of us in the RAV4, a tight squeeze for for a local ride but completely legal and doable.
I don't have any desire for fancy cars and jewelry and fancy material stuff, and neither do our other friends actually, who also like to keep it simple. I think the company you keep and your own feelings of self worth have powerful influences on how you view - and why one wants - material things.
unsure
Just got a call from the pharmacy. Aetna has approved a 30 day supply of Belac's medication pending approval. That was nice of them. I paid a $60 copay for FedEx delivery tomorrow. If Aetna approves the med, is that what the copays will look like? Yes, $60/month for the med and $30 for the needles. Amazing.
The person on the phone told me that after we were denied coverage, last week, the doctor's office had faxed over additional information for Belac and then Aetna had called the pharmacy to approve. But the pharmacy didn't receive the expected approval notice in their system. This morning, the pharmacy called Aetna to ask about the missing notice, and Aetna - according to the Pharmacy - had now "changed" their story and said they were simply allowing a month as a courtesy to give time to review Belac's paperwork.
Aetna will already see that Belac had a bilateral hip X-ray, two days ago. Do I need to hold off on taking him to the pediatrician in order to get a referral to see an Orthopaedist so I don't sound off some alarm bells before they approve this med? Or wait to pick up his attention med that is now sitting at the pharmacy, the first prescription and one that is reoccurring filed with the new insurance. Maybe I need to hold off on their getting a whiff of how expensive Belac's continued care is until his med gets approval?
The person on the phone told me that after we were denied coverage, last week, the doctor's office had faxed over additional information for Belac and then Aetna had called the pharmacy to approve. But the pharmacy didn't receive the expected approval notice in their system. This morning, the pharmacy called Aetna to ask about the missing notice, and Aetna - according to the Pharmacy - had now "changed" their story and said they were simply allowing a month as a courtesy to give time to review Belac's paperwork.
Aetna will already see that Belac had a bilateral hip X-ray, two days ago. Do I need to hold off on taking him to the pediatrician in order to get a referral to see an Orthopaedist so I don't sound off some alarm bells before they approve this med? Or wait to pick up his attention med that is now sitting at the pharmacy, the first prescription and one that is reoccurring filed with the new insurance. Maybe I need to hold off on their getting a whiff of how expensive Belac's continued care is until his med gets approval?
MO?
Oh, and my parents arrive tonight and Ethan, tomorrow. Hubby home late tomorrow. His former boss comes Saturday for dinner with his wife. I will soon have more to manage and would have to guess I am basically not comfortable on days I'm not very busy and have several pressing things to manage. Maybe that is my MO.
Getting into a rhythm
Everyone late to bed, but not for lack of trying to sleep earlier. Belac came to me after lights were out, wanting to talk about science projects he wanted to do and also his need to make his Halloween Costume. Can you buy me the glow in the dark paint? Yes, I can, I told him. You know what he's going to make? A PacMan costume out of a ton of cardboard. This kid never ceases to amaze me.
Meanwhile I heard Jake downstairs, sitting in the dark in the kitchen, listening to music on his headphones at 11:20PM. Just trying not to think too much, he told me. I massaged his shoulder a little. Are you worried about anything? He sighed, not really. Do you want to talk or you want to be left alone? I'm fine, he told me, you can go up.
At 11:40PM I texted him downstairs. I'm trying not to hover. "it's late sweetie pie, wind up whatever you're doing and it's time for bed. If you need to talk about anything then come by my room."
This morning Jake wrote his computer science teacher a note asking for advice and any recommendation in finding a mentor in cyber security. He attached his resume. So it's not always his idea to do these things and to be so proactive, but I know it's good I am around to advise and nudge on things he could do to help himself. I am realizing I don't need to be busy every single second to justify my being around for the kids and that I do more than I think I do. Also, there is security for the whole family knowing that I am very flexible with my time and remain very local most of the time. However, on days that I don't teach much, I recognize that I do need to be very disciplined with my time in being productive or I won't feel good about things. Without hubby around to distract me, I could fall into the trap of living for my kids, which I know is not good.
Figuring it out.
Meanwhile I heard Jake downstairs, sitting in the dark in the kitchen, listening to music on his headphones at 11:20PM. Just trying not to think too much, he told me. I massaged his shoulder a little. Are you worried about anything? He sighed, not really. Do you want to talk or you want to be left alone? I'm fine, he told me, you can go up.
At 11:40PM I texted him downstairs. I'm trying not to hover. "it's late sweetie pie, wind up whatever you're doing and it's time for bed. If you need to talk about anything then come by my room."
This morning Jake wrote his computer science teacher a note asking for advice and any recommendation in finding a mentor in cyber security. He attached his resume. So it's not always his idea to do these things and to be so proactive, but I know it's good I am around to advise and nudge on things he could do to help himself. I am realizing I don't need to be busy every single second to justify my being around for the kids and that I do more than I think I do. Also, there is security for the whole family knowing that I am very flexible with my time and remain very local most of the time. However, on days that I don't teach much, I recognize that I do need to be very disciplined with my time in being productive or I won't feel good about things. Without hubby around to distract me, I could fall into the trap of living for my kids, which I know is not good.
Figuring it out.
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
PR
In the door came Jake who was not hungry, he said, and when asked told me that he had "PRed" as in ran a personal record. Really? Yeah, 20:05 (for a 5k)! Wow that's amazing! Good for you! He wanted to get to work. Okay, you'll eat later? Yeah, he replied. By the way, he said, head now buried in his book. I also got the Bio quiz back. How was it? 100, he said non-chalantly. I went over to him and smiled, I'm so proud of you! You are working hard and it shows Jacoby! Keep it up!!
Despite some wobbles here and there, he has never performed as well in school as he has these past two years. In large part because he is maturing but also because he dares more and more to face his challenges. No matter what the numbers are, I am so proud of this kid for trying.
Despite some wobbles here and there, he has never performed as well in school as he has these past two years. In large part because he is maturing but also because he dares more and more to face his challenges. No matter what the numbers are, I am so proud of this kid for trying.
time
I was not very productive today with my time. Though this afternoon I spent an hour with Belac going over his math homework with him. He had checked over his answers in the back of the book and a good number of problems were incorrect. In reviewing together he was frustrated, but I was able to see that he did not use the distributive property correctly and sometimes got confused isolating the variable. There was a lot of erasing and "oh my god, Mom!" But he understood and I realize I need to study with him again tomorrow before his Algebra exam on Thursday. Even though I was slow to the uptake, I was able to figure out a lot by looking at example problems in his book.
At 6:25 I shooed him out the door. Even though he no longer has Hebrew School, they are starting a teen program and I want him to join. He is not very interested in being Jewish, but his buddies - who he no longer sees often - are attending a pizza dinner at the synagogue's sukkah. No complaints to go knowing his friends would be there. Whatever he can join to help him strengthen his bonds with the community is important.
Now making roasted cauliflower and miso encrusted fish and waiting on Jake, coming home late after a cross country meet. It's totally dark out and feels so quiet in the house. I shouldn't just take on more students to fill the time, I need to be around to help with homework and make dinner and be around for MY boys. To be able to take Belac to get an X-ray, day of, and make phone calls about insurance. To be able to cook from scratch and bake and run some forgotten thing to school. There is value in having time. But maybe I need to take up knitting or something. At this point last year I would be cramming practice time for concerts in Boston and stressed out. Maybe I should have gone out for a run earlier... how am I going to spend my down time?
At 6:25 I shooed him out the door. Even though he no longer has Hebrew School, they are starting a teen program and I want him to join. He is not very interested in being Jewish, but his buddies - who he no longer sees often - are attending a pizza dinner at the synagogue's sukkah. No complaints to go knowing his friends would be there. Whatever he can join to help him strengthen his bonds with the community is important.
Now making roasted cauliflower and miso encrusted fish and waiting on Jake, coming home late after a cross country meet. It's totally dark out and feels so quiet in the house. I shouldn't just take on more students to fill the time, I need to be around to help with homework and make dinner and be around for MY boys. To be able to take Belac to get an X-ray, day of, and make phone calls about insurance. To be able to cook from scratch and bake and run some forgotten thing to school. There is value in having time. But maybe I need to take up knitting or something. At this point last year I would be cramming practice time for concerts in Boston and stressed out. Maybe I should have gone out for a run earlier... how am I going to spend my down time?
delivery
My oil delivery guy is friendly enough. Over the years I have learned he is a cop and was moonlighting as an oil deliverer on the side. I didn't ask this time, but I think he is now retired. He is in his 50s, trim, decent looking and obviously very physically strong. The thing is, I also think he is a little too interested in me. One day he returned after work to return a flashlight he took by accident when he was checking out my tank the last time. And today he was at my door today telling me that he couldn't believe he filled my tank 166 gallons, knowing about the wood stove. Didn't I just fill you up in July? I didn't know. Can I take a look? he asked. I let him in. And then I was realizing I was in the basement with this guy I didn't know, looking at my tank that didn't really have to be looked at. I could already smell without looking that there was no problem.
Did you use more hot water than usual? I know your parents come to visit... Not that I know of, I said as I headed back upstairs and didn't linger, I guess it's right, I shrugged, and I will check. I walked to straight to the front door and wished I wasn't wearing a mini skirt.
The thing that I love about this house is that it sits close to others but offers a lot of privacy. But that's the other thing, it's hard to see who is actually here. You just can't see because we sit so far back from the street sideways and none of our 3 adjacent neighbors face us or sit at our same elevation. They can't see what's going on. I park my car outside so there's not much hiding when I'm home, once you're up the drive. Still, no one says that I have to answer the door and let anyone in, even if we see each other through the window.
At the moment I let the oil guy in, I was blasting a Sibelius symphony in the kitchen. I laugh to think about what of my music I should have been blaring to scare the normal person off. Stravinsky? Prokofiev? Opera?
Did you use more hot water than usual? I know your parents come to visit... Not that I know of, I said as I headed back upstairs and didn't linger, I guess it's right, I shrugged, and I will check. I walked to straight to the front door and wished I wasn't wearing a mini skirt.
The thing that I love about this house is that it sits close to others but offers a lot of privacy. But that's the other thing, it's hard to see who is actually here. You just can't see because we sit so far back from the street sideways and none of our 3 adjacent neighbors face us or sit at our same elevation. They can't see what's going on. I park my car outside so there's not much hiding when I'm home, once you're up the drive. Still, no one says that I have to answer the door and let anyone in, even if we see each other through the window.
At the moment I let the oil guy in, I was blasting a Sibelius symphony in the kitchen. I laugh to think about what of my music I should have been blaring to scare the normal person off. Stravinsky? Prokofiev? Opera?
price, please
Waiting on the guy who is now measuring downstairs. He has already identified some important fixes. The wall between the studio and garage is not insulated! And the high hats in the studio need other cans that I can buy at Home Depot at 19 bucks a piece; the new cans will seal the holes in the ceiling that let warm air escape. And downstairs in the basement, he showed me how there is NO INSULATION in the joists. Just wood all around and all the warmth in the basement is leaking out and not rising to the rest of the house. It needs 3 inch spray foam all around the perimeter to prevent air leakage. And the air dryer vent needs to be totally redone, there are holes directly to outside.
Now 2 hours later. Our attic has very old and minimal fiberglass that is not performing anymore because the airpockets are all matted and there is insulation attached to the attic ceiling with cardboard, a huge no-no. The nesting material feeds rodents, for one thing. You bothered to put on an amazing aluminum roof and the insulation on the ceiling is a actually a problem for what's under the aluminum... None of it passes 2016 or even 2009 code. He recommends that all existing insulation be removed and 13 inches of cellulose get blown in and into the eaves. He told me the attic is going to be the single most important thing we can do right away to improve our energy efficiency drastically.
And what else? The guy discovered 3 large holes behind the radiator in the studio. I was absolutely shocked and had never noticed them before. Not only could he see the walls are not insulated, though someone had pushed paper in there, that's where animals enter and exit and crawl around inside the walls. These and others need to be patched up, he told me, before we blow in the cellulose.
This company is the real deal and obviously knows what it is doing. What will it cost? The price of a car??
Now 2 hours later. Our attic has very old and minimal fiberglass that is not performing anymore because the airpockets are all matted and there is insulation attached to the attic ceiling with cardboard, a huge no-no. The nesting material feeds rodents, for one thing. You bothered to put on an amazing aluminum roof and the insulation on the ceiling is a actually a problem for what's under the aluminum... None of it passes 2016 or even 2009 code. He recommends that all existing insulation be removed and 13 inches of cellulose get blown in and into the eaves. He told me the attic is going to be the single most important thing we can do right away to improve our energy efficiency drastically.
And what else? The guy discovered 3 large holes behind the radiator in the studio. I was absolutely shocked and had never noticed them before. Not only could he see the walls are not insulated, though someone had pushed paper in there, that's where animals enter and exit and crawl around inside the walls. These and others need to be patched up, he told me, before we blow in the cellulose.
This company is the real deal and obviously knows what it is doing. What will it cost? The price of a car??
thnking
I feel bad for Belac, who I had to sit with on his bed as he tried to stretch his leg. I had to again help him to the shower, walk to the car so I could drive him. I again gave him Motrin and hoped for the best. What is going on? I will call the doctor this morning and ask her to please look at the xray we had taken yesterday. Wouldn't it be just our frigging unbelievable luck if after all this, he gets approved for the growth hormone only to not be able to take it anymore because it causes this slipped femoral epiphesis whatever thing that will require its own medical remedy?? Deep breath. Let's just be hopeful it's "only" a virus.
I met Olivia for a quick coffee, yesterday morning. She was dropping off her son's cello in Sunny Patch. Caught up, first time in a while. She is someone I can rely on despite being a half hour away. Kati, too, even though I haven't seen or talked to her in weeks. Lulu in some practical respects, too. And even Ella, in the city. Little Sister in Ann Arbor. Olivia, Kati, Little Sis, Big Sis... those are the ones I could call and cry my head off to if need be. That's a lot of people when you think about it, I have the greatest posse of girls!
This morning, I get a second estimate on adding insulation to the house. The contractor who was here about installing us a new, airtight front door suggested that I look into getting the walls of the house insulated, and with the vinyl siding he told me it would be easy and 'wouldn't be much' to have it blown in from the outside. My first quote came from a local place that was highly reviewed by homeowners. He did not recommend insulating the walls at all, given the low return on investment, but to insulate just the attic and the basement joists. This second reference comes from a friend, whose family has used this company to insulate apartment buildings and professional spaces. It will be interesting to see what he has to say about making this house more energy efficient.
If we continue with what we did last year, more than halving our oil bill by using the wood stove, I will need to get up in the middle of the night to add wood to the fire. But we also recognize that there are parts of the house that are very cold and need to be sealed up better. Why would we ever want to leave this house after we finally get it all fixed up and ship shape?
On Wednesday, my parents come. They will sleep in Jake's room. On Thursday, Ethan comes to stay until Sunday, he and Jake will sleep in Belac's room, where there is a bunk bed and a separate single bed. Dot is off to visit her older daughter at a special needs boarding school. It's amazing we can take people in and have space for all. And you know what else? That all these people can be here, 24/7 and I can continue teaching in my studio and there is no stress because no one needs to creep around the house!! The set up is mind bogglingly good. It's amazing.
And I best be off.
I met Olivia for a quick coffee, yesterday morning. She was dropping off her son's cello in Sunny Patch. Caught up, first time in a while. She is someone I can rely on despite being a half hour away. Kati, too, even though I haven't seen or talked to her in weeks. Lulu in some practical respects, too. And even Ella, in the city. Little Sister in Ann Arbor. Olivia, Kati, Little Sis, Big Sis... those are the ones I could call and cry my head off to if need be. That's a lot of people when you think about it, I have the greatest posse of girls!
This morning, I get a second estimate on adding insulation to the house. The contractor who was here about installing us a new, airtight front door suggested that I look into getting the walls of the house insulated, and with the vinyl siding he told me it would be easy and 'wouldn't be much' to have it blown in from the outside. My first quote came from a local place that was highly reviewed by homeowners. He did not recommend insulating the walls at all, given the low return on investment, but to insulate just the attic and the basement joists. This second reference comes from a friend, whose family has used this company to insulate apartment buildings and professional spaces. It will be interesting to see what he has to say about making this house more energy efficient.
If we continue with what we did last year, more than halving our oil bill by using the wood stove, I will need to get up in the middle of the night to add wood to the fire. But we also recognize that there are parts of the house that are very cold and need to be sealed up better. Why would we ever want to leave this house after we finally get it all fixed up and ship shape?
On Wednesday, my parents come. They will sleep in Jake's room. On Thursday, Ethan comes to stay until Sunday, he and Jake will sleep in Belac's room, where there is a bunk bed and a separate single bed. Dot is off to visit her older daughter at a special needs boarding school. It's amazing we can take people in and have space for all. And you know what else? That all these people can be here, 24/7 and I can continue teaching in my studio and there is no stress because no one needs to creep around the house!! The set up is mind bogglingly good. It's amazing.
And I best be off.
Monday, October 17, 2016
Good night
Alarmed the house before coming upstairs. Never what we do when both hubby and I are home but it's what I never forget to do when I'm by myself with the kids overnight. I feel better. We also have a camera that captures a snapshot when any of the exterior doors open. Dog sleeping on the ottoman in the corner of my bedroom and when it's just me, I leave my bedroom door wide open.
I sort of feel indignant when people refer to me as a "single" parent. I am proud and don't need anyone's pity. Besides, am I really? It diminishes what single parenting really is and what role hubby has. I have a spouse I get along with and who continues to co-parent with me. We don't argue about money. And for the most part, we agree with each other about the kids and need each other to figure things out. But that said, being alone with the kids 4 days a week is a major change and it can be hard.
A couple of weeks ago I was a mile from the house, walking the dog. My flip flop broke and I walked home with just one shoe on. Now, I could have called any number of people if I really needed, but i couldn't do the easy thing: call hubby to pick me up after 9pm at night. I realized I shouldn't wear flip flops to walk the dog AND I shouldn't really walk that far away from the house that late at night. And now I have a tickle in my throat and hope I'm not catching anything. I have less room to be sick without my hubby to dote on me during the week. I don't have full time nannies and grandparents like those around me, but I do have friends. And rely on them more, I will.
It's about time for bed, my Fitbit tells me. Is it pathetic that I think it's sweet when my watch sends me that message? I like the reminder.
Good night.
I sort of feel indignant when people refer to me as a "single" parent. I am proud and don't need anyone's pity. Besides, am I really? It diminishes what single parenting really is and what role hubby has. I have a spouse I get along with and who continues to co-parent with me. We don't argue about money. And for the most part, we agree with each other about the kids and need each other to figure things out. But that said, being alone with the kids 4 days a week is a major change and it can be hard.
A couple of weeks ago I was a mile from the house, walking the dog. My flip flop broke and I walked home with just one shoe on. Now, I could have called any number of people if I really needed, but i couldn't do the easy thing: call hubby to pick me up after 9pm at night. I realized I shouldn't wear flip flops to walk the dog AND I shouldn't really walk that far away from the house that late at night. And now I have a tickle in my throat and hope I'm not catching anything. I have less room to be sick without my hubby to dote on me during the week. I don't have full time nannies and grandparents like those around me, but I do have friends. And rely on them more, I will.
It's about time for bed, my Fitbit tells me. Is it pathetic that I think it's sweet when my watch sends me that message? I like the reminder.
Good night.
Musings
I've been loving my after dinner walks. Kids have eaten and are usually doing homework, and I take 30-45 minutes to walk into town and back with the dog. As long as I get out right after the kids leave for school and right after dinner, I can get my 10,000 steps easily. Otherwise it's easy to fall short.
Stopped at our mailbox on our drive. Our health care elections have been spelled out. 9100 annually/174 weekly for the Aetna gold plan. After very reasonable deductions 300 person/750 family, 90% of hospital visits are covered, wellness visits are free, etc. And generic drugs are $10 for a 30 day supply. It's not clear - if and when Belac's med is covered - what those fees and deductible would be, but I will jump for joy if Aetna approves it and we will know soon enough.
Helped hubby shop for a pair of shoes by text photos and phone after work today. He was hangry and had to eat, and the thought of his eating in a food court by himself in DC made me sad. He is completely swamped at work, with 10 direct reports and then teams under these people, and on top of everything, finding out that this disgruntled person on his team with a performance warning is making unwanted sexual advances to his colleagues. This is new territory for hubby and he has to navigate carefullY in the corporate environment. He is not able or allowed to simply fire him, as much as he might want to, there is a protocol to follow.
Long day. Both kids still studying. Hopefully Belac's hip is some sort of virus and not this scary sounding rare side-effect from the growth hormone. Looking forward to a bath and bed....
Stopped at our mailbox on our drive. Our health care elections have been spelled out. 9100 annually/174 weekly for the Aetna gold plan. After very reasonable deductions 300 person/750 family, 90% of hospital visits are covered, wellness visits are free, etc. And generic drugs are $10 for a 30 day supply. It's not clear - if and when Belac's med is covered - what those fees and deductible would be, but I will jump for joy if Aetna approves it and we will know soon enough.
Helped hubby shop for a pair of shoes by text photos and phone after work today. He was hangry and had to eat, and the thought of his eating in a food court by himself in DC made me sad. He is completely swamped at work, with 10 direct reports and then teams under these people, and on top of everything, finding out that this disgruntled person on his team with a performance warning is making unwanted sexual advances to his colleagues. This is new territory for hubby and he has to navigate carefullY in the corporate environment. He is not able or allowed to simply fire him, as much as he might want to, there is a protocol to follow.
Long day. Both kids still studying. Hopefully Belac's hip is some sort of virus and not this scary sounding rare side-effect from the growth hormone. Looking forward to a bath and bed....
catching up with Jake
Came home from Belac's X-ray and caught up with Jake. He had had to miss tennis because I couldn't get there in time but he was soon off to a XCountry pasta dinner. It was so nice to just chat and catch up on his day. How was his Bio quiz? How was lunch? He's now half of a champion team of lunch time foosball. Was there an audience? Thumbs up, there was. Good for him. A little positive light on him never hurt. He told me he went to Bio and Computers to talk about improving his grade after a low test score in each class and both said the same thing: don't sweat one bad grade, learn from it and just keep working hard.
I noticed how handsome he's looking and I liked his new haircut.
He's fine. Stressed out about academics and distinguishing himself and the global social scene, but I see clearly he is a great kid who is appreciated and accepted at home. He's getting the love from somewhere and that's the most important thing.
He didn't want to go to the dinner but I encouraged him, even if for 15 minutes and excusing himself to study. It's 6:40 and I'm glad he hasn't called home for a ride yet. Good for him.
I noticed how handsome he's looking and I liked his new haircut.
He's fine. Stressed out about academics and distinguishing himself and the global social scene, but I see clearly he is a great kid who is appreciated and accepted at home. He's getting the love from somewhere and that's the most important thing.
He didn't want to go to the dinner but I encouraged him, even if for 15 minutes and excusing himself to study. It's 6:40 and I'm glad he hasn't called home for a ride yet. Good for him.
Limping
Belac was in pain this morning, I gave him some ibuprofen and drove him to school. His hip aches when walking and he is limping. In sitting position, however, he feels fine. There is concern of slipped capital femoral epiphesis and we will go get an x ray after school. I wrote his teacher, is he in much pain? I can't get his prescription until after 4PM so why should he sit at home and miss school? I hope someone helped him to and from class as necessary.
On another note, it seems that we might have been approved for Belac's med, this morning. It is not official but there was some faxing this morning and an insurance call to the pharmacy that seems to indicate it will work out. Hoping!! It would be great news!!
Hubby in DC. He is in back to back meetings until 6:30. You gotta do what you gotta do, but I wish he were home.
On another note, it seems that we might have been approved for Belac's med, this morning. It is not official but there was some faxing this morning and an insurance call to the pharmacy that seems to indicate it will work out. Hoping!! It would be great news!!
Hubby in DC. He is in back to back meetings until 6:30. You gotta do what you gotta do, but I wish he were home.
waking up
It is 6:45 and they are each in a shower. Jake got up himself. Belac I had to sort of pull and nudge out of bed and guide to my bathroom with his clothes. Still, pretty painless. We had all gotten into bed with lights out by 10:15, 10:30. I asked each of them to be as self-motivated as possible, reminding them that dad would already be gone in the morning. Let's make everything as stress free as possible.
I think it's also good that we all slept in both days of the week end, despite what the specialists say.
So far, so good.
I think it's also good that we all slept in both days of the week end, despite what the specialists say.
So far, so good.
It's Monday
Hubby up by 4:45 and out by 5:15. I tossed and turned until 6 and got up to find a forwarded note from hubby via Human Resources at new company. We've been denied Belac's med from Aetna. Making coffee downstairs, we chatted. However the doctor was able to fight and get the med from Cigna, is how the doctor has to fight for us with Aetna.
You need your beauty sleep! hubby told me, you haven't slept since 5? No, I explained, and part of me felt that if you were up and driving and already working, so should I... Anyway, it's better for me to be up and dressed, coffee in hand, before the kids get up. I'm more patient.
My parents are arriving on Wednesday night and I go to get them at HPN after I'm finished teaching. They booked a last minute flight. Apparently my cousin in the city, a physician in chronic pain management, will see my mom, give her an MRI and a shot. My mom has been writing to tell me her pain is debilitating. I don't like that she is not seeing a doctor in Michigan and there is no coordination of her care, but what can I do? Hubby and I also discussed what to do about a dinner, this Saturday night. His former boss of 12 years and his wife are coming, after rescheduling this now 3 times at least. But my mom is not in the best shape and spirits.... how do we envision that evening going? First time we've ever invited them over and my mom will be here. If just my dad it would be fine and predictable, but my mom is a wild card.
The alarm is about to go off and blare Jaws and Airplane music for Monday morning. Off I go.
You need your beauty sleep! hubby told me, you haven't slept since 5? No, I explained, and part of me felt that if you were up and driving and already working, so should I... Anyway, it's better for me to be up and dressed, coffee in hand, before the kids get up. I'm more patient.
My parents are arriving on Wednesday night and I go to get them at HPN after I'm finished teaching. They booked a last minute flight. Apparently my cousin in the city, a physician in chronic pain management, will see my mom, give her an MRI and a shot. My mom has been writing to tell me her pain is debilitating. I don't like that she is not seeing a doctor in Michigan and there is no coordination of her care, but what can I do? Hubby and I also discussed what to do about a dinner, this Saturday night. His former boss of 12 years and his wife are coming, after rescheduling this now 3 times at least. But my mom is not in the best shape and spirits.... how do we envision that evening going? First time we've ever invited them over and my mom will be here. If just my dad it would be fine and predictable, but my mom is a wild card.
The alarm is about to go off and blare Jaws and Airplane music for Monday morning. Off I go.
Sunday, October 16, 2016
Working
Jake called to me as he was checking over his grades. Mom, what do I need for Honor Roll and High Honor Roll? We took a look together at his grades: 3 - solid As, 2 - 88s and 1 - 78. Well, you'll probably get onto the honor roll, I told him, if there are no surprises, but to get on the High Honor Roll... push those 88s past 90 and that 78.... Mom, I can't get that grade up! There are only 2 exams a semester and we had them already!! But there's still a few weeks left of the semester, how can that be?? I know, he exclaimed, there is nothing I can do! We looked at how the exams are weighted in several of the classes vs. homework.
Well, get your other grades up as high as you can go... the goal is to get your average to 90 and above, okay? Mom, I looked up grades and their numbers. If I need to get an A- average to get into McGill, that means I need a minimum 3.75 GPA. Yeah, I told him, it's high. Look, you'll try your best and do the best you can. It's very competitive but there are many good schools and there are ways to distinguish yourself beyond just your grades.
He let out a big sigh. Okay.
I'm getting you an AP computer book. Soak up what Julie advises you like a sponge. You can do it
Watching hubby quiz Jake in Honors Bio, Jake's request. He had a 97 average going into his second exam and perfect scores on all his labs and homework, and then bombed on the second exam with a 65. He has 3 quizzes this week. Maybe if he gets all As on everything else, his teacher would drop the 65. Impossible!! Jake told me. You won't know until you ask Jake, and you can't reasonably ask unless you ace everything for the rest of the semester. And so here he is actively studying with hubby on opposite ends of a coach in my studio with occasional chatter and laughing between the two.
He works hard and is such a good kid! I'm so proud of him.
He let out a big sigh. Okay.
I'm getting you an AP computer book. Soak up what Julie advises you like a sponge. You can do it
Watching hubby quiz Jake in Honors Bio, Jake's request. He had a 97 average going into his second exam and perfect scores on all his labs and homework, and then bombed on the second exam with a 65. He has 3 quizzes this week. Maybe if he gets all As on everything else, his teacher would drop the 65. Impossible!! Jake told me. You won't know until you ask Jake, and you can't reasonably ask unless you ace everything for the rest of the semester. And so here he is actively studying with hubby on opposite ends of a coach in my studio with occasional chatter and laughing between the two.
He works hard and is such a good kid! I'm so proud of him.
Fit
On a walk with the fam, we all took a good look at Belac in front of us. His pants were not too long but he was clearly swimming in them. It looked like he was melting. He had on a fitted hoodie and then trainers that ballooned out like a parachute. Jake is thin, too, but this was ridiculous! Belac cannot wear his hand me downs.
Coming home I went on line to the GAP and took a look at the sizings. No way he could fit into regular pants, an almost 5 ft boy is expected to weigh 95-108 lbs. He is 63 lbs! Looked at the slim sizing that can only be ordered online with no weight guidelines but an expected waistline of 25 inches, still way too big but what could I do but try?
Found a 40 % off coupon online and did expedited shipping on 2 pairs of slim sweats and 2 slim corduroys.
Hopeful!
Coming home I went on line to the GAP and took a look at the sizings. No way he could fit into regular pants, an almost 5 ft boy is expected to weigh 95-108 lbs. He is 63 lbs! Looked at the slim sizing that can only be ordered online with no weight guidelines but an expected waistline of 25 inches, still way too big but what could I do but try?
Found a 40 % off coupon online and did expedited shipping on 2 pairs of slim sweats and 2 slim corduroys.
Hopeful!
Making most
Hubby and I spent a couple of hours, yesterday, cleaning up our bedroom and rearranging his office. It is very practically arranged now and beautiful. Nothing is matchy matchy, but with everything cleaned up it looks welcoming and peaceful.
A stationary bike missing a part now sits in the corner of our bedroom near the window, a good place to bike when we finally get the part. His office now has two arm chairs and ottomans side by side, his race bike on traxx for virtual biking and the treadmill, all facing a tv and his work computers with large screen. I have never spent so much time in that room, which up until earlier this year had a huge desk that filled almost the entire room and that we took apart, partially with sledgehammer. I ordered some rubber mats for the exercise equipment and we are going to lay down all the extra FLOR we have to make the generally cold room literally warmer.
We had dinner with my childhood friend and her family last night. We hadn't seen them since June and it was lovely. You know what happened? My friend did not drink either. Didn't want the calories and didn't need it, she told me, as we caught up, nursed seltzer and later hot tea, as our hubbies drank scotch by the fire. And she was the most candid about anything, disciplined and fiercely private she is about everything. Hubby and I had a lot to talk about afterwards. Did you hear he's looking for another job? I asked hubby. He knew. The job is apparently not earning what was promised.... And what do you think about their paying 100k for private school? It's crazy, they can't afford it and sustain it! On his old salary they could have but they can't afford it.... If we could afford it, do you think the kids would be better off with private school? Gimky, that boat has sailed. We need to make the best of what we have.
Last night, I heard our friends muse about where they'd retire to and such. Not dissimilar to my own musings abot the future but now I was reaching clarity fast. What do you think Gimky? You know what? I explained, I could teach theoretically into my 90s and that studio, I pointed past the kitchen, has proven to be very valuable. And while it doesn't have to be this house, I have lots of years left to teach and so space and location of wherever I am are important.... And, I didn't say suspecting their money troubles, in 10 years this house should be paid for. And though the taxes are high, it will be the cost of renting something much smaller and who knows if during or after college, our boys will be living with us? If the kids go to college in metro NY, they can easily commute by train, car or bus from this house. And so there might be something in keeping it simple and planning to stay put for the next while.
Later I told friend. It was hard when the kids were young and we were swimming in bills and our fears for Belac were new. What I would have done for any family around.... I see what my little sister has between my parents and live in nanny and just all that support, however imperfect.... I don't want the same for my kids and presumptively move away when they might need me, later. We are stronger having even stayed in place these past almost 8 years, the longest Hubby or I have made home anywhere in our adult lives.... So no brash moves if we can help it and we figure things out over time.
The problem is, hubby told me, I don't think they saved when they were flush a few years ago....
Looking at the big picture and trying not to take anything for granted. I'm proud of what we've been able to do and how our kids' emotional health is our top priority. I'm grateful we've been fiscally conservative. And there is stability at home. Even as hubby is commuting, the kids routinely come to us with their problems and fears.
I never thought I'd have any of this when I was young. I hoped but couldn't even meaningfully dare dream of it. I am the luckiest person on this planet for my husband and kids and this life. The kindness of my family and others in my life, the emotional stability of our household and a sense of general hope for the future are things I hold dear. And really, when it comes down to it, none of any of this would be possible without hubby. I married the best one.
A stationary bike missing a part now sits in the corner of our bedroom near the window, a good place to bike when we finally get the part. His office now has two arm chairs and ottomans side by side, his race bike on traxx for virtual biking and the treadmill, all facing a tv and his work computers with large screen. I have never spent so much time in that room, which up until earlier this year had a huge desk that filled almost the entire room and that we took apart, partially with sledgehammer. I ordered some rubber mats for the exercise equipment and we are going to lay down all the extra FLOR we have to make the generally cold room literally warmer.
We had dinner with my childhood friend and her family last night. We hadn't seen them since June and it was lovely. You know what happened? My friend did not drink either. Didn't want the calories and didn't need it, she told me, as we caught up, nursed seltzer and later hot tea, as our hubbies drank scotch by the fire. And she was the most candid about anything, disciplined and fiercely private she is about everything. Hubby and I had a lot to talk about afterwards. Did you hear he's looking for another job? I asked hubby. He knew. The job is apparently not earning what was promised.... And what do you think about their paying 100k for private school? It's crazy, they can't afford it and sustain it! On his old salary they could have but they can't afford it.... If we could afford it, do you think the kids would be better off with private school? Gimky, that boat has sailed. We need to make the best of what we have.
Last night, I heard our friends muse about where they'd retire to and such. Not dissimilar to my own musings abot the future but now I was reaching clarity fast. What do you think Gimky? You know what? I explained, I could teach theoretically into my 90s and that studio, I pointed past the kitchen, has proven to be very valuable. And while it doesn't have to be this house, I have lots of years left to teach and so space and location of wherever I am are important.... And, I didn't say suspecting their money troubles, in 10 years this house should be paid for. And though the taxes are high, it will be the cost of renting something much smaller and who knows if during or after college, our boys will be living with us? If the kids go to college in metro NY, they can easily commute by train, car or bus from this house. And so there might be something in keeping it simple and planning to stay put for the next while.
Later I told friend. It was hard when the kids were young and we were swimming in bills and our fears for Belac were new. What I would have done for any family around.... I see what my little sister has between my parents and live in nanny and just all that support, however imperfect.... I don't want the same for my kids and presumptively move away when they might need me, later. We are stronger having even stayed in place these past almost 8 years, the longest Hubby or I have made home anywhere in our adult lives.... So no brash moves if we can help it and we figure things out over time.
The problem is, hubby told me, I don't think they saved when they were flush a few years ago....
Looking at the big picture and trying not to take anything for granted. I'm proud of what we've been able to do and how our kids' emotional health is our top priority. I'm grateful we've been fiscally conservative. And there is stability at home. Even as hubby is commuting, the kids routinely come to us with their problems and fears.
I never thought I'd have any of this when I was young. I hoped but couldn't even meaningfully dare dream of it. I am the luckiest person on this planet for my husband and kids and this life. The kindness of my family and others in my life, the emotional stability of our household and a sense of general hope for the future are things I hold dear. And really, when it comes down to it, none of any of this would be possible without hubby. I married the best one.
Saturday, October 15, 2016
9th wknd
Fell off the bandwagon this week in both steps and eating. I had a huge cookie 2 days ago and handfuls of potato chips. Earlier in the week I had challah and other breads at the break fast and pasta before the fast.I think that's pretty normal and I'm certainly not throwing in the towel. At 9 weeks I am still holding at my 8 lb. weight loss. Still generally eating well and moving and not drinking - not counting that experimental sip.
The agenda this morning with the fam: bring old Acs to the recycling center and stack wood. We have a huge cord of wood that was dumped on the drive a couple of days ago, the sight of which makes me smile.
Love these week ends. I
The agenda this morning with the fam: bring old Acs to the recycling center and stack wood. We have a huge cord of wood that was dumped on the drive a couple of days ago, the sight of which makes me smile.
Love these week ends. I
9 weeks
We had a friend over and opened up some wine. Hubby pointed out, it's a good bottle from Italy, do you want a little? MMmm, said our guest, swirling his glass. I will pour you a little glass? I looked at how pretty the glasses looked in the dimmed lighting of our kitchen island and thought about it. It's been 9 weeks. Surely I wasn't going to keep this up, forever and ever? After all, it's not like I was ever an alcoholic. It was an experiment that was taken to another level. How about I just take a sip from your glass and see?
And so I did. And really, I could not believe it. Was there not something wrong with the wine? It tasted awful and remarkably bitter and acidic! It was such an assault to my senses after having drunk almost nothing but water for more than 2 months. I looked at hubby incredulously and wanted to laugh out loud in front of our guest. You couldn't pay me to take another sip. Wow, I managed to say diplomatically and without elaboration, I've forgotten what wine tastes like.
I made a Roasted Chicken Provençal a la NYTimes, last night. Looked beautiful coming out of the oven but tasted pretty blah. Still, happy that hubby is home and feeling more himself a couple of days under the weather. Beautiful autumn day! This morning we are all stacking wood. Jake then off on a XCountry meet. Tomorrow we have some hours, let's go a hike to Bear Mountain in the morning? I suggested to hubby. Good idea.
Love the week ends.
And so I did. And really, I could not believe it. Was there not something wrong with the wine? It tasted awful and remarkably bitter and acidic! It was such an assault to my senses after having drunk almost nothing but water for more than 2 months. I looked at hubby incredulously and wanted to laugh out loud in front of our guest. You couldn't pay me to take another sip. Wow, I managed to say diplomatically and without elaboration, I've forgotten what wine tastes like.
I made a Roasted Chicken Provençal a la NYTimes, last night. Looked beautiful coming out of the oven but tasted pretty blah. Still, happy that hubby is home and feeling more himself a couple of days under the weather. Beautiful autumn day! This morning we are all stacking wood. Jake then off on a XCountry meet. Tomorrow we have some hours, let's go a hike to Bear Mountain in the morning? I suggested to hubby. Good idea.
Love the week ends.
Friday, October 14, 2016
15
Going to bed after Jake weeped into a glass of milk in the dark kitchen since over an hour ago. Telling me he has only 2 friends if even that and that he's worried about his future. Upset about 2 recent bad grades. And general weeping. Still later kissed him goodnight in his bed and he asked me not to go. We chatted some more and he made a few jokes and sounded more himself.
Seriously mom, where do you think I will go to college. Oberlin, McGill... Look, you are more than your grades. There is a college for everyone. But not good ones! Look, all you can do is the best you can and your education is one indicator but there are other reasons I know you have a good future. But how do you know? Because you're kind. Because you care and you try. Because you make people laugh. You are emotionally intelligent. Because you're a good human being.
We went on and on all night. My sweet babe. To be 15 is hard. Look, I will feel good for you until you can join me. What? You know what I mean. I'm glad you're talking to me and you can always talk to me. Now that I know how overwhelmed you're feeling, I can do a better of job helping you, so I'm glad we are talking.
I should really be more patient with him.
Good night, it's so late!
Seriously mom, where do you think I will go to college. Oberlin, McGill... Look, you are more than your grades. There is a college for everyone. But not good ones! Look, all you can do is the best you can and your education is one indicator but there are other reasons I know you have a good future. But how do you know? Because you're kind. Because you care and you try. Because you make people laugh. You are emotionally intelligent. Because you're a good human being.
We went on and on all night. My sweet babe. To be 15 is hard. Look, I will feel good for you until you can join me. What? You know what I mean. I'm glad you're talking to me and you can always talk to me. Now that I know how overwhelmed you're feeling, I can do a better of job helping you, so I'm glad we are talking.
I should really be more patient with him.
Good night, it's so late!
Thursday, October 13, 2016
summer internship
Wrote to 3 computer programmers (hedge fund, Amazon, private company), a secret service agent, an automotive software engineer dealing with government contracts, and a few family members, asking for advice in helping Jake find a summer internship in cyber security. He has been directly in touch with a retired researcher from IBM who said he'd submit Jake's resume to the research division, but he set Jake's expectations appropriately low and said it would be next to impossible given that Jake is in highschool and has not already taken Calculus. His programming tutor has another contact at IBM she reached out to, and then out of the blue asked if Jake could at all be in Ann Arbot next summer? I said yes, of course. She has (not close) colleagues at a Arbor Networks she felt comfortable enough reaching out to, a place - incidentally- Jake got excited about visiting last summer in a field trip! How amazing would that be!
The school is not able to help with contacts and has urged students to rely on parental networks. It's all about who you know, I realize. I wrote personally to every single remote possiblity on my contact list. Hubby has been in touch with the cyber security division within his company. Surely we can find something?
To the secret service neighbor, I wrote that Jake could be in DC with hubby next summer.
Throwing out a huge net and hoping for an opportunity for Jake.
The school is not able to help with contacts and has urged students to rely on parental networks. It's all about who you know, I realize. I wrote personally to every single remote possiblity on my contact list. Hubby has been in touch with the cyber security division within his company. Surely we can find something?
To the secret service neighbor, I wrote that Jake could be in DC with hubby next summer.
Throwing out a huge net and hoping for an opportunity for Jake.
Af
Dot asked me last night if I was "okay," she thought I didn't seem the same. I told her I was tired and just very busy. Later, I told hubby her remark. Maybe I am a little more introverted than I think, I told hubby. Maybe a glass or two of wine makes me generally more chatty. Although at the bar mitzvah I was plenty chatty and out on the dance floor and in other meals with friends where there is plenty of alcohol. But maybe it has changed my relationship with some people, the ones I have been chummy with for not good enough reason? Maybe I'm less tolerant without a glass of wine to soften certain people's edges? I don't know.
Almost 9 weeks alcohol free and feeling proud.
Almost 9 weeks alcohol free and feeling proud.
Thursday
Everyone up and out. Jake procrastinating about seeing the guidance counselor, early this morning. But you're seeing 2 teachers at AP today, so why not just see her now? Because I'm not ready? Why would you be ready this afternoon and not now? He's off. But who knows if he will really go and see her right away. Look Jake, I had explained, she helps kids with their resumes all of the time. She wants to give you feedback in person and it might be that you see her this morning so you have more time to see your other teachers this afternoon. Plus, it would be nice to write to your contacts and our families with your resume this week end, and try to be on the search for an internship right away. It will only get harder as time passes...
Hubby not feeling well but had an appointment at Subaru to fix a part before heading to work. There is a surprise goodbye party for his boss of 12 years that he absolutely can't miss. But you should come home after the lunch, sweetie pie, I told him. People will see and hear you and know right away that you're under the weather. After reading Torah at Yom Kippur service, he came home and went to bed. I made him some chicken soup and brought him a plate of food from Dot's. He is exhausted. Is it mostly because he came down with something - unusual for him - or could this be indication that this job is just not physically realistic, living so far away?
Belac has a social studies test today and I quizzed him in front of the fire last night. I pushed him to think analytically and it was tough for him. I asked him questions in different ways that made him follow through with reasoning, instead of just memorizing what things were. Mom, this is so hard! You're doing it! I told him, and I'm being tough with you because if you get questions like this you understand how you have to push yourself and make your brain think it through. You take all of the details you know and make an opinion. It's not enough to know there was the 13th ammendment and that there was the Freedman's bureau, blacks still had a lot of problems. And what were they? And even though the federal government gave and forced native Americans to reservations to settle, why Wasn't this right? Why did they suffer? What if someone told us we couldn't live in this house anymore but they said we could move to a beautiful apartment in Kansas? What's wrong with that?
It's Thursday. Mom! Belac exclaimed when I went to nudge him out of bed, why are you getting me up in the middle of the night? It's not, I explained, it's just that sunrise is after 7am now, you're getting up before the sun...it's hard but you need to get up!
And I have to get going myself.
A new day.
Hubby not feeling well but had an appointment at Subaru to fix a part before heading to work. There is a surprise goodbye party for his boss of 12 years that he absolutely can't miss. But you should come home after the lunch, sweetie pie, I told him. People will see and hear you and know right away that you're under the weather. After reading Torah at Yom Kippur service, he came home and went to bed. I made him some chicken soup and brought him a plate of food from Dot's. He is exhausted. Is it mostly because he came down with something - unusual for him - or could this be indication that this job is just not physically realistic, living so far away?
Belac has a social studies test today and I quizzed him in front of the fire last night. I pushed him to think analytically and it was tough for him. I asked him questions in different ways that made him follow through with reasoning, instead of just memorizing what things were. Mom, this is so hard! You're doing it! I told him, and I'm being tough with you because if you get questions like this you understand how you have to push yourself and make your brain think it through. You take all of the details you know and make an opinion. It's not enough to know there was the 13th ammendment and that there was the Freedman's bureau, blacks still had a lot of problems. And what were they? And even though the federal government gave and forced native Americans to reservations to settle, why Wasn't this right? Why did they suffer? What if someone told us we couldn't live in this house anymore but they said we could move to a beautiful apartment in Kansas? What's wrong with that?
It's Thursday. Mom! Belac exclaimed when I went to nudge him out of bed, why are you getting me up in the middle of the night? It's not, I explained, it's just that sunrise is after 7am now, you're getting up before the sun...it's hard but you need to get up!
And I have to get going myself.
A new day.
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