Over and over and over as I taught, my mother sent text after text after pic after pic. Is she enjoying her time in London with my dad? Why does she keep texting sisters and me every 10 minutes, throughout the day? And there was picture after picture of my dad. I keep my phone on so people can reach me and also tell me if they are late and the like, while I teach. The dings and buzzes were constant. I should have just turned off my phone. During a lull, I asked my mom to do this via email and thanked her for the pics she was texting me. Of course she didn't take it well. She said she was going to send me nothing from now on. And I couldn't help myself and responded. I'm turning off my phone, text whatever you want! (at least I didn't say, whatever the HELL you want, right...?)
And THEN. A mother threw a complete hissy fit after her son's lesson in front of the next family.
I feel like you always keep us waiting!!! And then you push us out and the next family doesn't have to wait!!
I looked at her incredulously. Julie, I usually give your son 45 minutes instead of the 30 and today, he got a little over 30, the usual amount. I think you might feel this way, lately, because your son is no longer the last lesson of the day. But if you recall, we'd be here for an hour and a half, sometimes! I have given your son a lot of extra time and I'm sorry you feel this way. I'm very devoted to him.
She and her husband kept trying to argue and then left in a huff and puff, anyway, without another word or goodbye or thank you. I took a deep breath and started the next lesson, pushing it aside as best I could. The next mom later commented that what had happened was entirely inappropriate on the part of the parents and that they should have saved this outburst for private. She thought I had handled myself well. I nodded, not wanting to speak behind their backs, we will work it out.
Why do people feel like they can talk to me this way? How could she accuse me of such a ridiculous thing that is simply 1000% not true? Hubby and I chatted as he brought in groceries and I chopped away furiously at salads for a bbq in a couple of hours. Gimky, you should just fire that family, and the other family for that matter. I dare them to go elsewhere and be happier or be given half the care. Tell them to go elsewhere!! And you need to be better at drawing a line between music teacher and friend. This is the problem, and you are clearly seeing this more and more! People do not know their place and expect too much from you. You are not their friend, you need to limit the social banter, you are their music teacher.
And with my mom? She can't help herself and I'm not changing her. I have to let it go. Even if she pretends to sleep through lunch in a restaurant, even if she is making things up about her health and telling us she is dying... I am 45 years old and I still have trouble letting it go, but my only choice is to let it go.
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Saturday, May 30, 2015
beautiful day
Walking to have pickles and falafel at the Farmer's Market after studying and cleaning the house, a family effort. Hubby was up early, ran 7 miles and biked 17, he's crazy. We also bought some local peach white wine for tomorrow and a pie.
Bursting out of my swim suit, I was inspired to swim laps alongside hubby. He swam a mile. Boys amused themselves and I never saw such a huge game of shark and minnows. Best 400 dollars spent for a summer family pass and non-stop socializing. Also watched Belac interact and throw a ball back and forth with the boy, who Ethan has informed me is mean, especially to Belac....
More time outdoors, and a decision to have dinner and a sleepover with Ethan, the kids' closest friend and our god son, I realize. It's official now, with him and his sister.
Best day.
crossing
Goldie wins! Despite her compact size, she's everything the others are and more. She's AWD, a top safety pick, seats up to 7 in a pinch, carries 4 bikes, bin on top, and averages 26/mpg on a regular battery and regular gas, which I'm sure those others don't, even on their best day! Seeing her shine among the others makes me smile. I have never loved a car until this one, it's crazy, I love this girl!
I belong to a closed member group on Facebook called Special Needs Moms of our county. There are something like 1500 members and membership is by invitation only. I like going there because there is a lawyer I have heard speak, who chimes in occasionally on legal issues. There are SEPTA presidents there and just plenty of moms that I know in real life, posting with event info, questions, frustrations, advice. However, the most recent post - from my neighbor - drew 150 comments. What had happened? My neighbor, who has gotten herself in trouble on Facebook so many times for oversharing and speaking her mind, had had a meeting with our district over one of her 2 autistic boys. The district, in an attempt to apparently intimidate my neighbor, disclosed that another parent had shared with them everything our neighbor had disparagingly posted about our district via screen shots. Amazing. Trust no one. Social media and living in this digital world is scary.
Meanwhile, we are having dinner with Kati and Onjy's family, tomorrow. It took weeks to coordinate because of our busy schedules. And then - just now - our other neighbor asked us for a celebration dinner at the same time, asking for Onjy's family and ours, along with a gazillion others on the list I didn't know. We have plans anyway, but admittedly, seeing the extent of the invitee list did not make me want to be there more.
My point is, in a world where bigger and more is supposedly better and enviable, where the notion strength in greater numbers is a given, I have found myself turning more the other way. I find it's best to keep things smaller. Manageable. Personal. Meaningful! Maintaining ties with individuals and nurturing those relationships directly is what has kept me stronger and afloat. It is those deep friendships that have proven, over and over, to truly sustain and entice me.
Friday, May 29, 2015
hot dog and soda
Oh, yeah! In town... You mean by ourselves? I have to ask, I heard Belac say. I called down to hubby, it's okay, they've done it before! I heard hubby ask, you guys are meeting in town for dinner? Okay, that's good.
And so that is how Belac came to get a 20 dollar bill along with his charged up phone in his pocket. Meeting his buddy for a hot dog and soda at the stand and probably getting frozen yogurt before heading home on foot. I am grateful for Ethan, Dot's son, who is not without his own challenges, but is an articulate, devoted friend. He appreciates and accepts Belac for who he is, and maybe he is all the more this way because of his own sister.
Meanwhile the rest of us at home, figuring out our own fun. White wine on the porch, Jake's nose in a book. Yay for Belac.
And so that is how Belac came to get a 20 dollar bill along with his charged up phone in his pocket. Meeting his buddy for a hot dog and soda at the stand and probably getting frozen yogurt before heading home on foot. I am grateful for Ethan, Dot's son, who is not without his own challenges, but is an articulate, devoted friend. He appreciates and accepts Belac for who he is, and maybe he is all the more this way because of his own sister.
Meanwhile the rest of us at home, figuring out our own fun. White wine on the porch, Jake's nose in a book. Yay for Belac.
appearances
Hubby and I both finish at 1 today, and we are going out to eat.
I have to leave soon and hope I can get a certain pair of pants dry enough to wear after washing. It's my Greenwich school and I have to look a certain presentable way in that community. Graduation is in 2 weeks and I am preparing the kids for a ceremony. They just asked me to sign another contract after my first year there, and add another class to the four I'm already teaching. It's good, I really like it there.
Yesterday, I stopped at the synagogue office and made a donation to Belac's b'nei mitzvah tutor's fund. He is a paraplegic after an accident 5 years ago during a 150km charity race.... I've gotten to know him well over the years, he was also Jake's tutor. 2 months ago, he overheard me telling someone that I was 'hopeless' when it came to learning Hebrew. The next week, after Belac's session, he instructed me to go to his briefcase and pull out some books. These are now yours, now turn to page 1. What...?! Your kidding me, I laughed. And so with Belac looking over my shoulder and Ed sitting across from me, every week I get a session following Belac's. He didn't ask to be paid and we never talked about it. But now I have visions of being a Reader at Belac's bar mitzvah and have been diligently studying.
Can this be anonymous? The secretary gave me a look. On the one hand, I would like it to be anonymous, I don't want it to change the good thing we have... I thought aloud. But I know, right? Now that it's this regular thing I have going on with him, he should know I'm not taking advantage of his time! Gimky, she looked at me intently, it's important and nice for him to know that you contributed to his fund. He's, you know, he has so many serious expenses related to his care! You also want a letter for tax purposes. And what about the newsletter, any contributions usually go in the newsletter.... Oh my God! Definitely not in the newsletter!! I'm putting in the memo "for extra tutoring" okay? Someone will read that, he will read that...? This is not charity, no one should feel like this is charity, I emphasized.
Time to go. My outfit is still damp and in the dryer, what I'm wearing will have to do.
I have to leave soon and hope I can get a certain pair of pants dry enough to wear after washing. It's my Greenwich school and I have to look a certain presentable way in that community. Graduation is in 2 weeks and I am preparing the kids for a ceremony. They just asked me to sign another contract after my first year there, and add another class to the four I'm already teaching. It's good, I really like it there.
Yesterday, I stopped at the synagogue office and made a donation to Belac's b'nei mitzvah tutor's fund. He is a paraplegic after an accident 5 years ago during a 150km charity race.... I've gotten to know him well over the years, he was also Jake's tutor. 2 months ago, he overheard me telling someone that I was 'hopeless' when it came to learning Hebrew. The next week, after Belac's session, he instructed me to go to his briefcase and pull out some books. These are now yours, now turn to page 1. What...?! Your kidding me, I laughed. And so with Belac looking over my shoulder and Ed sitting across from me, every week I get a session following Belac's. He didn't ask to be paid and we never talked about it. But now I have visions of being a Reader at Belac's bar mitzvah and have been diligently studying.
Can this be anonymous? The secretary gave me a look. On the one hand, I would like it to be anonymous, I don't want it to change the good thing we have... I thought aloud. But I know, right? Now that it's this regular thing I have going on with him, he should know I'm not taking advantage of his time! Gimky, she looked at me intently, it's important and nice for him to know that you contributed to his fund. He's, you know, he has so many serious expenses related to his care! You also want a letter for tax purposes. And what about the newsletter, any contributions usually go in the newsletter.... Oh my God! Definitely not in the newsletter!! I'm putting in the memo "for extra tutoring" okay? Someone will read that, he will read that...? This is not charity, no one should feel like this is charity, I emphasized.
Time to go. My outfit is still damp and in the dryer, what I'm wearing will have to do.
Thursday, May 28, 2015
with and without
Waiting on Jake to arrive home as I sauteed broccoli and unwrapped the rotisserie chicken hubby picked up on the way. We were deep in conversation about someone at the synagogue, who has proven to be a complete psycho, and deliciously gossipy talk about something else, when au ddenly hubby interrupted. Gimky, we heard the boom boom of the basketball outside, I'm going out to play with Belac!
Good idea, I agreed.
Hubby and I have talked a lot about his relationship with Belac lately, who doesn't want to share with hubby. Clams up as soon as hubby appears when telling me something. He feels hubby doesn't understand him. I've been trying to help Belac understand hubby more. And I've advised hubby to just listen more and not feel such the need to cheer Belac up or change his perspective. More than anything, Belac needs understanding and a safe place to vent and be taken seriously....
It's 6:42 and Jake is nowhere to be seen and his phone is in cubby. Haven't seen him since 8am. It's late! Maybe they went for pizza after this last meet? Glad he is so independent, but for gods sakes, I didn't get him this phone for it to always sit in the cubby!
Good idea, I agreed.
Hubby and I have talked a lot about his relationship with Belac lately, who doesn't want to share with hubby. Clams up as soon as hubby appears when telling me something. He feels hubby doesn't understand him. I've been trying to help Belac understand hubby more. And I've advised hubby to just listen more and not feel such the need to cheer Belac up or change his perspective. More than anything, Belac needs understanding and a safe place to vent and be taken seriously....
It's 6:42 and Jake is nowhere to be seen and his phone is in cubby. Haven't seen him since 8am. It's late! Maybe they went for pizza after this last meet? Glad he is so independent, but for gods sakes, I didn't get him this phone for it to always sit in the cubby!
good life
Taught 2 classes, my favorite adult student, a meeting over Special Needs classes at synagogue, now a lull before teaching 4 more students. Jake off at a track meet, Belac home early with no homework. Ian texted, can Belac hang out? Yes, he can. Now they are outside shooting hoops. Just realized I forgot to shop for dinner, but luckily have a couple of frozen pizzas and enough greens to make a salad....
It's the best kind of day. Busy, but not crazy. Productive. I am the luckiest woman on the planet. I can make a modest living that combined with hubby's income, pays for our luxuries - including an unexpected tax grievance. All the more valuable considering that I pay no babysitter, eat both breakfast and dinner with my kids, and kiss them goodnight.
And there are the other things. Hubby and I are learning the Franck Violin/Piano Sonata, together, and lately, I've been inspired to practice violin, everyday. Also discovered a score for 4 handed Brahms Hungarian Pieces among Mrs. Abramsohn's scores when looking for something else. It's some of the nicest times hubby and I have, over playing music together. We are unusually well matched, I realize, both in level and confidence. Lucky to have this part of our relationship start to develop more after almost 15 years of marriage, 18 years of being together and 27 years of being friends. That's a lot of years! Hopefully a huge abundance of good repertoire will help us stretch our good fortune.
It's the best kind of day. Busy, but not crazy. Productive. I am the luckiest woman on the planet. I can make a modest living that combined with hubby's income, pays for our luxuries - including an unexpected tax grievance. All the more valuable considering that I pay no babysitter, eat both breakfast and dinner with my kids, and kiss them goodnight.
And there are the other things. Hubby and I are learning the Franck Violin/Piano Sonata, together, and lately, I've been inspired to practice violin, everyday. Also discovered a score for 4 handed Brahms Hungarian Pieces among Mrs. Abramsohn's scores when looking for something else. It's some of the nicest times hubby and I have, over playing music together. We are unusually well matched, I realize, both in level and confidence. Lucky to have this part of our relationship start to develop more after almost 15 years of marriage, 18 years of being together and 27 years of being friends. That's a lot of years! Hopefully a huge abundance of good repertoire will help us stretch our good fortune.
my garden
Every morning, on my way to the kitchen, I open the front door and check on my plantings. I just do, even if I'm running late. It just makes me happy. And in awe that growth can start from a little seed and come back year after year, even after a very long winter.
I have a ton of budding strawberries and tomatoes already that have taken form. This year, trying a new clump forming, non-climbing green bean plant, and they are already enormous! Dozens of brussel sprout plants have sprouted in neatly planted rows. Some of my flowers have lost all of their petals but I see new tips, ready to take the lead. It's amazing to witness such tremendous changes and growth from day to day.
Growing a garden is a mind blowing experience.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
grievance
Chris: I think I am set with the information, thanks for providing the numbers.
(Was she not going to ask? Afraid I'd say no? I also had some inkling of her situation....)
Me: What was the cost of our portion? Can you forward me the bill?
hours later
Chris: Just emailed a screen shot of the bill to you.
Me: I got it! I will make a check for the full amount and put it in the mail for you. What is your address?
Chris: Are you sure? Did you take a look over?
Me: I will make the check out to the real estate co. It's 819.92 right?
Chris: Yes
Me: It makes sense, we enjoyed the benefit of the tax grievance and so it's our responsibility.
Chris: Appreciate that.
Me: Thanks for filing it for us.
Chris: I really do.
Me: What's your address or I'll drop it off?
Chris: I am in a complex, so tricky to find. Mail is best.
Me: Ok, will do. It will go in the mail in the morning.
Chris: Thank you, Gimky.
Me: You're welcome and thank you, back.
Me: By the way, don't let this guy give you trouble. He could have called you, sent the bills registered mail and gotten to the bottom of this much, much sooner!
Chris: Yes, I agree! Thank you, again. Will keep in touch.
(Was she not going to ask? Afraid I'd say no? I also had some inkling of her situation....)
Me: What was the cost of our portion? Can you forward me the bill?
hours later
Chris: Just emailed a screen shot of the bill to you.
Me: I got it! I will make a check for the full amount and put it in the mail for you. What is your address?
Chris: Are you sure? Did you take a look over?
Me: I will make the check out to the real estate co. It's 819.92 right?
Chris: Yes
Me: It makes sense, we enjoyed the benefit of the tax grievance and so it's our responsibility.
Chris: Appreciate that.
Me: Thanks for filing it for us.
Chris: I really do.
Me: What's your address or I'll drop it off?
Chris: I am in a complex, so tricky to find. Mail is best.
Me: Ok, will do. It will go in the mail in the morning.
Chris: Thank you, Gimky.
Me: You're welcome and thank you, back.
Me: By the way, don't let this guy give you trouble. He could have called you, sent the bills registered mail and gotten to the bottom of this much, much sooner!
Chris: Yes, I agree! Thank you, again. Will keep in touch.
Here
Why is he here?
Follow up appointment....
There was a glitch with the scale, someone came into help. The same nurse pointed out, it's important the scale works, this child is here because of Failure to Thrive.
My eyes widened, she knew and hadn't needed to ask. I hate those words. 25 minutes and still waiting for doctor. What could he possibly tell us that we already don't know? Belac has actually lost weight since his last appointment according to another scale that's supposedly not broken.
At least this guy takes insurance.
Follow up appointment....
There was a glitch with the scale, someone came into help. The same nurse pointed out, it's important the scale works, this child is here because of Failure to Thrive.
My eyes widened, she knew and hadn't needed to ask. I hate those words. 25 minutes and still waiting for doctor. What could he possibly tell us that we already don't know? Belac has actually lost weight since his last appointment according to another scale that's supposedly not broken.
At least this guy takes insurance.
reality
Obviously, if by some stroke of insanity I won that B & B, the answer is NO for so many, many reasons.
decision
Told Belac to hurry up with his hwk, we had things to do.
Things to do? What...?
We have a doctor's appointment.
What...?! I'm not going! Why, WHY?? I've had enough of this!!!!
It's the gastroenterologist, remember? The doctor who gave you the appetite stimulant? He needs to weigh you and check you out.
MOM! AND THEN I'M NEVER GOING TO THE DOCTOR AGAIN!!
Back and forth we went. Then I received a phone call and went into the other room. He had to have an IV in his arm? How long did he have to stay still? Could I be in the room with him? Well, if I can't be in the room with him then we'll go ahead with the general anesthesia... Oh I can be with him?
Emerged to see Belac sobbing in the kitchen. He had overheard.
MOM! WHY DO I NEED ALL OF THESE APPOINTMENTS??!
Belac, they figured out why you aren't growing. Your body is not producing enough growth hormone. And now they have to make sure it is safe to give to you. Do you remember Andrew Finales? His mom told me that he grew 5 inches the first year he had growth hormone. - 5 INCHES?? - You've been growing not even an inch a year, sweetie pie, but if we give you growth hormone, you'll probably start growing pretty fast....
Wait. Is an inch like this? he showed with his fingers, now not crying.
I went to get a ruler. This is an inch, and this is 5 inches, I showed him. Now. Belac, you have your choice. Either we stop these appointments and we let your body grow the way it wants, and that is okay, too, or we see if we can get you to grow more and faster with regular appointments to the doctors, some of which involves more needles and discomfort.
Okay, he turned back to his homework, I will go to the doctor.
Things to do? What...?
We have a doctor's appointment.
What...?! I'm not going! Why, WHY?? I've had enough of this!!!!
It's the gastroenterologist, remember? The doctor who gave you the appetite stimulant? He needs to weigh you and check you out.
MOM! AND THEN I'M NEVER GOING TO THE DOCTOR AGAIN!!
Back and forth we went. Then I received a phone call and went into the other room. He had to have an IV in his arm? How long did he have to stay still? Could I be in the room with him? Well, if I can't be in the room with him then we'll go ahead with the general anesthesia... Oh I can be with him?
Emerged to see Belac sobbing in the kitchen. He had overheard.
MOM! WHY DO I NEED ALL OF THESE APPOINTMENTS??!
Belac, they figured out why you aren't growing. Your body is not producing enough growth hormone. And now they have to make sure it is safe to give to you. Do you remember Andrew Finales? His mom told me that he grew 5 inches the first year he had growth hormone. - 5 INCHES?? - You've been growing not even an inch a year, sweetie pie, but if we give you growth hormone, you'll probably start growing pretty fast....
Wait. Is an inch like this? he showed with his fingers, now not crying.
I went to get a ruler. This is an inch, and this is 5 inches, I showed him. Now. Belac, you have your choice. Either we stop these appointments and we let your body grow the way it wants, and that is okay, too, or we see if we can get you to grow more and faster with regular appointments to the doctors, some of which involves more needles and discomfort.
Okay, he turned back to his homework, I will go to the doctor.
doctor call
Well, so now we know and have an explanation. Belac is growth hormone deficient. Very significantly so, with less than half the "normal" levels. Next week he gets the MRI and hopefully all will be okay there.
If he were 5 feet tall, already, we might have second thoughts. But he's 4 ft. tall and 52 pounds as a 12 year old in puberty, his supposedly big window of growth that is simply not happening. I think being a 4 ft. tall man is just too difficult if something relatively safe can be done to help change that. Hubby and I don't even need to discuss. Hopefully everything else comes back normal and Belac can begin hormone treatment right away, before it's too late.
If he were 5 feet tall, already, we might have second thoughts. But he's 4 ft. tall and 52 pounds as a 12 year old in puberty, his supposedly big window of growth that is simply not happening. I think being a 4 ft. tall man is just too difficult if something relatively safe can be done to help change that. Hubby and I don't even need to discuss. Hopefully everything else comes back normal and Belac can begin hormone treatment right away, before it's too late.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
out of town
What a great trip. We hiked and biked. Explored. Ate extremely well, courtesy yelp. Drove up Mt. Washington. I couldn't really understand why the trip was so relaxing and hubby nailed it. We were really someplace else and so far away from civilization as we knew it. Without others but ourselves to worry about and the rugged and dramatic outdoors enchanting us, the 4 of us bonded strongly. There was an hour of frisbee in a green area of a playground and watching the boys take turns shooting hoops with the locals. Lingering after meals. 7 dollars of quarters given to each kid, which lasted them over an hour of racing each other in some driving game at the motel. Money goes a long way outside of NY! The last time we took a trip together, alone as a family, was several years ago in Vermont. Why don't we do this more often?
Coming home, hubby and I talked as the kids played on devices. Oh my god! I remarked to hubby, it seems like a lot of the contestants posting at the B & B site are super crazy religious and praying to Jesus for the win! One entrant says the ink on her essay is drying with her grandma's love who was dying!! I clicked on the pictures of commenters and some at first glance - put diplomatically - appeared to lack certain basic judgment or presentability.... I mean, is this Owner going to do a background check before choosing the winner? She must have some vested interest in the Inn's future, right? Enough to make sure that the winner doesn't have a serious criminal record, for instance, right? Oh my God, Gimky, hubby remarked, if you win this thing, I'm never going to hear the end of it!! Well, don't you think I have a chance? Yes, a 1 in 7500 chance. Come on! Admit it! I have a better chance than that! Oh My God, Gimky, he was laughing, if you win that thing....
MOM! You aren't going to win that Inn, okay? Jake remarked, it's like, impossible. Someone has to win it, why can't it be me?? I asked back and was laughing incredulously. You know what? hubby stopped Jake from coming back with whatever smart remark he was thinking up, what I love about Mommy is this...! Mom is a dreamer! And she always tries.
It would be both thrilling and scary if I actually won such a thing. I'm not sure we'd actually say yes. Does it make any money at all? And what are the taxes on that place? But I'd start a music festival and host get aways for special needs families. Hubby could perform regularly and have something to practice for and I'd invite all of our musician friends to come and play, artists to show, feature new chefs each week. It's 10 years too soon, hubby remarked. But we'd make it work somehow! I assured him.
The odds are stacked against me, of course, and I don't expect to win. It's fun as hell to dream, though.
Coming home, hubby and I talked as the kids played on devices. Oh my god! I remarked to hubby, it seems like a lot of the contestants posting at the B & B site are super crazy religious and praying to Jesus for the win! One entrant says the ink on her essay is drying with her grandma's love who was dying!! I clicked on the pictures of commenters and some at first glance - put diplomatically - appeared to lack certain basic judgment or presentability.... I mean, is this Owner going to do a background check before choosing the winner? She must have some vested interest in the Inn's future, right? Enough to make sure that the winner doesn't have a serious criminal record, for instance, right? Oh my God, Gimky, hubby remarked, if you win this thing, I'm never going to hear the end of it!! Well, don't you think I have a chance? Yes, a 1 in 7500 chance. Come on! Admit it! I have a better chance than that! Oh My God, Gimky, he was laughing, if you win that thing....
MOM! You aren't going to win that Inn, okay? Jake remarked, it's like, impossible. Someone has to win it, why can't it be me?? I asked back and was laughing incredulously. You know what? hubby stopped Jake from coming back with whatever smart remark he was thinking up, what I love about Mommy is this...! Mom is a dreamer! And she always tries.
It would be both thrilling and scary if I actually won such a thing. I'm not sure we'd actually say yes. Does it make any money at all? And what are the taxes on that place? But I'd start a music festival and host get aways for special needs families. Hubby could perform regularly and have something to practice for and I'd invite all of our musician friends to come and play, artists to show, feature new chefs each week. It's 10 years too soon, hubby remarked. But we'd make it work somehow! I assured him.
The odds are stacked against me, of course, and I don't expect to win. It's fun as hell to dream, though.
Thursday, May 21, 2015
In bad spirits
Just ate with the kids and leaving food for hubby, who is coming home late after running a race representing his company. I have been fighting a tickle all week and thought I had developed allergies hanging out in my garden all of the time. But I know now it's something else and I need to go to bed early. After teaching tmw, I will sleep the whole way on the drive to NH.
My student's mom pissed me off, today. In general I really love her family. Her eldest is very talented and studies both piano and violin with me. But first she scolded me for losing the 500 dollar check. Then complained about how expensive I am, though basically am in line with everyone else and have not changed my rate AT ALL in 7 years. Not to mention I never charge for the performance classes or ask anyone to bring food for them and I give every single kid extra time when they practice. Did I mention she is the only one with a 2 million dollar house and a CFO husband of a well known company? And the only one who has had the audacity to complain. I dare her to see what she's going to get at my same rate in town, no one charges less. Then she wondered why I didn't respond about the coffee she invited me to next week. Then asked if I wanted to go to her daughter's school orchestra concert. (Really??) and then when she scolded me about not responding to a picture she sent of me with her kids, I finally turned to her and tried not to snap, Julia... I was in Boston all week for concerts and since coming home I've been working and catching up with my own family, including spending Monday at the hospital with my son!
Her eyes widened. Oh!!! and she said not a word more.
Hubby has always told me that I tend to be too nice with my student's families to the point that they do not know their boundaries. I had to move a new student to be my last lesson on Sundays, because the former last student would linger an hour after the lesson was complete just to talk my ear off. And now I have this. Even Kati had asked me recently about going to Izzy's soccer game. I couldn't believe it. I was leaving for Boston, teach on wknds and am already away from my own kids. I do have my own children, you know. Who need me. And not to be tit for tat but this is the mood I'm in, who really helps me as much as I help them? Who?
My student's mom pissed me off, today. In general I really love her family. Her eldest is very talented and studies both piano and violin with me. But first she scolded me for losing the 500 dollar check. Then complained about how expensive I am, though basically am in line with everyone else and have not changed my rate AT ALL in 7 years. Not to mention I never charge for the performance classes or ask anyone to bring food for them and I give every single kid extra time when they practice. Did I mention she is the only one with a 2 million dollar house and a CFO husband of a well known company? And the only one who has had the audacity to complain. I dare her to see what she's going to get at my same rate in town, no one charges less. Then she wondered why I didn't respond about the coffee she invited me to next week. Then asked if I wanted to go to her daughter's school orchestra concert. (Really??) and then when she scolded me about not responding to a picture she sent of me with her kids, I finally turned to her and tried not to snap, Julia... I was in Boston all week for concerts and since coming home I've been working and catching up with my own family, including spending Monday at the hospital with my son!
Her eyes widened. Oh!!! and she said not a word more.
Hubby has always told me that I tend to be too nice with my student's families to the point that they do not know their boundaries. I had to move a new student to be my last lesson on Sundays, because the former last student would linger an hour after the lesson was complete just to talk my ear off. And now I have this. Even Kati had asked me recently about going to Izzy's soccer game. I couldn't believe it. I was leaving for Boston, teach on wknds and am already away from my own kids. I do have my own children, you know. Who need me. And not to be tit for tat but this is the mood I'm in, who really helps me as much as I help them? Who?
bills
Received an email from the previous owner of this house. Today, out of the blue. Gimky, were your taxes ever grieved for 2010? I received a bill for the grievances I filed in 2010 and 2007, the first invoice I ever received! They are now threatening to send someone over to collect payment.
That is crazy! I wrote back, for a service this company supposedly provided 5 years ago? I have no idea if we received a tax grievance. I only know that I tried myself, last year, and was not successful.
I called the mortgage company. They had no idea, they just pay what the town bills them. I called the town. Why yes, I found out. Our first county and state tax bill in this house reflected the lower assessment as a result of a successful tax grievance. I asked the previous owner to forward me the 2010 bill.
Hubby noted, so in essence you're agreeing to pay for it. Yes, I told him, she initiated the filing and we enjoyed 4 years of the lower rate. I remember her telling me back then that it would cost us no more than the first year's savings if successful, which I've calculated is about $1500. Of course, I think she worried we'd screw her, but we won't let that happen. It's the right thing to do.
I paid 8 bills today. $8 here, $124 there... every single one medical. Thank God we have the funds.
New Hampshire
I finish at 1, tomorrow, and then we all drive up to Pinkham Notch. Just looked at the weather, it gets so cold at night and we are going to freeze our buns off! No wonder I had my choice of any room, it's 'off season' for a reason. But hubby and I decided that we should take the long week end off and be someplace beautiful with the kids. Packing bikes and sweatshirts and jeans and parkas, snacks and lots of water. I reserved a room at Joe Dodge Lodge with a bunk bed for the boys. It's a shared bathroom type situation, like a hostel, but we're not exactly roughing it. We will be steps away from the Appalachian Trail. Looking forward to it!
I promise not to stop at the greenhouse, today. Cross my heart.
it takes a village
At the school concert, I was able to make nice with the Asst. Principal and say hello to Belac's gym teacher, handing out programs. Backstage, I chatted with Jake's band teachers. Offered to help Belac's new orchestra teacher, next year. I warned her about Belac's attention, and she told me, he's lucky that I love boys, I have 3 of them and a girl. And somehow we got to the story of her son, who almost didn't graduate high school but was just about to graduate medical school....
And then there was Mrs. Ana, chaperoning the concert. We had just spoken an hour by the phone the night before, catching each other up on Belac. Without giving her details, I asked about what I could do to protect Belac from an unnamed kid while in school and on trips. Bumped into the Guidance Couselor, yes, Mrs. Ana had hinted to something and we should talk. They start 7th grade with a school trip and there is no way Belac may bunk in the same cabin with that kid. Last night, I saw the boy looking intently at Belac but not saying hello. He is creepy.
And then at bed time. Belac asked me to stay. Mom, autism is bad...! And then he soon dissolved into tears while things tumbled out in a jumbled mess for the next hour. Kids keep things from me. Josh is the worst, he ignores me. They don't tell me things. I always feel left out. (That's terrible, I agreed, to which he replied full of emotion, THANK YOU, MOM! THANK YOU FOR FINALLY UNDERSTANDING!!!) The only kid who is like me, who isn't like everyone else is David. He's the only one! I want to talk about inappropriate things! (We had told him not to.) Everybody does it! And I don't know how to start a conversation! And I just want to be... achhhh! it's so hard to explain. Sobbing.
It's important to love yourself, I had interjected at some point. I tried to once, he told me, but it doesn't work. Mom, it's cheesy, okay?
Middle school is hard, I agreed. You know, I never had playdates, my mom didn't let me have them. Yes, that's why I'm lucky, he interjected, you had a bad mom. Well, no, Nana loved me, but she didn't know how to help me. So even though I got along with everybody, I never really felt like I had friends. I felt like an outsider, just like you. If I had had played dates, I might have felt closer to people or made better friends or had a better idea of what to do.... Over the week end, we should think about it, okay? About WHO really makes you feel good and WHO you want to be better friends with, and we should invite them over, okay? I think Conner might be one of those people.... Oh, yeah, Conner!
10 minutes after I kissed him goodnight, he called me back up again. Mom, I can deal with this, right?
Yes, you're even dealing with it now and really, really well! I'm so proud of you. And you know what else? I love you so much and just the way you are. Just the way you are! I repeated and made him hear it.
Thanks, Mom.
Now go to bed, I kissed him over and over, it is soooo late!
And then there was Mrs. Ana, chaperoning the concert. We had just spoken an hour by the phone the night before, catching each other up on Belac. Without giving her details, I asked about what I could do to protect Belac from an unnamed kid while in school and on trips. Bumped into the Guidance Couselor, yes, Mrs. Ana had hinted to something and we should talk. They start 7th grade with a school trip and there is no way Belac may bunk in the same cabin with that kid. Last night, I saw the boy looking intently at Belac but not saying hello. He is creepy.
And then at bed time. Belac asked me to stay. Mom, autism is bad...! And then he soon dissolved into tears while things tumbled out in a jumbled mess for the next hour. Kids keep things from me. Josh is the worst, he ignores me. They don't tell me things. I always feel left out. (That's terrible, I agreed, to which he replied full of emotion, THANK YOU, MOM! THANK YOU FOR FINALLY UNDERSTANDING!!!) The only kid who is like me, who isn't like everyone else is David. He's the only one! I want to talk about inappropriate things! (We had told him not to.) Everybody does it! And I don't know how to start a conversation! And I just want to be... achhhh! it's so hard to explain. Sobbing.
It's important to love yourself, I had interjected at some point. I tried to once, he told me, but it doesn't work. Mom, it's cheesy, okay?
Middle school is hard, I agreed. You know, I never had playdates, my mom didn't let me have them. Yes, that's why I'm lucky, he interjected, you had a bad mom. Well, no, Nana loved me, but she didn't know how to help me. So even though I got along with everybody, I never really felt like I had friends. I felt like an outsider, just like you. If I had had played dates, I might have felt closer to people or made better friends or had a better idea of what to do.... Over the week end, we should think about it, okay? About WHO really makes you feel good and WHO you want to be better friends with, and we should invite them over, okay? I think Conner might be one of those people.... Oh, yeah, Conner!
10 minutes after I kissed him goodnight, he called me back up again. Mom, I can deal with this, right?
Yes, you're even dealing with it now and really, really well! I'm so proud of you. And you know what else? I love you so much and just the way you are. Just the way you are! I repeated and made him hear it.
Thanks, Mom.
Now go to bed, I kissed him over and over, it is soooo late!
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
growing
It's becoming an expensive habit. Every time I come home from one of my schools, I stop at the greenhouse and look at trees, plants and flowers. Today, I picked up supplies to repair my water hose and 8 buckets of creeping ground cover for an ugly bare patch between our property and neighbor's. Yesterday, it was 2 more tomato plants and another pair of garden gloves. The time before that, 12 tiny hostas.... and on and on.... At least I stick with the perennials and the smallest sizes, best value for the money. I'm patient and am willing to wait.
Hubby is in the city at a business school function, tonight. He has never been interested in attending these regular social events, but is now networking and looking for work. Tonight, I accompany the school concert. Must say I am proud of Belac, who I can see hangs on. Lots of kids have quit, complaining of boredom and a teacher who is not very dynamic, but he perseveres and has never asked to drop. He's not a strong violinist and has terrible violin posture, but he can read and play the notes well enough. The size of the orchestra has shrunk, they need him. His notes matter.
And Jake? His relay team came in first, again, yesterday. They are undefeated among Northern Westchester schools and broke their own record. It has really been such a positive experience for him, and over an activity - running - he works hard at every single day. He has a spring in his step and has been taking immaculate care of his 2 pairs of sneakers, tying and untying them everyday. That's progress! Caring about the details and respecting his belongings.
I have an hour of quiet to plant my ground cover and fix my hose. I have generally been exhausted, lately, but happy and lucky to go out into the sunshine.
Hubby is in the city at a business school function, tonight. He has never been interested in attending these regular social events, but is now networking and looking for work. Tonight, I accompany the school concert. Must say I am proud of Belac, who I can see hangs on. Lots of kids have quit, complaining of boredom and a teacher who is not very dynamic, but he perseveres and has never asked to drop. He's not a strong violinist and has terrible violin posture, but he can read and play the notes well enough. The size of the orchestra has shrunk, they need him. His notes matter.
And Jake? His relay team came in first, again, yesterday. They are undefeated among Northern Westchester schools and broke their own record. It has really been such a positive experience for him, and over an activity - running - he works hard at every single day. He has a spring in his step and has been taking immaculate care of his 2 pairs of sneakers, tying and untying them everyday. That's progress! Caring about the details and respecting his belongings.
I have an hour of quiet to plant my ground cover and fix my hose. I have generally been exhausted, lately, but happy and lucky to go out into the sunshine.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
69
Mom! What is 69?
69?
Mom, can you come here? he was in bed and in the dark, yes, the kids in my grade told me it's about giving eachother gum drops!
Just a few days earlier I had asked Belac if he knew how babies were made. He didn't exactly know and I realize this is a conversation we need to have... It's now bedtime, late at 9:45pm.
I don't know if it'a about gum drops, I explained, but I think it's about sex.
It's about sex?
Yes, I didn't elaborate, it's a certain kind of sex.
Oh, he replied.
Hubby not home yet, putting out a fire at the synagogue. This conversation was earlier and much different with Jake, who already understood and had inferred plenty. I think I handled this well enough, at the moment. Sort of. We totally need the substantial conversation. He is ready!
69?
Mom, can you come here? he was in bed and in the dark, yes, the kids in my grade told me it's about giving eachother gum drops!
Just a few days earlier I had asked Belac if he knew how babies were made. He didn't exactly know and I realize this is a conversation we need to have... It's now bedtime, late at 9:45pm.
I don't know if it'a about gum drops, I explained, but I think it's about sex.
It's about sex?
Yes, I didn't elaborate, it's a certain kind of sex.
Oh, he replied.
Hubby not home yet, putting out a fire at the synagogue. This conversation was earlier and much different with Jake, who already understood and had inferred plenty. I think I handled this well enough, at the moment. Sort of. We totally need the substantial conversation. He is ready!
plan B
My older sis wrote with news. That after a first and unsuccessful round of IVF, the doctor didn't recommend trying again. Most of her eggs, at her age of 46, are 'a'bnormal'. Further, donor eggs can can only come from females less than 30 years old, which disqualifies her sisters and first cousins.
They are understandably disappointed about their situation and I feel for them. I hope, though, this does not prevent them from becoming parents and that they can embrace their other options. My sister would be a wonderful mom.
Once upon a time I was so sad that I couldn't have more than 2 kids and here my sister would have been happy with just one. I love my sister so much and would do almost anything for her. I wish I could help her somehow.
They are understandably disappointed about their situation and I feel for them. I hope, though, this does not prevent them from becoming parents and that they can embrace their other options. My sister would be a wonderful mom.
Once upon a time I was so sad that I couldn't have more than 2 kids and here my sister would have been happy with just one. I love my sister so much and would do almost anything for her. I wish I could help her somehow.
garden
Growing and blooming: daisies, peonies, garlic, irises, lamb's ear, beans, lemon grass, Japanese grass, hostas, wildflowers, forget me nots, lavender and budding brussel sprouts and kale and a new rhododendron... and on the other side, my strawberry plants are already huger than they were end of last season and sitting next to my tomato plants....
My garden makes me so happy.
Monday, May 18, 2015
vitamins
Did some research and trying a new brand of vitamins for Belac. They just arrived at my doorstep. Not pictured is the zinc he takes to help prevent the sores that appear in his mouth, now and again. In the past year, Belac has become a serious consumer of vitamin pills, and I now make everyone in the family take them.
zombie survival squad
With Belac sleeping and no pressing music to learn, I went out to work on my garden.
I worry about this kid.
Was reading about growth hormone treatment and wondering if the doctor will suggest it, even though the main concern right now is not height but weight gain. You know it's a lengthy treatment, sometimes years, and that it requires a shot, everyday? And then I'm thinking, who is going to administer that shot should it come to that...? Me...?
NPR talked about what NOT to do when fighting obesity, today. And I always hear and read these articles backwards. They suggest putting food away behind closed doors and keeping less, our habit. Well, this means I should leave food out and within Belac's sight and wherever he spends the most time. Leave cereal - in particular - and other snacks on the kitchen counter. And while I'm at it, let him drink soda and as much as he wants....
I count my lucky stars that nothing he has or has experienced this year is life threatening. That said, I love this boy so much and share his feelings of despair at times. I wish with my all heart that this kid could just get a break. That things could just come a little easier for him.
Hospital visit
At the hospital. Belac is in a hospital bed next to a friend of Jake's, who runs on the undefeated relay team. Both the boy's parents are here along with their other child. The parents are both little, they have had this test performed before on their kid and have had 3 endocrinologists. The boy is very athletic but not tall, but neither are the parents. What are they trying to do?
The dad said that the doctor predicted the boy would be 5'6" - 5'7" 'but I don't want my boy to feel small.' (Correction: the dad doesn't want to feel that his kid is small.) If he doesn't qualify for growth hormone it would cost them 80k, which they can't afford, so they're hoping he qualifies. It's crazy!!
Your son? they asked. Looking at the boys side to side, it was very clear we weren't here for the same reasons. Belac is so skinny he looks sickly. I realized right then, that with his FTT diagnosis, Belac will likely qualify for the hormone treatment this family is so desperately seeking. In our case, if Belac one day reaches mid-5 feet and is physically active? I will jump for joy.
The dad said that the doctor predicted the boy would be 5'6" - 5'7" 'but I don't want my boy to feel small.' (Correction: the dad doesn't want to feel that his kid is small.) If he doesn't qualify for growth hormone it would cost them 80k, which they can't afford, so they're hoping he qualifies. It's crazy!!
Your son? they asked. Looking at the boys side to side, it was very clear we weren't here for the same reasons. Belac is so skinny he looks sickly. I realized right then, that with his FTT diagnosis, Belac will likely qualify for the hormone treatment this family is so desperately seeking. In our case, if Belac one day reaches mid-5 feet and is physically active? I will jump for joy.
home
Ended the evening with a glass of white wine on the porch and caught up on stuff. What are we doing for our anniversary? I asked hubby, it's going to be our 15th! It's the day the company is letting go of people.... including someone who has a few little kids and has no idea. Ugh! Anyone else I know? And that's when I heard that the guy, whose position hubby had really really wanted and was passed up on in the final round like 4-5 years ago.... Gimky, if I were him I'd be stressed out. That team has been reduced and his job is not enough work... We're lucky, you know, the choices we made - he gestured at the house - because when you think about it, that guy is all leveraged up with his house and cars, we don't have the same kind of stress and could sustain this on less.... Oh my god, he could be fired? Hubby shrugged, if I were him, I'd be worried.
It was midnight by the time we headed to bed. Now up. Having coffee and bkfst now before getting Belac, who has been fasting. Try not to faint, hubby had advised me jokingly about today and we both laughed. Oh my god, after these few months? Vials and vials of blood and shit on Popsicle sticks? I'm not fainting.
It was midnight by the time we headed to bed. Now up. Having coffee and bkfst now before getting Belac, who has been fasting. Try not to faint, hubby had advised me jokingly about today and we both laughed. Oh my god, after these few months? Vials and vials of blood and shit on Popsicle sticks? I'm not fainting.
Sunday, May 17, 2015
In town
Love having my fam in town. Met my cousins and family for dinner. Left them to practice and heard that hubby and my other cousin Eddy did a couple of crazy shots. All came to my concert, kids running around in the church garden until the first note and Jake hugged me hard when I sat down with him in the audience. Backstage I also helped Jake with a dried out contact and my colleagues were flabbergasted at how he had grown and were so kind and chatty with him. I noticed how polite and respectful he was. At the reception regulars commented at how happy they were to see my boys and their cousins, the only kids among them, and it just adds an unusual but welcome dimension for everyone. There are never kids at these concerts.
Earlier Jake and I brought Au Bon Pain back to the room for everybody, Belac and hubby at the pool. In a couple hours we meet at Swish Shabu for lunch before they head home before me. It is such a love affair between Belac and my cousin's two girls. They have an amazing routine going on, drawing contests between them with the table voting.... and I know. It's because the fam came to Boston 3 times this year, and only because of my concerts, that there were these opportunities to be together.
Gimky, hubby told me, just reduce the number of performances in Boston and spread them out better next year. Don't give it up.
Earlier Jake and I brought Au Bon Pain back to the room for everybody, Belac and hubby at the pool. In a couple hours we meet at Swish Shabu for lunch before they head home before me. It is such a love affair between Belac and my cousin's two girls. They have an amazing routine going on, drawing contests between them with the table voting.... and I know. It's because the fam came to Boston 3 times this year, and only because of my concerts, that there were these opportunities to be together.
Gimky, hubby told me, just reduce the number of performances in Boston and spread them out better next year. Don't give it up.
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Word
Even if you are home, Belac still have problem. You should continue Boston.
Words from my cousin's wifey as I left the apartment for good, this morning. When is next concert? she had asked. The next season starts in September, I told her. And here I was with suitcase and she was blocking the door. So when you coming next? You need keep something for yourself, she added.
Here was this woman, in her faded bright red pajamas decorated with candy canes and reindeer. Thick glasses, thick accent, bun in hair and two huge clips on each side of her head... A sweet and great mom and a good person. I like her. But someone who I recognize is truly stuck, I know.
I do understand what everyone is saying. But I need these concerts to be done and Belac's hospital visit to happen. I am simply unable to plan for the future until my plate is more empty and Belac's tests come back fine enough.
Friday, May 15, 2015
Ramblings
Drinking Rapscallion Honey Ale at the Trident. Browsed through a dozen or more magazines on home and landscape design. Tried to read David Brooks' new book but could not get past the first few pages. I had dinner earlier at Prudential and got into an engaging and fun discussion with someone else eating at the bar about the newly announced verdict. She is an environmental lawyer, looked her up later, pretty accomplished. Walked all over the Common, earlier, had a good dress, walked at least several miles today and explored, all over the place, practiced. Hinted to the Director that I had had a difficult year.... She really needs at least one local pianist, she has none of the 4 of us, and it's not acceptable with 19 concerts scheduled for next year. I don't even know how to begin my discussion with her but it has to happen next week after these concerts.
Jake and hubby run the Sunny Patch 5k race, tomorrow. I actually think Jake might have a chance at beating hubby, this time. He was less than a minute behind hubby, last year, and since then, Jake has gotten fast. Belac will run the 1 mile. Wish I could be there.
I am 1500 percent sure my cuz is having some serious affair. I have met her and he was supposed to have broken things off, realizing he needed to help her find a husband. At least he loves her that much to have such an idea. But I know he is eating with her every night, starting the evening off with her and then coming home at 2-3 am everyday. The wife cannot be stupid. She has to know! Every night I text him about where he is and what he's doing. Come meet me for dinner or a drink! There's always an excuse, but he knows I know. But this time it's different, I can really feel it. That I haven't seen him at all is very unusual and I just hope he's ok and not in over his head about something more than usual.... Just tell me that you aren't having a child with her, I had said jokingly last time. I'm bad, he told me, and the conversation stopped there.
It's late enough and time to walk home to his apartment. I love his sweet, smart and precious kids, and thank god the girls have eachother, they are happy and don't know any better. But I find the whole situation sad there and wonder why he ever married his wife. She is sweet but not at all who he should have married. They were not meant for eachother but rather than confront the situation, they both turn a blind eye.
Jake and hubby run the Sunny Patch 5k race, tomorrow. I actually think Jake might have a chance at beating hubby, this time. He was less than a minute behind hubby, last year, and since then, Jake has gotten fast. Belac will run the 1 mile. Wish I could be there.
I am 1500 percent sure my cuz is having some serious affair. I have met her and he was supposed to have broken things off, realizing he needed to help her find a husband. At least he loves her that much to have such an idea. But I know he is eating with her every night, starting the evening off with her and then coming home at 2-3 am everyday. The wife cannot be stupid. She has to know! Every night I text him about where he is and what he's doing. Come meet me for dinner or a drink! There's always an excuse, but he knows I know. But this time it's different, I can really feel it. That I haven't seen him at all is very unusual and I just hope he's ok and not in over his head about something more than usual.... Just tell me that you aren't having a child with her, I had said jokingly last time. I'm bad, he told me, and the conversation stopped there.
It's late enough and time to walk home to his apartment. I love his sweet, smart and precious kids, and thank god the girls have eachother, they are happy and don't know any better. But I find the whole situation sad there and wonder why he ever married his wife. She is sweet but not at all who he should have married. They were not meant for eachother but rather than confront the situation, they both turn a blind eye.
Status
Called at 8am. Hubby had left and what was Belac doing? Practicing violin, my mom told me. Wow, he's doing it! I tried to help him but he wouldn't let me. It's okay, I know he sounds terrible but the important thing is that he's trying. He should start walking to school in 10 min though....
Chatted a bit with hubby on his commute. You know, Gimky, Ted is checked out and he just took a vacation at the oddest time. I just wonder if he's leaving the company.... He's getting fired?? It's not impossible.... Or maybe YOU're being let go and he doesn't want to face you, that's why he's being evasive about meeting you? Well... nothing is impossible but, Gimky, I really can't see their getting rid of me so fast.... They rely on me for numbers and high level analysis, my team could figure it out but there's no one that is able take the lead on the numbers. I think I'm safe for a year at least. But Ted... his position is more managerial and less strategic, and he's very expensive.... What would happen? Well, one of his 4 direct reports would report to the CFO. And that's it? You could all limp along without him...? They're making cuts by end of month, Gimky, no one is secure.
I am so grateful we have money saved up. I ended up telling my dad, who was concerned about our situation, and he was both surprised and impressed at what we put away. It's all hubby, I said, for socking away money before either of us sees it. Well, and it helps I don't like to have things....
With these concerts this week end, my year starts winding down. I've decided on my summer project. The backyard. It's a weedy patch of grass with no privacy that serves as a pass through for the neighbors. I'm going to make it pretty and useful. And from a completely pragmatic perspective, I intend to work on the house's curb appeal to boost its value. I think we could get a pretty penny for it, at minimum what we paid for it and what we sunk into it.
Chatted a bit with hubby on his commute. You know, Gimky, Ted is checked out and he just took a vacation at the oddest time. I just wonder if he's leaving the company.... He's getting fired?? It's not impossible.... Or maybe YOU're being let go and he doesn't want to face you, that's why he's being evasive about meeting you? Well... nothing is impossible but, Gimky, I really can't see their getting rid of me so fast.... They rely on me for numbers and high level analysis, my team could figure it out but there's no one that is able take the lead on the numbers. I think I'm safe for a year at least. But Ted... his position is more managerial and less strategic, and he's very expensive.... What would happen? Well, one of his 4 direct reports would report to the CFO. And that's it? You could all limp along without him...? They're making cuts by end of month, Gimky, no one is secure.
I am so grateful we have money saved up. I ended up telling my dad, who was concerned about our situation, and he was both surprised and impressed at what we put away. It's all hubby, I said, for socking away money before either of us sees it. Well, and it helps I don't like to have things....
With these concerts this week end, my year starts winding down. I've decided on my summer project. The backyard. It's a weedy patch of grass with no privacy that serves as a pass through for the neighbors. I'm going to make it pretty and useful. And from a completely pragmatic perspective, I intend to work on the house's curb appeal to boost its value. I think we could get a pretty penny for it, at minimum what we paid for it and what we sunk into it.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
dinner time
Spent 15 min looking for parking and spent almost as much time squeezing into the tiniest space ever. I'm a little crooked and bumper to bumper but I wanted to eat at Swish Shabu, tonight. My favorite little place for fresh comfort food.
Amazing how everyone was so afraid to end rehearsal because of Mama Bear. I spoke up and thought we were good and nudged things to a close and was out of there, dropping someone off on the T. And then hauled myself here, where I needed to get a table, they close at 11 and this is slow comfort food...
And now I'm here. Hubby can never believe how I go to restaurants all over Boston, ordering tables for 1. Maybe it's weird but I have no problem eating by myself as long as I have a glass of wine and a plate of delicious food before me. Of course I'd rather be with family and friends. Still, happy for a great dinner.
Amazing how everyone was so afraid to end rehearsal because of Mama Bear. I spoke up and thought we were good and nudged things to a close and was out of there, dropping someone off on the T. And then hauled myself here, where I needed to get a table, they close at 11 and this is slow comfort food...
And now I'm here. Hubby can never believe how I go to restaurants all over Boston, ordering tables for 1. Maybe it's weird but I have no problem eating by myself as long as I have a glass of wine and a plate of delicious food before me. Of course I'd rather be with family and friends. Still, happy for a great dinner.
Need sleep
Could totally fall asleep on this coach as I now wait for my violinist.
Earlier listened to my friend explain how they were able to refinance their house to pay off - or I guess consolidate debt - 100k in student loans and unspecified in 'too much' credit card debt. I knew a little of their money problems but did not realize just how stressful things were. Everyone has their huge thing to worry about.
This morning I dropped off a form at the school before heading off. I ran into Lulu and we hugged. How are things? she asked. With anyone else I would have said fine, but with her I found myself shrugging. I had just said goodbye to my parents. I was feeling concerned and protective of Belac. Just too much going on. Me, too, she said and we laughed. Let's get together next week, she told me.
I would like to be home. Belac told me something about a friend of his who is not always nice to him. Belac doesn't realize it, but this kid is only nice when there is no one else or he needs to come over. And I just want to knock some sense into him and his parents, he is not better than Belac and they are not better than us. I wouldn't trade places with them in a gazillion years. A gazillion!! And you know what? My son is not a charity case, and we aren't. Aren't. I'm not blessed to be babysitting your kid!
I know I can't protect Belac from everything and everyone, but let's face it, he is a vulnerable kid. The audacity of these people! I just want to scream and put everyone in their place.
I clearly need some sleep. Violinist walking up. Now in rehearsal for the next 5 hours.... Counting down the days.
Earlier listened to my friend explain how they were able to refinance their house to pay off - or I guess consolidate debt - 100k in student loans and unspecified in 'too much' credit card debt. I knew a little of their money problems but did not realize just how stressful things were. Everyone has their huge thing to worry about.
This morning I dropped off a form at the school before heading off. I ran into Lulu and we hugged. How are things? she asked. With anyone else I would have said fine, but with her I found myself shrugging. I had just said goodbye to my parents. I was feeling concerned and protective of Belac. Just too much going on. Me, too, she said and we laughed. Let's get together next week, she told me.
I would like to be home. Belac told me something about a friend of his who is not always nice to him. Belac doesn't realize it, but this kid is only nice when there is no one else or he needs to come over. And I just want to knock some sense into him and his parents, he is not better than Belac and they are not better than us. I wouldn't trade places with them in a gazillion years. A gazillion!! And you know what? My son is not a charity case, and we aren't. Aren't. I'm not blessed to be babysitting your kid!
I know I can't protect Belac from everything and everyone, but let's face it, he is a vulnerable kid. The audacity of these people! I just want to scream and put everyone in their place.
I clearly need some sleep. Violinist walking up. Now in rehearsal for the next 5 hours.... Counting down the days.
Belac
His school orchestra concert is next week, and when he took his violin out to go over his music, I realized he was in really bad shape. I had not practiced with him all semester. I could barely disguise how horrified I was that he barely knew where his fingers should go and he was not counting at all. His bow grip was terrible and his violin was as low as his stomach, what bad habits he slipped into. Belac, you don't know this music, I said gently, maybe you shouldn't play this concert... There were tears. Are you telling me this because you want me to quit?? No, I don't want you to quit, I'm just really sorry I didn't practice with you. It's a lot of music to learn.... Mom, I'm really sorry!!
You know what always stuns me about this kid? When the chips are down, he rises to the occasion.
See, Mom? It's better. See? I can do it, Mom. Mrs. O told me to practice, I have to practice! I am not quitting, like Ethan. You told me it was bad Ethan quit! Okay, then.
We sawed away half the music in 30 minutes, last night. This morning, he got up early and we suffered through 90% of the music in another half hour before school. He "doesn't know how" to practice tomorrow when I'm gone, but I urged him to try. And then he is to bring his violin to Boston this week end, and we are practicing in the hotel. How about Monday? he asked as he leaned over my shoulder at the schedule I was making for him, should I practice after I get home from the hospital? Yes.
Walking to the corner, I told him how proud I was of him. How much he got accomplished in just 2 practice sessions. Look, I pointed out to him gently, there are a lot of good reasons not to take an instrument or learn a language. But do you notice who doesn't take music or doesn't have a foreign language at school? He looked at me. I pointed out a few kids, his friends that he knows are 'special needs.' I think it's important that you continue with violin because you can handle it, but we have to keep up, okay...? And as for the language, your teacher is astonished that you read Hebrew so well. I am going to talk to school about having Hebrew be your foreign language, okay? Maybe dad should be speaking to you in Hebrew.... Oh yeah! he replied proudly. That he deferred a foreign language at school in favor of an extra ELA class, originally caused him much shame and remorse before he accepted that he needed the extra practice. But maybe there was a way around this....
Have a good day, I kissed him at the corner, and I'll see you on Saturday! Hi Elizabeth, I called to another walker across the street. She's my piano student, who is quirky, big and who middle schoolers call weird, she probably has Asperger's. At breakfast, Belac and I had talked about his friends' bad treatment of a kid he likes and I told him he totally couldn't do the same to this kid. Be kind and true. I saw Belac walk ahead, he turned to Elizabeth across the street, a kid he sees only as Elizabeth and not someone weird. Oh, hi, Elizabeth! he said and waved, before he continued. He is such a good, good kid.
After a couple hours practice, I jump in the car and head back to Boston. Happy I made it home for the night. Totally worth it. Honestly, there's no other place I want to be but with my kids. Sure, he needs to be more independent, but it's going to happen a little later for him when he gains more confidence. Right now he needs enough attention and emotional support and nudging to keep swimming. There are people who expect nothing and throw him a buoy too soon and others who get angry because he's not where he should be or misses something so obvious, they assume he must be doing it on purpose. There are just very few who understand and support him well, hubby being one of the very few but we find I'm the one Belac tells about his day-to-day confusions and problems that cause him distress.
If I could come home every night, I'd continue the gig. Belac needs me.
You know what always stuns me about this kid? When the chips are down, he rises to the occasion.
See, Mom? It's better. See? I can do it, Mom. Mrs. O told me to practice, I have to practice! I am not quitting, like Ethan. You told me it was bad Ethan quit! Okay, then.
We sawed away half the music in 30 minutes, last night. This morning, he got up early and we suffered through 90% of the music in another half hour before school. He "doesn't know how" to practice tomorrow when I'm gone, but I urged him to try. And then he is to bring his violin to Boston this week end, and we are practicing in the hotel. How about Monday? he asked as he leaned over my shoulder at the schedule I was making for him, should I practice after I get home from the hospital? Yes.
Walking to the corner, I told him how proud I was of him. How much he got accomplished in just 2 practice sessions. Look, I pointed out to him gently, there are a lot of good reasons not to take an instrument or learn a language. But do you notice who doesn't take music or doesn't have a foreign language at school? He looked at me. I pointed out a few kids, his friends that he knows are 'special needs.' I think it's important that you continue with violin because you can handle it, but we have to keep up, okay...? And as for the language, your teacher is astonished that you read Hebrew so well. I am going to talk to school about having Hebrew be your foreign language, okay? Maybe dad should be speaking to you in Hebrew.... Oh yeah! he replied proudly. That he deferred a foreign language at school in favor of an extra ELA class, originally caused him much shame and remorse before he accepted that he needed the extra practice. But maybe there was a way around this....
Have a good day, I kissed him at the corner, and I'll see you on Saturday! Hi Elizabeth, I called to another walker across the street. She's my piano student, who is quirky, big and who middle schoolers call weird, she probably has Asperger's. At breakfast, Belac and I had talked about his friends' bad treatment of a kid he likes and I told him he totally couldn't do the same to this kid. Be kind and true. I saw Belac walk ahead, he turned to Elizabeth across the street, a kid he sees only as Elizabeth and not someone weird. Oh, hi, Elizabeth! he said and waved, before he continued. He is such a good, good kid.
After a couple hours practice, I jump in the car and head back to Boston. Happy I made it home for the night. Totally worth it. Honestly, there's no other place I want to be but with my kids. Sure, he needs to be more independent, but it's going to happen a little later for him when he gains more confidence. Right now he needs enough attention and emotional support and nudging to keep swimming. There are people who expect nothing and throw him a buoy too soon and others who get angry because he's not where he should be or misses something so obvious, they assume he must be doing it on purpose. There are just very few who understand and support him well, hubby being one of the very few but we find I'm the one Belac tells about his day-to-day confusions and problems that cause him distress.
If I could come home every night, I'd continue the gig. Belac needs me.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Teenage son
Son: Going to bed now. Gnight (10:47pm)
Me: How was your day? Hope it was good.
(Waiting)
Me: Did you go to a ballgame?
Son: Yup
Me: was it fun?
Son: Uh huh
Me: Good! Have fun and be good!
Son: K
Me: How was your day? Hope it was good.
(Waiting)
Me: Did you go to a ballgame?
Son: Yup
Me: was it fun?
Son: Uh huh
Me: Good! Have fun and be good!
Son: K
boston
Mom, he weeped at the kitchen island, why do you have to go back? It's easier when you're home.
I had just earlier showed up at a local restaurant and surprised him. I was done early, today, and was door to door in 3 hours. I heard about his day, made nice with my parents, and kissed hubby hello. Watched Belac draw, came home and practiced violin with him, lingered at bedtime...
If this gig were within an hour drive of the house, no question I would keep it. But it's unreasonable for me to be in Boston from Tuesday to Sunday without seeing my family. They don't pay me enough, first of all, and it's just not worth it to me to be away from the kids that long. The only reason why I could come home now is because I had a 25 hour window of time until my nxt rehearsal....
Everyone is telling me not to quit. Look, I am not a quitter, I stuck with this group for 15 years. My one boy especially needed me so much during a very hard year, and it ripped me apart to leave him, every single time and take his phone calls from afar. I couldn't enjoy my time away. Whether it's another school, more students or figuring out how to make some concerts at my Greenwich school happen, I will figure it out. I need and want to be local. First and foremost, I am mom.
I had just earlier showed up at a local restaurant and surprised him. I was done early, today, and was door to door in 3 hours. I heard about his day, made nice with my parents, and kissed hubby hello. Watched Belac draw, came home and practiced violin with him, lingered at bedtime...
If this gig were within an hour drive of the house, no question I would keep it. But it's unreasonable for me to be in Boston from Tuesday to Sunday without seeing my family. They don't pay me enough, first of all, and it's just not worth it to me to be away from the kids that long. The only reason why I could come home now is because I had a 25 hour window of time until my nxt rehearsal....
Everyone is telling me not to quit. Look, I am not a quitter, I stuck with this group for 15 years. My one boy especially needed me so much during a very hard year, and it ripped me apart to leave him, every single time and take his phone calls from afar. I couldn't enjoy my time away. Whether it's another school, more students or figuring out how to make some concerts at my Greenwich school happen, I will figure it out. I need and want to be local. First and foremost, I am mom.
In a box
I was very nice, but through the perfectly nice banter, knew they were just theorizing about me. That department is the worst kind of lover, the kind that professes one thing but is unable to commit. Instead toying me along and soliciting and needing my interest as security. Listening to the chair, I felt myself become irritated.
'It might be time for you (implying her school), after all you have another year of experience under your belt....'
I am 45 years old. What? I'm inexperienced...? She should reread all of our CVs and choose better words. And for God's sakes, she wants to know if I'm interested in a position that's not even officially vacant? How many of these calls was she making?
Sara, we should talk after you know that the position is actually available. Once it is formally announced, you will get some great applicants. When I applied and auditioned for two different music positions at your school and especially for Susan's position, now this not quite vacant position - I really, really wanted and loved everything about her job.... But after the last time, I came to peace that I wasn't a good fit and not what you're looking for. I'm just surprised about this call given our history.
Oh, Gimky! I hope it's okay I called you! We went through our files and I can tell you that of everyone, you were hands down loveliest of all, she stammered. Compelling. But it's not like you came with gobs of experience.
Did she just say loveliest? And did anyone ever think someone could mentor me a little, as or if necessary? And even so, those babies they hired... They came with 'gobs' of experience?
I'm so glad to hear from you, Sara! Listen, I started a monthly musical service for special needs kids families. It includes music, dancing, food and learning, while pairing up special needs and neurotypical kids.... I remain very devoted to this particular group and its personal, as you know... That kids should have positive and fun musical experiences but also, learn and develop practical musical skills. As a teacher, there's a delicate balance there that is very exciting and interesting to me. If the position becomes available, I hope you will let me know.
Wow, you're doing great things up there! she had interjected at one point.
Up 'there'...? But it would be great even in NYC, wouldn't it? Clearly they cannot get over some hump about me. Obviously, they're never hiring me at the school, and it's okay. They don't fully appreciate my experience. It's really okay because I know I have truly something good 'up here.' I'm at peace about it.
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
long day
It's 11 and I just showered and am off to bed. I'm in Boston and have been up since 5:30. In the past 17 -1/2 hours, I got Jake off on a bus to DC, practiced, took my parents to brunch, packed, cleaned the house, drove to Boston and rehearsed, ate dinner at a bar before heading to cousin's. nevermind the conversation with the school for all their chutzpah and the fight I got into with my mom. The 500 dollar check I lost from a student....
Jake just texted. He remembered! All I wanted was one text, every night. Going to bed soon, good night. I replied: good night, I love you! Saw pics on the website, trip looks amazing. Have fun!
And on that note, I'm off to bed.
Jake just texted. He remembered! All I wanted was one text, every night. Going to bed soon, good night. I replied: good night, I love you! Saw pics on the website, trip looks amazing. Have fun!
And on that note, I'm off to bed.
the school
About to call them. If it's to have me come and audition for a job, again, the answer is no. I spent 2 separate days teaching there and interviewing with them. They know me so well by now! Especially the former music director, who had been my professor at NYU for an intensive certification course and who had apparently loved me. She even admitted to being slightly conflicted about not deciding on me, the first time around, but cited my being too similar to her as being the reason. All the more surprising then, that when she retired from the job, a few years later, I wasn't chosen to replace her. I came to peace long ago that I was simply not the right fit and not what they're looking for.
If they are offering me a job, now, that's one thing. But if it's to go jump through hoops, again, for what? Honestly? Are they serious?
montage of a nice life
1st floor of Charles' house with 500 sq ft apartment
Jake's 35th performance with the school band since 4th grade
family bike ride, our favorite 13 mile loop on the North County
summer like amusements
meals on the porch
Mother's day coffee and schmooze
obsessed with my garden, all cleaned up for Mother's Day
took some additional pics, never know when we'll need to list it
necklace from Belac, love it!
a nice way to end the evening, hanging with my dad
Monday, May 11, 2015
Nxt year
My schools in Rye and Greenwich asked for confirmation that I will continue. One asked about camp. Those were easy yeses. My studio remains stable, too, year to year. Then Boston wrote asking about which dates I want next year. I did not and have not responded. I was nudged once more to see if I could at least eliminate dates I definitely could not play. For god's sake, can I just play these last concerts and we will talk?
Driving home from work, today. My phone rang, it was a 212 number and I did not bother to pick up. Lately I've been getting calls from telemarketers on my cell. Stopping to shop and have lunch with my parents, I listened to the voicemail.
At first I did not understand who this possibly was and then was totally beside myself with shock. It's that school that didn't hire me TWICE. Could I believe it? They were again looking for a music teacher, again, and this time they were reaching out to me. Was this some kind of joke? They chose someone else, twice, remember? "We really hope you call us" was the sign off to which I could only roll my eyes. I can't help but think they are playing with me....
The fam is going to come hear me play this wknd. Hubby got a couple of cheap rooms for us and my parents. After years of no one from family attending one concert in Boston, this makes 3 times these past months that they've made the trip out to hear me. It feels so very sweet.
Can barely keep my head above water and will write after these concerts.
Driving home from work, today. My phone rang, it was a 212 number and I did not bother to pick up. Lately I've been getting calls from telemarketers on my cell. Stopping to shop and have lunch with my parents, I listened to the voicemail.
At first I did not understand who this possibly was and then was totally beside myself with shock. It's that school that didn't hire me TWICE. Could I believe it? They were again looking for a music teacher, again, and this time they were reaching out to me. Was this some kind of joke? They chose someone else, twice, remember? "We really hope you call us" was the sign off to which I could only roll my eyes. I can't help but think they are playing with me....
The fam is going to come hear me play this wknd. Hubby got a couple of cheap rooms for us and my parents. After years of no one from family attending one concert in Boston, this makes 3 times these past months that they've made the trip out to hear me. It feels so very sweet.
Can barely keep my head above water and will write after these concerts.
Thursday, May 7, 2015
at home
It's been a few weeks now of the appetite stimulant and I think it has helped. We watched Belac help himself to seconds at dinner, last night, and I think he is hungrier at breakfast. But the side effect, now, is that he can barely get out of bed in the morning. We have gone backwards in a way. I sit at the side of his bed with his clothes in my lap. C'mon sweetie... I beckon. Instead of making sure he is up and reminding him about getting dressed before leaving, I have to sit with him for 10 minutes and egg him on with every piece of clothing. He just wants to lay back and go back to sleep. Maybe I need to give him this appetite stimulant after school instead of after dinner....
This morning I threw some eggs and frozen peas into a pan and made fried rice for breakfast and lunch. I had to sit next to Belac and nudge him, but he did eat his entire bowl downed with apple juice. The boys talked about some level in Minecraft as Jake downed 2 glasses of milk and 2 bagels with cream cheese in no time at all. This kid is eating us out of the house and growing like a weed! Hubby came down, freshly showered after running all over Sunny Patch, and they were off.
Belac had gotten upset with me this morning and yesterday. First, in realizing that I'm going to Boston, next week, and then to know that he needs to go to Kati's on Friday. Maybe I wouldn't feel or want to be so close if Belac didn't have problems or feel so attached to me. Maybe I'd be more like my neighbors, for example, whose nanny is the only person I've ever seen walk the kids to school. Maybe, we'd all be able to take things for granted more.
This morning, I received a text from Belac's friend. "Just want you to know that I'm picking up the bike after school." Did he want me to bring it to the house? No, his nanny was going to pick him up by bike and they were going to ride home together. His parents are both away but if they saw these texts, they would have told him to finish with a 'thank you.' It's a great spare bike we are loaning him. Instead it was a series of texts that didn't sound quite right, almost entitled. But he's 12, I get it and at least Belac would need the same reminder. I recognize that he has a certain independence, probably because his parents are not often around and there is always one parent on the road. But, you know, the older brother suffers from mild anxiety and depression and his resentment has come up, time and time again, over his parents traveling and working so much. And now the parents are trying to save their marriage....
I understand, people have nannies for good reasons, and better to have than not if you have a busy double career family. It's just that it could never work for us. Never. I couldn't easily hand over my kids to be in someone else's care who doesn't love them, especially Belac. And I didn't have my kids to be raised by hired help, not if I can help it at least. It sounds judgmental and harsh, but I do believe that 'having it all' as a family is impossible, and comes with its own consequences. I see it in my childhood friend's family, too, who is also nanny dependent. Their daughter wants to go to boarding school, this after the family spent over half a million dollars and living through perpetual mess to renovate their house into this perfect place. The irony.
Keep it simple, I say. I don't make a ton of money nor have some fancy title to accompany my education. The other day I was referred to as a 'stay at home mom' by people who didn't know better, as if I have all the time in the world on my hands. It's okay, I do have more time on my hands than most, but didn't feel compelled to explain that I have a dozen private students, nursery school classes, my chamber groups, run a monthly special needs service, play regularly at Saturday morning services, am active on the board of a special needs org.... The reason why I know I have grown up, is because I no longer feel the need to prove so much to other people. First and foremost, we need to live the life where we can be at peace with ourselves.
This morning I threw some eggs and frozen peas into a pan and made fried rice for breakfast and lunch. I had to sit next to Belac and nudge him, but he did eat his entire bowl downed with apple juice. The boys talked about some level in Minecraft as Jake downed 2 glasses of milk and 2 bagels with cream cheese in no time at all. This kid is eating us out of the house and growing like a weed! Hubby came down, freshly showered after running all over Sunny Patch, and they were off.
Belac had gotten upset with me this morning and yesterday. First, in realizing that I'm going to Boston, next week, and then to know that he needs to go to Kati's on Friday. Maybe I wouldn't feel or want to be so close if Belac didn't have problems or feel so attached to me. Maybe I'd be more like my neighbors, for example, whose nanny is the only person I've ever seen walk the kids to school. Maybe, we'd all be able to take things for granted more.
This morning, I received a text from Belac's friend. "Just want you to know that I'm picking up the bike after school." Did he want me to bring it to the house? No, his nanny was going to pick him up by bike and they were going to ride home together. His parents are both away but if they saw these texts, they would have told him to finish with a 'thank you.' It's a great spare bike we are loaning him. Instead it was a series of texts that didn't sound quite right, almost entitled. But he's 12, I get it and at least Belac would need the same reminder. I recognize that he has a certain independence, probably because his parents are not often around and there is always one parent on the road. But, you know, the older brother suffers from mild anxiety and depression and his resentment has come up, time and time again, over his parents traveling and working so much. And now the parents are trying to save their marriage....
I understand, people have nannies for good reasons, and better to have than not if you have a busy double career family. It's just that it could never work for us. Never. I couldn't easily hand over my kids to be in someone else's care who doesn't love them, especially Belac. And I didn't have my kids to be raised by hired help, not if I can help it at least. It sounds judgmental and harsh, but I do believe that 'having it all' as a family is impossible, and comes with its own consequences. I see it in my childhood friend's family, too, who is also nanny dependent. Their daughter wants to go to boarding school, this after the family spent over half a million dollars and living through perpetual mess to renovate their house into this perfect place. The irony.
Keep it simple, I say. I don't make a ton of money nor have some fancy title to accompany my education. The other day I was referred to as a 'stay at home mom' by people who didn't know better, as if I have all the time in the world on my hands. It's okay, I do have more time on my hands than most, but didn't feel compelled to explain that I have a dozen private students, nursery school classes, my chamber groups, run a monthly special needs service, play regularly at Saturday morning services, am active on the board of a special needs org.... The reason why I know I have grown up, is because I no longer feel the need to prove so much to other people. First and foremost, we need to live the life where we can be at peace with ourselves.
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
thinking it through
Charles wants to sell but seems in no rush. We are not exactly in a rush, either. We have a lot of money saved up and live below our means. However, we want to do the right thing especially with hubby's job in flux.
You know, Gimky? It's not much cheaper to live at Charles', hubby pointed out after we went through the numbers, essentially we'd be trading one place for the other, initially. We will want that house, one day, for all it's efficiency and being right in town, but... now? I think we will regret moving there now.... You're going to miss your garden and all the spontaneous social opportunities this location provides Belac. The ability to host Thanksgiving for your family and big dinners for our friends... these are all amazing things we want to do while the kids are still with us. Can he wait 4 years?
On Sunday morning, I am hosting a drop-in Coffee and Schmooze for Hebrew School parents. They wanted to do it at synagogue, but there wasn't space with the kids' classes in session. Could they do it at our house? Of course! I replied. That's 85 enrolled kids, for which we might get about 30-40 parents.
It's true, I like this kind of stuff. Maybe we should be careful about making our world smaller until it happens naturally or we really know it is necessary. Plus we've been financially responsible enough for exactly this sort of situation, to ride the tide a little and see where it takes us. Deep breath.
the house
Had a good talk with Charles. I kept it light and friendly, but he just wants too much. Hubby and I had a lot to talk about last night. It's curious he's not putting the houses officially on the market, which would work in our advantage. Is it because he knows he can't get that much for them? Or does it really matter that much to him who owns them next, besides the highest bidder?
Would you consider a sale of just the house we lived in? That question took Charles 2 minutes to sputter through. If we bought the house we used to live in, the other house would be screwed for so many reasons and mostly because of it's loss of parking. Let's just say, he stumbled along, we wouldn't let the tail wag the dog. Okay, I'm thinking, so he'd sell the one at an attractive enough price....
If I were Donald Trump of Sunny Patch, you know what I'd do? I'd tear down the corner and build condos on the spot. Or an Inn! Too bad I couldn't win such an opportunity in 200 words.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
5:59
Jake ran a 5:59 mile today. He forgot to tell me but mentioned it to hubby. The kid is getting fast. I'm thrilled he's been competing and learning to overcome his fear. The only way to do that is to do it and he is. Very proud!
On the track
The school newsletter announced that Jake's relay team is undefeated for the season. They are 3 for 3. I'd love to go, but he once told me early on that I was too 'loud.' He practices and runs everyday. I can't not go but respect his wishes, maybe I'm just one too many people he needs to impress? Plus I don't want to jinx their winning streak!
thoughts
I have told hubby a few times that - you know - maybe Belac won't drive.... And certainly, when he's off to college, he's staying local. At least at first. And these comments from me, well they haven't always been received well. Gimky, I'm not giving up on him yet! And I always explain, I'm not either! But his path to making it, his path to his success will probably not be everyone else's and on everyone else's timeline. We have to have a plan to preserve everyone's dignity and independence.
I have been talking about multifamily housing a long time. Even talked to hubby about this property, in particular, which I thought could be cleaned up and continued as a rental, until one day it could be converted to private group housing. 2 houses for 409k? That's cheap for Westchester. Some parents should get together and do it because there's no group housing available in Westchester anymore. Parents are going to have to get creative.
The train and bus are steps from Charles' doorstep, as well as all the stores and restaurants. That hubby acknowledged that Charles' house could accommodate a certain practical set up for Belac in case he one day needs.... well, that's huge. We would really miss the basketball hoop and the green surrounding us, but it's like the saying goes, you win some, you lose some.
I have been talking about multifamily housing a long time. Even talked to hubby about this property, in particular, which I thought could be cleaned up and continued as a rental, until one day it could be converted to private group housing. 2 houses for 409k? That's cheap for Westchester. Some parents should get together and do it because there's no group housing available in Westchester anymore. Parents are going to have to get creative.
The train and bus are steps from Charles' doorstep, as well as all the stores and restaurants. That hubby acknowledged that Charles' house could accommodate a certain practical set up for Belac in case he one day needs.... well, that's huge. We would really miss the basketball hoop and the green surrounding us, but it's like the saying goes, you win some, you lose some.
reply
Received a note from Charles' wife. They are going to call tonight. This is surreal! Are hubby and I really serious about this?
Would we feel cramped after living in this huge house? What if the decision ends up being premature, would we regret it? But it's also real and significant savings, while still living well. We will probably feel a little bit of everything, whatever our decision.
These are beautiful kitchens: happy, bright, and efficient. Everything you could need in a relatively compact space.
Brooklyn 1
Brooklyn 2
Would we feel cramped after living in this huge house? What if the decision ends up being premature, would we regret it? But it's also real and significant savings, while still living well. We will probably feel a little bit of everything, whatever our decision.
These are beautiful kitchens: happy, bright, and efficient. Everything you could need in a relatively compact space.
Brooklyn 1
Brooklyn 2
Monday, May 4, 2015
Summer sale
We are going to have to sleep on it. However, hubby and I are talking about putting our house up for sale. We both feel it's probably the right time given uncertainties of hubby's job and a desire to be better set up for the future. We also wrote to Charles.
Things to think about and decide.
efficient and modest
Had a chance to talk to Lulu, today. They are making some repairs on their house and wanted some contacts. Theirs is a situation where they are pretty sure hubby is going to lose his job. Not sure how fast he could find another. Amazingly enough, though, at age 52 and 55, they could retire. They'd have to sell their house and move to the styx, where they have a house, and the youngest would attend high school. Their easy lifestyle would change, but they always lived frugally and modestly. Had to. There was no family help coming their way. Both their parents are deceased and they each came from huge working class families, she was the youngest of 10 kids!
On his accountant salary, her previous full time job and her part time earnings, they have saved enough for both kids to attend a 4 year public college. They have no mortgage on the house they have in the country, which they bought 10 years before they had children, and very little in Sunny Patch. They are both very small, modest houses. Their cars are good cars but each a dozen years old. How many people in the US are able to keep their spending in check and save like this? Retire at 52?
Reminds me of my childhood friend, who told me that her in-laws give her and husband 10K every December. Gimky, she said to me, his dad works at Ford, his mom is a secretary. They all shop for clothes at Meijer's. And yet they somehow give us and hubby's sister each 10K a year. They are not rich, they are simply good with their money and thank God because we need the help.
It's inspiring to hear these stories of thoughtfulness in an environment of general excess and waste. The saving compounds over time and the benefits can be huge.
On his accountant salary, her previous full time job and her part time earnings, they have saved enough for both kids to attend a 4 year public college. They have no mortgage on the house they have in the country, which they bought 10 years before they had children, and very little in Sunny Patch. They are both very small, modest houses. Their cars are good cars but each a dozen years old. How many people in the US are able to keep their spending in check and save like this? Retire at 52?
Reminds me of my childhood friend, who told me that her in-laws give her and husband 10K every December. Gimky, she said to me, his dad works at Ford, his mom is a secretary. They all shop for clothes at Meijer's. And yet they somehow give us and hubby's sister each 10K a year. They are not rich, they are simply good with their money and thank God because we need the help.
It's inspiring to hear these stories of thoughtfulness in an environment of general excess and waste. The saving compounds over time and the benefits can be huge.
Charles' house
The best idea continues to be Charles' house. Even if not cheap, the cost, taxes and maintenance are significantly cheaper there than here. It's conveniently located in town and easy. Our monthly expenses would be significantly reduced and with no garage and much less square footage, we'd be forced to maintain our minimalist lifestyle rigorously. And there's the endless possibilities of that 500 sq ft attached apartment....
What if we reduced expenses and hubby could have more flexibility in terms of type of job he looks for? And even if it ends up being no reduction in pay, a decision to downsize still works to our advantage.
Things to figure out.
What if we reduced expenses and hubby could have more flexibility in terms of type of job he looks for? And even if it ends up being no reduction in pay, a decision to downsize still works to our advantage.
Things to figure out.
strategizing
Looked a little at multi family houses in Westchester for investment. We can live in our house on less, but how can we make more money? Then hubby made an interesting point. What we might consider, Gimky, is downsizing.
I scanned the listings in Sunny Patch. Nothing was affordable in walking distance. But how much could we sell our house for? That's the big question. We have not over improved, but have significantly improved. We could afford Charles' house, not on the market, but it wouldn't make much sense unless we could sell our house at our number.
Then I went back to the listings and looked again. And you know what? I took another good look at a house I originally dismissed. It's a good size and walkable to school, but in need of TLC. The house is not pretty and probably has low ceilings on the first floor, but a grand piano could fit and we could improve the place over time. We could sell our house short of our number and still come out ahead to make it worth it, I think.
What about this? I sent hubby the listing.
I scanned the listings in Sunny Patch. Nothing was affordable in walking distance. But how much could we sell our house for? That's the big question. We have not over improved, but have significantly improved. We could afford Charles' house, not on the market, but it wouldn't make much sense unless we could sell our house at our number.
Then I went back to the listings and looked again. And you know what? I took another good look at a house I originally dismissed. It's a good size and walkable to school, but in need of TLC. The house is not pretty and probably has low ceilings on the first floor, but a grand piano could fit and we could improve the place over time. We could sell our house short of our number and still come out ahead to make it worth it, I think.
What about this? I sent hubby the listing.
Saturday, May 2, 2015
Babies
Older sister had 5 eggs harvested, 3 of which successfully fertilized and 2 that are still dividing. They will see what survives the next days. I am so excited for her on this 1st attempt. I am so hopeful for them! My sister is 46 and would make a great mom.
message from mom
From: Mom
To: Gimky
May 2, 2015 at 4:47am
Hi,
I miss type your phone # can you help (917) xxx-xxx
Thanks
Mom
******************************************
I showed hubby this email. Is this spam? Or do you think my mom is losing her mind? There was more than one thing very wrong with this message.
All the numbers were correct but the last was missing. I have had the same number for more than a decade. Old text messages and emails she could just reply to. My dad or sisters she could ask. Instead, when I called her this morning, I listened to her tell me how she had been trying to reach me for 3 weeks. How did any of this make sense?
I listened. She told me about a funeral she just attended. How she by accident ended up at a cremation ceremony and she sobbed her head off and she was sure appeared like a crazy lady. How they were stopping to see friends on their drive to NY, but they didn't want to leave their house too early in the morning, because her friend now had stage 4 kidney problems. It's cancer? No, she told me. I didn't ask.
And then, she told me she wanted to tell me something. It was about her brother. Another detail about the family money. I have known these stories my whole life and more recently from little sister. My grandparents were millionaires and left everything to the brothers, though it turns out there was land my mom should have gotten that was in her name. I let my mom talk and in a lull I told her. Your parents had 3 children and they should have left everything to 3 children. I know it's hard for you to let go because your parents didn't leave you anything and your spoiled brothers don't even know to be ashamed. She interrupted, I just want to leave the grandkids each something! My mom told me once there was enough land and money for 3 generations! I know, I repeated very, very calmly.
But you should know the three of us never had it and never thought we would. In fact we are so glad we don't have that money, mom. It destroyed your family, I said as gently as I could. Even if by some miracle, your brother offered up some of his inheritance to us or the kids, I would not touch it. Not a single cent. It's dirty. All of us, we are lucky to have enough. YOU, me, little sister, big sister... none of us need or want that money, so there's nothing to think about.
And suddenly she had to go, as if she was caught talking about something she shouldn't be. Then I heard my dad, the voice of reason and stability with the first mention of something important. How's Belac?
I hope my mom is okay. I'm afraid she is becoming unhinged.
To: Gimky
May 2, 2015 at 4:47am
Hi,
I miss type your phone # can you help (917) xxx-xxx
Thanks
Mom
******************************************
I showed hubby this email. Is this spam? Or do you think my mom is losing her mind? There was more than one thing very wrong with this message.
All the numbers were correct but the last was missing. I have had the same number for more than a decade. Old text messages and emails she could just reply to. My dad or sisters she could ask. Instead, when I called her this morning, I listened to her tell me how she had been trying to reach me for 3 weeks. How did any of this make sense?
I listened. She told me about a funeral she just attended. How she by accident ended up at a cremation ceremony and she sobbed her head off and she was sure appeared like a crazy lady. How they were stopping to see friends on their drive to NY, but they didn't want to leave their house too early in the morning, because her friend now had stage 4 kidney problems. It's cancer? No, she told me. I didn't ask.
And then, she told me she wanted to tell me something. It was about her brother. Another detail about the family money. I have known these stories my whole life and more recently from little sister. My grandparents were millionaires and left everything to the brothers, though it turns out there was land my mom should have gotten that was in her name. I let my mom talk and in a lull I told her. Your parents had 3 children and they should have left everything to 3 children. I know it's hard for you to let go because your parents didn't leave you anything and your spoiled brothers don't even know to be ashamed. She interrupted, I just want to leave the grandkids each something! My mom told me once there was enough land and money for 3 generations! I know, I repeated very, very calmly.
But you should know the three of us never had it and never thought we would. In fact we are so glad we don't have that money, mom. It destroyed your family, I said as gently as I could. Even if by some miracle, your brother offered up some of his inheritance to us or the kids, I would not touch it. Not a single cent. It's dirty. All of us, we are lucky to have enough. YOU, me, little sister, big sister... none of us need or want that money, so there's nothing to think about.
And suddenly she had to go, as if she was caught talking about something she shouldn't be. Then I heard my dad, the voice of reason and stability with the first mention of something important. How's Belac?
I hope my mom is okay. I'm afraid she is becoming unhinged.
Looking ahead
I would possibly move to Chicago but would have a much harder time with Atlanta and DC. But even then, wirh a family in tow, a move like that would be major. Though I make little compared to hubby, it's a whole way of life for us that took me time to build up.
Hubby told me that the company just hired a new VP, who started this week. He and his wife sold everything and purged all their belongings. They are 'starting new.' Next week, they do a road trip from San Fran to NY with their one car, their cats, and just a few suitcases. That's it. And yet in this very week, the company - his company, now - basically announced that they are on the market.
Hubby has had an exceptionally good run at his company. He feels at the Director level, one step below, he will have opportunities. At the VP level, where he is now, it will be much harder. I'm grateful hubby has always been on top of our finances and that he has been socking away aggressively before we even see it. He doesn't know it, but I'm going to upgrade all of our sorry exterior lights and put each on timers. I read that upgrades a buyer can see on the outside are much more important than something like insulation, that no one can easily appreciate besides the current occupant. I think we should hold off on the insulation.
Hubby told me that the company just hired a new VP, who started this week. He and his wife sold everything and purged all their belongings. They are 'starting new.' Next week, they do a road trip from San Fran to NY with their one car, their cats, and just a few suitcases. That's it. And yet in this very week, the company - his company, now - basically announced that they are on the market.
Hubby has had an exceptionally good run at his company. He feels at the Director level, one step below, he will have opportunities. At the VP level, where he is now, it will be much harder. I'm grateful hubby has always been on top of our finances and that he has been socking away aggressively before we even see it. He doesn't know it, but I'm going to upgrade all of our sorry exterior lights and put each on timers. I read that upgrades a buyer can see on the outside are much more important than something like insulation, that no one can easily appreciate besides the current occupant. I think we should hold off on the insulation.
Friday, May 1, 2015
oh my gawd
It never occurred to me that the corporate offices of companies rumored to be posed to take over hubby's are not in NY. They are in Atlanta, DC and Chicago, hubby told me just now, none in NY nor Boston. I mean, it's going to be at least 6 months before such a merger happens. It's not immediate but that is soon! I am just beginning to understand what is happening. If hubby is 'lucky' to keep his job after his company is acquired and we wanted/needed him to keep it, we would likely have to move.
Hubby totally needs to find work in NY.
Hubby totally needs to find work in NY.
shabbat
Also making quinoa cooked in chicken broth with sun dried tomatoes and mushrooms. Opening a red. Did a quick clean up on the first floor, which included throwing stuff in piles and shoving it out of sight.
Now getting out of my teaching clothes to work on my garden.
I love Fridays.
Shabbat Shalom!
med stat
All the Gastro tests came back normal. Hormone test may be next Wednesday if an insurance hang up can be resolved, otherwise in 2 weeks. Belac is not going to be happy. He will be on IV for 4 hours. There will be 6 blood draws spaced out, 2 shots and a pill. The MRI is another day, which may be sedated.
I usually don't tell him about medical appointments until the day of, why should he spend any more time being anxious than he needs to? but this requires fasting and is a prolonged deal. I am going to have to tell him in advance, but this means a million questions about getting pricked and if it will hurt. There will be a lot of anxiety and tears. I just want all the testing done before I go to Boston. I want a plan, sooner than later.
Oh my god, I'm going to Boston, again? I can't believe it.
It's Friday! My favorite evening of the week and I just got home with groceries. Hubby's grilling chicken and we will all chill.
I usually don't tell him about medical appointments until the day of, why should he spend any more time being anxious than he needs to? but this requires fasting and is a prolonged deal. I am going to have to tell him in advance, but this means a million questions about getting pricked and if it will hurt. There will be a lot of anxiety and tears. I just want all the testing done before I go to Boston. I want a plan, sooner than later.
Oh my god, I'm going to Boston, again? I can't believe it.
It's Friday! My favorite evening of the week and I just got home with groceries. Hubby's grilling chicken and we will all chill.
heat
It was 7:32, Jake was still eating. Hey! I looked at the clock, what are you doing? You gotta get out of here! After a failed attempt to get his first contact in, we decided I'd plop them into his eyes. As a kid who has recently changed his ways, he sat on the floor to untie his double knots. Oh my god, I tried not to roll my eyes for this was a good thing. I had showed him the $140 dollar bill when we purchased his 2 pairs of sneakers, weeks ago, at the same time lecturing him on his bad habit of always shoving his feet into his permanently tied shoes. Mom, can dad drive me? Jake, dad is allowed to finish his breakfast! I'll drive him, hubby called out, he had just sat down with an egg and a bagel he made himself. Jake... I looked at him sternly. Can you write me a note? Yes, that I can do.
Dear Band teacher, Sorry Jake is late, contact issues! Gimky
At 7:41, I watched Jake run like the wind away from the house. We love the band teacher but he does yell and scare the kids. Coming back to the kitchen, hubby told me, I could have driven him. But what would he have learned? I asked. He would never learn that he can't be eating like he has all day at 7:30am if you drove him. He has a note from me, I added, he probably won't get yelled at, but he will be late and at least take a little heat for it.
Dear Band teacher, Sorry Jake is late, contact issues! Gimky
At 7:41, I watched Jake run like the wind away from the house. We love the band teacher but he does yell and scare the kids. Coming back to the kitchen, hubby told me, I could have driven him. But what would he have learned? I asked. He would never learn that he can't be eating like he has all day at 7:30am if you drove him. He has a note from me, I added, he probably won't get yelled at, but he will be late and at least take a little heat for it.
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