Brushed my teeth immediately after coming home from dinner so I wouldn't be inspired to snack. We had dinner at Bareburger, where I had a couple of tasty salads. The fam wandered around Best Buy after dinner, and I bought a portable speaker for my studio, hubby a pair of noise cancelling earphones for calls and listening to music on the train, and a wiiU game I bought as a gift for the kids. Pokke-something.
Hubby and I curled up over Downton Abbey and the kids vegged. Off to bed. What a nice evening with the fam.
Friday, September 30, 2016
Tgif
I've lost 8 lbs. Basically losing a pound of week by walking a lot and eating well. My Fitbit goal still says goal of 125 pounds which is over 15 pounds away. Thinking that over. I am afraid people might think I am sick at that weight and that it is over all unrealistic. 130 is better.
Ran into Flower's parents at Back to School night and had time to chat during the slot both Jake and their older daughter had lunch period. I really like them, it's just easy with them. Amazing we have emerged from Belac's love for Flower and pretty good friends at that!
Dad called this morning and told me that mom brought the car for maintenance and is in perfect shape. Thank you so much. We will come and get it over Thanksgiving. Hubby will leave for DC from Michigan and I will drive home with the boys myself.
I am finished early at 5 today. Let's go out to eat!! I suggested to hubby before he went up to work from home. Love these early Fridays.
Back to school night
First time in the history of the kids going to school that hubby and I went to back to school night together. Always it was just me, meeting every teacher and hearing their spiel. But last night, it was hubby's first and he was both overwhelmed and upset. We both agreed his Honors Bio and Math teachers were top notch. The others? I thought a few of them were okay. The French teacher was abominable and hubby could barely contain himself. The Science research teacher, we realized, was merely a frazzled project manager and the heavy lifting and figuring it out was all Jake's and he would need our help. And had we not fortuitously bumped into the asst principal to help us find this guy, as we were not scheduled at all to meet last night, we would have never had 20 minutes to talk about some very important elements of this 3 year class. Jake has to be so aggressive in finding a mentor and must log minimum 90 hours of an internship during summers at a research institution. He stressed with urgency that we had to get on top of this now and draw from all of our contacts to find a respectable researcher in the field, as the competition was fierce which included a pool of kids in college, and then added - of course you have to do your due diligence and make sure that the mentor is also "safe" and sound. I nodded gravely as that statement just kind of hung in the air. I had no idea Jake will earn up to 4 SUNY college credits if he fulfills the criteria successfully.
Gimky, hubby told me later, let's just be clear that if we were both working full-time we would never send the kids to this school. They would both be in private school. There is no way we could navigate this without your being primarily on top of it!!
We had both been to private school with small class sizes. Teachers in my case who were not necessarily the best nor really held accountable, but truly cared. His teachers were held accountable, it was a prep school after all. Our parents knew what was going on without the Herculean effort I put in. The tenure system and hands off public school approach are partially at fault here, I do see....
I just hope we chose the right district, hubby said as we sat down to watch our show. I sighed.
Listen, last year there were kids who got into some very competitive schools! Columbia, Harvard, Wellesley, Cornell.... That is amazing for a public school and of course, these are new stats. My point is, some kids in our district managed to get into some of the most competitive schools on the east coast. You ask what Alyssa is getting for the 45K she spends on Audi's education? An education at a school who has it's reputation on the line and a bottom line to meet financially, therefore, concierge college guidance and aggressive relationship bonding with the very competitive and elite colleges and universities... And you know, they both work full-time and they've basically handed over their kids to an institution. They had to. Their Weston school district is just as good as or "better" than ours, but they couldn't stay on top of it and no one was dropping everything when she picked up the phone over something....
It's true, unless I were around to help navigate for the kids and build relationships with the teachers and ask all of the clarifying questions I do, we'd be lost. It wouldn't work well. But it's okay in our case, because I'm mostly around to help. And what's better? Well, I think staying in our home community, teaching the kids to advocate for themselves - and they really have to and are learning that, learning that they get no special treatment from anyone, nor are they entitled in any which way, and it's sink or swim here. In private school they don't let kids sink, which is good and bad. but don't forget, I chuckled, I don't let the kids sink either.
I guess I shielded hubby all of these years, from some of the flakiness of Back to School night and it wasn't what he expected. And compared to a polished business setting, this was not for the most part except for just a handful of individuals. But aside from French, I think all of Jake's teachers are pretty good, with Honors Bio and Math being the very best. Those two teachers are pleasant, efficient and organized to a tee, thorough, tough-minded, crystal clear in their goals and completely down to business. I liked the enthusiasm of his English teacher, too, who started her career as an English teacher at Hackley for 5 years and then has now been in Sunny Patch for 15.
All to say, we are here and we are making the best of it. I am not second guessing or looking at other options. We are making the best of our very good school and the kids just simply have to put in the time and continue working hard. They really, really care about doing well. Don't always produce the right results, but they are demonstrating honorable effort and time. Proud of my boys.
Gimky, hubby told me later, let's just be clear that if we were both working full-time we would never send the kids to this school. They would both be in private school. There is no way we could navigate this without your being primarily on top of it!!
We had both been to private school with small class sizes. Teachers in my case who were not necessarily the best nor really held accountable, but truly cared. His teachers were held accountable, it was a prep school after all. Our parents knew what was going on without the Herculean effort I put in. The tenure system and hands off public school approach are partially at fault here, I do see....
I just hope we chose the right district, hubby said as we sat down to watch our show. I sighed.
Listen, last year there were kids who got into some very competitive schools! Columbia, Harvard, Wellesley, Cornell.... That is amazing for a public school and of course, these are new stats. My point is, some kids in our district managed to get into some of the most competitive schools on the east coast. You ask what Alyssa is getting for the 45K she spends on Audi's education? An education at a school who has it's reputation on the line and a bottom line to meet financially, therefore, concierge college guidance and aggressive relationship bonding with the very competitive and elite colleges and universities... And you know, they both work full-time and they've basically handed over their kids to an institution. They had to. Their Weston school district is just as good as or "better" than ours, but they couldn't stay on top of it and no one was dropping everything when she picked up the phone over something....
It's true, unless I were around to help navigate for the kids and build relationships with the teachers and ask all of the clarifying questions I do, we'd be lost. It wouldn't work well. But it's okay in our case, because I'm mostly around to help. And what's better? Well, I think staying in our home community, teaching the kids to advocate for themselves - and they really have to and are learning that, learning that they get no special treatment from anyone, nor are they entitled in any which way, and it's sink or swim here. In private school they don't let kids sink, which is good and bad. but don't forget, I chuckled, I don't let the kids sink either.
I guess I shielded hubby all of these years, from some of the flakiness of Back to School night and it wasn't what he expected. And compared to a polished business setting, this was not for the most part except for just a handful of individuals. But aside from French, I think all of Jake's teachers are pretty good, with Honors Bio and Math being the very best. Those two teachers are pleasant, efficient and organized to a tee, thorough, tough-minded, crystal clear in their goals and completely down to business. I liked the enthusiasm of his English teacher, too, who started her career as an English teacher at Hackley for 5 years and then has now been in Sunny Patch for 15.
All to say, we are here and we are making the best of it. I am not second guessing or looking at other options. We are making the best of our very good school and the kids just simply have to put in the time and continue working hard. They really, really care about doing well. Don't always produce the right results, but they are demonstrating honorable effort and time. Proud of my boys.
Thursday, September 29, 2016
My boys
Literally all around us, people have full time and live in nannies, send their kids to private school, take regular trips around the world, drive Teslas, and just overall spend money confidently. I guess we could be seen as in this group, living in the house we do and the money we spend on the kids' summer camps. But it is just shocking what is considered normal in these neck of the woods, where there is outrageous wealth and money to fix every problem and discomfort and carry out tasks to save time. And do we actually spend more quality time with the kids? Are we actually more secure going into the future? I'm not entirely sure.
For me the security is being with the kids and giving them my time and attention. Every time the kids tell me something is bothering them or open up when they are fraught over something, I feel gratitude that I've been around for them. I'm glad and proud that my boys speak up and don't just push it all in when their emotions bubble over. I'm glad they Feel relief to have it out and that they crave productive pondering over their troubles. These are skills, this Self reflection and the care, and the kind of character traits that will serve them well going into the future, more than a stellar GPA and fancy whatever. Now, could they have both? I'm not saying both is impossible or not even desirable. But emotional stability and a reasonable approach to life's challenges... I'm proud that my kids are demonstrating a certain confidence and nuanced thinking and self reflection that allows them to be vulnerable.
So proud of my boys beyond belief. The sweetest most thoughtful and kind kids ever! I am so lucky.
For me the security is being with the kids and giving them my time and attention. Every time the kids tell me something is bothering them or open up when they are fraught over something, I feel gratitude that I've been around for them. I'm glad and proud that my boys speak up and don't just push it all in when their emotions bubble over. I'm glad they Feel relief to have it out and that they crave productive pondering over their troubles. These are skills, this Self reflection and the care, and the kind of character traits that will serve them well going into the future, more than a stellar GPA and fancy whatever. Now, could they have both? I'm not saying both is impossible or not even desirable. But emotional stability and a reasonable approach to life's challenges... I'm proud that my kids are demonstrating a certain confidence and nuanced thinking and self reflection that allows them to be vulnerable.
So proud of my boys beyond belief. The sweetest most thoughtful and kind kids ever! I am so lucky.
Spending to save
Today someone comes to give an estimate to foam insulate the whole house. A few years ago, we we had an energy audit done which showed little or no insulation in most of the walls. Slowly but surely, we keep working to improve the house. My only consolation is that we initially got a good deal on the house and that our purchase price reflected a house that needed significant work. It would be nice to be able to insulate the house, this year. Combined with a new air tight front and fire door to garage, maybe the house won't be so drafty this season.
Last night, Jake and I had a quiet moment at his desk. He weeped as he told me that he thought he was average. And average people get nowhere. I listened and tried to think of what to say. 'No you aren't' would have been meaningless. What does one say?
Jake, this is not a sprint, you know. It's a journey. And the trick is to keep getting up. Dad wasn't exactly a stellar high school student but he never gave up. And he ended up at MIT for grad school, you know, but like 10 years after graduating high school. But even then, I need to stress this. What you amount to, how you value yourself... those aren't things you sum up or prove with your GPA or where you went to school. Mom, it's A LOT of it! Well, after you get to college there will be other stresses, will you find love and a partner? Will you find a good job? Can you get into a good grad school? Will you have enough money? How can you earn more money...? It might seem like, right now, that college is the only stress there is and once you are there you're set, but that's not so.... You do the best you can as you go along, plan ahead but don't get too overwhelmed.
Mom, where do you think I'm going to college? I would love for you to go to Oberlin or McGill. Where do you THINK I could get in? Keep up your hard work and probably Oberlin and McGill. Mom, I'm not going to get into a very competitive school. He had tears rolling down his face, and I got a friggin 65 on my geometry quiz!! And not getting into advanced math in middle school means I don't get to take calculus before I graduate! And I want to be a computer scientist and my math grade...!!!!
We talked about it. I got a recommendation for a math tutor last night, and was able to even talk to her, last night in depth. I am determined not to add to his stress but be a good cheerleader and help him in problem solving.
You're doing the right things, Jake. Pick yourself up and figure it out. Ask for help, like you did and we try to find solutions.
And by the way, I don't mind that I now raised my lesson rates. What I will now be paying for a math tutor costs double...!! My god, is everyone made of money in Westchester? We have money but gulp at the prices of everything and only can do what we do because we do public school, cook almost every night and don't buy lunches, never had regular babysitting, don't drive or wear fancy anything and on and on. I just don't get it. But to reduce Jake's stress in math and get him to be more consistent in a subject that has never been stable for him, with back and forth hi and low grades all of the time? There is no question we need to do what we need to do here. My only regret is I didn't get him a tutor earlier.
Off to teach classes. While hubby's salary is the big one, mine is no longer insignificant and makes a big difference. We have to make the doughnuts!
Last night, Jake and I had a quiet moment at his desk. He weeped as he told me that he thought he was average. And average people get nowhere. I listened and tried to think of what to say. 'No you aren't' would have been meaningless. What does one say?
Jake, this is not a sprint, you know. It's a journey. And the trick is to keep getting up. Dad wasn't exactly a stellar high school student but he never gave up. And he ended up at MIT for grad school, you know, but like 10 years after graduating high school. But even then, I need to stress this. What you amount to, how you value yourself... those aren't things you sum up or prove with your GPA or where you went to school. Mom, it's A LOT of it! Well, after you get to college there will be other stresses, will you find love and a partner? Will you find a good job? Can you get into a good grad school? Will you have enough money? How can you earn more money...? It might seem like, right now, that college is the only stress there is and once you are there you're set, but that's not so.... You do the best you can as you go along, plan ahead but don't get too overwhelmed.
Mom, where do you think I'm going to college? I would love for you to go to Oberlin or McGill. Where do you THINK I could get in? Keep up your hard work and probably Oberlin and McGill. Mom, I'm not going to get into a very competitive school. He had tears rolling down his face, and I got a friggin 65 on my geometry quiz!! And not getting into advanced math in middle school means I don't get to take calculus before I graduate! And I want to be a computer scientist and my math grade...!!!!
We talked about it. I got a recommendation for a math tutor last night, and was able to even talk to her, last night in depth. I am determined not to add to his stress but be a good cheerleader and help him in problem solving.
You're doing the right things, Jake. Pick yourself up and figure it out. Ask for help, like you did and we try to find solutions.
And by the way, I don't mind that I now raised my lesson rates. What I will now be paying for a math tutor costs double...!! My god, is everyone made of money in Westchester? We have money but gulp at the prices of everything and only can do what we do because we do public school, cook almost every night and don't buy lunches, never had regular babysitting, don't drive or wear fancy anything and on and on. I just don't get it. But to reduce Jake's stress in math and get him to be more consistent in a subject that has never been stable for him, with back and forth hi and low grades all of the time? There is no question we need to do what we need to do here. My only regret is I didn't get him a tutor earlier.
Off to teach classes. While hubby's salary is the big one, mine is no longer insignificant and makes a big difference. We have to make the doughnuts!
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
Health insurance
Just enrolled with Aetna, our only choice. Selected the gold plan and reviewed the numbers. The special pharmacy - of course - is again CVS Caremark, which previously denied Belac's drug when we were with Blue Cross. Our premium with Aetna costs almost $13,000 annually and I am hoping, praying Belac's med will be covered and approved by and that if there is any question, we can use Cigna's approval of it as justification.
As soon as I get our account number I will go and get my biopsy. I looked it up and saw that cancer preventive MRIs, ultrasounds and the like are, unlike the crazy plan we were on with Cigna, 100% covered with no deductible. I only hope that after this appointment we will never have to take advantage of that particular benefit. Mental health coverage has 15% copay which I think is not bad. But the very most expensive piece and question remains, will Belac's $24,000 med be approved?
By the way, the gazillion times marked up epi pen? Very similar to the mechanism that injects synthesized growth hormone.... I wish people fought about Belac's med prices the way people went into uproar over the epipen.
As soon as I get our account number I will go and get my biopsy. I looked it up and saw that cancer preventive MRIs, ultrasounds and the like are, unlike the crazy plan we were on with Cigna, 100% covered with no deductible. I only hope that after this appointment we will never have to take advantage of that particular benefit. Mental health coverage has 15% copay which I think is not bad. But the very most expensive piece and question remains, will Belac's $24,000 med be approved?
By the way, the gazillion times marked up epi pen? Very similar to the mechanism that injects synthesized growth hormone.... I wish people fought about Belac's med prices the way people went into uproar over the epipen.
decisions
At 2:40 I received a call. Mom, I have a problem. What is it? The bus for the XCountry meet leaves in 5 minutes, but I have a question in Math I need to ask the teacher about. What is it about? Well, I don't really understand something. Is it something dad can help you on? Probably. Okay, well he comes home late tonight and he can help you. I'd go to XCountry, you haven't been to a meet yet and the season is half over...! Okay, he agreed. Okay, run off so you don't miss the bus! I told him, and off he went.
Earlier this afternoon I was in town. Kati was there and wanted to drive me, she had time to kill. After chatting awhile I told her I was going to walk. Look, I stood back for her to see, I lost 7 pounds! I know, was going to say, you look great! Well, I told her, I was almost 150 pounds this summer! I know, she told me in a rare admission, you put on some weight.... Yes, and at 142 now I am almost where I was 3 years ago -138- when I initially thought I needed to lose 10 pounds!
Kissed her good bye. A minute later she honked as she passed. I am so determined to lose another 13 pounds and be around a totally reasonable, efficient and healthy 130. I'm so mad I let myself go like this and love these changes!
Earlier this afternoon I was in town. Kati was there and wanted to drive me, she had time to kill. After chatting awhile I told her I was going to walk. Look, I stood back for her to see, I lost 7 pounds! I know, was going to say, you look great! Well, I told her, I was almost 150 pounds this summer! I know, she told me in a rare admission, you put on some weight.... Yes, and at 142 now I am almost where I was 3 years ago -138- when I initially thought I needed to lose 10 pounds!
Kissed her good bye. A minute later she honked as she passed. I am so determined to lose another 13 pounds and be around a totally reasonable, efficient and healthy 130. I'm so mad I let myself go like this and love these changes!
More and more
Reading a book called "Drinking: a love story" and it is thoroughly depressing. I just can't digest all of it and the details of her stiff, almost strange growing up and the consequential escape and release of her drinking in raw, sickening detail. An addiction that lasted decades until she went sober and then died a premature death. I am in the midst of reading about her family life and it's a hard read to wrap my head around.
This morning, I found myself deliberately patient and listening to the kids. Wishing them a good day and telling them I loved them as I kissed them good bye. Helping retie Belac's shoes upon his request; it had taken him a painful 5 minutes but then he returned home to ask me to make them tighter and as I worked to untie his double knots, I coached him as I went. See how I'm pulling it tight from the middle? I showed him. Telling Jake that I saw how hard he was working and that I was proud of him. Calling out to him as head out the door "have a good day! I love you!"
At the bar mitzvah party over the wknd, Lulu told me that her son's adjustment to college life in the Netherlands was a little up and down . That he had a studio and was having to cook for himself. That there was culture shock in a way and a loneliness as he started studies in a new country. And somehow, she said to me that she had stressed out about so much for the kids and realized that it really wasn't worth it. That the kids ultimately just need our emotional support, to know that we are there for them.
I do realize this about my kids. They put a lot of pressure on themselves as it is. Every night Belac worries about his being able to code well enough and wanting to build something awesome before he goes to college. Stressing about going deep into Python when maybe it should be Java, now doing a little programming in Java but feeling behind.... And then coming to me at 11PM saying that he hadn't slept yet because he spent the past hour thinking about YouTube and maybe he should have been thinking about coding and was he wasting time, even in his thoughts? You are allowed to let your mind wander in bed, I laughed, but could you think about sleeping? And Jake, for him to tell me eveything causes stress... Well, a little stress is good, but more than anything I need to empower both of them to feel like they can manage and figure it out. And help them organize their lives to reduce stress when they can. And basically, keep on top of stuff.
I really think that is my most value add. Get them in bed and up on time. Help them learn to be independent and more organized with time and their belongings. And above all, love them and express my unconditional love for them. This woman has not escaped her parents, and while it is tiring to have everything tie back to them, over and over, I have only to look at myself and my years of reflection on my own mom, her parenting style, the behavior she modeled and our relationship to know that being emotionally available to my kids, being attentive and loving and appreciating them for the awesome kids they are, is like the most valuable thing I can do to help them lead happy and successful lives. My FIL told me before that the most important thing was to love the kids and keep them away from drugs. I tend to agree, more and more.
This morning, I found myself deliberately patient and listening to the kids. Wishing them a good day and telling them I loved them as I kissed them good bye. Helping retie Belac's shoes upon his request; it had taken him a painful 5 minutes but then he returned home to ask me to make them tighter and as I worked to untie his double knots, I coached him as I went. See how I'm pulling it tight from the middle? I showed him. Telling Jake that I saw how hard he was working and that I was proud of him. Calling out to him as head out the door "have a good day! I love you!"
At the bar mitzvah party over the wknd, Lulu told me that her son's adjustment to college life in the Netherlands was a little up and down . That he had a studio and was having to cook for himself. That there was culture shock in a way and a loneliness as he started studies in a new country. And somehow, she said to me that she had stressed out about so much for the kids and realized that it really wasn't worth it. That the kids ultimately just need our emotional support, to know that we are there for them.
I do realize this about my kids. They put a lot of pressure on themselves as it is. Every night Belac worries about his being able to code well enough and wanting to build something awesome before he goes to college. Stressing about going deep into Python when maybe it should be Java, now doing a little programming in Java but feeling behind.... And then coming to me at 11PM saying that he hadn't slept yet because he spent the past hour thinking about YouTube and maybe he should have been thinking about coding and was he wasting time, even in his thoughts? You are allowed to let your mind wander in bed, I laughed, but could you think about sleeping? And Jake, for him to tell me eveything causes stress... Well, a little stress is good, but more than anything I need to empower both of them to feel like they can manage and figure it out. And help them organize their lives to reduce stress when they can. And basically, keep on top of stuff.
I really think that is my most value add. Get them in bed and up on time. Help them learn to be independent and more organized with time and their belongings. And above all, love them and express my unconditional love for them. This woman has not escaped her parents, and while it is tiring to have everything tie back to them, over and over, I have only to look at myself and my years of reflection on my own mom, her parenting style, the behavior she modeled and our relationship to know that being emotionally available to my kids, being attentive and loving and appreciating them for the awesome kids they are, is like the most valuable thing I can do to help them lead happy and successful lives. My FIL told me before that the most important thing was to love the kids and keep them away from drugs. I tend to agree, more and more.
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Tuesday night
Picking Jake up from tennis, yesterday, he told me that the instructor suggested private lessons because he noticed Jake was "inconsistent." What did you say back? That I disagreed. Were you polite about it? Yes. Mom, he wasn't even watching me the whole time and I won my game. Well, you know he's a pro and has a lot of experience. And we're paying him to give you advice and help you get better.... Well, I disagreed, I don't need lessons instead. Do you think that's what he was saying? I'm not sure he was saying instead. He might be saying a few lessons in addition. Did you talk to him about it? No, but I will....
We talked more. And then Jake told me he was stressed out about everything and he didn't want to be about tennis. Really? About everything? Yes! My classes, my homework... You're doing really well. Yes, Mom and that bar got higher!!
So tonight he was done with his work at 9. Can I play a little? Of course, I told him, but tick off what you did for every class to me. Is it in your bag? And what happened with the math? Upstairs, I helped him put away his clothes as we chatted. Pointed at dirty items that needed to go in the hamper, hung a damp towel on the floor over his door. Asked him about a shirt that looked like dad's, yeah, dad gave it to me he explained. And then he was off. He needs the down time.
45 minutes, I told him as I let him be. 20 minutes, I called to Belac, deep in figuring out his coding.
Earlier Dot dropped off a gift to me for having played son's bar mitzvah. Walked the dog into town and ran into hubby's running partner and hubby of a friend. We caught up about the kids and he showed me videos of he and his son mountain biking and doing tricks. Amazing! And nice to always bump into someone familiar when I'm out and about, just blocks around the house.
Things are stable and fine. But looking forward to hubby being home, tomorrow night. Is his being away doable and normal? Will our relationships suffer? Will he come to regret being away the way he has to be for this job? He told me work was overwhelming, today. So much to manage. Is it better that we aren't there and he can work and work? Or will he miss having us as a distraction. He had bought Bon Chon Chicken on the way home for himself, sister and BIL and they were all excitedly rushing home to eat dinner together. Sounds nice and I'm so glad for him and his home away from home. Grateful to my sister and BIL for letting him basically rent the studio for nothing, a few days a week. It makes all the difference to not be in a hotel or someplace all by himself.
Soon off to bed. Argh, but I need 300 more steps just to get to 10K today. A little quick walk up and down the cul de sac I go!
We talked more. And then Jake told me he was stressed out about everything and he didn't want to be about tennis. Really? About everything? Yes! My classes, my homework... You're doing really well. Yes, Mom and that bar got higher!!
So tonight he was done with his work at 9. Can I play a little? Of course, I told him, but tick off what you did for every class to me. Is it in your bag? And what happened with the math? Upstairs, I helped him put away his clothes as we chatted. Pointed at dirty items that needed to go in the hamper, hung a damp towel on the floor over his door. Asked him about a shirt that looked like dad's, yeah, dad gave it to me he explained. And then he was off. He needs the down time.
45 minutes, I told him as I let him be. 20 minutes, I called to Belac, deep in figuring out his coding.
Earlier Dot dropped off a gift to me for having played son's bar mitzvah. Walked the dog into town and ran into hubby's running partner and hubby of a friend. We caught up about the kids and he showed me videos of he and his son mountain biking and doing tricks. Amazing! And nice to always bump into someone familiar when I'm out and about, just blocks around the house.
Things are stable and fine. But looking forward to hubby being home, tomorrow night. Is his being away doable and normal? Will our relationships suffer? Will he come to regret being away the way he has to be for this job? He told me work was overwhelming, today. So much to manage. Is it better that we aren't there and he can work and work? Or will he miss having us as a distraction. He had bought Bon Chon Chicken on the way home for himself, sister and BIL and they were all excitedly rushing home to eat dinner together. Sounds nice and I'm so glad for him and his home away from home. Grateful to my sister and BIL for letting him basically rent the studio for nothing, a few days a week. It makes all the difference to not be in a hotel or someplace all by himself.
Soon off to bed. Argh, but I need 300 more steps just to get to 10K today. A little quick walk up and down the cul de sac I go!
casper
Mom, I kind of want to tell you something, but I don't want you to get mad....
I put my phone down and gave him my full attention. Did he get a bad grade on something? Was he going to tell me he didn't pay attention at school again?
I won't get mad. I promise.
Well, uh, Casper and I were talking about oculus... and uh, he told me that after his birthday party I should stay later and uh, we could play with it. And then, uh, I told him I wanted to but my mom won't allow me to come over because of what happened at our last playdate....
Wow, I was speechless.
That's right, Belac.
And, uh, he started crying and I tried to make him feel better. He told me he wouldn't ever do it.
What a manipulative kid! was all I could think. You mean, I asked, he said he wouldn't do it 'again'...?
He didn't say 'again', he just said he'd never do it....
So mom, I kind of want to play the oculous. I think we are grown up now.
You are grown up now! And I'm glad that you're friendly and that he's being nice to you but Belac: he is not a person to be close to and you are not allowed to go to his house. Remember that he ignored your existence for months and you cried almost every day over it. And after it happened at our house, you asked me almost every day for a long time if you were okay. How he kept you away from your friends. It's behavior none of your friends have EVER done to you! He didn't make you feel good or safe. He is not to be trusted. So good to be friendly, but keep your distance.
Okay, he nodded.
Thanks for telling me, I told him, and you did such a very nice thing, Belac! You were honest, you told him your situation, and yet you reassured him and you were kind. You are such a kind person and I am so proud of you.
Thanks, Mom.
today
Today, the chimney guy came and gave the chimney and stove a good scrubbing out. He also waterproofed the chimney and added 3 caps to the pipes coming out of our roof. One had a bees nest in it that needed cleaning out. In 2 weeks, a cord of wood arrives. We are getting ready for a new winter season. With the roof fixed above the kitchen, I feel much better about going into the cold season.
Now waiting on people to get back to me about installing a new front door and jamb. There are gaps everywhere that leak air in and the continuous repairing of it is a problem. It's just much easier and energy efficient to order a new thermatru door, installed professionally. And while the guy was here he told me I should look into insulating the house with foam. That with the vinyl on the exterior, it was very easy for them to peel off a layer here and there and spray it all in. Might be something to consider....
Also, a company came to talk about pulling up all the pachysandra of our front yard, packing down a flat area in our step front yard and to move and add new plantings for better curb appeal, privacy, and noise reduction from the street. 90 minutes they were here and they studied the house and yard from every angle. In 2 weeks they will send me a master plan. They listened and I listened, as they thought aloud. I had given them a budget to work with and interesting, they are the only company that did not talk about a retaining wall (a huge driver of price), which made me believe that aesthetically we are on the same page. I don't want a fortress, and they'd plan to using plantings and a few boulders to delineate a flat sitting area. I am excited to see what they will bring back, I certainly love their pictures on their website....
How do I feel about hubby being gone? Okay, I guess. So far so good. It helps that on Monday and Tuesdays, I don't have after school students and can be overseeing them, taking the kids places if need be, and have time to cook and keep the household running. The arrangement is manageable because I work only part time and am very organized. That I am also very social helps, too.
Belac home and off I go.
Now waiting on people to get back to me about installing a new front door and jamb. There are gaps everywhere that leak air in and the continuous repairing of it is a problem. It's just much easier and energy efficient to order a new thermatru door, installed professionally. And while the guy was here he told me I should look into insulating the house with foam. That with the vinyl on the exterior, it was very easy for them to peel off a layer here and there and spray it all in. Might be something to consider....
Also, a company came to talk about pulling up all the pachysandra of our front yard, packing down a flat area in our step front yard and to move and add new plantings for better curb appeal, privacy, and noise reduction from the street. 90 minutes they were here and they studied the house and yard from every angle. In 2 weeks they will send me a master plan. They listened and I listened, as they thought aloud. I had given them a budget to work with and interesting, they are the only company that did not talk about a retaining wall (a huge driver of price), which made me believe that aesthetically we are on the same page. I don't want a fortress, and they'd plan to using plantings and a few boulders to delineate a flat sitting area. I am excited to see what they will bring back, I certainly love their pictures on their website....
How do I feel about hubby being gone? Okay, I guess. So far so good. It helps that on Monday and Tuesdays, I don't have after school students and can be overseeing them, taking the kids places if need be, and have time to cook and keep the household running. The arrangement is manageable because I work only part time and am very organized. That I am also very social helps, too.
Belac home and off I go.
Not bad
I am happy and amazed with how things are going. No alcohol, little if no bread or pasta, much more fiber. It's amazing and there is something true about the adage "you are what you eat." My system is much more regular and my belly fat is shrinking, I totally feel and see the difference. Almost 7 weeks of this and 7 pounds lost. I am thinking about moving and the Fitbit motivates me. I am not hungry and eat and eat all of the time, but I'm watching what I consume. Yogurt with seeds and grains. Lots of almonds and dried fruit for snacks. Plates of vegetables. Lean meats. Plenty of water. I still had some steak the other night and an ice cream drumstick another. Even a slice of pizza at hubby's triathlon, first bit of bread in weeks but hey, a little now and then is okay and it's what the family was having after hubby's strenuous morning. Keep this up and by Thanksgiving I will have lost 15 lbs.
I actually am considering not drinking again. Over the years, it became a daily habit and I started not liking that with a bunch of friends, especially, we were going down this path of heavily drinking when together. Could we not enjoy each other's company without it? Is drink the social lubricant that bonds us? If I have to have a drink to enjoy someone's company, doesn't that tell you something about the friendship/relationship. You know, there is one couple that I actually don't enjoy being around anymore, now that I'm not drinking. And not because they are drinking and I am not, I am around plenty of drinkers everywhere I go. But I find the husband unbearable and can't just laugh his advances off like before.
I don't want to escape anything and feel I enjoy my life more fully than I ever did without washing anything down with a glass of wine. I don't need it. I really don't. If anyone ever told me I would turn this way a few months ago, I would have never believed them. But I am sick of how I was taking my health for granted, that my body was showing physical signs of it, and was not going to continue down that path.
I am averaging 11k steps a day and eating well. No drinking but still partying and the last to leave any celebration, with hubby nudging me out the door. I have never felt physically better (maybe emotionally, too) and know this is the right direction for me.
Took a good look at myself in the mirror, today. Not bad!
Monday, September 26, 2016
Gnight
She finished strong as he dug his own hole. I still don't like her, but I feel better about her and I'm certainly not voting for him.
I think I am becoming a teetotaler. I don't miss drinking at all. I don't miss the extra calories, the money paid out to buy it, nor the feeling. And actually, when I see someone drinking now I do sort of wonder, well, why? Why do you need it to have a good time?
feeling good.
I think I am becoming a teetotaler. I don't miss drinking at all. I don't miss the extra calories, the money paid out to buy it, nor the feeling. And actually, when I see someone drinking now I do sort of wonder, well, why? Why do you need it to have a good time?
feeling good.
Catch up
You know I have reached a new level of crazy when I arrive to 5PM and see that there is no way I'm going to reach 10,000 steps with time left unless I go and run. And so I get Jake to tennis and set Belac up with social studies, tie up my shoes and go for a quick 2 miles around the block. First time in months and have I ever gone for a run so late in the day? Met the old owner of the house on the street corner and stopped to catch up a few minutes. She told me she goes to Rye Radiation, where I plan to have my biopsy as soon as our new health insurance is in place. Also bumped into Harrison, shadowing a kid. I stopped and was startled. Are you... Harrison? I didn't recognize him. He probably lost 50-75 lbs. Did you... lose weight? I should hope so! he declared striking a pose. Well, well, well!! You look incredible! Good for you! Almost home, Lulu slowed down in her car to cheer me on and then drove off.
Every time I am out, I have people to chat with, familiar people to greet. It's the dog, but it's also this tigh knit community. I love it.
Every time I am out, I have people to chat with, familiar people to greet. It's the dog, but it's also this tigh knit community. I love it.
Geico
We were totally over-paying for Geico. For the same coverage at our local All State Insurance office, we can insure 3 cars for less than the price of 2 with Geico. How could I have believed all of those ads on the radio?? Switching immediately for the 2 cars, and if and when the 3rd car materializes we will add.
HR
Just coached hubby through a discussion I would like him to have with HR, this trip. To ask if he can please make his health care elections now, in advance of orientation in 1 week. And that if immediately after enrollment they could share our account number with us and not wait til cards are generated 30 days later. To explain that we have extenuating circumstances with Belac and that the new health insurance cannot be easily predated and expenses reimbursed later because of the logistics of this particular med. We are down to our last pen of med and we need to get the process rolling for its coverage. Could they please help us?
I will try.
You have to explain it comes from a special pharmacy and is drop shipped in dry ice on a 3 week basis. And we are down to our last bit... impress upon them it's because of Belac's unique situation and the authorizations required, and not just because we are nervous over reimbursement of normal services....
Okay, got it, he told me, I'll make a trip to HR today.
Thank you.
monday morning
Hubby up and out by 5:30AM. If he continues on as he is without running into much traffic, he will make it to Bethesda in a little more than 4 hours and make his 10AM meeting comfortably. It's 240 miles door to door. His car is now loaded up with clothes he is leaving at sister's studio. And because he will have belongings in both places, he will have the option of just leaving straight from work to home - whether by train or car - with nothing but his backpack. In another trip, he will bring down one of his bikes....
In the meantime, I was up at 6:30, the kids at 6:35. Both kids showered, had breakfast and packed up. I have decided that 6:30 (and not 6:45) should be wake up time because it is far less stressful for all of us. And that also it should be 10PM (Belac) and 10:30PM (Jake) for bed time, and not the 11PM Jake had slipped into, recently.
I love that Jake's friends came on Sunday because it orients him around his work during the week, knowing there is fun stuff in store when he has more time. The continuous, large workload has been a serious adjustment for him and it's important that he has easy, fun stuff to look forward to every week and every day.
Tonight is the first presidential debate. I am too afraid to watch. I feel like my heart won't be able to take it. And hubby's not even here for me to be able to commiserate and mourn with anyone over what will surely be an unbearable debacle. I watched most of the GOP debates. I have no problems with watching what I disagree with. But this? 2 absolutely horrible candidates at each other? Of course I will vote for her. It's too close to not vote for her. But I will have to plug my nose and do it fast in order to get the job done.
In the meantime, I was up at 6:30, the kids at 6:35. Both kids showered, had breakfast and packed up. I have decided that 6:30 (and not 6:45) should be wake up time because it is far less stressful for all of us. And that also it should be 10PM (Belac) and 10:30PM (Jake) for bed time, and not the 11PM Jake had slipped into, recently.
I love that Jake's friends came on Sunday because it orients him around his work during the week, knowing there is fun stuff in store when he has more time. The continuous, large workload has been a serious adjustment for him and it's important that he has easy, fun stuff to look forward to every week and every day.
Tonight is the first presidential debate. I am too afraid to watch. I feel like my heart won't be able to take it. And hubby's not even here for me to be able to commiserate and mourn with anyone over what will surely be an unbearable debacle. I watched most of the GOP debates. I have no problems with watching what I disagree with. But this? 2 absolutely horrible candidates at each other? Of course I will vote for her. It's too close to not vote for her. But I will have to plug my nose and do it fast in order to get the job done.
Sunday, September 25, 2016
Sunday funday
Love that Jake has three 10th grade friends here. And after walking the dog, found them helping themselves to snacks from the pantry and drinks from the fridge. Hubby grilling up meat, I'm boiling up some pasta and chopping veggies. Belac in the mix and happy as a clam in some epic game of Super Smash.
Should we eat outside, is there room for us? Hubby, I explained, the kids get the dining room, let's eat outside by ourselves! We can have our own fun, and I want to make sure we get another episode of Downton Abbey in!
Hubby poured a little scotch for himself. First drink in awhile, he raced in the Westchester Tri this morning. Tomorrow he's up early and heads to Bethesda. His car is filled to the brim packed with clothes he's leaving at the apartment. This has gotten real.
By the way, next time dude tells you he will be there for you when you need a man, I'm speaking up. Yeah, it's pretty inappropriate and he is so creepy! You have a man! I was just so taken by surprise and can't believe he says this stuff in front of his wife... Did you think she heard? Well, I did! I know, he's fishing. Hedging, hubby added.
Figuring it out. Adjusting. And while he will be regularly gone, I've never felt closer to hubby.
Should we eat outside, is there room for us? Hubby, I explained, the kids get the dining room, let's eat outside by ourselves! We can have our own fun, and I want to make sure we get another episode of Downton Abbey in!
Hubby poured a little scotch for himself. First drink in awhile, he raced in the Westchester Tri this morning. Tomorrow he's up early and heads to Bethesda. His car is filled to the brim packed with clothes he's leaving at the apartment. This has gotten real.
By the way, next time dude tells you he will be there for you when you need a man, I'm speaking up. Yeah, it's pretty inappropriate and he is so creepy! You have a man! I was just so taken by surprise and can't believe he says this stuff in front of his wife... Did you think she heard? Well, I did! I know, he's fishing. Hedging, hubby added.
Figuring it out. Adjusting. And while he will be regularly gone, I've never felt closer to hubby.
Lucky
Waiting on Belac who is in programming class. I hope he's having a great time and learning something new and useful. He has been preoccupied with programming and has all of these intricate ideas of programs he wants to build. It is questionable if this class is going to help him with his goals and he, too, has asked for time with Jake's tutor... We will see.
I went to kill time and got a pedicure. Talked to the guy who did my feet, here from China since 5 years ago. He could barely speak English and spoke to me mostly in Chinese with me mostly politely smiling and nodding. A kid at Hunter College. Here for a better life. I gave him a 10 dollar tip. Pulling out of the lot, I saw a woman and her two young children with a sign. Please help for food. There was traffic and I had time to think. How terrible to have to beg like this with kids in tow, I hoped she had other help too. Come here, I beckoned to the woman just as the light turned green. Too bad I already emptied bags of the boys' clothes from my backseat just last week. I was holding up traffic. I rifled through my wallet and gave her a 5 through the window, all that I had left in my wallet. God bless you, she said as I drove off.
We have been nothing but lucky with hubby's job. It tugs me to see people struggle and touches me to see people working so hard to the point that they take work 'beneath' them in order to just make it. I learned from studying History with Belac this afternoon that 9 out of 10 working on the transcontinental were Chinese. Some sold their sole child for the travel to the US to make their fortune with the intent of earning 300-400 to take home with them and love a good life with a house and food. But while whites earned $35 a month and had free room and board, the Chinese earned $25 a month and paid for their own room and board. The Chinese worked in 40 feet snow in the Sierra, making tunnels from room to work and went months without seeing daylight, they worked out west in 120 degree weather, with silt coating their lungs to the point they bled. All because they wanted to come, earn their wealth and return to China with a more secure future financially....
I'm pretty educated but don't know enough History. Learning it side by side with Belac and it's fascinating. How history repeats itself and how so lucky we are...
I went to kill time and got a pedicure. Talked to the guy who did my feet, here from China since 5 years ago. He could barely speak English and spoke to me mostly in Chinese with me mostly politely smiling and nodding. A kid at Hunter College. Here for a better life. I gave him a 10 dollar tip. Pulling out of the lot, I saw a woman and her two young children with a sign. Please help for food. There was traffic and I had time to think. How terrible to have to beg like this with kids in tow, I hoped she had other help too. Come here, I beckoned to the woman just as the light turned green. Too bad I already emptied bags of the boys' clothes from my backseat just last week. I was holding up traffic. I rifled through my wallet and gave her a 5 through the window, all that I had left in my wallet. God bless you, she said as I drove off.
We have been nothing but lucky with hubby's job. It tugs me to see people struggle and touches me to see people working so hard to the point that they take work 'beneath' them in order to just make it. I learned from studying History with Belac this afternoon that 9 out of 10 working on the transcontinental were Chinese. Some sold their sole child for the travel to the US to make their fortune with the intent of earning 300-400 to take home with them and love a good life with a house and food. But while whites earned $35 a month and had free room and board, the Chinese earned $25 a month and paid for their own room and board. The Chinese worked in 40 feet snow in the Sierra, making tunnels from room to work and went months without seeing daylight, they worked out west in 120 degree weather, with silt coating their lungs to the point they bled. All because they wanted to come, earn their wealth and return to China with a more secure future financially....
I'm pretty educated but don't know enough History. Learning it side by side with Belac and it's fascinating. How history repeats itself and how so lucky we are...
Jake
Proud of Jake who took the initiative to invite 3 friends over for dinner. And you know what else? He ended the week with a 97% on his first Honors Bio test and 100% on his first two quizzes. And he almost did not get into Honors Bio to begin with. He got in solely because of the 95 on his Regents exam, and because he was close to the 90 average cut off point at 89. Had I not advocated for him and pushed him to advocate for himself, it would have never, ever happened. The computer put him in Regular Bio, no one was paying attention to him as an individual, and that was that. And knowing this was a privilege, he has been working hard. So hard, and so diligently.
So others have claimed Honors and accelerated classes much sooner. I'm sure some or many did well. But I'm just glad Jake is where he is. Sooner is not better, having command of the subject prevails. Good for him.
Proud of Jake.
So others have claimed Honors and accelerated classes much sooner. I'm sure some or many did well. But I'm just glad Jake is where he is. Sooner is not better, having command of the subject prevails. Good for him.
Proud of Jake.
Seeds and grains
Waiting on the kids to head out. Eating a bowl of yogurt sprinkled with seeds and grains. Happy to be wearing a pair of trekking pants that had gotten too tight by earlier this year. I bought these 3 years ago. Now they are fitting pretty nicely, not perfectly, but I'm closer to where I once was when initially I thought I needed to do something.
When I asked him, hubby thinks that 125 is too skinny for me. Where do you think I should be then? 130, 135... He has a point. I've never been a very skinny girl. I don't need to go crazy or extreme. And if I speak from strictly vanity perspective, I always like the looks of curvy, fit women the best. The ones who are clearly not starving themselves, but would easily have the same problems as any of us if it weren't for exerting effort.
What is this, a diet blog? Can't help myself. I have been so sick of my bloated stomach and face and finally stepped on the scale and faced it. Had to. And now I will rejoice in a few weeks - having picked up some good habits on the way - when I am back in the 130s.
Feeling good, looking better!
When I asked him, hubby thinks that 125 is too skinny for me. Where do you think I should be then? 130, 135... He has a point. I've never been a very skinny girl. I don't need to go crazy or extreme. And if I speak from strictly vanity perspective, I always like the looks of curvy, fit women the best. The ones who are clearly not starving themselves, but would easily have the same problems as any of us if it weren't for exerting effort.
What is this, a diet blog? Can't help myself. I have been so sick of my bloated stomach and face and finally stepped on the scale and faced it. Had to. And now I will rejoice in a few weeks - having picked up some good habits on the way - when I am back in the 130s.
Feeling good, looking better!
Saturday, September 24, 2016
Premiere
What a day. My legs are tired from dancing away at the party. The whole family was on the floor the whole while with Belac dabbing, Jake doing this funny slow mo dancing like tai chi and hubby and me busy moving and getting our 10,000 steps in. Belac and I snuck out to go see "Doug vs. Doughnut" at the theater. It was amazing! He received recognition and applause and the chance for some pictures with his teacher. He smiled from ear to ear. I also shed a tear, when quite unexpectantly Dot's son thanked hubby and me in his speech, calling us his "favorite parents" who always welcomed him and let him always eat from our ramen stash.
Ended the day with a FaceTime call from my parents. They want to give us their car they were planning to trade in and upgrade. It has 100,000 miles on it and is a 2007, very reliable. The perfect kind of car to drive as a 3rd car when it stays local. Only thing is is that it's a Lexus. Well, hubby and I are not Lexus driving kind of people.... But it's hard to say no to free. Can we pay you for it? No. Does Little Sis want it? We offered it to Little Sis and she didn't want it. Besides, she took our other old car. Does Big Sis want it? She has a car and you know, it's too big for her until maybe next year...
Off to bed early. Hubby has a triathlon in Rye and up at 5am. Kids and I join later. Good night.
Ended the day with a FaceTime call from my parents. They want to give us their car they were planning to trade in and upgrade. It has 100,000 miles on it and is a 2007, very reliable. The perfect kind of car to drive as a 3rd car when it stays local. Only thing is is that it's a Lexus. Well, hubby and I are not Lexus driving kind of people.... But it's hard to say no to free. Can we pay you for it? No. Does Little Sis want it? We offered it to Little Sis and she didn't want it. Besides, she took our other old car. Does Big Sis want it? She has a car and you know, it's too big for her until maybe next year...
Off to bed early. Hubby has a triathlon in Rye and up at 5am. Kids and I join later. Good night.
Fri service
Last night we went to services to support the bar mitzvah boy, Dot's boy, and hubby and I played. And it's interesting how my not drinking has impacted friendships. Dot and I have not changed. Our relationship never needed alcohol. But again, this other couple. Things are different and they have felt it. As much as we have spent so much time together over our kids and wine and food over the year, I really don't know the first thing about them, don't feel like I'd ever turn to them if there were a problem, and you know? They are kind of downers, judgy kind of folks. So how was your 'swamped' week, he asked last night. Really? It was busy, I responded as he clutched to his wife as if to prove all is well. God, no wonder I needed and drank so much around them. Not a good influence, they are heavy drinkers. And what is there to talk about or do without the drink around them? Feels awkward. There wasn't that much there in the first place I guess. It was my BIL who mentioned that I might find a few of my relationships change without the social ritual of drinking, and I can see that with this couple in particular.
Today Belac and I leave the party for an hour so he can see his movie at the theater. I am so excited for him. What an honor. Doug vs. Doughnut, a clever and deep movie about, fundamentally, being true to yourself.
Playing the bar mitzvah this morning and have to straighten out the folder.
Caught myself in the mirror. When you've lost almost 7 lbs. you can definitely tell. Caught hubby looking intently at me, last night, and while he never refers to my weight unless prompted, he told me how pretty I am. Body feels good, overall changes are great, and I am simply riding on momentum and this great feeling.
Today Belac and I leave the party for an hour so he can see his movie at the theater. I am so excited for him. What an honor. Doug vs. Doughnut, a clever and deep movie about, fundamentally, being true to yourself.
Playing the bar mitzvah this morning and have to straighten out the folder.
Caught myself in the mirror. When you've lost almost 7 lbs. you can definitely tell. Caught hubby looking intently at me, last night, and while he never refers to my weight unless prompted, he told me how pretty I am. Body feels good, overall changes are great, and I am simply riding on momentum and this great feeling.
Friday, September 23, 2016
PS
Basically losing one pound a week. My body does really feel different now from 6 weeks ago. Today, I haven't had a drink in 6 weeks. I feel great! Skin looks good, clothes fitting better, over 10k steps a day for a week, and lots of fiber in my diet. I'm on a roll! Rock on!
3rd car
In one phone conversation and as hubby went to work, we discussed the car situation. Not only did we decide to buy a certified used car but decided against purchasing a Toyota Prius. How long will the battery last? What needs to get replaced after certain miles? And, I didn't say, how are those batteries disposed of?
Browsing as we talked, I suggested that we look at the used inventory at Subaru. And what do you know? 12 miles from here where we bought his Impeza, there is an identical car to his current one: same year, same mileage, and white, whereas his car currently is black and this one is 10K cheaper. It's perfect, hubby, I told him. The price is reasonable and it has the 4 wheel drive we need for our driveway. But it's white and you can leave it on the streets in DC and it won't get too hot. You keep the same bike rack that you can transfer to either car without adjusting... and we deal with the same good service people.... And you know what? When Jake goes to college in 3 years - knock on wood - he could potentially take one of these cars, and I'd rather a Subaru or my RAV4 and not that Prius....
So it's done. This week end we go and look at the Subaru. Can we spare that cash up front? Well, I scanned the site, it looks like there are some decent financing options.... We should find out who sold us your Subaru, do you remember his name? No, Gimky, why? Because I'm going to get him to lower the price, that's why. I'm not paying what's listed! We are a returning customer and it looks good for him and he will want to help us.
And this is what needs to happen. Keeping hubby's commute as simple as possible. Spending money to make money.
Browsing as we talked, I suggested that we look at the used inventory at Subaru. And what do you know? 12 miles from here where we bought his Impeza, there is an identical car to his current one: same year, same mileage, and white, whereas his car currently is black and this one is 10K cheaper. It's perfect, hubby, I told him. The price is reasonable and it has the 4 wheel drive we need for our driveway. But it's white and you can leave it on the streets in DC and it won't get too hot. You keep the same bike rack that you can transfer to either car without adjusting... and we deal with the same good service people.... And you know what? When Jake goes to college in 3 years - knock on wood - he could potentially take one of these cars, and I'd rather a Subaru or my RAV4 and not that Prius....
So it's done. This week end we go and look at the Subaru. Can we spare that cash up front? Well, I scanned the site, it looks like there are some decent financing options.... We should find out who sold us your Subaru, do you remember his name? No, Gimky, why? Because I'm going to get him to lower the price, that's why. I'm not paying what's listed! We are a returning customer and it looks good for him and he will want to help us.
And this is what needs to happen. Keeping hubby's commute as simple as possible. Spending money to make money.
new chapter
Hubby woke up as an employee of a new company, this morning. He showed us a cheesy video distributed to the whole company. "Better together, better as one, together, BEST." Oh my god, was the 5 minute video ever 4-1/2 minutes too long. Just because you say something doesn't make it true. People on hubby's former company's side are not going to feel any better watching this. But I guess the new company had to try, had to put something out, right?
But hubby, of course, has nothing to complain about. He's been promoted and has a good job. Instead of a team of currently 10, he will now have a team of over 20. Of 350 VPs at former company, he was one of 30 who were recruited to work for new company. We are very, very lucky.
And already we are running into issues about having one car in Sunny Patch. Next week he will be home on Thursday but needs to work at Stamford. I have to work in Harrison and then don't finish teaching until 6PM that night from home, if I theoretically could go get him, 30 minutes away. Could I get a ride to work? No. But if Kati's hubby is traveling, I could borrow his car. Gimky, I will drive home! You shouldn't, I told him, the last time you had to do that after putting a long day at work and getting up early the next morning to work... well, I don't think you should. We again talked about buying a junky, reliable car he could street park and leave in DC. We have to figure it out.
Belac did not sleep well, last night, and I have decided to consult a sleep specialist. He never gets enough sleep and he came to me at 2:30am completely stressed and worried about not having fallen asleep yet. He worries a lot and I tend to think the root of the problem is his anxiety over everything. Talked at length with Soo yesterday and she recommended a therapist her son went to. I think he needs to see someone, and for my own education, I feel we need to see a sleep specialist. How can you function properly, concentrate properly, feel emotionally grounded if you aren't sleeping enough? The poor thing.
Hooray! We are getting our new health insurance election. We have no choice but to go with Aetna and hubby and I decided. No more of these YUGE deductibles. We are buying the gold plan and hoping that everything we need is covered.
But hubby, of course, has nothing to complain about. He's been promoted and has a good job. Instead of a team of currently 10, he will now have a team of over 20. Of 350 VPs at former company, he was one of 30 who were recruited to work for new company. We are very, very lucky.
And already we are running into issues about having one car in Sunny Patch. Next week he will be home on Thursday but needs to work at Stamford. I have to work in Harrison and then don't finish teaching until 6PM that night from home, if I theoretically could go get him, 30 minutes away. Could I get a ride to work? No. But if Kati's hubby is traveling, I could borrow his car. Gimky, I will drive home! You shouldn't, I told him, the last time you had to do that after putting a long day at work and getting up early the next morning to work... well, I don't think you should. We again talked about buying a junky, reliable car he could street park and leave in DC. We have to figure it out.
Belac did not sleep well, last night, and I have decided to consult a sleep specialist. He never gets enough sleep and he came to me at 2:30am completely stressed and worried about not having fallen asleep yet. He worries a lot and I tend to think the root of the problem is his anxiety over everything. Talked at length with Soo yesterday and she recommended a therapist her son went to. I think he needs to see someone, and for my own education, I feel we need to see a sleep specialist. How can you function properly, concentrate properly, feel emotionally grounded if you aren't sleeping enough? The poor thing.
Hooray! We are getting our new health insurance election. We have no choice but to go with Aetna and hubby and I decided. No more of these YUGE deductibles. We are buying the gold plan and hoping that everything we need is covered.
Thursday, September 22, 2016
after school
Just got a call from Belac who told me he is so stressed out about homework and wants to skip art class. He also told me he forgot about a STEM homework assignment. We talked over each item. Was he now in front of the library? Okay, how about you save time and go into the library and get some homework done in the next 45 minutes. Then walk over to art class at 3:30, it's just 5 minutes away from there. Create something and go to class, Belac, you love it and it's good for you! Mom, but I have to walk home! What? You have legs. And that is your 'sport', walking everywhere! When you come home, get working right away and at 6PM I will be ready to make dinner and help you, okay? Can you not get distracted by the programming and get to work right away? Yes, I got the programming out of my system. Look, I said, it's okay if you do it but just do the homework first, okay? Okay.
It's a beautiful, sunny day! He is walking around Sunny Patch and getting his stuff done.
Good for him!
It's a beautiful, sunny day! He is walking around Sunny Patch and getting his stuff done.
Good for him!
20 to go
Stepped on the scale today. I have lost over 5 lbs. And my goal is 20 more. I have done a little research on where my weight should be for my height, BMI and age, and 125 lbs. is the ideal. Yes, this summer I weighed almost 150 lbs. Unacceptable and the heaviest I have been as a non-pregnant woman. I was last 150 lbs when I was pregnant! And I am definitely not pregnant.
I got into such terrible habits over the 3 years as I tried to fatten Belac up. And you know what? I cleaned out the shelves. There are almonds and other nuts, dried fruits. Still, potato chips. But there are a ton of apples and other fruits the kids like at every snack and breakfast. We are all cleaning up our acts....
By the way, I figured out how to carve out an apartment in our house. One day, when Jake is safely out of the house and Belac is on his way, or if our circumstances changed and we needed it, it's a good idea. The garage side of the house is half in the ground, which means the study and Master bedroom and full bath are easily accessible with a few stairs and separate exterior entrance. We could add a kitchenette and make it an apartment, sectioned off from the rest of the house, with the backyard we never use as it's private outdoor space. Maybe, actually, it could be Belac or Jake's apartment one day, as needed. With a proper tenant, we'd likely earn enough to cover most of the taxes on the house and we'd otherwise fit into the rest of the house quite nicely while still maintaining my studio for income.
Anyway, cleaning up and always searching out ways to improve our lives.
I got into such terrible habits over the 3 years as I tried to fatten Belac up. And you know what? I cleaned out the shelves. There are almonds and other nuts, dried fruits. Still, potato chips. But there are a ton of apples and other fruits the kids like at every snack and breakfast. We are all cleaning up our acts....
By the way, I figured out how to carve out an apartment in our house. One day, when Jake is safely out of the house and Belac is on his way, or if our circumstances changed and we needed it, it's a good idea. The garage side of the house is half in the ground, which means the study and Master bedroom and full bath are easily accessible with a few stairs and separate exterior entrance. We could add a kitchenette and make it an apartment, sectioned off from the rest of the house, with the backyard we never use as it's private outdoor space. Maybe, actually, it could be Belac or Jake's apartment one day, as needed. With a proper tenant, we'd likely earn enough to cover most of the taxes on the house and we'd otherwise fit into the rest of the house quite nicely while still maintaining my studio for income.
Anyway, cleaning up and always searching out ways to improve our lives.
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
like home
The roof above our kitchen was finally fixed last week and now the handyman is here to patch and sand dry wall and repaint with assorted leftover white paints. He is the only person we keep asking back, year after year, to help with the house. He's reliable and I trust him. He's adding a missing tile to our kitchen. Switching out our outdoor light fixture. Other minor repairs.
Had a rehearsal for the Ethan's bar mitzvah, this morning, and made some decisions with the Rabbi. It was nice and plenty efficient, we are in a good routine. Now studying my torah portion for High Holidays.
Chop chop! Get things done.
Last night, I was over an hour walking the dog. Hubby was hanging with the kids. First I met a guy with two 4 month old labs, Cocoa and Bailey, who just wanted to play with my Bailey. Then bumped into the kids' former school teacher and hubby, out walking their dog. We exchanged about our summers. Then met my neighbors in town, also out with their dog, who reassured me that there really is a school (college) for every kind of kid and that both of their own boys could be no different. Crossed paths with Cocoa and Bailey again and then came upon Lulu and her hubby out on brisk walk. Hey! She said, you guys want to come up to our house (in the Berkshires) on Columbus Day?
What a social scene!
I feel grateful to live in Sunny Patch, where I have felt more at home than any other place in my whole life. I don't feel like a guest or stranger, or that this is some pit stop. Maybe because we walk all over the place and there is great overlap between school/community/spiritual. We've been 7 years here, longer than we've been anywhere as a family, and it definitely feels like home.
Had a rehearsal for the Ethan's bar mitzvah, this morning, and made some decisions with the Rabbi. It was nice and plenty efficient, we are in a good routine. Now studying my torah portion for High Holidays.
Chop chop! Get things done.
Last night, I was over an hour walking the dog. Hubby was hanging with the kids. First I met a guy with two 4 month old labs, Cocoa and Bailey, who just wanted to play with my Bailey. Then bumped into the kids' former school teacher and hubby, out walking their dog. We exchanged about our summers. Then met my neighbors in town, also out with their dog, who reassured me that there really is a school (college) for every kind of kid and that both of their own boys could be no different. Crossed paths with Cocoa and Bailey again and then came upon Lulu and her hubby out on brisk walk. Hey! She said, you guys want to come up to our house (in the Berkshires) on Columbus Day?
What a social scene!
I feel grateful to live in Sunny Patch, where I have felt more at home than any other place in my whole life. I don't feel like a guest or stranger, or that this is some pit stop. Maybe because we walk all over the place and there is great overlap between school/community/spiritual. We've been 7 years here, longer than we've been anywhere as a family, and it definitely feels like home.
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
group text
What is there to do? Hopefully it was a one off text. I hope this is not another start to something that's going to blow up. She won't really try to take legal action, will she? There might be money, but not the kind of money of which she speaks. And to fight this? It will take so much time and money and for what? For money none of my sisters nor I want and view as cursed?
My mom needs to sleep at night, not whipping herself into a frenzy. I mean, what could really change? Nothing. She has been this way her whole life. We keep dragging her to water but she refuses to drink. And while I have not exactly given up, I'm not holding my breath either.
121
In the past week, I have walked all over the village. Even streets I haven't really been on, ever. My goal is to walk/run at least 5 miles a day, and for that - according to my new fitbit I wear almost all of the time - I need about 12,000 steps.
I've had a lot of opportunity to look closely at the houses in our town. And I have amused myself thoroughly, looking for the perfect house and perfect buy. It has to be walkable to town. Fewer than 3 steps to the front door. There needs to be a large enough room for a piano studio along with a powder room on the 1st floor. Better yet, a full bath on the first floor in case as old people, we wouldn't go upstairs. Not too close to the neighbors on either side, but not isolated either. An outdoor space to eat. Open floor plan and not too big, nor too small. Important is that the house has a welcoming disposition....
And the conclusion? Well, our house is as perfect as it will get. The driveway is slippery in the winter, but maybe one day a heated driveway will become affordable. And while the house will be too big one day for just 2 people, there is the possibility that the boys will live at least briefly with us in going to college, saving money for life on their own, etc.
But here is the thing. I DID come across a house that if it came on the market I'd really want to buy. It's a house you'd easily miss. And while it is tidy, it is totally run down. It looks like it is a 1-2 bedroom house built 100 years ago. A diamond in the in rough, a very charming A-frame with a front porch. Space for one car in the little drive next to it and a patch of green out back. Sandwiched in between more sizeable houses on a busy residential road with shopping, restaurants and a bus stop at the other corner. It's 1/4 mile walk from home....
You see? I want to buy it for Belac. As insurance.
One day, he could commute from that house to work. Ride his bike to the train or take the bus. He could get a job in the village or elsewhere. Be in even closer walking distance of his friends' family homes, who also have tricky situations in navigating adulthood as high-functioning individuals with needs. Maybe he'd have a room mate or run a small business out of the house building websites or games or something tech oriented. Maybe he'd live there alone or one day with a partner and child. Who knows? If we could buy such a small home for him and set up some sort of trust to fund it, and then hubby and I are nearby enough to monitor - and even others, who live here and know him well - well, he'd have a certain security, stability and dignity. And if he doesn't need the house? Well, we'd rent it out.
I am hoping for the best for Belac. But accept (and to a certain degree, predict) that "the best" may very well include setting up a safety net for Belac's future. And the crazy thing? I love the address of this house! 1-2-1. Whereas 1-5-8 is as strong, it is more the beginning of a new dawn. 1-2-1 is more of an arrival and very stable and yet playful in some renderings as an ornamental trill. Music to my ears!
I've had a lot of opportunity to look closely at the houses in our town. And I have amused myself thoroughly, looking for the perfect house and perfect buy. It has to be walkable to town. Fewer than 3 steps to the front door. There needs to be a large enough room for a piano studio along with a powder room on the 1st floor. Better yet, a full bath on the first floor in case as old people, we wouldn't go upstairs. Not too close to the neighbors on either side, but not isolated either. An outdoor space to eat. Open floor plan and not too big, nor too small. Important is that the house has a welcoming disposition....
And the conclusion? Well, our house is as perfect as it will get. The driveway is slippery in the winter, but maybe one day a heated driveway will become affordable. And while the house will be too big one day for just 2 people, there is the possibility that the boys will live at least briefly with us in going to college, saving money for life on their own, etc.
But here is the thing. I DID come across a house that if it came on the market I'd really want to buy. It's a house you'd easily miss. And while it is tidy, it is totally run down. It looks like it is a 1-2 bedroom house built 100 years ago. A diamond in the in rough, a very charming A-frame with a front porch. Space for one car in the little drive next to it and a patch of green out back. Sandwiched in between more sizeable houses on a busy residential road with shopping, restaurants and a bus stop at the other corner. It's 1/4 mile walk from home....
You see? I want to buy it for Belac. As insurance.
One day, he could commute from that house to work. Ride his bike to the train or take the bus. He could get a job in the village or elsewhere. Be in even closer walking distance of his friends' family homes, who also have tricky situations in navigating adulthood as high-functioning individuals with needs. Maybe he'd have a room mate or run a small business out of the house building websites or games or something tech oriented. Maybe he'd live there alone or one day with a partner and child. Who knows? If we could buy such a small home for him and set up some sort of trust to fund it, and then hubby and I are nearby enough to monitor - and even others, who live here and know him well - well, he'd have a certain security, stability and dignity. And if he doesn't need the house? Well, we'd rent it out.
I am hoping for the best for Belac. But accept (and to a certain degree, predict) that "the best" may very well include setting up a safety net for Belac's future. And the crazy thing? I love the address of this house! 1-2-1. Whereas 1-5-8 is as strong, it is more the beginning of a new dawn. 1-2-1 is more of an arrival and very stable and yet playful in some renderings as an ornamental trill. Music to my ears!
Friday closing
It's official! As reported in the WSJ, China has finally approved the transaction, after dragging its heels for months, and the acquisition is going forward with an expected close of this Friday. Today is hubby's 12th anniversary with company. And as of Friday he is promoted and employee of new company.
Our new lifestyle then begins and so does the regular commute to Bethesda. Hopefully we will manage smoothly enough.
Wishing us luck.
Our new lifestyle then begins and so does the regular commute to Bethesda. Hopefully we will manage smoothly enough.
Wishing us luck.
Monday, September 19, 2016
Jake's room
I didn't have my school this morning and had the day while kids are in school. Boy, have I gotten stuff done. Sheets stripped and washed, towels replenished and folded neatly. Jake's closet emptied out. His room had been smelling mildewy and disgusting for weeks, his closet and shelves stuffed to the gills. I needed to get to the bottom of this because frankly, he has no time or know how to fix the situation, however I do expect him to maintain what I've done....
Emptied out his entire closet. Everything too small, tattered, unworn and clearly too big to save for Belac went into a bag for charity that repairs the clothes or shreds the clothes to make new material. A ton of clothes went into the laundry bin for washing in loads of soapy hot water. Why does he put previously worn clothes back in his closet? He is a teenager and now has BO, AND runs everyday so things get mildewy if not put in the laundry. This cannot continue, it makes the clean clothes stink! And still, another pile was of hubby's clothes that somehow got mixed in with Jake's which also needed washing at this point. I also found Jake's stash of contacts. They were right there, but hidden among his disorganized shelves I put into better order.
You know what else I did? I took the arm chair and ottoman out of his room, which served only as junk holder. It's much better. The unnecessary just accumulates and needs constant attention. I labeled his drawers and shelves. Maybe it will help, not sure.
Own as little as possible. In fact, try to own nothing! And try, try, try to keep it organized!!
Emptied out his entire closet. Everything too small, tattered, unworn and clearly too big to save for Belac went into a bag for charity that repairs the clothes or shreds the clothes to make new material. A ton of clothes went into the laundry bin for washing in loads of soapy hot water. Why does he put previously worn clothes back in his closet? He is a teenager and now has BO, AND runs everyday so things get mildewy if not put in the laundry. This cannot continue, it makes the clean clothes stink! And still, another pile was of hubby's clothes that somehow got mixed in with Jake's which also needed washing at this point. I also found Jake's stash of contacts. They were right there, but hidden among his disorganized shelves I put into better order.
You know what else I did? I took the arm chair and ottoman out of his room, which served only as junk holder. It's much better. The unnecessary just accumulates and needs constant attention. I labeled his drawers and shelves. Maybe it will help, not sure.
Own as little as possible. In fact, try to own nothing! And try, try, try to keep it organized!!
call
Wow. She called just to ask which Fitbit, exactly, I had. She was standing at the store looking at them because I had mentioned she should upgrade one to monitor her sleep. We chatted for 30 seconds before she was off. Good for her. My dad is at work and with the time on her hands she was looking for something to help improve her situation. Maybe all she needs is a little hand holding? But let's not get too excited here. Good for her and good to hear from her.
mom talk
Such a good girl today. Came back from a long walk and dialed my mom's number before I could be distracted. My mom's cell rang to voice mail and then my mom picked up the landline. Hey, Mom! It's me. She was clearly shocked and awkward about it being me. I just called to say hi, I said. Everyday I keep waiting for the perfect time to face time with you, but then one kid is doing homework, another is in the bathroom, or hubby is not around or the dog is acting wild, there is just no perfect time. And so I just thought, what the heck, it's quiet now and I have time, I'm going to call Mom!
She really didn't have much to say at first and was clearly uncomfortable. I almost thought she was going to say she had an appointment and had to go, but I just charged on and started talking my head off for a little while, breaking the ice. Told her what the kids were up to. About their work and adjustments. How I loved my fitbit and did she like hers? We were now fitbit friends. And then finally she got going about stuff. Talked about her trip to see Big Sis next week and where they will be staying. It was all good. And then still later she asked if I got her email. Yes, I did. You know, Mom? He is a lost kid. I feel sorry for him. Don't be angry, be sorry for him. Last year, I told him that if he wanted to come back to the states, he was welcome to live with us for 1 year and look for a job. Hubby would help him, too. He's poor, I know from middle cousin, and barely has enough money to eat. Do you see how skinny he is? But he wanted to write the book and take whatever work he could get as an English teacher. He's an adult now, who has to make his own choices. Maybe he's happy, who am I to judge? But I feel very sorry for him to know that he struggles.
Again it went down this whole path of her explaining her anger at the family, while her making me promise not to say anything to my cousins. I'm not in touch with them, Mom. At all. Occasionally there are niceties but we are all pretty busy. (And things are pretty strained since your crazy behavior, I didn't say.) And then she started ranting about how my uncle has 15 million dollars, some of it hers. And how the cousins got their educations paid for and my sisters and I all had loans, and she was aware that older sis could really use some extra dough having blown her savings on infertility treatment and now on plan B of adopting. Mom, I really don't care about your uncle and the money, I really don't care and neither should you. I wouldn't touch that money for anything, look how it ruined your family! And you know, they may have all that money (I don't believe it's that much) but their kids have not seen it. Look at cousin, who doesn't have money to eat properly! Look at middle cousin, pretty much struggling to make ends meet in CA. Her parents went to her apt and scoffed at her having only one chair at her eating table. Have you ever heard of such a thing? And that her parents wouldn't have immediately taken her to IKEA and bought a few things for her like any normal parent?
My mom was really listening.
Mom, I feel sorry for your brother and wife. They are isolated in NC and know no one. I am not sure they will ever have grandchildren. And they don't have any close relationships with their kids. Even with all that money (I didn't believe it but gave her the benefit of the doubt) they are surely suffering. And what do you need the money for? You take trips, dad is still working and there is extra income, you're financially better off than anyone in your age group I know! You have 3 amazing grandkids in Ann Arbor and 2, here. You have places to go and see and visit and friends. You have a very rich life you should enjoy as much as you can.
I was amazed she wasn't protesting with me about the 'principle' of matters. Maybe talking is better than writing...
We talked an hour. She had to get going because she had my dad's glasses to bring to go get fixed. Okay, I told her, put your fitbit on, I want to see you there. Lucky you, she told me, with the dog you'll walk all of your steps! I know, because I did it in NY. Wow, did my mom ever sound normal right now! Yes, the dog is getting more walked than he ever has! I chuckled.
At the very least, I will call once a week but I will try again on Wednesday, my next free morning. I admire Olivia who told me that she calls her mom in Texas, everyday on the way home from work in the car. Do you always call her? Yes, she told me, if she called me she'd feel like she was bothering me or taking me away from something I needed to be doing, so I just call her. It's easy. I put my ear buds on and call her in the car, everyday. Good lesson from my friend.
If anything, I should view my mom's emails and behavior as a general cry and need to be heard. I will try to get into such a routine of regularly being in touch. Talking with her today was nice, actually.
She really didn't have much to say at first and was clearly uncomfortable. I almost thought she was going to say she had an appointment and had to go, but I just charged on and started talking my head off for a little while, breaking the ice. Told her what the kids were up to. About their work and adjustments. How I loved my fitbit and did she like hers? We were now fitbit friends. And then finally she got going about stuff. Talked about her trip to see Big Sis next week and where they will be staying. It was all good. And then still later she asked if I got her email. Yes, I did. You know, Mom? He is a lost kid. I feel sorry for him. Don't be angry, be sorry for him. Last year, I told him that if he wanted to come back to the states, he was welcome to live with us for 1 year and look for a job. Hubby would help him, too. He's poor, I know from middle cousin, and barely has enough money to eat. Do you see how skinny he is? But he wanted to write the book and take whatever work he could get as an English teacher. He's an adult now, who has to make his own choices. Maybe he's happy, who am I to judge? But I feel very sorry for him to know that he struggles.
Again it went down this whole path of her explaining her anger at the family, while her making me promise not to say anything to my cousins. I'm not in touch with them, Mom. At all. Occasionally there are niceties but we are all pretty busy. (And things are pretty strained since your crazy behavior, I didn't say.) And then she started ranting about how my uncle has 15 million dollars, some of it hers. And how the cousins got their educations paid for and my sisters and I all had loans, and she was aware that older sis could really use some extra dough having blown her savings on infertility treatment and now on plan B of adopting. Mom, I really don't care about your uncle and the money, I really don't care and neither should you. I wouldn't touch that money for anything, look how it ruined your family! And you know, they may have all that money (I don't believe it's that much) but their kids have not seen it. Look at cousin, who doesn't have money to eat properly! Look at middle cousin, pretty much struggling to make ends meet in CA. Her parents went to her apt and scoffed at her having only one chair at her eating table. Have you ever heard of such a thing? And that her parents wouldn't have immediately taken her to IKEA and bought a few things for her like any normal parent?
My mom was really listening.
Mom, I feel sorry for your brother and wife. They are isolated in NC and know no one. I am not sure they will ever have grandchildren. And they don't have any close relationships with their kids. Even with all that money (I didn't believe it but gave her the benefit of the doubt) they are surely suffering. And what do you need the money for? You take trips, dad is still working and there is extra income, you're financially better off than anyone in your age group I know! You have 3 amazing grandkids in Ann Arbor and 2, here. You have places to go and see and visit and friends. You have a very rich life you should enjoy as much as you can.
I was amazed she wasn't protesting with me about the 'principle' of matters. Maybe talking is better than writing...
We talked an hour. She had to get going because she had my dad's glasses to bring to go get fixed. Okay, I told her, put your fitbit on, I want to see you there. Lucky you, she told me, with the dog you'll walk all of your steps! I know, because I did it in NY. Wow, did my mom ever sound normal right now! Yes, the dog is getting more walked than he ever has! I chuckled.
At the very least, I will call once a week but I will try again on Wednesday, my next free morning. I admire Olivia who told me that she calls her mom in Texas, everyday on the way home from work in the car. Do you always call her? Yes, she told me, if she called me she'd feel like she was bothering me or taking me away from something I needed to be doing, so I just call her. It's easy. I put my ear buds on and call her in the car, everyday. Good lesson from my friend.
If anything, I should view my mom's emails and behavior as a general cry and need to be heard. I will try to get into such a routine of regularly being in touch. Talking with her today was nice, actually.
good night routine
So we've gotten into a evening routine. I walk the dog after dinner and the kids and hubby clear the table and pack their bags for school. The boys and hubby hang, last night over some movie, and then it's shot and bed time for Belac at 10PM. Kiss him good night and we leave Jake to goof off and put himself off to bed as we watch an episode of Downton Abbey. Afterwards I go to Jake, already in bed and in the dark and kiss him good night.
Mom, can you stay? he told me when I came in to kiss him. Really? I didn't say, what was wrong? I plopped down next to him on his bed. Your bed is so comfy, I remarked, ours is the same as yours but yours is newer.... Yeah, he said, from under his covers, it's comfy. We were quiet and I knew to wait. Finally he said something. "She's ignoring me." Ahhh! So this was what was bothering him. And I was touched. All day long, my teenage boy hardly has patience with me, but he still does trust me with the important things.
What do you mean? I asked very casually. She's not responding to my texts. Since when? A few days ago... Did she tell you school was harder this year? No, she didn't say. Did she ask if it is harder for you? Yeah. I told her it was hard. And that I didn't like it, he sort of chuckled. Do you have her email? No. Have you thought of calling her? I can't, it's an international call. You could call from our landline, it's free. You could text her and tell her you'd be calling from a strange number. And if she picked up you could just say hi and say you were just checking if things were okay.... Maybe talking is a good way to go instead of texting. It's hard to keep the momentum up of texting and well, maybe it's more real just talking in real time.
Have you ever sent pictures to each other? No. She can't receive or send texts. Ah, her parents must be pretty strict, I remarked, I don't blame them. Well, maybe they just realized how much the two of you are texting. Or maybe something happened to her phone? That would suck, he remarked. True. But I'd just wait and see if she responds. It's the beginning of the school year, you know, and it's going to be a different routine from the summer...
Shhh, Jake murmured as hubby entered the room. Stay! he exclaimed as I got up. Hubby plopped down on the other side of Jake. Doesn't it feel nice, hubby? I asked, it's your turn to stay with Jake. And then without missing a beat, unbeknownst to our conversation, hubby asked. So, are you still chatting with that girl? Okay, I said to them, it's definitely dad's turn to stay. Hubby had his phone and I heard him say, Jake, I want to show you a TED talk I listened to today. It is so interesting! It's about 10 ways to be a good conversationalist, important skills especially since it's starting to be such a dying art, particularly among kids your age. Do you ever TALK with the girl? I had to chuckle. We are all on the same wave length.
A good way to end the night.
Mom, can you stay? he told me when I came in to kiss him. Really? I didn't say, what was wrong? I plopped down next to him on his bed. Your bed is so comfy, I remarked, ours is the same as yours but yours is newer.... Yeah, he said, from under his covers, it's comfy. We were quiet and I knew to wait. Finally he said something. "She's ignoring me." Ahhh! So this was what was bothering him. And I was touched. All day long, my teenage boy hardly has patience with me, but he still does trust me with the important things.
What do you mean? I asked very casually. She's not responding to my texts. Since when? A few days ago... Did she tell you school was harder this year? No, she didn't say. Did she ask if it is harder for you? Yeah. I told her it was hard. And that I didn't like it, he sort of chuckled. Do you have her email? No. Have you thought of calling her? I can't, it's an international call. You could call from our landline, it's free. You could text her and tell her you'd be calling from a strange number. And if she picked up you could just say hi and say you were just checking if things were okay.... Maybe talking is a good way to go instead of texting. It's hard to keep the momentum up of texting and well, maybe it's more real just talking in real time.
Have you ever sent pictures to each other? No. She can't receive or send texts. Ah, her parents must be pretty strict, I remarked, I don't blame them. Well, maybe they just realized how much the two of you are texting. Or maybe something happened to her phone? That would suck, he remarked. True. But I'd just wait and see if she responds. It's the beginning of the school year, you know, and it's going to be a different routine from the summer...
Shhh, Jake murmured as hubby entered the room. Stay! he exclaimed as I got up. Hubby plopped down on the other side of Jake. Doesn't it feel nice, hubby? I asked, it's your turn to stay with Jake. And then without missing a beat, unbeknownst to our conversation, hubby asked. So, are you still chatting with that girl? Okay, I said to them, it's definitely dad's turn to stay. Hubby had his phone and I heard him say, Jake, I want to show you a TED talk I listened to today. It is so interesting! It's about 10 ways to be a good conversationalist, important skills especially since it's starting to be such a dying art, particularly among kids your age. Do you ever TALK with the girl? I had to chuckle. We are all on the same wave length.
A good way to end the night.
Sunday, September 18, 2016
Long walk
Went out for a 2 mile walk with the dog tonight to achieve 10,000 steps for the day. I've never done that before and headed into town to window shop. Moseyed along streets and looked into homes, street after street. It was pretty entertaining and easy. The dog has never been walked so regularly long in his whole entire life. Because I am now on a serious mission, the kids have not walked the dog in days! It's always been me just wanting to get those steps in!
I feel good. Tonight we grilled steaks. Neither hubby nor I shared our usual bottle of red with the grilled meat. We sipped water instead and lingered with the kids on the patio. The subject of drinking never even came up. We've been developing some good habits together.
Everyone finishing up for the day with the goal of everyone turning in on time.
Good working Sunday for all.
I feel good. Tonight we grilled steaks. Neither hubby nor I shared our usual bottle of red with the grilled meat. We sipped water instead and lingered with the kids on the patio. The subject of drinking never even came up. We've been developing some good habits together.
Everyone finishing up for the day with the goal of everyone turning in on time.
Good working Sunday for all.
trouble
Belac is making his friend's montage video for his bar mitzvah in a few weeks. The boy and parents dropped by. I don't know why, but even with our spouses with us, I felt the hubby looking at me with too much interest. We all chatted in a friendly way but I already felt differently about this couple somehow, having interacted with them at back to school night, and there was something about the hubby's interest in me that was wrong. And especially when it's someone you'd never in a million years be interested in, it's just kind of creepy. Not to mention that he and his wife are trying to survive his affair.
In front of everyone, as we were saying good byes, he said to me. I'm home all week! he exclaimed, so if you want to get sushi this week...! Oh, me? I asked. What in the hell could he possibly be talking about! I've never had a meal alone with him and would never, ever entertain it. I felt indignant, too. Does he not think I have other better things to do or responsibilities? Why would I possibly? Does he have a thing for Asian chicks? After all, the woman he carried on with was Asian and he's made borderline inappropriate remarks to me before. I'm swamped with work, I began. Everyday? he interrupted. Awww, thanks! I tried to be as matter of fact as possible, I have a new schedule that I'm only just getting a handle on. I'm swamped!! We'll see you next week end at mutual friend's bar mitzvah!
The guy is TROUBLE.
In front of everyone, as we were saying good byes, he said to me. I'm home all week! he exclaimed, so if you want to get sushi this week...! Oh, me? I asked. What in the hell could he possibly be talking about! I've never had a meal alone with him and would never, ever entertain it. I felt indignant, too. Does he not think I have other better things to do or responsibilities? Why would I possibly? Does he have a thing for Asian chicks? After all, the woman he carried on with was Asian and he's made borderline inappropriate remarks to me before. I'm swamped with work, I began. Everyday? he interrupted. Awww, thanks! I tried to be as matter of fact as possible, I have a new schedule that I'm only just getting a handle on. I'm swamped!! We'll see you next week end at mutual friend's bar mitzvah!
The guy is TROUBLE.
Tutoring
Jake is downstairs with his coding tutor. I hear laughter, talk and some discussion about his lines of code. I really love this woman. She is someone who started off at community college and ended up at Columbia University with multiple degrees. She was most recently a programmer in various capacities at Verizon before taking early retirement and is fluent in several computer languages. And the other thing? Her son has been my piano student for 6 years and is high functioning on the spectrum. We have had years of discussion about what makes good teaching and why one therapy, program or therapist is worth or not worth the money. We are on the same page about practical skills kids need, how goals need to be defined and how a teacher needs to not only help a kid think critically, but also find exciting ways to motivate their students.
I asked her a couple of weeks ago about tutoring Jake and she wasn't sure. In the meantime she did an enormous amount of reading about AP Computers and what programs are available to high school kids both commercially and in schools. She read up on the requirements to earn a 4 year degree in programming. She wanted to know about this research course Jake is doing in computer science and read his teacher's website and files posted there. She looked up curriculums in teaching coding in various languages. This woman does her homework.
Julie, I called her last week, basically begging, can we try this as an experiment? Hubby is not going to be home most of the week. jake wants to program better in Java and I certainly can't help him! He needs a point person who can help him practically but also guide him in what he wants to do and help brainstorm exciting projects. He doesn't need help in AP Computer class, but he needs to develop his programming skills to be able to tinker more. And once he starts tinkering and is in the proper mindset, you know, he can dive deeper let's see where that goes. Enough of the Java classes, he's had them! He needs one on one time with an expert who can meet him where he is and help push him in the right direction.
Okay, she told me, I'm comfortable calling this an experiment.
So here she is and it is awesome!
I asked her a couple of weeks ago about tutoring Jake and she wasn't sure. In the meantime she did an enormous amount of reading about AP Computers and what programs are available to high school kids both commercially and in schools. She read up on the requirements to earn a 4 year degree in programming. She wanted to know about this research course Jake is doing in computer science and read his teacher's website and files posted there. She looked up curriculums in teaching coding in various languages. This woman does her homework.
Julie, I called her last week, basically begging, can we try this as an experiment? Hubby is not going to be home most of the week. jake wants to program better in Java and I certainly can't help him! He needs a point person who can help him practically but also guide him in what he wants to do and help brainstorm exciting projects. He doesn't need help in AP Computer class, but he needs to develop his programming skills to be able to tinker more. And once he starts tinkering and is in the proper mindset, you know, he can dive deeper let's see where that goes. Enough of the Java classes, he's had them! He needs one on one time with an expert who can meet him where he is and help push him in the right direction.
Okay, she told me, I'm comfortable calling this an experiment.
So here she is and it is awesome!
Sleep schedule
A friend's mom died of Alzheimers and the obit referred back to their memories of their mom, pre-Alzheimers. My mom wrote another of her resentful emails, yesterday. She just doesn't make herself easy to love sometimes. And in this case, has really not behaved well with my cousins declaring to have cut them off. In cousin's new published book dedication, he omitted recognizing my parents though mentioned many others including my sisters and me, his siblings and his parents. I wanted to but could not ask. Have you shown him unconditional love and care? Do you not remember you asked those kids to essentially choose between you and their parents? It's hard. Everyday I vow to FaceTime my parents with the kids. Everyday the day slips by. But I must or I will regret it. My parents are not young anymore. And lately, at now age 46, neither am I so young and carefree.
I want to be fit and happy and engaged as I age. Forgiving. If I'm lucky, like Mrs. A, I can still be teaching well into my 90s! Regina was running a soup kitchen until a couple of years before she died at 95. Both women had purpose everyday. They engaged with others on a daily basis and tried to make this world a better place. And their lives were full despite being widows for decades, either having no children or one, far away. They were no nonsense and fiercely independent, had can do attitudes and generally positive attitudes and saw good in others. They were strong. And I feel this way about Laurel, my adult piano student who I have become quite fond of over the past 3 years. We have conversations about family and politics. She comes to all of my local concerts, a few in Boston, and accepts my invitations like Regina once did.... She is another older woman I admittedly feel emotionally attached to and admire.
Sounds crazy but I'm also monitoring my sleep with my Fitbit and see I'm really not going to bed early enough. If the goal is 7 hours a night I really need to be in bed earlier. If I were drinking, it would be no problem. But I'm not drinking, I'm watching Downton Abbey with hubby every night and staying up chatting with him and discussing all sorts of things.
I am determined. I love my mom. I owe so much to her for who I am. I am generous because she has demonstrated generosity to others. And she was never more devoted to anyone but her children and husband despite all of her own personal challenges. And had she not brought me to all of my lessons and found me great teachers and sent me to the school I went to, all my mom's ultimate doing, who knows what would have happened to me? But I am also so afraid of following in her footsteps in many ways. She is up at all wee hours of the night and sleeping during the day and not surprisingly, unable to be present for those around her. It is a fear, I think that I never escape.... Everyday I make my kids lunch and I'm up early, I think, see? I'm doing okay. Or even now with my health obsession and actually seeing results of my efforts, this time around... again, it's like confirmation I seek that I won't hopefully end up with chronic ailments like my mom.... I can't escape the fear of living my mom's life. Maybe it's good, though. Maybe it makes me work harder to be the person I want to be and not just leave it to chance.
It's Sunday night. It's so laughable in a way. I mean, how outrageous of me! But I programmed my sleep goals. 11PM with wake up at 6:30AM. Let's see how it goes.
I want to be fit and happy and engaged as I age. Forgiving. If I'm lucky, like Mrs. A, I can still be teaching well into my 90s! Regina was running a soup kitchen until a couple of years before she died at 95. Both women had purpose everyday. They engaged with others on a daily basis and tried to make this world a better place. And their lives were full despite being widows for decades, either having no children or one, far away. They were no nonsense and fiercely independent, had can do attitudes and generally positive attitudes and saw good in others. They were strong. And I feel this way about Laurel, my adult piano student who I have become quite fond of over the past 3 years. We have conversations about family and politics. She comes to all of my local concerts, a few in Boston, and accepts my invitations like Regina once did.... She is another older woman I admittedly feel emotionally attached to and admire.
Sounds crazy but I'm also monitoring my sleep with my Fitbit and see I'm really not going to bed early enough. If the goal is 7 hours a night I really need to be in bed earlier. If I were drinking, it would be no problem. But I'm not drinking, I'm watching Downton Abbey with hubby every night and staying up chatting with him and discussing all sorts of things.
I am determined. I love my mom. I owe so much to her for who I am. I am generous because she has demonstrated generosity to others. And she was never more devoted to anyone but her children and husband despite all of her own personal challenges. And had she not brought me to all of my lessons and found me great teachers and sent me to the school I went to, all my mom's ultimate doing, who knows what would have happened to me? But I am also so afraid of following in her footsteps in many ways. She is up at all wee hours of the night and sleeping during the day and not surprisingly, unable to be present for those around her. It is a fear, I think that I never escape.... Everyday I make my kids lunch and I'm up early, I think, see? I'm doing okay. Or even now with my health obsession and actually seeing results of my efforts, this time around... again, it's like confirmation I seek that I won't hopefully end up with chronic ailments like my mom.... I can't escape the fear of living my mom's life. Maybe it's good, though. Maybe it makes me work harder to be the person I want to be and not just leave it to chance.
It's Sunday night. It's so laughable in a way. I mean, how outrageous of me! But I programmed my sleep goals. 11PM with wake up at 6:30AM. Let's see how it goes.
12,846
We had dinner with Flower's parents, last night. She had written earlier in the week about us meeting for dinner at a local Thai place. Heading out with hubby, last night, I mused that I thought this was interesting and exciting. It felt like a 'date' with Flower's parents. We really like them and have a good time, and our relationship - on my end at least - could only became more easy and natural after Belac's obsesson for flower waned and could be put behind us.
We closed the restaurant. And unlike our other meals together in the past, however infrequent, I was not drinking. I felt pressure. But as soon as hubby ordered a beer alongside the hubby, wifey ordered a Rose, I felt fine - and yet a little awkward - ordering a seltzer. I just didn't want to draw attention to myself. It was much easier at the bustling bar mitzvah party to not bring any attention to what I was drinking and besides, I like to dance and was out on the floor a lot of the time. 12,846 steps I logged on my Fitbit...! I am consumed by my getting in shape, can you tell? But I never talk about it with anyone except hubby. I don't want to be one of those annoying people, holier than thou. And plus, last night with the Flowers, we even stood in the parking lot at 11pm, still not able to finish with catching up and telling stories. I had a thoroughly great time and did not need or want to drink.
It is Sunday. At 9am I get the kids up. And I look around. The house is messy. I don't have to teach and I am not worried. But the other thing is this. I don't have to teach in this space tomorrow or the day after either. I don't have people trekking through the house any more and so while in some ways, I have just relaxed, knowing that my studio is in order and any student could come over in the drop of a hat, I think the fluctuating state is probably more 'normal' for the household and reflects that we all have greater responsibilities and interests this year. Hubby has helped Belac who codes hours a day, and he has helped Jake a fair amount, too.
This morning I asked hubby to feel my leg and tell me if it felt any different. And then I was laughing my head off as he ended up on top of me checking out other parts as I kept redirecting him to my leg. Things are good.
Lucky for this life.
We closed the restaurant. And unlike our other meals together in the past, however infrequent, I was not drinking. I felt pressure. But as soon as hubby ordered a beer alongside the hubby, wifey ordered a Rose, I felt fine - and yet a little awkward - ordering a seltzer. I just didn't want to draw attention to myself. It was much easier at the bustling bar mitzvah party to not bring any attention to what I was drinking and besides, I like to dance and was out on the floor a lot of the time. 12,846 steps I logged on my Fitbit...! I am consumed by my getting in shape, can you tell? But I never talk about it with anyone except hubby. I don't want to be one of those annoying people, holier than thou. And plus, last night with the Flowers, we even stood in the parking lot at 11pm, still not able to finish with catching up and telling stories. I had a thoroughly great time and did not need or want to drink.
It is Sunday. At 9am I get the kids up. And I look around. The house is messy. I don't have to teach and I am not worried. But the other thing is this. I don't have to teach in this space tomorrow or the day after either. I don't have people trekking through the house any more and so while in some ways, I have just relaxed, knowing that my studio is in order and any student could come over in the drop of a hat, I think the fluctuating state is probably more 'normal' for the household and reflects that we all have greater responsibilities and interests this year. Hubby has helped Belac who codes hours a day, and he has helped Jake a fair amount, too.
This morning I asked hubby to feel my leg and tell me if it felt any different. And then I was laughing my head off as he ended up on top of me checking out other parts as I kept redirecting him to my leg. Things are good.
Lucky for this life.
Friday, September 16, 2016
12,365
Walked home with Belac to an empty house. I think hubby and Jake went out to eat. I suggested they go out and bond, while I played for service and Belac went to support his good friend Ben. It was so empty. Barely anyone was there and Belac had observed right, at one point when we thought we couldn't attend. He argued we shouldn't go all the way to LA for his cousin's bat mitzvah because he wasn't close to his cousin, but wanted to support his good friend because, you know, maybe not many people would be there, he rightfully predicted.
It's true. Only the quirky, awkward kids were there. And there was Belac among them. My boy, in what is his group. Walking home, he told me that he thought that Ethan, Ian and Josh... they were very mature and maybe too mature for him. And I could understand what he was trying to say. Hopefully, they will always be friendly but in terms of comfort and being himself? I understand and accept with whom he feels at home.
My fitbit says I walked 12,365 steps today over 5.14 miles. That's great but not totally reproducible on an everyday kind of basis I don't think. I mean, unless I start running again, it will just take so much time to walk those steps on days when I'm not teaching at the nursery school and leaping around constantly. I also believe I got steps from playing the violin and piano... still I was pretty active
I am pooped. Waiting on hubby so we can watch an episode of Downton Abbey.He's now with Belac, trouble shooting a program Belac wrote with Python that is not working. They can't figure it out and it could be another hour. Belac is so motivated and he has a great partner in hubby - former programmer - who has been drawn in, both racking their brains over this problem.
I had a good week! You know why? I started all of my privates and new privates and we are off to a great start. I just love teaching in my amazing studio! Totally life changing. My lessons and the family's comings and goings do not disturb each other at all. My classes are going well and I feel I have hit my stride with the Greenwich school, in particular. My pre-K class is filled with kids I began in 2s, first class in Greenwich I will have had from the very beginning and it shows how much they have learned! And in my 2s class, 4 of 14 kids I had in Mommy & Me. Like my school in Harrison, there will be kids I have taught for 4 years by the time they enter kindergarten! On the home front, Belac walked to and from all of his after school classes, this week. Jake made me proud at how hard he's working. I met Belac's teachers and feel connected enough to be able to approach them if need be, later in the year. I finally got myself a fitbit to monitor my activity and sleeping and walked over 12,365 steps today and saw that I slept 6hrs and 50 minutes last night. I also earned $1000 in my first full week of teaching and discovered I have lost 5 lbs! And tonight marks the end of the 5th week I haven't had a drink.
So lots to be happy about in this busy, hard week!
Downton Abbey, here I come.
It's true. Only the quirky, awkward kids were there. And there was Belac among them. My boy, in what is his group. Walking home, he told me that he thought that Ethan, Ian and Josh... they were very mature and maybe too mature for him. And I could understand what he was trying to say. Hopefully, they will always be friendly but in terms of comfort and being himself? I understand and accept with whom he feels at home.
My fitbit says I walked 12,365 steps today over 5.14 miles. That's great but not totally reproducible on an everyday kind of basis I don't think. I mean, unless I start running again, it will just take so much time to walk those steps on days when I'm not teaching at the nursery school and leaping around constantly. I also believe I got steps from playing the violin and piano... still I was pretty active
I am pooped. Waiting on hubby so we can watch an episode of Downton Abbey.He's now with Belac, trouble shooting a program Belac wrote with Python that is not working. They can't figure it out and it could be another hour. Belac is so motivated and he has a great partner in hubby - former programmer - who has been drawn in, both racking their brains over this problem.
I had a good week! You know why? I started all of my privates and new privates and we are off to a great start. I just love teaching in my amazing studio! Totally life changing. My lessons and the family's comings and goings do not disturb each other at all. My classes are going well and I feel I have hit my stride with the Greenwich school, in particular. My pre-K class is filled with kids I began in 2s, first class in Greenwich I will have had from the very beginning and it shows how much they have learned! And in my 2s class, 4 of 14 kids I had in Mommy & Me. Like my school in Harrison, there will be kids I have taught for 4 years by the time they enter kindergarten! On the home front, Belac walked to and from all of his after school classes, this week. Jake made me proud at how hard he's working. I met Belac's teachers and feel connected enough to be able to approach them if need be, later in the year. I finally got myself a fitbit to monitor my activity and sleeping and walked over 12,365 steps today and saw that I slept 6hrs and 50 minutes last night. I also earned $1000 in my first full week of teaching and discovered I have lost 5 lbs! And tonight marks the end of the 5th week I haven't had a drink.
So lots to be happy about in this busy, hard week!
Downton Abbey, here I come.
overweight
According to 2 online BMI calculators, I am in the 'overweight' category. Not by much, but I'm over.
I need to lose 5 more lbs to be at the high end of 'normal' BMI range.
I need to drop to 125 lbs. to be in the middle of normal BMI range. And that is my goal.
Walked the dog for 30 minutes. Off to work.
.
I need to lose 5 more lbs to be at the high end of 'normal' BMI range.
I need to drop to 125 lbs. to be in the middle of normal BMI range. And that is my goal.
Walked the dog for 30 minutes. Off to work.
.
YAY!!
Just got on the scale. I've lost 5 lbs!!
I will weigh in every Friday morning to evaluate my progress.
I feel awesome!!
I will weigh in every Friday morning to evaluate my progress.
I feel awesome!!
accounting
I have to watch the time. Fridays are my busiest days with 3 classes, a rehearsal for the Bar Mitzvah tomorrow, 5 lessons that finish and then a service tonight. But I can't complain. I feel that working like this is still a novelty and certainly a privilege. And while that smacks as an odd remark in some ways, maybe it's that I'm in the thick of watching Downton Abbey and remembering how it used to be for women, or knowing that I could have so easily walked in my mom's footsteps in a way, living for my husband and children, solely... but I'm glad to be working. I'm glad that hubby could notice my Fitbit I finally bought and I didn't have to have any explanation about it. I mean, it never was that way ever with hubby, I've never had to have an explanation for any of our expenses. Our accounts have always been in both our names, even when he earned all of it and most of it. I physically pay all of the bills in the house and he never before worried about my over spending or buying things that we all didn't need or felt any need to check on our accounts. He trusts me implicitly. We make big purchases together and rarely, if ever, argued about money even when it was so tight in those years and I stressed out about which bills to pay first... And even though I know that I am irreplaceable with the kids and my value to family is far more than a paycheck, it's just good that I'm working. For the money that's pretty significant at this point. For the skill building and challenges. For my own personal pride, productivity, and feeling useful and valued beyond family.
I have my fit bit on! Wonder what it will register for footsteps for each class today! But then I must really go now. Instead of the usual 10-15, I plan to give the dog a good 30 minute walk this morning on my way out!
Goddamit! I plan to be back at 125 by February! Maybe a bit extreme, but I'm trying. Today I have been alcohol free 5 weeks and eating properly and well. Today is my first full day with the fitbit and I plan to add 10,000 steps to my regimen every single day. Determined.
I have my fit bit on! Wonder what it will register for footsteps for each class today! But then I must really go now. Instead of the usual 10-15, I plan to give the dog a good 30 minute walk this morning on my way out!
Goddamit! I plan to be back at 125 by February! Maybe a bit extreme, but I'm trying. Today I have been alcohol free 5 weeks and eating properly and well. Today is my first full day with the fitbit and I plan to add 10,000 steps to my regimen every single day. Determined.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
good start
A great day. Taught my new Mommy & Me class in Harrison with 12 kids and their caregivers and met my new nursery students, I will start on Monday. Zoomed around afterwards to pick up additional supplies for Jake, the bank and pharmacy. Had a nice longer than usual walk with the dog on this gorgeous day and then taught my new privates. It all went very well.
One mom asked as I walked her out, where are your boys? One is at XCountry practice and the other is at an Art class. Cool, she said, and you have someone driving them or you'll have to get them? They're local, just a few blocks away, and so they will walk home. How old are they? 14 and 12, I told her. (I just realized I misspoke, they are actually 15 and 13!)
Behind the closed red door to the kitchen was our family space and I made no allusion to it. It was tidy enough to be seen, but I was happy to have noone trekking through. When I had heard the doorbell, earlier, I went outside through the mudroom to get them from our front door and lead them in from the other entrance. The studio feels happy and homey, enough, why does anyone need to see anything else like what kinds of foods are on our shelves or my kids' schedules hanging in the kitchen? The separation of professional and private is just awesome. We aren't open for public display.
Kids arrived home just as I finished teaching and began making dinner. Everyone right to work. Hubby on his way. And you know what? I stopped to look at myself in the mirror. I changed into a skirt, this afternoon, that was previously too tight to wear. It's still a little tight but it's not unbearable like before. I'm not sure visually if one can see any difference in 4 lbs. lost, but I definitely feel it and feel good. These are great changes!
One mom asked as I walked her out, where are your boys? One is at XCountry practice and the other is at an Art class. Cool, she said, and you have someone driving them or you'll have to get them? They're local, just a few blocks away, and so they will walk home. How old are they? 14 and 12, I told her. (I just realized I misspoke, they are actually 15 and 13!)
Behind the closed red door to the kitchen was our family space and I made no allusion to it. It was tidy enough to be seen, but I was happy to have noone trekking through. When I had heard the doorbell, earlier, I went outside through the mudroom to get them from our front door and lead them in from the other entrance. The studio feels happy and homey, enough, why does anyone need to see anything else like what kinds of foods are on our shelves or my kids' schedules hanging in the kitchen? The separation of professional and private is just awesome. We aren't open for public display.
Kids arrived home just as I finished teaching and began making dinner. Everyone right to work. Hubby on his way. And you know what? I stopped to look at myself in the mirror. I changed into a skirt, this afternoon, that was previously too tight to wear. It's still a little tight but it's not unbearable like before. I'm not sure visually if one can see any difference in 4 lbs. lost, but I definitely feel it and feel good. These are great changes!
back to school night
Went to back to school night, where I followed Belac's schedule from class to class and had a chance to hear his teachers talk for 15 minutes at a time, see his classroom's surroundings, see other parents of his classes. It was how I came to know that one of my piano students has Math and Social Studies with Belac.That Ethan and Ian are not in any of his classes and that he has Social Studies with Josh. Met a mom I'm friendly with, whose brother and father have been doing our yard work since day one in this house... OMG! I told her, it never occurred to me until he told me last week that he is your brother! He and your father are the best!!
Every classroom I entered, I went up to the teacher and introduced myself "Hi, I'm Gimky, Belac Snowflake's mom...." In Math, I let the teacher know that Belac was in some Modified programming and that this was the only core academic class he was completely on his own. (In other words, not co-taught by a special needs teacher, no aide.) If there were any issues, behavioral or academic, I told each teacher, please jot me a note!
I also introduced myself to the Art teacher. Oh!!! You're Belac's mom! He's greeaaat!! Showed me where he sat with his group. I mentioned that he works very slowly and sometimes gets anxious when something needs to be turned in in class and it's not done. Yup, she said, I know and I tell him not to worry about it. He's been good about telling me whenever there is a problem. And I'm also always here 10th period if he needs to finish up his work!
But here is the thing that got me thinking most of the night afterwards.... First of all, parents of 2 boys that are friends with Belac were not there. They have a shared aide and classified differently from Belac at school, however they still push into mainstream classes on a daily schedule like Belac. I really couldn't believe neither was there and I knew both shared at least one class with Belac. Why wouldn't they have wanted to see where their kids go, class to class? Many people take this night so seriously that often 2 parents per child attend the evening.
But then the biggest shocker was when I bumped into our friends in Social Studies. They were both there, in the back row, and simply ready to be social and beckoned me to sit in the back row with them. First of all, I never sit in the back row unless I have to, I am a near the front kind of person because I want to see the board and have better contatct with whoever is speaking. But second, I wasn't there for them. The teacher was free. I went up and introduced myself as Belac's mom. I knew Mrs. R would be co-teaching but wanted him to know that if there was anything academic or behavioral I needed to know about, however small, to feel free to write me a quick email or let Mrs. R know. I then sat wherever I could find a seat, now in the far back corner.
Still after the presentation, our friends approached. They, too, needed to go to PE next but were planning to skip. There was just a minute to get there in time. Are you going? Yes. Of course I was going, I thought, I came here to meet all of Belac's teachers. Well we aren't going, they said, dismissing PE. Why? I didn't have time to ask. Because they don't get a proper grade in PE? Because they consider it a joke? These were considerations that didn't matter to me. Well, I explained, Belac needs help keeping up in PE and developing physical stamina, I just want to say hello to the teacher. While the presentation was boring, I knew I had to be there. This is the kind of class that has the potential to be humiliating. Where your physical limitations are in full display to everyone. Where you might be the last one picked on the team or your team doesn't want you because you can't help score points, or you don't exactly know what's going on. Before leaving, I went up to the teacher and introduced myself. He's doing well! the teacher told me. Glad to hear it. As you know, he is slow to process instructions and not exactly physically alert, we're working on it. He's going to be fine and so far so good! We will keep in touch! he assured me. Thank you!
And then before leaving the building, Mr. Mo found me. Hey! How's Jake? We chatted. Hey, I think they need to give you a bigger classroom, you're bursting at the seams in there! We laughed. And how's Belac doing in your class? Well, we almost had a problem today, running against the clock. I told him and his partner they needed to hustle and get it together. Mm hm... I murmured. Yes, he works very slowly. Yes, he agreed, but I saw that deep focus of his and being in 'the zone.' Yes.... You know, if I could make a suggestion... Of course! he looked at me, interested. Well, I think he's the kind of kid that needs to be assigned a partner or team for projects. He can't be left to finding his own because his partner will be the kind of person who couldn't find someone else to work with and then suddenly you have two kids with double the problem.... If Belac could be paired up with a kid who takes more initiative or leadership, it would be much better. Belac can definitely bring something significant to the table and he will work hard, that's not the problem, he's not going to sit there and let someone do all the work, he has his pride and is very, very motivated, but he is unable right now to drive a project forward or take a certain self-starting initiative because he processes so slowly. Wow, he said, good point, good point. I will pay attention to this.
I had earlier bumped into Kati in the hallway and we hugged and kissed. Wow, she said, you look nice! I laughed. I had changed into a hand me down from little sis, pulled back my hair and added a little make up. But that was my job, you know, not to take things for granted and putting my best foot forward on behalf of my kids. They are not the kind of kids, Belac in particular, who can now advocate on their own and they aren't the regular public school, white suburbia types. And especially Belac, he is so high-functioning it's hard for some people to get him and his quirks, and his rigidity can be quite confounding. Sometimes they just don't get why he can't concentrate more, when if you saw where he came from you'd say, oh my god, how is he concentrating and doing so well??? I don't love these Back to School nights and sort of view them as a chore, but I never miss them and I never miss seeing a single teacher. I say hello and introduce myself, smile and say thank you. It makes a difference and helps volumes to have had that initial contact before something inevitably comes up during the year.
Every classroom I entered, I went up to the teacher and introduced myself "Hi, I'm Gimky, Belac Snowflake's mom...." In Math, I let the teacher know that Belac was in some Modified programming and that this was the only core academic class he was completely on his own. (In other words, not co-taught by a special needs teacher, no aide.) If there were any issues, behavioral or academic, I told each teacher, please jot me a note!
I also introduced myself to the Art teacher. Oh!!! You're Belac's mom! He's greeaaat!! Showed me where he sat with his group. I mentioned that he works very slowly and sometimes gets anxious when something needs to be turned in in class and it's not done. Yup, she said, I know and I tell him not to worry about it. He's been good about telling me whenever there is a problem. And I'm also always here 10th period if he needs to finish up his work!
But here is the thing that got me thinking most of the night afterwards.... First of all, parents of 2 boys that are friends with Belac were not there. They have a shared aide and classified differently from Belac at school, however they still push into mainstream classes on a daily schedule like Belac. I really couldn't believe neither was there and I knew both shared at least one class with Belac. Why wouldn't they have wanted to see where their kids go, class to class? Many people take this night so seriously that often 2 parents per child attend the evening.
But then the biggest shocker was when I bumped into our friends in Social Studies. They were both there, in the back row, and simply ready to be social and beckoned me to sit in the back row with them. First of all, I never sit in the back row unless I have to, I am a near the front kind of person because I want to see the board and have better contatct with whoever is speaking. But second, I wasn't there for them. The teacher was free. I went up and introduced myself as Belac's mom. I knew Mrs. R would be co-teaching but wanted him to know that if there was anything academic or behavioral I needed to know about, however small, to feel free to write me a quick email or let Mrs. R know. I then sat wherever I could find a seat, now in the far back corner.
Still after the presentation, our friends approached. They, too, needed to go to PE next but were planning to skip. There was just a minute to get there in time. Are you going? Yes. Of course I was going, I thought, I came here to meet all of Belac's teachers. Well we aren't going, they said, dismissing PE. Why? I didn't have time to ask. Because they don't get a proper grade in PE? Because they consider it a joke? These were considerations that didn't matter to me. Well, I explained, Belac needs help keeping up in PE and developing physical stamina, I just want to say hello to the teacher. While the presentation was boring, I knew I had to be there. This is the kind of class that has the potential to be humiliating. Where your physical limitations are in full display to everyone. Where you might be the last one picked on the team or your team doesn't want you because you can't help score points, or you don't exactly know what's going on. Before leaving, I went up to the teacher and introduced myself. He's doing well! the teacher told me. Glad to hear it. As you know, he is slow to process instructions and not exactly physically alert, we're working on it. He's going to be fine and so far so good! We will keep in touch! he assured me. Thank you!
And then before leaving the building, Mr. Mo found me. Hey! How's Jake? We chatted. Hey, I think they need to give you a bigger classroom, you're bursting at the seams in there! We laughed. And how's Belac doing in your class? Well, we almost had a problem today, running against the clock. I told him and his partner they needed to hustle and get it together. Mm hm... I murmured. Yes, he works very slowly. Yes, he agreed, but I saw that deep focus of his and being in 'the zone.' Yes.... You know, if I could make a suggestion... Of course! he looked at me, interested. Well, I think he's the kind of kid that needs to be assigned a partner or team for projects. He can't be left to finding his own because his partner will be the kind of person who couldn't find someone else to work with and then suddenly you have two kids with double the problem.... If Belac could be paired up with a kid who takes more initiative or leadership, it would be much better. Belac can definitely bring something significant to the table and he will work hard, that's not the problem, he's not going to sit there and let someone do all the work, he has his pride and is very, very motivated, but he is unable right now to drive a project forward or take a certain self-starting initiative because he processes so slowly. Wow, he said, good point, good point. I will pay attention to this.
I had earlier bumped into Kati in the hallway and we hugged and kissed. Wow, she said, you look nice! I laughed. I had changed into a hand me down from little sis, pulled back my hair and added a little make up. But that was my job, you know, not to take things for granted and putting my best foot forward on behalf of my kids. They are not the kind of kids, Belac in particular, who can now advocate on their own and they aren't the regular public school, white suburbia types. And especially Belac, he is so high-functioning it's hard for some people to get him and his quirks, and his rigidity can be quite confounding. Sometimes they just don't get why he can't concentrate more, when if you saw where he came from you'd say, oh my god, how is he concentrating and doing so well??? I don't love these Back to School nights and sort of view them as a chore, but I never miss them and I never miss seeing a single teacher. I say hello and introduce myself, smile and say thank you. It makes a difference and helps volumes to have had that initial contact before something inevitably comes up during the year.
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
Changes
Yesterday I put on a pair of jeans by accident and what do you know? They felt and looked pretty good on me. I hadn't worn them all year because they were too tight, and looking myself over in them, curiously in the mirror, I decided to just keep them on. I haven't lost any drastic weight in almost 5 weeks, about 4 lbs I think based on stepping on the scale, yesterday. But I can totally feel something is going on with my body. I know I'm burning fat. I am more regular because I have been more and more focused about getting enough fiber in my diet. And I never ever feel bloated because though I still snack and have bites of sweets, I am eating a ton more fruits and veggies, everyday, and am eating less meat and not drinking at all to boot.
Lately instead of seltzer, it was hard to keep enough of it around, I've been thirsty for water. And because I haven't been drinking, I haven't really been drinking coffee either and in fact sort of lost my taste for it. It's the domino effect!
In 1, 2 and 4 weeks, I have bar mitzvahs to play for and parties to attend. In 8 weeks, I will be going to LA to attend my niece's bat mitzvah. I will be rotating between 2 dresses and It will be interesting to see how my body changes as I slip into the same clothes over 2 months.
It occurred to me that maybe I am losing weight to fast? But on the other hand, I am not really dieting and am never hungry. I went cold turkey on the alcohol and changed the proportions of food on my plate. I also am able to do all of this surrounded by people in social situations - who are drinking and eating in ways I no longer - and am fine with it, so I haven't exactly isolated myself in the process. I think it's all good. And I really feel these changes are manageable. Well, let's see and hope!
Lately instead of seltzer, it was hard to keep enough of it around, I've been thirsty for water. And because I haven't been drinking, I haven't really been drinking coffee either and in fact sort of lost my taste for it. It's the domino effect!
In 1, 2 and 4 weeks, I have bar mitzvahs to play for and parties to attend. In 8 weeks, I will be going to LA to attend my niece's bat mitzvah. I will be rotating between 2 dresses and It will be interesting to see how my body changes as I slip into the same clothes over 2 months.
It occurred to me that maybe I am losing weight to fast? But on the other hand, I am not really dieting and am never hungry. I went cold turkey on the alcohol and changed the proportions of food on my plate. I also am able to do all of this surrounded by people in social situations - who are drinking and eating in ways I no longer - and am fine with it, so I haven't exactly isolated myself in the process. I think it's all good. And I really feel these changes are manageable. Well, let's see and hope!
wake up routine
Everyone off.
Today I got Belac out of bed and brought his clothes downstairs, I had him shower in the bathroom next to the kitchen so I could supervise and pack lunches. He had been up at 2am unable to sleep and I presumed would be even more tired. Instead of giving him his pill at 7:35am as he would be leaving the house, I gave it to him at 6:45. Every little bit helps, right? Leaving the house, he told me he was tired. I kissed him good bye. It's beautiful out, enjoy the walk and you know what? Walk a little fast and you'll start to wake up!
Jake came down by 7:15, later than usual despite not having to share a bathroom, but I was happy he was showered and wearing something clean and was eating immediately. Leaving the house I told him I wanted to double check his desk and the dining room to make sure he had everything. Mom, I already packed my bag. Well, let's look again... On a special ledge was his huge 4" science binder and supplies. You need that today, right? He did. (How will he remember to bring this thing every other day on a 7 day rotation schedule over 5 days? A nightmare to remember for a kid like Jake.) Picking up his phone, he saw a message on his screen. Mom! My reminder to "look at to do list" was sent at 2:45 AM!!! We looked together and I showed him that really wasn't the case. It was a reminder that on his calender was an event later today at 2:45pm called "look at to do list" and we laughed. Opened up the calendar to confirm that at exactly 2:45pm everyday, his phone would alert him to look at his to do list. You know where your to do list is, right? We had composed the list last night after getting his calendar to alert him to read it AFTER his last period and right at he beginning of activity period. Yes, I got it, he told me with a thumbs up.
Maybe other families can let their kids be and get off on their own. Maybe others can leave it to highly skilled and caring babysitters. But we are definitely not there yet. I have to figure out how to best teach my kids self sufficiency because I can't and shouldn't do certain things for them all year. The kids have to learn and rise to the occasion. I feel like I almost need to be a captain about it, like in a military school, very black and white and regimented about what they need to do to get up and out
The kids are trying. I'm trying. I think and hope we will figure it out in due course.
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
Important
I encouraged hubby right after his calls to help Belac, who was already in bed. And that is how Belac lept out of his room and they both ran downstairs to his computer and I hear all of this excited talking between them, some laughing and trying to figure out the problem. They are bonding and I'm so happy about this. Belac has always relied heavily on me for everything. At times it has been too much. But more and more he is turning to hubby for help and it is just so good they can bond over the programming. Especially because hubby is just a natural, ever so patient, good humored teacher who revels in discovery and makes finding solutions to problems fun.
It's almost 11. It is bedtime!! How are we going to get up at 6:30? But this is more important than anything either could be doing.
ended well
And Jake is being resourceful. Googled and found all of the answers on line and checked all of his work. He re-solved his incorrect problems. Good for him. And now he gets a half hour to relax before bed. Long day for him for sure.
python
In his every spare moment, Belac is programming in Python and following a book. Over and over, he tries to understand and tinker and get his programs to work and tweak things just so. It's 10:08 and he refuses to go to bed yet until he fixes something. He is in the zone and has always found projects that keep him occupied for hours, whether it's been drawing or moving making or making up a game or cartoon strip. It's all him, not for a class or assignment but for some internal motivation which is astounding.
2 + 2
Looked over Jake's shoulder as he looked at math homework. I was astonished. It wasn't corrected. Jake, are you going over answers in class? Yes. Well, why is none of your homework marked? Well the answers are on the board and it's just a lot to do to check for correct answers and write down next homework.... But, none of this homework is corrected at all. What is the point? Does he check off that you did it? Yes. But you don't know if it's correct? No.
This is why you go to Activity Period. Have you gone to math for activity period? No. Can you take a picture of the board with your phone if you don't have time to write everything down? .... Yes.
I just don't understand what is going on. Do you think what you're doing is right? No. Did it take me having to bring it up for you to realize? No.... So what are you doing about it? I mean, leaving it to the night before the quiz is too much and dealing with it tomorrow and hoping your teacher can help you! In fact, you should have been reviewing your homework over the week end and doing extra problems where your mistakes are!
This is the stuff that drives me crazy. It's like he's not connecting the dots about what he needs to do. Planning in advance. Holding himself accountable. Feeling the urgency to fix something he has an inkling is not working. And sometimes, just making excuses that don't hold up.
Forceful as I am, I am still being pretty patient, I believe. And I realize that I have to be as patient with him as I am with Belac, in explaining what is -to me- so plainfully obvious but what somehow alludes him, time and time again.
Hubby has been taking calls all night and not available. I am on - even if admittedly stressed. And all I can think is, thank god I'm not drinking and have my hands in a bag of chips. I am present, with the kids and trying to help them. There's nothing I'd rather be doing than trying to help them solve their problems and push them in the right direction.
This is why you go to Activity Period. Have you gone to math for activity period? No. Can you take a picture of the board with your phone if you don't have time to write everything down? .... Yes.
I just don't understand what is going on. Do you think what you're doing is right? No. Did it take me having to bring it up for you to realize? No.... So what are you doing about it? I mean, leaving it to the night before the quiz is too much and dealing with it tomorrow and hoping your teacher can help you! In fact, you should have been reviewing your homework over the week end and doing extra problems where your mistakes are!
This is the stuff that drives me crazy. It's like he's not connecting the dots about what he needs to do. Planning in advance. Holding himself accountable. Feeling the urgency to fix something he has an inkling is not working. And sometimes, just making excuses that don't hold up.
Forceful as I am, I am still being pretty patient, I believe. And I realize that I have to be as patient with him as I am with Belac, in explaining what is -to me- so plainfully obvious but what somehow alludes him, time and time again.
Hubby has been taking calls all night and not available. I am on - even if admittedly stressed. And all I can think is, thank god I'm not drinking and have my hands in a bag of chips. I am present, with the kids and trying to help them. There's nothing I'd rather be doing than trying to help them solve their problems and push them in the right direction.
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