Brahms G major Sonata. 3 miles walking fast with sporadic running while listening to an NPR segment about processed food. It's incredible the things we eat. I am a sucker for fat and salt....
I have been studying and studying my IKEA kitchen plan. We will have fewer cabinets than currently, but the storage will be better suited to our needs and more than enough. I hope. I can always carve out a pantry in the hall closet if we later need. I would just really like to keep things simple in there. The best foods are fresh and have the fewest ingredients, and we really don't need to be storing items that have a shelf life of 3 years. How long was our longest power outage anyway? 24 hours? Not long enough to not be able to get something we need.
Simplify.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
speed blog
Timer on for 12 minutes. If I get on the treadmill soon, I can make my 9:30 rehearsal.
The one thing I want to teach my kids is to always stand back up. You define who you are, not the others. You decide what you are capable of - to a certain degree, not the others. If you really want something you can figure out a way. And you adjust accordingly. When something knocks you down, you eventually have to get up or life passes you by. And for what? Because your ego got bent out of shape? Get over it.
Some of my colleagues in the doctoral program at Juilliard are now teaching there. Were they necessarily the best performers of the bunch? No, not at all, actually. Were they the most ambitious ones? Not necessarily. Others left for sunnier, less stressful places. Many got tired of being poor and left the city, even the profession altogether. But the ones there all had something in common. They kept at it and didn't give up hope. Even when I'm sure life sucked at times. And the ones in other places, they figured out other ways to be first-rate musicians and teachers and to them, NY was not the end all, be all. You adjust. Everything is a trade-off. There is not one way to make a life or one way to do anything.
I just want my kids to know that.
Done in 9 minutes! Off to the treadmill.
The one thing I want to teach my kids is to always stand back up. You define who you are, not the others. You decide what you are capable of - to a certain degree, not the others. If you really want something you can figure out a way. And you adjust accordingly. When something knocks you down, you eventually have to get up or life passes you by. And for what? Because your ego got bent out of shape? Get over it.
Some of my colleagues in the doctoral program at Juilliard are now teaching there. Were they necessarily the best performers of the bunch? No, not at all, actually. Were they the most ambitious ones? Not necessarily. Others left for sunnier, less stressful places. Many got tired of being poor and left the city, even the profession altogether. But the ones there all had something in common. They kept at it and didn't give up hope. Even when I'm sure life sucked at times. And the ones in other places, they figured out other ways to be first-rate musicians and teachers and to them, NY was not the end all, be all. You adjust. Everything is a trade-off. There is not one way to make a life or one way to do anything.
I just want my kids to know that.
Done in 9 minutes! Off to the treadmill.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
day 1
3 miles of huffing and puffing on treadmill, 10 sit ups, 5 push ups... don't even know if I did those exercises correctly.
I am upset about what I let happen to my body and am determined to stay off my butt from now on.
Day 1 of what I hope is forever after.
I am upset about what I let happen to my body and am determined to stay off my butt from now on.
Day 1 of what I hope is forever after.
special lessons
In the past week, I have gotten calls from 2 new families, inquiring about lessons for their kids with special needs. One parent and child first came to me at the other house, years ago. She decided he wasn't ready, or at least she wasn't willing to shell out that kind of money each week to just "try." Now the child is in 4th grade and she thinks it's time. And now I live even farther away.
It's wild to think that I have made more of a reputation for myself in teaching the trickier ones and trying to make music fun, and not as an overly serious Juilliard grad with a gazillion NYSMA kids. The truth is, I don't want a lot of students and the ones that I have, need to want to be here. They don't have to be talented, but they have to be interested. You couldn't otherwise pay me enough to be away from my kids, and in this way, I know I'm very lucky. I think this is what makes me a good teacher. I am not ultimately doing it for the money (although don't get me wrong, I like the money and it helps to fix up this house!)
There is really nothing like seeing a kid progress and master a previously difficult skill or piece after hard work. It's thrilling when a kid finally gets over a hump after weeks or maybe months of pushing and encouragement. And for the special needs kids. Well, that is just something else. I feel like I have this chance to help these kids learn something they might not easily get from someone else, and the support from these families is just phenomenal. The best, actually! These parents have tempered hopes and the expectation to just try your best! And what do these kids do? They try. Every effort is applauded and it's inspiring - breathtaking at times - to see and hear what these kids accomplish. It's an honor to be "in" on it with the parents, and seeing other parenting up close and regularly informs me on how I want to be with my own children.... I realize that teaching these kids fulfills an emotional need and it has brought this loving and colorful community to my home. All of my special needs kids get 45 minute lessons for the cost of 30 minutes. And the truth is - don't tell anybody - I get so much out of these lessons and their families, I would even teach this bunch for free.
It's wild to think that I have made more of a reputation for myself in teaching the trickier ones and trying to make music fun, and not as an overly serious Juilliard grad with a gazillion NYSMA kids. The truth is, I don't want a lot of students and the ones that I have, need to want to be here. They don't have to be talented, but they have to be interested. You couldn't otherwise pay me enough to be away from my kids, and in this way, I know I'm very lucky. I think this is what makes me a good teacher. I am not ultimately doing it for the money (although don't get me wrong, I like the money and it helps to fix up this house!)
There is really nothing like seeing a kid progress and master a previously difficult skill or piece after hard work. It's thrilling when a kid finally gets over a hump after weeks or maybe months of pushing and encouragement. And for the special needs kids. Well, that is just something else. I feel like I have this chance to help these kids learn something they might not easily get from someone else, and the support from these families is just phenomenal. The best, actually! These parents have tempered hopes and the expectation to just try your best! And what do these kids do? They try. Every effort is applauded and it's inspiring - breathtaking at times - to see and hear what these kids accomplish. It's an honor to be "in" on it with the parents, and seeing other parenting up close and regularly informs me on how I want to be with my own children.... I realize that teaching these kids fulfills an emotional need and it has brought this loving and colorful community to my home. All of my special needs kids get 45 minute lessons for the cost of 30 minutes. And the truth is - don't tell anybody - I get so much out of these lessons and their families, I would even teach this bunch for free.
Monday, February 25, 2013
initiative
Jake continues to go to his school lego league. 25 kids initially signed up in September. Only 7 stuck it out to the competition in February, and now only 3 remain. I had originally told the teachers Jake would not be continuing as it had become such a chore for him leading up to the competition, but then I found out he was going anyway. Twice a week, after school. I asked him this morning, is it fun? Are you sure you want to go? I thought you said it wasn't fun anymore.... Mom, he told me, it's so much fun now that the competition is over! I made the coolest claw with a sensor, and it's so much better than what we made for the competition. The claw for the competition only pushed things, my claw actually picks things up!
I was shocked when he called me one Thursday to tell me where he was. It was absolutely his own choice to continue. I obviously love that he's excited about building and creating, and spending extra time in school over this. The team did not distinguish themselves at the competition, nor is there now any 'reason' to keep at it (no more competition, no grades or credit), but there he is, at it, with just 2 others. Amazing!
He also told me, the other day, he missed tennis. Really? I asked. What about ping pong? Well, he told me, can I go back to that tennis place again, the place I went to on the week ends?
Those classes can be very aerobic and intense. The only spot now left is in the middle of the week for a 90 minute class at dinner time. It's longer than what he's used to, and there are only 2 other boys, so he's really going to be running around. It's also expensive. Really, you want it? Yes. You have to eat dinner early and you have to do your homework right away.... Fine! And it's going to be harder ---. RELAX, Mom! It's fine! I can handle it!
I worried for the longest time that Jake didn't have enough desire. Didn't take initiative enough and didn't ask for anything. Obviously I am thrilled about his motivation for Lego and tennis. Maybe he's just growing up. Or maybe I just need to give him the time (and space) to figure out himself what he wants to do. When it's his choice (and not mine) it means something. Like he said, I need to RELAX.
I was shocked when he called me one Thursday to tell me where he was. It was absolutely his own choice to continue. I obviously love that he's excited about building and creating, and spending extra time in school over this. The team did not distinguish themselves at the competition, nor is there now any 'reason' to keep at it (no more competition, no grades or credit), but there he is, at it, with just 2 others. Amazing!
He also told me, the other day, he missed tennis. Really? I asked. What about ping pong? Well, he told me, can I go back to that tennis place again, the place I went to on the week ends?
Those classes can be very aerobic and intense. The only spot now left is in the middle of the week for a 90 minute class at dinner time. It's longer than what he's used to, and there are only 2 other boys, so he's really going to be running around. It's also expensive. Really, you want it? Yes. You have to eat dinner early and you have to do your homework right away.... Fine! And it's going to be harder ---. RELAX, Mom! It's fine! I can handle it!
I worried for the longest time that Jake didn't have enough desire. Didn't take initiative enough and didn't ask for anything. Obviously I am thrilled about his motivation for Lego and tennis. Maybe he's just growing up. Or maybe I just need to give him the time (and space) to figure out himself what he wants to do. When it's his choice (and not mine) it means something. Like he said, I need to RELAX.
run!
I don't like the way my body looks or feels. I am back on the treadmill again and hope I can stay on it.
Yesterday, hubby and buddy discussed training for a triathalon in August. They sometimes bike and run together in the summer. His buddy is turning 50 this summer and is worried about his knee. Hubby is concerned about the swimming portion of the race. But it's an intriguing goal for both and they decided to meet up early next Sunday for a long run.
His wife and I also discussed the running. Maybe having a running partner will help me once the weather is warmer.... I need to do something! I am 43 years old and see that my body has really changed. It's mushy and drooping and I just can't squeak by on diet alone. I felt so good when I was running last summer! Why did I stop??
Yesterday, hubby and buddy discussed training for a triathalon in August. They sometimes bike and run together in the summer. His buddy is turning 50 this summer and is worried about his knee. Hubby is concerned about the swimming portion of the race. But it's an intriguing goal for both and they decided to meet up early next Sunday for a long run.
His wife and I also discussed the running. Maybe having a running partner will help me once the weather is warmer.... I need to do something! I am 43 years old and see that my body has really changed. It's mushy and drooping and I just can't squeak by on diet alone. I felt so good when I was running last summer! Why did I stop??
first day back
Mom? I think I might be tired in school tomorrow, Belac told me at bedtime. I know! But you know what? Everyone will be tired, just like you, so I bet there won't be toooo much work on the first day after vacation. Plus, we're all going to bed early. Even dad is already in bed!
Hubby got up at his usual 5:45am and I heard him running on the treadmill. I didn't get up much later to make coffee and lunches. By 7, I flicked on everyone's lights and announced I had made noodles for breakfast. And good thing I had begun early, hubby had already left for work and so there was no help with the nudging.
I made sure every boy was 'sweetie pie', this morning. I really wanted and needed a good start to this day. We had 20 minutes for a leisurely breakfast and talked about everything and nothing and absolutely nothing about school. I ran Belac off first, and listened to the details about the ramp he's making for his car, making sure he did not veer off onto any emotional subjects. Especially about the flower.
Ran home to walk with Jake, and as we waited on the dog to do his business, every few steps, I found myself looking around and taking a deep breath. It was sunny, it was warm, the air was nice. We talked about basketball and bowling. About the patch of ice he always crosses that is so dangerous. About where he goes first thing when he's so early for school, like today. And then I stopped at the corner as I watched him walk the rest of the way. He turned to wave a few times until he became a little dot and entered the building. He shared so much with me, today.
It's a real pain in the butt to get up early, but it's worth the trouble because I actually have time to enjoy my boys. Plus it's just peaceful not having to rush or even talk about anything school related because the bags were packed the night before and their homework was long done. There's more room for the good stuff.
So far so good.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
sunny patch
I sort of feel bad about my previous post. I sound ungrateful. I hope I'm not. We live in a great house, in a great school district, with wonderful people. Its the American dream! But there are trade offs to everything. We live in homogeneity and in a great big bubble. And this bothers me. While this kind of security is what most parents probably want for their kids, it just makes it impossible to teach the kids very basic and crucial things. The importance of hard work. That nothing and no one is beneath them. That money doesn't grow on trees. I really hate the thoughtless consumerism and materialism of metro NY. Most of the world and most people can only dream to have what we have. Are we preoccupied by our next purchase or vacation? As much as figuring out how to do good and make this world a better place?
When I grew up, my dad turned off the water in the shower whenever he lathered up his hair and my parents shared bath water. Hot water was precious. Hubby's grandma still keeps our 'international' phone calls clipped, even though I have explained we pay a flat North America rate. Are my kids hungry enough? Do they understand how privileged we are? Were it not for easier access to green and the impossibility of schooling, I'd move us back to NYC in a heartbeat. We'd have no room for anything extra and we'd be out on the streets seeing every kind of person and way of life as a matter of course.
When I grew up, my dad turned off the water in the shower whenever he lathered up his hair and my parents shared bath water. Hot water was precious. Hubby's grandma still keeps our 'international' phone calls clipped, even though I have explained we pay a flat North America rate. Are my kids hungry enough? Do they understand how privileged we are? Were it not for easier access to green and the impossibility of schooling, I'd move us back to NYC in a heartbeat. We'd have no room for anything extra and we'd be out on the streets seeing every kind of person and way of life as a matter of course.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Flight
We were up at 4ish to catch flight home. The boys and hubby now snoring, I can hear from down here.
We took a vote at dinner. Belac and I still miss Florida and both Jake and hubby were more comme ci comme ca about being home. One thing is for sure. We are all not particularly attached to this physical home. We dropped our bags in the foyer and spent the first few hours by the fire. No one initially checked the rest of the house out. Earlier Jake and I discussed his bday party, only one of 5 kids is from Sunny Patch. And over vacation, hubby and I talked about the possibility of being transferred elsewhere within his company. Of course! If we stay, we continue making the best of it. If not, we go on an adventure! Either way, we install an Ikea kitchen and get this house in ship shape
We took a vote at dinner. Belac and I still miss Florida and both Jake and hubby were more comme ci comme ca about being home. One thing is for sure. We are all not particularly attached to this physical home. We dropped our bags in the foyer and spent the first few hours by the fire. No one initially checked the rest of the house out. Earlier Jake and I discussed his bday party, only one of 5 kids is from Sunny Patch. And over vacation, hubby and I talked about the possibility of being transferred elsewhere within his company. Of course! If we stay, we continue making the best of it. If not, we go on an adventure! Either way, we install an Ikea kitchen and get this house in ship shape
thank you
Home. Unpacking. Shopping for food. Getting oriented.
We decided to eat dinner next to the fire and I asked the kids to drag the table and chairs to the living room. Turns out, Jake did most all of it himself and it wasn't easy. What are you doing? I heard hubby ask as he found Jake dragging the table by himself. Hubby has been in and out prepping the grill, I was making veggies in the kitchen...
Mom? Jake came to me, just now as we're waiting for the meat. Remember how you told me how important 'thank you' is...? Well....
I opened my arms to hug and kiss him. I forgot! I told him. You're such a big help and I am so grateful. Thank you so so so so so so much!
During our vacation, I had at one point told Jake how I loved him. I know, he told me, you tell me all of the time. Well, do I tell you too much? I asked. Did I say that? was his response.
Words matter. I love you. Thank you. Don't forget to say these little words that mean so much.
We decided to eat dinner next to the fire and I asked the kids to drag the table and chairs to the living room. Turns out, Jake did most all of it himself and it wasn't easy. What are you doing? I heard hubby ask as he found Jake dragging the table by himself. Hubby has been in and out prepping the grill, I was making veggies in the kitchen...
Mom? Jake came to me, just now as we're waiting for the meat. Remember how you told me how important 'thank you' is...? Well....
I opened my arms to hug and kiss him. I forgot! I told him. You're such a big help and I am so grateful. Thank you so so so so so so much!
During our vacation, I had at one point told Jake how I loved him. I know, he told me, you tell me all of the time. Well, do I tell you too much? I asked. Did I say that? was his response.
Words matter. I love you. Thank you. Don't forget to say these little words that mean so much.
family
Not once while we were away did I worry about my kids behaving or talking any certain way. They did hwk from packets everyday, first thing, and that was their one obligation they did dutifully. Otherwise it truly was breakfast, ocean, dinner, and sleep, everyday. Though we were occasionally with my favorite of hubby's siblings and his family and friends from Sunny Patch, we were very much on this trip together always and on our own. And there is really something about being away from the usual, not concerned about fitting in or appearances or worrying about anyone else and what they want or expect. Living our own normal was truly something else.
Last night, Jake fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. All the sun and swimming and chasing the seagulls was exhausting. Mom? Belac told me as I kissed him, I'm a little sad we are going home. Me, too! I agreed. We talked a little and then as I kissed him a bunch more, he said, Happy Birthday Mom! He remembered. This morning at 430, I checked on the boys and saw that Jake had packed up their pjs and all the remaining stuff. What is not ultimately perfect about my family? I need to remember this as we head back to rainy, cold, dog-eat-dog NY. My family is the best, perfect even with - and because of - everyone's quirks, and I am so lucky. I love them so much.
Last night, Jake fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. All the sun and swimming and chasing the seagulls was exhausting. Mom? Belac told me as I kissed him, I'm a little sad we are going home. Me, too! I agreed. We talked a little and then as I kissed him a bunch more, he said, Happy Birthday Mom! He remembered. This morning at 430, I checked on the boys and saw that Jake had packed up their pjs and all the remaining stuff. What is not ultimately perfect about my family? I need to remember this as we head back to rainy, cold, dog-eat-dog NY. My family is the best, perfect even with - and because of - everyone's quirks, and I am so lucky. I love them so much.
Friday, February 22, 2013
40-something
Dancing with hubby as our waitress showed us some Greek steps. Then practiced with Belac and his buddy, both who are not shy about these things, and then Dot joined in. The owner kept handing out handfuls of napkins to the kids to throw in the air. My BIL told funny stories. An idyllic dinner after a day at the beach.
Hubby left awhile ago. I thought to run, as he's been doing all week. But he got out of bed without saying anything and I heard the jangle of his belt. Not running clothes. Maybe he had to work. I eventually emerged from the bedroom and there was Belac.
Hi mom! Good morning sweetie pie. Have you seen dad? Well.... Did he go for a run? Well.... I think he went to get food. Happy Birthday Mom! I totally forgot, its my birthday! Jake emerged from the other bedroom and showed me his card. Happy Birthday in colorful stick like bubble letters and then W O W. See? he showed me, turning the card upside down, of course it's for you....
Everyday has been my birthday here. Hubby and I agreed we could have probably spent another week here before even thinking about going home and I know the boys feel the same.
Okay, so I guess I should I go back to bed? Yes, Jake told me, chuckling.
Hubby left awhile ago. I thought to run, as he's been doing all week. But he got out of bed without saying anything and I heard the jangle of his belt. Not running clothes. Maybe he had to work. I eventually emerged from the bedroom and there was Belac.
Hi mom! Good morning sweetie pie. Have you seen dad? Well.... Did he go for a run? Well.... I think he went to get food. Happy Birthday Mom! I totally forgot, its my birthday! Jake emerged from the other bedroom and showed me his card. Happy Birthday in colorful stick like bubble letters and then W O W. See? he showed me, turning the card upside down, of course it's for you....
Everyday has been my birthday here. Hubby and I agreed we could have probably spent another week here before even thinking about going home and I know the boys feel the same.
Okay, so I guess I should I go back to bed? Yes, Jake told me, chuckling.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Happy
Sitting on the porch in the sun. Kids playing a 2 player game on the iPad next to me. Waiting for hubby to finish with a call so we can head to the beach. It's all of these easy moments I love.
After days at the ocean and eating at local places, we went to the pool, yesterday. At FILs urging - its his apt - we felt obliged to enjoy the amenities at least once. I immediately felt on display as we found some chairs, poolside. I was the single visible minority there - the asian chick with the Jewish guy- and did not find this show fun despite my putting on a good face. I noticed that despite not being the oldest there, I was also the greyest of every woman. I was also the only one in my age group that jumped in and got her hair wet. Jake, however, loved the camraderie of the kids and it was understandable. His is the next generation, visiting grandparents during school break, a group that mixes much more with everyone.... Later went to a dinner reservation at the club, where we couldn't initially get in because hubby's button up shirt did not have sleeves, and BIL and wife - having just arrived- did not have designated cards despite offering proof we were related. Are you kidding me? what planet were we on? This wasn't charity, we were paying guests. The host was going to discuss with manager to make an exception on our behalf. Hubby and I turned to each other. I don't want to eat here, do you? Nope! replied hubby. And off we all went to sushi, courtesy of yelp.
My ideal vacation is otherwise what the rest of the trip has been. Sleeping in, being out and about under the big blue sky, and eating where the locals eat. No Disney characters, super size portions, unnecessary shopping or crowds. Its been easy and wonderful. What a great vacation.
After days at the ocean and eating at local places, we went to the pool, yesterday. At FILs urging - its his apt - we felt obliged to enjoy the amenities at least once. I immediately felt on display as we found some chairs, poolside. I was the single visible minority there - the asian chick with the Jewish guy- and did not find this show fun despite my putting on a good face. I noticed that despite not being the oldest there, I was also the greyest of every woman. I was also the only one in my age group that jumped in and got her hair wet. Jake, however, loved the camraderie of the kids and it was understandable. His is the next generation, visiting grandparents during school break, a group that mixes much more with everyone.... Later went to a dinner reservation at the club, where we couldn't initially get in because hubby's button up shirt did not have sleeves, and BIL and wife - having just arrived- did not have designated cards despite offering proof we were related. Are you kidding me? what planet were we on? This wasn't charity, we were paying guests. The host was going to discuss with manager to make an exception on our behalf. Hubby and I turned to each other. I don't want to eat here, do you? Nope! replied hubby. And off we all went to sushi, courtesy of yelp.
My ideal vacation is otherwise what the rest of the trip has been. Sleeping in, being out and about under the big blue sky, and eating where the locals eat. No Disney characters, super size portions, unnecessary shopping or crowds. Its been easy and wonderful. What a great vacation.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Basketball
Hubby and Belac long gone. Jake playing basketball in the pool with a bunch of boys. He's not wearing his glasses and is half blind. He is not exactly sporty in your typical kid way and plays on no team, but I happen to know that they are doing the basketball unit in PE. And so there he was. First he stood nearby dribbling a ball as he watched, and when invited in, jumped right into the water. Can you play defense? Someone asked. He can't see a thing, I thought, but Jake nodded and he was in. Now an hour later, they are still playing. I saw Jake make a basket, how did he do that? He has no idea that his dad and Belac have left or that now I'm even sitting nearby. He's -13 and -5 in each eye! He's having so much fun, though, and likes the banter. Its 14-10. Good times.
Hubby
Last night, I wanted to know if he thought my friend's husband is gay. I wanted to know what kind of relationship he thought they had. After awhile, hubby said, you know what? I really don't care. We should be thinking about ourselves. We have enough to think about and figure out with just us and the kids.
Everyone always tells me how nice I am. The truth is, if you really scratch below the surface, you will find hubby is the much nicer one of us. He's so much less judgmental than me and knows how to take the high road in a way that I always want to drive off the track. Of everyone in my life he is least worried about keeping up with appearances and well, he just doesn't like gossiping. I am married to someone with such good character. It is sheer luck that I ended up with someone like him.
Everyone always tells me how nice I am. The truth is, if you really scratch below the surface, you will find hubby is the much nicer one of us. He's so much less judgmental than me and knows how to take the high road in a way that I always want to drive off the track. Of everyone in my life he is least worried about keeping up with appearances and well, he just doesn't like gossiping. I am married to someone with such good character. It is sheer luck that I ended up with someone like him.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Boca nuts
Arrived to Boca. One delay after another to get here and it was 3 am before I lay down to sleep. But already, just being out in the sunshine and not being on any schedule, its like life has been transformed. The kids run about and explore. Jake and Belac seeing who can make their tic tac last the longest. Who can point out the next animal first on our board walk. Walking about Dumbo Lingo or whatever it's called, wandering in the sunshine, meeting the turtles in the rehabilitation center, watching the kids play in the sand as I leaned into hubby, Jake seeing if he could crack open a coconut he found.... Shopping for food together and hubby with no work. at. all. How many vacations did we have where he had to work anyway? It's just weird how easy everything seems all of the sudden. Could it all boil down to sunshine deprivation? I ask hubby. Can we please come here every February?
Saturday, February 16, 2013
fortune cookie wisdom
Jake: Having more money does not make happiness.
Belac: The greatest remedy for anger is delay.
Hubby and me: If you want the rainbow, you must tolerate the rain.
They were all good this time. It was Belac's idea to post them in the bathroom, and it's where I just found the 3 little slips, glued in a little frame on the wall.
Belac: The greatest remedy for anger is delay.
Hubby and me: If you want the rainbow, you must tolerate the rain.
They were all good this time. It was Belac's idea to post them in the bathroom, and it's where I just found the 3 little slips, glued in a little frame on the wall.
Friday, February 15, 2013
sunshine!
I now pick Belac up 5 minutes early from school in order to avoid the usual messy encounter with the flower. A clean break for a few weeks - at least - is what the school and I decided. (They wanted less, I wanted more.) His aide was beaming from ear to ear and was thrilled to tell me how amazing Belac was at recess. He was playing with a kid near the flower and was finding it difficult. He went to his aide and said. This is a little hard. Can I play somewhere else? And so she helped him find another corner of the playground to play, where he wouldn't have to see her so easily. I am so incredibly proud of him! she exlaimed. He was AMAZING!!
I hugged and kissed Belac on the spot and told him how proud I was of him. Only to stand up and see the flower's mom approaching us right behind him. She waved hello to me with a big smile. She knew I was picking him up early and must have been volunteering at school. I smiled and waved without a word, then turned to walk out with Belac, hand in hand.
I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful sendoff from school! Tomorrow we are off to Florida and what a treat.
I am so proud of my boy.
I hugged and kissed Belac on the spot and told him how proud I was of him. Only to stand up and see the flower's mom approaching us right behind him. She waved hello to me with a big smile. She knew I was picking him up early and must have been volunteering at school. I smiled and waved without a word, then turned to walk out with Belac, hand in hand.
I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful sendoff from school! Tomorrow we are off to Florida and what a treat.
I am so proud of my boy.
performance class
(Who wouldn't want such a picture from a love?
He asked to send it to the flower, but I'm just not sure what to do.)
Belac 2/2014
Sweet. Everyone played, including Belac. He introduced himself clearly and was very funny:
Hi, I'm Belac.... Uh. I go to the Road School. I'm in the 4th grade. I live.... well, here! (Laughter.) On 158 ManlyTown Highway! And I like to... well... play Minecraft! And... (with eyes wide open!) I'm going to play MINECRAFT for you! (Laughter.) Just kidding!(Chuckle.) I'm going to play Mountain Song.I was shocked (and happy) to hear this introduction he had not practiced. Then he played the sweetest little piece, slightly out of tune, slightly scratchy, and sort of not facing the audience, but with the most innocent pure sound, all his. I could hear a hundred beginning violinists play this piece while blind folded, and I'm certain I could pick him out. He does have his own distinct voice and I wish hubby had been there to see and hear. I wish I had asked someone to video tape this.
I was so proud of all my students. One boy played Fur Elise, the only advanced student I have. He began piano 6 years ago with me at the other house, another world ago it seems. Another boy transferred to me in September. He has Asperger's Syndrome and is easily excitable, but gave the most incredible, poised performance of a Sonatina and Passepied. I was thoroughly blown away and so proud! I am certain I saw his mom wipe away a tear. We have been working on control from Day 1. His tendency otherwise is to want to play 100 miles an hour and launch into Mario Brothers theme in fortissimo at every possible moment.... There was no hint of that, yesterday!
A violin student began the class solidly with 2 folk songs. Her mom came and 'interviewed" me rigorously 1-1/2 years ago and I can't believe how far we've all come. The girl spent her entire first year not talking to me, but then totally blossomed when she realized she wants to be a violinist when she grows up. She is one very talented and sweet girl who I think could go as far as she wants, despite getting extra academic supports at school. She spends her free time watching youtube videos of pop violinists (and has introduced me to another world.) This is her favorite, and yes, she's in 2nd grade! Izzy played the most solid "French Song" you'd ever hear. But I was again shocked to see her slouching the way she never has, whispering when introducing herself, and then asking me quietly in my ear, right as she was supposed to begin playing and her hands were already on the keyboard, what pieces am I playing again? I am always very reassuring and non-chalant with her at these moments. Surprisingly, though, this happens every time despite being meticulously prepared, a totally extroverted soccer player who made the most goals for her team this season, and now the elected President of the 4th grade class! She has to just keep practicing being put in the spotlight, that's all.
Jake and I agreed, he was going to perform for the next class, a few diablo tricks to music.... Still, I was happy to see him sitting on the floor, listening with dog in lap. It's informative for him to experience being in this intimate gathering and see that there are always mishaps but the show goes on and everyone survives it.... There were also 4 kids that were sort of no shows and I don't expect them to continue in the long term. 3 from one family and another who came by himself, who would not take his turn to warm up and then wandered off to play with toys during class. I went to bring him back (and also retrieved Belac to sit next to a parent - all who know him and understand his challenges) but there's only so much I can do without more support from the family of this student who is not motivated.
We had cupcakes and other valentine treats smothered with sugar and dyes. Everyone lingered for almost an hour afterwards, kids ran around and parents chitchatted. I noticed, everyone hugged each other goodbye and the parents took the time to really congratulate each kid. I really do have the NICEST most supportive families in my studio, and describing it to hubby later, he told me that I should be proud of our little home community. I am definitely making sure my boys are part of it, from here on out. You know what I am most proud of, though? That there are special needs kids side by side with "regular" kids, and you just can't really tell who is who while they're up there. In fact, they are among the strongest musicians in the bunch. 3 of them transferred to me after unsuccessful music lessons elsewhere. It just shows me, over and over, that the constant and loving involvement from parents and teaching that caters to the child (and not the other way around), can make a very real and positive impact. During my low moments, I need to remember this. What I do for my boys makes a difference. And on days that are harder, I have to make the extra effort to be as kind and patient with my children as I am with my students.
By the way, I read (and cried through) WONDER by Palacio the other night. It is a beautiful and believable story written in the voice of an incredible middle-school boy with severe facial deformities. It should be required reading for the world. In an age where so many of our priorities are misplaced, we just often forget about this basic, most important thing called kindness.
"Kinder than is necessary. Because it's not enough to be kind. One should be kinder than needed." RJ Palacio in Wonder.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
changes
I don't know even where to begin about these past 2 days. So much has happened. So many conversations have taken place. I was called into the principal's office, yesterday, for a very productive discussion that I began the day before with his teachers but then something else happened. (He said the F word to a flower because she didn't want to play with him, and then spent the next hour sobbing and unable to get himself together.) Later, Belac came into the meeting and I could see his eyes were still red and swollen. He told me when he saw me, "mom, you played good on the piano at my class today." I pulled him towards me and embraced him, then started weeping. "I just wanted to be with her," he told me. When I looked up, the principal was wiping away tears, too. She understands. The teachers, principal and I, all present, discussed the new rules with him. Later that evening in a concert I accompanied, the principal was there. She came to me and hugged me, saying in my ear, you are an amazing mom, Gimky. Don't make me cry, i told her, as I started to cry.
Today, I called the flower's mom. We had the most honest and open conversation we'd ever had. I sweated over this conversation, but knew it was the right thing to do. I should have tried to talk to you earlier about this, I admitted to her, but always thought it would figure itself out.... I told her that I just love her daughter and that she is an incredible little girl and that we have been so lucky for this friendship, but we both acknowledged that Belac was smothering her daughter and his behavior was too intense. (He's infatuated, actually, I didn't say.) She agreed, some distance and space was necessary. "I'm so glad you and I can talk about this," she told me. I felt sad, knowing everything was about to change. Don't be afraid to call me if there's anything, I told her, it's hard but I can take it. I really care about Lily being happy and comfortable, I explained, and I really care about Belac learning to handle his intense emotions better.
And then I hung up and called Kati and cried my head off. I can't really "take it" as I claimed, but just have to. Just this morning, I told Kati, I yelled at my boys, criticizing them for their behavior, lack of discipline and lack of appreciation of me and for "everything" I do. It was harsh, unfair and terrible of me as I sent them off on their days, presumably holding back tears.
Just the night before, Belac had played beautifully and was without an aide all evening. Jake was fine and sitting with friends in the audience of 150 by himself, as hubby was out of town. Belac sat the rest of the time with me at the piano, even though I was playing and he was not, and behaved perfectly, sitting in his chair and clapping appropriately with little prompting. I then had to give him very firm instructions the whole time, as he saw and became excited that the flower had arrived. With a ton of coaching, though, he managed to control himself, not call out, run over, but just wave without a word when we passed to leave. I motioned silently to her mom - who I hadn't yet spoken to about everything - that I was going to call. My kids are trying, and isn't that everything? They are good kids, and yet I so often see just the negative when I'm not out and about with the face I've put on.
"Amazing" mom? I'm not so sure. And what do I have to show for it? He still ends up in your office. How can you be so sure? I had asked the principal before she was interrupted and pulled away by another kid.
Today, I called the flower's mom. We had the most honest and open conversation we'd ever had. I sweated over this conversation, but knew it was the right thing to do. I should have tried to talk to you earlier about this, I admitted to her, but always thought it would figure itself out.... I told her that I just love her daughter and that she is an incredible little girl and that we have been so lucky for this friendship, but we both acknowledged that Belac was smothering her daughter and his behavior was too intense. (He's infatuated, actually, I didn't say.) She agreed, some distance and space was necessary. "I'm so glad you and I can talk about this," she told me. I felt sad, knowing everything was about to change. Don't be afraid to call me if there's anything, I told her, it's hard but I can take it. I really care about Lily being happy and comfortable, I explained, and I really care about Belac learning to handle his intense emotions better.
And then I hung up and called Kati and cried my head off. I can't really "take it" as I claimed, but just have to. Just this morning, I told Kati, I yelled at my boys, criticizing them for their behavior, lack of discipline and lack of appreciation of me and for "everything" I do. It was harsh, unfair and terrible of me as I sent them off on their days, presumably holding back tears.
Just the night before, Belac had played beautifully and was without an aide all evening. Jake was fine and sitting with friends in the audience of 150 by himself, as hubby was out of town. Belac sat the rest of the time with me at the piano, even though I was playing and he was not, and behaved perfectly, sitting in his chair and clapping appropriately with little prompting. I then had to give him very firm instructions the whole time, as he saw and became excited that the flower had arrived. With a ton of coaching, though, he managed to control himself, not call out, run over, but just wave without a word when we passed to leave. I motioned silently to her mom - who I hadn't yet spoken to about everything - that I was going to call. My kids are trying, and isn't that everything? They are good kids, and yet I so often see just the negative when I'm not out and about with the face I've put on.
"Amazing" mom? I'm not so sure. And what do I have to show for it? He still ends up in your office. How can you be so sure? I had asked the principal before she was interrupted and pulled away by another kid.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Phoenix
Hubby in Arizona. He just called after buying a shirt to replace an ill-fitting one, brought accidentally. Walking through the mall, he interrupted himself, wait! What do you want for Valentines day? Do you want jewelry? clothes? I'm passing Victorias Secret, now, how about something from here...?
I choked with laughter. Would that be for me or you, ultimately? You know, if you really want what i think you want, it might be more effective to just turn the thermostat above 60 at night.... And now I could hear him giggling, you really are a piece of work, you know that?
I told him I was fighting the urge to snack or pour a drink now with kids in bed. He admitted to eating McDonalds, yesterday, and was now looking for a healthier option. And then we talked more seriously about Belac's obsession with a certain flower. It has really gotten out of hand.
I had to drag him away from her, today. I could see this good bye at pick up was getting even more ridiculous than usual. She didn't want it and he had no idea. He sobbed all the way home as he protested. By the time we got home, I kneeled down to his height, held both his hands and was yelling. YOU HAVE TO STOP THIS BEHAVIOR. IT IS CRAZY AND YOU APPEAR CRAZY. YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOUR FRIEND SPACE OR YOU WILL DRIVE HER AWAY FOR GOOD. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOU APPEAR! AND NOW THE MOM IS TIRED AND IRRITATED BY THIS SMOTHERING, TOO. IF I TELL YOU TO COME WITH ME, YOU MUST COME!! DO YOU TRUST ME?? DO YOU? IF I TELL YOU TO STOP AND COME WITH ME, YOU HAVE TO KNOW I'M DOING IT FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT I AM PROTECTING YOU AND DOING THE BEST THING FOR YOU EVEN IF I AM TAKING YOU AWAY FROM YOUR FRIEND.
He sobbed and sobbed and could barely catch a breath. Please! Please stop yelling at me mom!! Please!
We later at dinner talked about playing it cool. Hello! or Goodbye! said ONCE. So long! No 10 million questions about when they can meet next. If she'll come on vacation with us. If he can call her. If they can come for dinner on Friday. If they can play at recess. It is really the most endearing thing in the world, but how much can a child and family take of this incessant behavior? And the sobbing when he can't see her at the end of the day to say good bye. I mean, it's the sweetest thing but it is OUT OF CONTROL.
And then there he was, weeping again at bedtime. Mom, I just wanted to see her that's all, he told me, she's my best friend. I know, sweetie pie, but you also have to give her a chance to ask for a playdate and for her to come to you and say goodbye. But what if she never asks me again or doesn't find me to say goodbye to me? And then there was sobbing. Well, that would be very, very sad. But we still have to give her the chance to ask. That's the way it is with Kati and me. Sometimes there are days I don't talk to her, but I know it's not because she doesn't love me or I don't love her. It's Lily's turn and I say you keep super cool and upbeat. You can say, have a good day! with a smile and be on your way. That's nice and easy and fun. But the calling out and the panic and all that embarrassing attention you attract that Lily does not want, that has to stop. If you really love her, you'll stop that because she doesn't want it. You need to think about what she wants, okay? I kissed him.
Okay, he weeped, but can you just stay and talk to me more?
This sweet little kid kills me, I love him so much. He is true to his feelings and has all the right intentions and the will to try to do better, but navigating the world can be just so hard for him.
I choked with laughter. Would that be for me or you, ultimately? You know, if you really want what i think you want, it might be more effective to just turn the thermostat above 60 at night.... And now I could hear him giggling, you really are a piece of work, you know that?
I told him I was fighting the urge to snack or pour a drink now with kids in bed. He admitted to eating McDonalds, yesterday, and was now looking for a healthier option. And then we talked more seriously about Belac's obsession with a certain flower. It has really gotten out of hand.
I had to drag him away from her, today. I could see this good bye at pick up was getting even more ridiculous than usual. She didn't want it and he had no idea. He sobbed all the way home as he protested. By the time we got home, I kneeled down to his height, held both his hands and was yelling. YOU HAVE TO STOP THIS BEHAVIOR. IT IS CRAZY AND YOU APPEAR CRAZY. YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOUR FRIEND SPACE OR YOU WILL DRIVE HER AWAY FOR GOOD. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW YOU APPEAR! AND NOW THE MOM IS TIRED AND IRRITATED BY THIS SMOTHERING, TOO. IF I TELL YOU TO COME WITH ME, YOU MUST COME!! DO YOU TRUST ME?? DO YOU? IF I TELL YOU TO STOP AND COME WITH ME, YOU HAVE TO KNOW I'M DOING IT FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT I AM PROTECTING YOU AND DOING THE BEST THING FOR YOU EVEN IF I AM TAKING YOU AWAY FROM YOUR FRIEND.
He sobbed and sobbed and could barely catch a breath. Please! Please stop yelling at me mom!! Please!
We later at dinner talked about playing it cool. Hello! or Goodbye! said ONCE. So long! No 10 million questions about when they can meet next. If she'll come on vacation with us. If he can call her. If they can come for dinner on Friday. If they can play at recess. It is really the most endearing thing in the world, but how much can a child and family take of this incessant behavior? And the sobbing when he can't see her at the end of the day to say good bye. I mean, it's the sweetest thing but it is OUT OF CONTROL.
And then there he was, weeping again at bedtime. Mom, I just wanted to see her that's all, he told me, she's my best friend. I know, sweetie pie, but you also have to give her a chance to ask for a playdate and for her to come to you and say goodbye. But what if she never asks me again or doesn't find me to say goodbye to me? And then there was sobbing. Well, that would be very, very sad. But we still have to give her the chance to ask. That's the way it is with Kati and me. Sometimes there are days I don't talk to her, but I know it's not because she doesn't love me or I don't love her. It's Lily's turn and I say you keep super cool and upbeat. You can say, have a good day! with a smile and be on your way. That's nice and easy and fun. But the calling out and the panic and all that embarrassing attention you attract that Lily does not want, that has to stop. If you really love her, you'll stop that because she doesn't want it. You need to think about what she wants, okay? I kissed him.
Okay, he weeped, but can you just stay and talk to me more?
This sweet little kid kills me, I love him so much. He is true to his feelings and has all the right intentions and the will to try to do better, but navigating the world can be just so hard for him.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
keeping my marbles
I am sort of worried that my mom is losing her mind. On the one hand, she has always been a loose cannonball of sorts and has driven everyone nuts, but more recently, I just wonder....
I don't mean to mom bash. I love my mom and she means well. She can be so generous and fun. But I wish she took better care of herself. I wish she read the news instead of always having the tv on. I wish she took walks. I wish she ate better. I wish she was cooking up new dishes, doing something to keep her brain moving. It's good that she takes care of my nieces, occasionally, but I wish she had some curiosity about something or some all-consuming hobby. Knitting, drawing, cooking, picking up Japanese, again, so she could talk to my nieces.... something. I wish she were generally more positive.
Today, she didn't know which son I was talking about when I mentioned that "he" had managed to read aloud a very long book to me. I really paused. Did she really not know? She couldn't not know! We talked about it so much over the years and she saw it in every visit here. Jake always has his nose in a book, oblivious to the world around him. And then there's Belac, who usually argues, procrastinates and whines about any reading assignment. He had a reading tutor for awhile until I stepped in. Maybe I'm 600 miles away and it's normal not to remember? It's Belac, mom. You know, the one who has gotten almost every academic service at school?
I recently read a headline that women who exercise make 10% more in income. Not touting my own horn, here, as I have fallen off the band wagon AGAIN. But the overall claim makes sense. If you exercise, regularly, you have more energy and the assumption is, you exert a certain discipline. You probably look better, too, which always helps. I know from past experience, you feel better. I think I read that running staves off depression. It certainly makes hubby less anxious about work. I also read that walking helps your memory....
My lolo app has been emailing, everyday, asking where I've been. So on that note, ugh, off to the treadmill I go.
I don't mean to mom bash. I love my mom and she means well. She can be so generous and fun. But I wish she took better care of herself. I wish she read the news instead of always having the tv on. I wish she took walks. I wish she ate better. I wish she was cooking up new dishes, doing something to keep her brain moving. It's good that she takes care of my nieces, occasionally, but I wish she had some curiosity about something or some all-consuming hobby. Knitting, drawing, cooking, picking up Japanese, again, so she could talk to my nieces.... something. I wish she were generally more positive.
Today, she didn't know which son I was talking about when I mentioned that "he" had managed to read aloud a very long book to me. I really paused. Did she really not know? She couldn't not know! We talked about it so much over the years and she saw it in every visit here. Jake always has his nose in a book, oblivious to the world around him. And then there's Belac, who usually argues, procrastinates and whines about any reading assignment. He had a reading tutor for awhile until I stepped in. Maybe I'm 600 miles away and it's normal not to remember? It's Belac, mom. You know, the one who has gotten almost every academic service at school?
I recently read a headline that women who exercise make 10% more in income. Not touting my own horn, here, as I have fallen off the band wagon AGAIN. But the overall claim makes sense. If you exercise, regularly, you have more energy and the assumption is, you exert a certain discipline. You probably look better, too, which always helps. I know from past experience, you feel better. I think I read that running staves off depression. It certainly makes hubby less anxious about work. I also read that walking helps your memory....
My lolo app has been emailing, everyday, asking where I've been. So on that note, ugh, off to the treadmill I go.
Monday, February 11, 2013
a design for us
My favorite kitchen picture.
Currently trying to design a smart IKEA kitchen.
I'm planning on 2 walls of storage instead of the current 3. Only lower cabinets along one wall with windows, and then some appliances and storage on the other. An electric cooktop will sit on it's own island of more storage. I can also carve out a small pantry from a hall closet if need be.
I'm done with dusty hoardings in corner cabinets you can't easily access. No corner cabinets, whatever the fancy inner contraptions. And no real upper cabinets, either, for that matter. The only upper storage I'm planning for is limited shelving for glasses and plates we use everyday. Everyone helps themselves. And the fridge, actually, is going to be not as deep and thus smaller. No more hidden food spoiling in the back. But I do plan to splurge on a water spout on fridge front... Everyone gets their own water from now on.
No hoarding! Whatever doesn't fit is given away, that's all. Less money, less stuff, less stress.
Currently trying to design a smart IKEA kitchen.
I'm planning on 2 walls of storage instead of the current 3. Only lower cabinets along one wall with windows, and then some appliances and storage on the other. An electric cooktop will sit on it's own island of more storage. I can also carve out a small pantry from a hall closet if need be.
I'm done with dusty hoardings in corner cabinets you can't easily access. No corner cabinets, whatever the fancy inner contraptions. And no real upper cabinets, either, for that matter. The only upper storage I'm planning for is limited shelving for glasses and plates we use everyday. Everyone helps themselves. And the fridge, actually, is going to be not as deep and thus smaller. No more hidden food spoiling in the back. But I do plan to splurge on a water spout on fridge front... Everyone gets their own water from now on.
No hoarding! Whatever doesn't fit is given away, that's all. Less money, less stuff, less stress.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
10
Belac's birthday sleep over. Both amazing and exhausting. Lots of play with Blizzard Nemo and hubby leading snow ball fights. Kids made a sled run off the top of our driveway, only possible because there was so much snow. I was impressed and grateful. These kids - five 4th graders from school - accept Belac, for better and worse, and they also have a chummy relationship with Jake. It's tricky with Lily, though. I especially and absolutely love this child, but I just can't see this friendship lasting. Belac smothers her and does not know how to relax and play it cool.... it makes me sad. Still, she was here and decided to spend the night, even when she wasn't so sure at first. And so we should simply enjoy this relationship while it lasts.
Now spending some lazy moments figuring out how to buy an Ikea kitchen. I'd love a bunch of beautiful walnut doors made by a company called semihandmadedoors. Their work is gorgeous and I am amazed how they offer up such a unique product for the more common man. Also determined to have all of our appliances be American made....
Sometimes I wonder if this no man's land is really the ideal place to be. It keeps things interesting and us chipping away. My kids are different enough to make us all worry, but still within a certain realm to make me think it could all be okay in the end. We have enough money to not worry about certain things, knock on wood, but not enough to have whatever we want. Then hubby recently confirmed that we did sock away 25% of his income last year. Really? That's not a miscalculation? I was shocked out of my mind! Only a few years ago, we weren't saving a dime and could only dream of such the day. This is an amazing accomplishment, even if I say so myself.
So here we are. My baby is 10 years old and we have all come a very long way!
Thursday, February 7, 2013
on my watch
As long as I make "enough" money, stay professionally involved "enough" and emotionally satisfied "enough", I am now not looking to "work" more. I'd just be spinning my wheels. It's enough. My kids need me. No one else is going to make sure they're doing what they need to do the way a mom will. Everyone else cuts corners and watches their watch. No one else will pay enough of the right kind of attention to my boys. And frankly, no one else has the same kind of energy and the right kind of love as the mom. No one. It involves a certain kind of helicoptering. What a terrible word! But all helicoptering is not bad, especially when it's about helping the kids 'keep up' or feel good about themselves.
Belac is reading his first chapter book ever for his first book report ever. This book was assigned to his class and it is serious hard work for him. The ONLY way he reads this book and the only way we know he understands what he is reading, is for him to sit with me every night and read aloud and for me to ask him why questions every few paragraphs. It was what the teachers suggested and it's what I'm doing. It was painful at first and caused so many tears and horrible sighs of dread, but now we are on page 120 and every night he now asks me, mom can you read with me? He even identifies strongly with this temperamental character, who means so well and tries so hard but constantly runs into troubles at school.... 120 pages so far of just one story! Who would have ever thunk? But it really took this kind of hand holding and do I ever not regret one second of it. I can only hope there will be more books and that it will get easier....
And then there's Jake, who I discovered, this morning, did not understand some concepts for a French test. Over breakfast, we reviewed ways to ask for and tell time. More importantly, on the way to school, we discussed that he has to go to the source when studying. He needs to open his text book and not just go over his notes.
Would a babysitter do all of this? Maybe, but probably not. She needs her job and needs the kids to need her. My goal, on the other hand, is to get the kids to not really need me. To problem solve and be more self sufficient. And I guess the heart of the matter is, I want to be the one to help them. I want to be there to help my boys more than playing another concert, taking on another student, buying another thing, 20 more minutes on Facebook....
I have moved most of my Monday students to Sunday, when my kids can be with hubby. Next year, I am only teaching kids who practice. Period. I am otherwise watching my watch and wasting precious time, just wondering when I can be done and with my own kids.
Belac is reading his first chapter book ever for his first book report ever. This book was assigned to his class and it is serious hard work for him. The ONLY way he reads this book and the only way we know he understands what he is reading, is for him to sit with me every night and read aloud and for me to ask him why questions every few paragraphs. It was what the teachers suggested and it's what I'm doing. It was painful at first and caused so many tears and horrible sighs of dread, but now we are on page 120 and every night he now asks me, mom can you read with me? He even identifies strongly with this temperamental character, who means so well and tries so hard but constantly runs into troubles at school.... 120 pages so far of just one story! Who would have ever thunk? But it really took this kind of hand holding and do I ever not regret one second of it. I can only hope there will be more books and that it will get easier....
And then there's Jake, who I discovered, this morning, did not understand some concepts for a French test. Over breakfast, we reviewed ways to ask for and tell time. More importantly, on the way to school, we discussed that he has to go to the source when studying. He needs to open his text book and not just go over his notes.
Would a babysitter do all of this? Maybe, but probably not. She needs her job and needs the kids to need her. My goal, on the other hand, is to get the kids to not really need me. To problem solve and be more self sufficient. And I guess the heart of the matter is, I want to be the one to help them. I want to be there to help my boys more than playing another concert, taking on another student, buying another thing, 20 more minutes on Facebook....
I have moved most of my Monday students to Sunday, when my kids can be with hubby. Next year, I am only teaching kids who practice. Period. I am otherwise watching my watch and wasting precious time, just wondering when I can be done and with my own kids.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Security
Once upon a time, hubby was gone every week. Sometimes half way around the world. But it wasnt such a scary thing in a NYC apt, where there were always people around. In suburbia, however, it's reassuring to engage the alarm before going to bed. We thought a lot about being set back from the road and hidden. Our dog barks at every little thing, too. And so on that note, I say good night. Sweet dreams.
graduation
Oh my god. I just cried through this entire video. Like sobbed. I dare you not to cry through this....
Hubby is away on business. Now begins some crazy times of separation for us and what do I do when the kids are in bed and there's nothing to do? I get my fill. I am a news junkie.
This woman tried to get disabled kids into the workforce and had her last wishes. The boy, just 18, seems like the sweetest most grown up kid ever. Hubby called as I finished the video, still on his way to Boston, and I was crying. Sweetie pie, he tells me after I explained what I was watching, can you please now go and watch some cat videos or something?
Hubby is away on business. Now begins some crazy times of separation for us and what do I do when the kids are in bed and there's nothing to do? I get my fill. I am a news junkie.
This woman tried to get disabled kids into the workforce and had her last wishes. The boy, just 18, seems like the sweetest most grown up kid ever. Hubby called as I finished the video, still on his way to Boston, and I was crying. Sweetie pie, he tells me after I explained what I was watching, can you please now go and watch some cat videos or something?
aliens
Hadn't seen Kati in weeks. I was sick and had dropped off the face of the planet. Turns out, she was going through her own thing.
Sometimes I feel like such an alien in Sunny Patch, she told me with what looked like tears in her eyes.
Welcome to my world! I told her and laughed.
But you look fine, you're so open...
And so are you! I interrupted.
She came from Hungary and landed in metro NY. Of course she feels like an alien. She should have ended up in Boston or Vermont or better yet, Canada. Someplace a little less crass and cold and much less materialistic.... But then we wouldn't have each other, would we?
A couple of months ago, I was in a store I had no business being in. I was looking for a tiny sink and had no idea what it cost before checking it out in person. On my way out, a model kitchen caught my eye. It was very sleek and efficient looking, just my thing, and appeared to be the perfect size and layout to be be plopped right into my own. I pulled out a drawer and touched the counters, then saw a sign. As is and yours for $12,000 it read. I asked the sales person, what's wrong with this kitchen and what does this price include? I could see from the tags that just the cabinets cost over $50,000, once upon a time.
No one wanted it, that's what happened. Everyone was coming and buying the traditional stuff, so the store wanted this kitchen and all the more modern cabinets out. And now I know, having done my research, that this model kitchen is cheaper (and prettier) than an IKEA kitchen, and at least the same quality if not better. It's probably gone at this point, but this afternoon I will drive by and see if it's still there, this kitchen apparently no one wants.
Sometimes I feel like such an alien in Sunny Patch, she told me with what looked like tears in her eyes.
Welcome to my world! I told her and laughed.
But you look fine, you're so open...
And so are you! I interrupted.
She came from Hungary and landed in metro NY. Of course she feels like an alien. She should have ended up in Boston or Vermont or better yet, Canada. Someplace a little less crass and cold and much less materialistic.... But then we wouldn't have each other, would we?
A couple of months ago, I was in a store I had no business being in. I was looking for a tiny sink and had no idea what it cost before checking it out in person. On my way out, a model kitchen caught my eye. It was very sleek and efficient looking, just my thing, and appeared to be the perfect size and layout to be be plopped right into my own. I pulled out a drawer and touched the counters, then saw a sign. As is and yours for $12,000 it read. I asked the sales person, what's wrong with this kitchen and what does this price include? I could see from the tags that just the cabinets cost over $50,000, once upon a time.
No one wanted it, that's what happened. Everyone was coming and buying the traditional stuff, so the store wanted this kitchen and all the more modern cabinets out. And now I know, having done my research, that this model kitchen is cheaper (and prettier) than an IKEA kitchen, and at least the same quality if not better. It's probably gone at this point, but this afternoon I will drive by and see if it's still there, this kitchen apparently no one wants.
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
confusion
As I was checking my phone while leaving the nursery school, I received notice that someone had tagged me in a Facebook photo. The cellist and I, along with Olivia, had once performed trios of some crazy new music. Some of the music was good, I remember, but other pieces were hideous. We spent many sweltering hours rehearsing in my apartment with barely any air conditioning, both laughing hysterically and cursing these composers for their unplayable notations. I always later wished we had just one photo from those days, could this be it? But I couldn't get this photo to load.
Later, as I waited at the bank, the photo finally loaded. For some reason it was huge and there he was, just his enormous head taking up my entire phone screen. It was my Singaporean friend who had died in December. With a click, I saw I was there, too, with my arm around him on his graduation day from Juilliard. I was not expecting this at all and was totally taken aback. Also never saw the photo before, would never have remembered I was there on that particular day, but there I was.
It sent me through a loop. And then when my family noticed his picture on my FB wall, I forgot that I hadn't told them he was dead. How? I didn't really know but assumed it was his heart, and certainly his eating habits did not help.
What I did not anticipate was the one-lined message from my mother I received this morning. It stated:
Did you know on dad's credit report still have that black on it because dad try to help him out?
I found myself immediately irritated. First because she couldn't just wait a day before bringing this up. And you know, if you are still (very understandably) mad about the fact that they co-signed on a loan they had to payback because he vanished, then just say so! It's understandable and terrible what happened without any elaboration. Don't make up stories. I am certain my parents' credit report is stellar. And as for this, my parents paid my friend's loan back in full, within a few months after the collection agency's calls began over a dozen years ago. It was a terrible time, I remember.... My grandmother was very sick and spending her last months living with my mom and dad. My mom was afraid to pick up the phone and was crying and screaming at these people, and then she would call me, a penniless pianist in NYC who couldn't do much about it.
So can we talk about something? I ask hubby as he drives to work. Should I be paying my parents back? It was $18,000 they paid on his delinquent loan, I say carefully and without emotion. Hubby and I just posted final payment on my own student loan, last year, and thought we were finally done. Can we do it...?
SYL. Why did you do this to us? Why did you do this to me? Were we really the friends I thought we were?
Monday, February 4, 2013
the path less traveled
Scary article about our laissez-faire dispensation of and addiction to stimulants. I don't disagree that many legitimately need and should take psychopharmaceuticals. But especially in the case of our prepubescent children, how many doctors prescribe walking or aerobic exercise, yoga, eating better, or getting 10 hours of sleep before handing over a prescription? How many people have tried other things before popping pills? And why does everything have to happen so fast anyway?
I really struggle emotionally about medication. In Belac's case, it has not made dramatic difference, so why bother? Why pharmaceutically meddle with his neurological development? Just do it because a doctor, who barely sees Belac, says so? Just double the dose and see if it helps? This is not a science experiment, it's my child.
A lot of the kids in Sunny Patch see a doctor in the next town over. Every single one whose parents I have spoken to is medicated. All the parents say they can never get timely follow-up appointments because the doctor is so busy, but they are grateful for the pills they feel their children need. Sorry, but she's not for us. And now I am, again, back to this developmental pediatrician who does not take insurance. He requires a 30 minute visit every 3-4 weeks if you are on medication. He also has plenty of kids in his practice who come from families that are anti-medication.... But it's just a ton of money to shell out (for both boys) only to find that he can't help. It's playing the lottery.
I've been trying to take in the view of the forest, lately.... My best music students are the ones whose parents are able to stay for lessons. The parents are more in the loop and the music is a family experience for them. If a kid shows up unprepared, the parent has to cringe through the lesson and then write me a check anyway. When the kid has accomplished a new piece, I grab the parent from the kitchen to come sit on the couch and we applaud and give standing ovations. These students simply progress faster than the ones who are dropped off because they have the luxury of a certain kind of attention. My point is, even though progress is slow and I sometimes feel that I am beating my head against a wall, I do know - deep down - that this luxury of time with my kids and the attention I give them is a good thing. It's maybe not the dramatic and immediate progress I expect, but I have to believe that over time they can and will learn the skills to compensate and cope with their challenges. When I sit down and think about it, I recognize that they have both clearly come a very long way. I remind myself all of the time. This is not a sprint, we are hiking the Appalachian trail.
I really struggle emotionally about medication. In Belac's case, it has not made dramatic difference, so why bother? Why pharmaceutically meddle with his neurological development? Just do it because a doctor, who barely sees Belac, says so? Just double the dose and see if it helps? This is not a science experiment, it's my child.
A lot of the kids in Sunny Patch see a doctor in the next town over. Every single one whose parents I have spoken to is medicated. All the parents say they can never get timely follow-up appointments because the doctor is so busy, but they are grateful for the pills they feel their children need. Sorry, but she's not for us. And now I am, again, back to this developmental pediatrician who does not take insurance. He requires a 30 minute visit every 3-4 weeks if you are on medication. He also has plenty of kids in his practice who come from families that are anti-medication.... But it's just a ton of money to shell out (for both boys) only to find that he can't help. It's playing the lottery.
I've been trying to take in the view of the forest, lately.... My best music students are the ones whose parents are able to stay for lessons. The parents are more in the loop and the music is a family experience for them. If a kid shows up unprepared, the parent has to cringe through the lesson and then write me a check anyway. When the kid has accomplished a new piece, I grab the parent from the kitchen to come sit on the couch and we applaud and give standing ovations. These students simply progress faster than the ones who are dropped off because they have the luxury of a certain kind of attention. My point is, even though progress is slow and I sometimes feel that I am beating my head against a wall, I do know - deep down - that this luxury of time with my kids and the attention I give them is a good thing. It's maybe not the dramatic and immediate progress I expect, but I have to believe that over time they can and will learn the skills to compensate and cope with their challenges. When I sit down and think about it, I recognize that they have both clearly come a very long way. I remind myself all of the time. This is not a sprint, we are hiking the Appalachian trail.
Friday, February 1, 2013
IKEA
About to scrub myself down and make myself presentable, first time in a week. I've been wearing the same yoga pants or jeans every single day and haven't once brushed my hair or looked in the mirror. I've just been sticking a hat on my head, covering myself with a big jacket, and getting Belac to and from school.
Yesterday, when I dragged myself out to buy a birthday gift for Belac, I ran into the president of the PTA and whose son is on the same Lego team as Jake. Gimky! she called to me. I just about died. Oh my God, Becky, I have been so under the weather and have no idea what I look like! And don't get too close to me, I'm sick and can't seem to shake this thing!
And there we stood for an hour, whispering about this Lego league, totally misrun. I told her about Jake's 5th grade experience and how, thank God, this year he has really great teachers or I would have seriously put the house on the market and left this place. We talked a lot about the principal. She told me how our district is so in trouble with our school expenditures and how with all the pensions and benefits we are and will be paying, it is flat out unsustainable. We are heading into our own fiscal cliff. She is certain that it's just a matter of time before our district goes bankrupt. More proof there is no way we can stay after Belac graduates.... That's 8 years, knock on wood. Our friends say to me, c'mon, Gimky, you're not going to leave that fast. Well, we'll see about that. Do you want to look at my school tax bill? We will hopefully have college bills to pay for both boys. The numbers all around are insane.
Next year is Jake's bar mitzvah. There's going to be a lot of family here. I'm trying to figure out if we can afford to replace these tired and failing appliances and install an IKEA kitchen. At least one person has raised their eye brows, asking. Is that even wood? It might be better than wood, I shrug, there's a 25 year warranty on these. Another person let slip, a kitchen sells the house, you know. What, and it can't be IKEA? I don't say but simply nod. And this other guy, working on the house next door who wants this job, asked "Who's your cabinet maker?" Surely he means, where are you getting your cabinets from? IKEA, I responded and could not help but laugh out loud when he responded, Oh! We'll see if he still wants the job.
Lesson number 1. Just because you spend more money on something doesn't make it better. Just because everyone does something else, doesn't mean it's right. What's most important is that you have a functional, clean and efficient space. That's what sells a house. Most important, is that you only spend what you can afford and sustain. There's nothing to be ashamed about. Be true to yourself (and to your pocket book) and you'll have peace.
Yesterday, when I dragged myself out to buy a birthday gift for Belac, I ran into the president of the PTA and whose son is on the same Lego team as Jake. Gimky! she called to me. I just about died. Oh my God, Becky, I have been so under the weather and have no idea what I look like! And don't get too close to me, I'm sick and can't seem to shake this thing!
And there we stood for an hour, whispering about this Lego league, totally misrun. I told her about Jake's 5th grade experience and how, thank God, this year he has really great teachers or I would have seriously put the house on the market and left this place. We talked a lot about the principal. She told me how our district is so in trouble with our school expenditures and how with all the pensions and benefits we are and will be paying, it is flat out unsustainable. We are heading into our own fiscal cliff. She is certain that it's just a matter of time before our district goes bankrupt. More proof there is no way we can stay after Belac graduates.... That's 8 years, knock on wood. Our friends say to me, c'mon, Gimky, you're not going to leave that fast. Well, we'll see about that. Do you want to look at my school tax bill? We will hopefully have college bills to pay for both boys. The numbers all around are insane.
Next year is Jake's bar mitzvah. There's going to be a lot of family here. I'm trying to figure out if we can afford to replace these tired and failing appliances and install an IKEA kitchen. At least one person has raised their eye brows, asking. Is that even wood? It might be better than wood, I shrug, there's a 25 year warranty on these. Another person let slip, a kitchen sells the house, you know. What, and it can't be IKEA? I don't say but simply nod. And this other guy, working on the house next door who wants this job, asked "Who's your cabinet maker?" Surely he means, where are you getting your cabinets from? IKEA, I responded and could not help but laugh out loud when he responded, Oh! We'll see if he still wants the job.
Lesson number 1. Just because you spend more money on something doesn't make it better. Just because everyone does something else, doesn't mean it's right. What's most important is that you have a functional, clean and efficient space. That's what sells a house. Most important, is that you only spend what you can afford and sustain. There's nothing to be ashamed about. Be true to yourself (and to your pocket book) and you'll have peace.
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