Iowa

Please. Just let it be Trump and Sanders that win Iowa, tmw. Seriously, I won't be able to sleep if it's Cruz and Hillary.

Old letter

Felt the need to go find a letter the speech teacher wrote to me, a couple of weeks ago. I hope we are doing right by my sweet Belac. It's so hard when your kid struggles and all you want for him is to grow up to be resilient and able to look on the bright side of things.

Wow!  It's wonderful that you and Belac have such open and honest communication.  Middle schoolers don't usually open up to parents :-)  

I think regardless of the diagnosis, it's always great to be able to look inwardly and self evaluate- truly a sign of maturity.  Kudos to Belac and you, mom, for always being his #1 supporter and advocate!

Looking forward to watching Belac continue to grow and blossom!

Best,

Stephanie

Hard day

I had to take a nap before dinner. It was a hard day and I have no words.

Happy to hear kids and hubby laughing in the family room over something funny they are watching. Actually, I don't really hear Belac, but I'm just glad he's distracted. After an evening of his weeping and a day of his crying, I am pretty emotionally exhausted.

Tomorrow is his birthday! He is going to be 13. And growing up his hard.

Tomorrow I take him to a trial karate class. I heard about this very strict, clear but gentle Japanese Sensei who apparently is the best. I am also signing him up for a computer coding class. Hubby mentioned at dinner he suspects the acquiring company wants him. If they could be flexible about his commuting remains a question. The other thing is, given that their salaries are not as competitive, their housing stock is just as bad as New York's.

Anyway. No details today. No time and no desire. Tomorrow is a new day.

Tuscany

Olivia and I will be staying in a luxury boutique hotel in Tuscany, where we will be giving 2 concerts.  They invite artists-in-residence all summer long. My mouth fell to the ground looking at the photos. How could this be happening...?? Hubby, you can't NOT come with me!

We decided tentative rep for two programs. I am so excited!

Recital 1:
Dvorak Romance
Debussy Sonata
Brahms D minor Sonata
Gershwin 'It Ain't Necessarily So'

Recital 2:
Dvorak Songs My Mother Taught Me
Janacek Sonata
Franck Sonata
Schumann Romance in A Major

rearranging

People will be arriving in a couple of hours. Hubby and I emptied out the desks from the dining room to make a little more breathing space. Moving Jake's desk to the sunporch was a temporary fix. And you know what? This is actually quite nice and from the couch you can now see clear into the kitchen. We may just leave it this way.

Arrangements

Belac will already be in the local film camp and can't/won't miss a week. Jake has to be up in Canada by end of week. Hubby's company being acquired the week after the Italy week. It's an all expenses paid trip and he should really come with me! And what do you think about my parents maybe coming to help? Hubby looked at me wide eyed. Gimky... Even if my dad were with her? He shook his head.

So the option is to put Jake on a plane to Montreal right after school gets out and he stays with my in-laws until they bring him to camp. Belac will have a much harder time, though, without any of us. And who would he go to? Hubby and I thought about it and knew there is really only one local person he'd be okay to be with if we aren't around, and the person we knew we could fully trust with him: Kati. 

We have things to figure out and legal papers to finish if hubby and I dare take a trip - and leave the country at that - without the kids. 

insurance

Hubby talking to me about long term disability insurance. If something happened and he became incapacitated it would ensure a certain fixed income. Thing is, you cannot buy it if you are unemployed and before his company is bought over, it is something he thinks we should consider. It's wild to me that he's so forward thinking and always preparing for the worst. We have permanent and term life insurance on him. I used to be insured for like 50k. After the autism diagnosis, hubby changed the term life insurance policy on me to 1 million for all the obvious reasons related to the kids' continued care, Belac especially. It's crazy but it does make me feel more assured for the kids' sakes. If something happened to us, at least we'd leave them with financial resources.

Son

Gimky, your son, how can I say it? He was so....

Enjoying himself up there? I prompted her with the way I wanted her to finish her sentence, having a good time...?

Yes. That's the way to put it!

Mm hm. Why not just say he looked great up there? Glad to see him there? Happy to see you? How about say nothing?

The 7th grade b'nei mitzvah class led services, last night. Belac at times mumbled along. Other times stared into space. I was good with it. He was up there with his peers, comfortable, trying, happy. A part of the community.

Still later, Dot in front of mixed company announced, you should be on the Autism committee! I looked at her cross eyed. I had just taught 3 classes in the morning, had a rehearsal, taught 4 music lessons, accompanied the service that night after scrambling to feed everyone leftovers and was dead. And I run a special needs service every month, and I already help run another special needs group that is interesting to me in that it captures a whole variety of special needs. And I do track carpool and I help Belac with homework and organizing his life everyday which should already earn me a mother of the century award. I don't know why I feel so indignant about being singled out because of my son. Did everyone just think I have nothing better to do because I don't have a traditional 9-5 job? And frankly, I don't identify Belac as autistic, he's just Belac to me so the comments are just jarring. Can you just let him and me be, and let us mix in without comment? I would never say any of this baloney to anyone. No, I replied sweetly, I'm just trying to keep my head above water with everything I need to do! I nominate YOU, how about? I chuckled before changing the subjects

Tonight, we are hosting a progressive dinner for 8. Everyone meets at one house for apps and draws straws to have dinner at one of several homes, including ours, and then we all head to another house for dessert. It is a fun night and we have hosted every year. But the house is messy again, I haven't shopped yet and I did something weird to my shoulder, having played my violin for hours without my shoulder rest, yesterday. Next year, we will just participate. It's really okay not to do everything.

gnight!

I have added on more students and so far so good. I am very strict about the practicing and parents being at lessons and getting the kids started properly. It also brings in an additional $1000 a month when the kids are both out of the house in afterschool activities. It is substantial and I am happy about how it's going. It was possible and time to do more.

We ended the evening by the fire. Hubby hanging, Jake reading, Belac drawing, me and Olivia texting about repertoire for the concerts. All of us munching on chips. We all agreed that everyone would let each other sleep in and get breakfast for themselves. It is the only day I, hubby or any of the kids can sleep in.

Lucky, lucky. Life is good. Good night.

OMG!!!!

OLIVIA and I have been offered 2 concerts in ITALY!! Airfare, lodging and food all paid for!!!! With the expectation we interact with the community. One week in the summer!!! Do the dates work for you? she asked. I will make them work! OH MY GOD!! Yay!!!!

Letter to mom

TO: Mom; Dad
BCC: Little Sister; Big Sister; Hubby
SUBJECT: Letter

Hi Mom,

I hope you had a good trip. 

I'm writing because I know you are upset. I want you to know that we care about you. I worry your physical and emotional state have worsened. I am concerned about dad and how difficult it is for me to talk to him or reach him. 

What would you like us to do? Ignore you and leave you alone is not the answer. It is not good for the family, for you and dad to be isolated, and it is not good for dad to also be alone. It is also not healthy for you to be so angry towards everyone around you. 

I want to help you and I want to get you help so you don't need to be in such excruciating pain. Is it possible to sit down and figure out what to do together? Have you found a lawyer to start litigation? Also do you think a new doctor might be able to help you, who might be able to order a whole new battery of tests? I asked Sarah about the doctors at U of M and she is getting back to me. Maybe starting with new doctors would be helpful.

I know you feel like life has wronged you. I know you feel like life is unfair. I'm sorry about that. But you have a choice now to either light a candle or curse the darkness, and I hope you can do what it takes to light a candle. Your family loves you and wants you to be happy.

Love,

Gimky

clarifying

Mom, uh, why is Nana in bed, like is she tired or old?

He was laying on the top bunk in the dark. I paused. He had been listening to the whole conversation, downstairs.

I heard you talking to Papa and you said she's in bed all day.

Well, she might be tired and old, but she is also very sad. And when you are so sad that you can't get out of bed or go to work or even have a conversation with anybody, it's what they call depression. Some people get easily depressed and other people go through something tough in their life and then get depressed, so it happens sometimes. But the most important thing is that if you are ever depressed, it is important to talk to someone about it, a friend or a doctor, and sometimes you can take medicine to help. So I was trying to tell Papa that Nana needs help.

Mom? Like, I like talking to you when I have problems. It makes me feel better.

I like it when you talk to me, too. And as you get older, you'll find there will be other people you can talk to, too, not just me.

So why is Zara scared?

Scared?

Yes, I heard you say that Zara was scared.

Wow. Was it okay that he had heard everything? I was now treading carefully.

Well, if you left for school in the morning and I was in bed, and if you came home from school in the afternoon and I was still in bed, would that be normal? Or if I was so depressed, I couldn't even say hi to you? That would probably upset you, right? So Nana.... unfortunately, sweetie pie, she's very depressed. She can't help it and she doesn't do it to be lazy or mean, but it's hard for the little girls to see it. It scares Zara because she usually doesn't see Nana this way. Hopefully, Nana will get help and she will feel better soon.

I just hope that you never ignore me.

I will never ignore you. I might get mad at you or tell you I need my space, but I will never ever ignore you. Now, are you ready to sleep? I love you, sweetie pie.

Good night, mom.

dad

We had talked for quite awhile about growth hormone and health insurance. Neutral but deep topics. About how everything was going. But then for him to start talking about my Uncle stealing from my mom, that if that hadn't happened, the 'problem would be fixed' and they'd pay for all of Belac's growth hormone....

Dad! He is not giving mom any money. He is not, okay? So you have to decide, are you going to litigate or are you going to let it go? You and mom, you're not 60 anymore. Is this the way you want to live your lives? And mom is going to lay in bed until she gets that money, the money no one wants? You know what we want?? My voice was rising. YOU KNOW WHAT WE WANT? I felt the house get quiet, I heard hubby from the other room warn, 'pass auf, Gimky'... I want to know that when I call mom or you, that someone will pic up the phone! That when Little Sister shows up at the house, mom will get out of bed. You know what's happening?? Little Sister's kids are scared of mom. SCARED, dad! Oldest one sees something is wrong and doesn't want to go to mom, and if she doesn't go to her, the others will not go. This is what is happening, dad! You are the ONLY ONE who can put your foot down about mom's behavior!!

Support mom? Support her? Dad. What does that look like? She doesn't pick up the phone, we keep calling anyway. She writes terrible things to us, we try to reach out anyway and invite her to our homes. We walk around on eggshells, trying to say nothing to upset her or disturb her. What does more support look like?? More interjections. DAD. NONE OF THIS IS ANYTHING NEW. THAT HER FAMILY DID NOT APPRECIATE HER IS DECADES OLD. Why is this coming up now? And she's going to ruin the last relationships with her family, her own children and grandchildren OVER THIS?? And he was gone. I was surprised he hung on as long as he did.

I'm so sorry, little sis told me. For who? For you, for dad. For ME? Little sis, I feel sorry for YOU. You're the one that's there. You're the one that sees this up close and personal. Gimky, I just ignore it, I don't get into it. But everyday dad calls me, when are you going to bring the kids, when are you going to bring the kids? And I shrug. We'll see them on the week ends, she explained to me, but I'm not leaving my kids over there.

Older sister is unplugged. She cannot deal. Little sister is working full time and raising 3 little kids, she tries to a certain extent, but does not have the bandwidth and has her own family to protect and prevent from being used as pawns. And so what choice do I have, but try to get through to my dad. No one else is and I see this as the only solution. For the past 50 years, my mother's very raw emotions have ruled his world and he has never put his foot down. But this has to stop, like now.  My mom has never been worse. If he cannot reign my mom in or admit she has severe problems and get her help, he will end up going down with her.

Numbers

My mom's cousin's kid turned 8 today. She wished him Happy Birthday on Facebook (such a strange thing everyone seems to do) and then announced he was 65 lbs and 53 inches tall.  Well, that was a first. It made me look Belac's numbers up. He is going on 13 years, is 62 lbs and 56.75 inches tall.

What are the things I brag about? I hope I never make anyone feel bad but that is the nature of FB. Some are married, others want to be and are not. Some have children, some can't. Some have neurotypicals, others don't. Some can take their vacations, others have enough on their plates just paying their bills. It's no wonder that Facebook tends to make people feel bad about their lives. Everyone has their thing they take for granted that someone else desires or feels wistful about, and these buttons can be pushed In any moment.

I am actually not worried about Belac's ultimate height right now because I'm rejoicing in the fact that he's simply growing! Everyone should be able to take pride in and marvel over their kids. I just hate to compare and think that it generally causes trouble. Stay away from numbers, I say. 

Lost

A boy lost his retainer. We have looked high and low for it in this house. I spent an hour, myself. The boy and I looked 30 minutes together, yesterday, retracing his steps of the sleepover. I had my boys quadruple check their bedrooms and bathroom and any of the usual places. I tell everyone to look out for a grey retainer case. I just got a text from the mom. She is convinced it is in this house. Would it be an imposition for me to come and look myself?

Why yes, it sort of is.... I don't want someone rummaging around upstairs and thinking she can go snooping through our whole house.

No problem! I wrote knowing at least I have some minutes to tidy up, see you soon!

Growing

I had him lay down on his bed, covered just in his towel. He had just gagged into the toilet, after feeling faint in the steamy, hot shower. Jake had been there just before him, so the bathroom was some serious steam bath.

I patted his back quietly. I wondered if I'd cancel my class or if I could leave him for an hour and a half. He didn't have fever. It's hard to reschedule a class of 18 kids and their moms, and cancelling day of was always hairy, there were bound to be parents who would miss my message.

Mom...? I feel better now. I don't want to miss breakfast, he told me. Your hair needs washing still, do you want to get back in or I'll help you wash with your head over the tub? Over the tub, he told me, I want to put my clothes on.

Downstairs, he ate large bowls of rice doused heavily with olive oil, shocking me by asking for a second bowl. Maybe he was just hungry? Had low blood sugar?  Do you want the last of this salmon? Oh yeah, he exclaimed, it's really good! And then ate the remains.

If it were Jake, I would have left and taught and come back. What would I have done if It were Belac, today? I asked hubby. You might have been able to do the same, hubby thought. True, but glad it didn't have to happen. At 7:35, he heaved a huge pack on his back and off he went on his day.

Vitamin D

Belac continues to be very Vitamin D deficient. I had tried to give him 3 daily, all natural chewables he would spend 5 minutes trying to swallow and it just wasn't happening. Every morning, I was pouring out milk he left in his glass until I just stopped pouring it. The endocrinologist urged me to try this and anything else to get his Vitamin D levels up. It tastes exactly like candy and has stuff I like the kids to avoid, but I give up. Yes, he needs good nutrition, but he also needs calories, Vitamin D/Calcium, and the growth hormone in any which way we can get it all in him.

2 days in a row he just plopped these in his mouth, chewed and swallowed. Easy!

puppy love

 

care package

Making amends

Received a mailing from my dad which included a picture of my mom - and not him or them - on their trip. I know what he's asking me to do. He wants me to think of her and reach out and make things better. He knows I can smooth it all over and we can move on until the next time. I can pretend everything is okay. And my sisters will follow suit. Eventually. He has always told me I am a role model to my sisters. But I know he was always referring to the way I try to raise my kids properly and a certain patience I have. I know what he wants and won't ask for in words, and I am not purposefully withholding. It's just that, I've done this my whole life. And, you know, it's just hard. To swallow what little pride I have and say, you know what, mom? You're right. I'm sorry. I am a terrible daughter, I will try to be better.

Every time we went out looking for my mom and found her, we'd line up outside the hotel door and say sorry. Just like my dad told us to. Sorry for whatever we did. I don't know what. And ask her to please come home. She'd have to drive separately home in her own car. My dad in his own with the girls. And every single time, my dad would always try to convince my mom to take me in the car with her home. Maybe because I had a very good sense of direction and would know if she wasn't driving home. Maybe because he knew I understood she had problems. Or maybe because he knew I was emotional and I'd speak up and do my best to make sure she went home if necessary. I don't really know.

My dad is aging, in particular. I don't want my family to live in discord and silence. Can I just accept she won't get better, that she will always feel we wronged her, and say whatever I need to to just pass these days in "harmony" as my dad wants? Even at the expense of apologizing for things that make no sense at all? Is he asking too much, especially if we just agree without words that she is special needs, mentally ill and she really doesn't mean anything she says or does?

As friend told me last night, getting into her daughter's head, it must be so awful in there. We can't even imagine how awful it is in there, Gimky. And that makes me so sad. Maybe in their advanced age, I just need to play along so things are okay. When my parents are gone, I don't want any regrets. But what does that look like? I don't know. I just don't know.

bloomberg

Why didn't he run as a Republican?? He would have won the GOP nomination and the country's outer edges would not be living in such fear of what is to come.

Upsetting

I find this upsetting on so many levels I don't even know where to begin.

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/01/26/health/autism-genetically-engineered-monkeys.html

borderline

My friend called, last night. Asked me if I could go buy a box of ramen that little sister loves. Gimky, I'm going to Hungary this wknd to get older sister. They tried to check her into a hospital and she wouldn't stay. She is not to be left unattended, the doctor says, and my family has called for me to come bring her home.... She's locked herself up and is doing nothing. I found out she flunked all of her classes. They can't deal with this, understandably. It's so bad.... I don't know what's going to happen when I bring her home.

Ugh.

Last night, I asked hubby if he thought maybe my mom was sent away to live with her grandma in Japan because her parents couldn't deal with her. That maybe it was more than my grandfather's affairs and her making his life miserable about it.

Maybe, it's possible....

Someone a long time ago, once told me that my mom was such a handful. That if they were out and she didn't get what she wanted, she threw herself to the ground in hysterics. And my mom also told me in a rare disclosure that in her final exams of highschool, she didn't take them. She just signed her name and turned the paper over. It's not fair to boil anyone down to two unattractive stories, but these are just a few of the memories anyone has ever bothered to share with me about her previous life.

This morning, my old school friend in Michigan wrote to me. I have been chatting with her about possibly helping me find my mother a doctor. A therapist type under the guise of a neurologist label, who could possibly talk to my mom and also know how to deal with a non compliant immigrant who won't admit to any mental issues, but whose severe pain manifests itself in physical yet elusive, non diagnosable conditions. Unfortunately, this could be just another of many instances of dragging her parched lips to water only for her to not drink, but we are trying....

There is such stigma of mental illness in Asian culture. It is shameful, a sign of weakness and the appearance of which causes extreme secrecy, avoidance, denial and dishonor to a family. And this is how my mom has come this far and gotten no help at all.

details

The biggest piece of good news, yesterday, is that Belac's bone age density test came back at 10 years old. Last year, his numbers were as low as 7-8 and not budging. His growth had essentially come to a standstill after years of petering out growth. This is a common side effect of growth hormone, she explained, it helps the bones mature.

She was most curious about onset of puberty. The blood results show very early puberty but she did a  physical and visual. She checked the size of his testicles next to beads, the same, that's very good. She checked for genital hair and acne, all the tell tale signs. This is excellent! she said, this is all catch up growth and not pubertal growth. That he has a chance to grow within range of his peers before onset of pubertal growth is ideal, she explained.

If he continues on this trajectory of the past 6 months, he will grow over 4 inches in one year. I am always so happy when a child responds so well to treatment! she told me, look at this. She showed me on the computer, you see here? The number is over double, now. Belac was very growth hormone deficient and his body has taken to treatment very well. His BMI and weight are still extremely low, but look, she pointed to dots well below the chart at the bottom of the paper. They looked like a printing error. You see? They've gone up just a very little but that is also good news....

So out of curiosity, after mapping Belac's growth charts as an almost 13 year old (almost 4% for height, a most impressive number for Belac, who is now on the chart!), she wanted to see where Belac's growth was next to a 10 year old. Again, 0 percent weight but now 54 percent for height. And with this recent velocity, if he were 10 - which he's not but something to consider because of his bones at 10 years - he'd end up 5'11." I laughed my head off to hear such a number and his name in the same sentence. Obviously that is very wrong, we have very short people on my hubby's side, I said. But then I bit my tongue. We have 6 ft tall men on my side and Jake's heading there now. Who knows? Maybe Belac is supposed to be tall, too. I should just be open to the possibility that both kids will grow up to find wonderful partners,  meaningful, productive, appreciated work, general stability and happiness....

Any more questions? she asked, as she packed up her binders to leave. Yes. Can we just take a few minutes to talk about health insurance?  Any advice on which company? Do we have to disclose that our previous insurer rejected us? Can we make a strong case based on previous and current data? Is there any way we can find out if an insurer will insure Belac's growth hormone before we sign up? Do you know if there is a health advocate who can help us?

Few answers.

Hubby and I discussed last night. Our plan is to sign up for the crappiest insurance there is in hopes that they won't have the resources to reject Belac. Enough of the premium insurance that is doing no better for us than in previous years. I will also get the Magic Foundation involved earlier in the process. If rejected again, we've decided to pay for it out of pocket on a limited basis. Belac is finally growing and we need him to continue growing. We absolutely can't do this for 8 years, but we might be able to do it until pubertal growth. And, you know, what better way to make use of hubby's timely severance? We are budgeting tens of thousands for growth hormone treatment.

A few years ago, hubby's stocks vested. He was previously granted a dollar amount of stocks when he became VP, back when the stocks were just 11 dollars a piece. Several years later, these same stocks vested at 50 dollars a stock. Those stocks turned into our kitchen.

My point is, how very, very lucky we are to be able to pay for something so important, even after a new kitchen.

manners

Olivia and I had spoken about the recital invites, yesterday. She was wondering who was really going to come. I told her I take it all with the grain of salt. Sometimes people say they come and don't. Others say nothing and then show. But to me, what is most interesting and unexcusable are the people who say nothing to the invite, friends, especially those that cannot attend. They know you have a concert coming up, they know they've been invited, but there is no thank you, no 'sorry I have to miss' or anything, not even a mention when they see you or talk to you. Not a 'good luck'. Just silence. What is wrong with people? They received an invite and just ignore it? It is so bizarre. You wouldn't do that if you were invited to dinner, would you? They just have no idea the effort that is involved in putting on a concert. And all that talk of, I want to hear you play, I want to hear you play? It's a bunch BS. I sound bitter but I'm not. It's just a general observation over the years that a large swath of people don't have manners anymore and they also have no idea what it means to be a musician.

Please and thank you. A little acknowledgement, it takes just a few seconds and goes such a very long way.

post recital

It was a full house, and I saw many musicians from Juilliard I had not seen in 15 years! It was unbelievable how some had aged and others had not. One violinist remembered Jake as a baby, I couldn't believe it, and I briefly had the urge to say something to him about Shieh-Yih. Seeing him made me miss my friend. Kati and Lulu came, Peter, Laurel, my student and her friend.... A violinist from my Oberlin days and her husband. It was such a full and warm turn out.

Olivia was stunning, as usual. She had announced to everyone, yesterday, that our last concert was 20 years ago. 20 years ago...!? That could not be true, we haven't even been living that long!

For god's sakes, we should do this a little more often.

blizzard birthday

These boys are regularly at our house, every week. They are all very close, and that Belac is in such a good mix is a true blessing. Of course, the kids love Belac. He's quirky and can be very funny, and takes what the others say very seriously. But it's also not lost on me that of this bunch, Belac is the only one with a walkable house from school and a parent who would rather have the kids in her house than somewhere else. I do whatever it takes to make sure the kids and the parents prefer the same, while being able to make sure despite my seemingly long leash: no drugs, no alcohol, no sex, no bullying.

Happy Birthday to my sweet boy!

Stat

Another inch of growth after 3 months. 2 inches after 6 months. Now in 4th percentile for height. Amazing! It's all catch up growth, his hormone levels are now in normal range. He gained 3 lbs, too. But still off the charts too low at 61 lbs and 0 percent BMI. Still his bone age density has aged to 10 years. Puberty is still very early, so he has all this catch up time now. The doctor was thrilled he could grow over 4 inches this year! We will see how it goes in 3 months.

Prep

It was hard to get up at 6:30 and get everyone up and out. Now need to spend the next couple of hours going through all my notes slowly. For a 1PM concert I'd normally sleep in. But this is anything but normal. Amazingly, my biggest decision is what to wear.

I'm not competing with Olivia's strapless gown and sculpted arms. And if anything, I was going to dress under, classy black but in pants. But I'm just unsure. If I were a man, I'd put on a dark suit and be done. I'm not doing any sleeveless gown, for sure. First of all, it's cold out and I'm not putting my arms out there next to hers. But I do have full length, sleeved black, a stretchy asymmetric gown that is its own bold but in a very understated way. Too much for an afternoon concert?

Decisions, decisions. But now need to practice.

Dress notes

Thank God we squeezed in time at the recital place. The whole middle range of this Steinway is mushy, lacks clarity, and I have my work cut out for me. It would normally be a low key thing and I would not be stressed out. I have between 6-10 people coming, all non musicians from my Sunny Patch life and who I'm happy to simply play for. Olivia on the other hand has a dozen people, and she is stressed out, too. Because 4 are violinists from the Met Opera, her colleagues and a couple I attended Juilliard with. They will hear everything. And, you know, what will happen if her farmer guy actually shows? He won't, Gimky! I looked at her and waved my arms at her aura, her in her strapless dress, high heeled boots and flowing hair, what is there not to love...? You need to prepare yourself that he may show, I told her.

Time for bed! Slaap lekker!

Post dress

Just home from the dress with Olivia. Came in to kiss the kids good night and hubby telling me he thought we sounded wonderful. He had come with the kids for the first half. Ugh, I told him, I'm afraid to look at my phone... Why? Because little sister texted me. She sent a picture of a text and I noticed the word 'delusional'.... I'm scared to look.

Now sisters texting about x files. I am sipping some wine and eating potato chips. Hubby trying to revive a fire that's pretty much dead.

My mom is home from their vacation. She would not get out of bed to greet sister and her family, nor go to dinner with them. It was just my dad. And now her texts are about my dad, who she claims is choosing not to believe her ailments. And you know what will happen now? She will behave even worse and more like an invalid in trying to prove her problem despite walking all over Machu Pitchu these past weeks. She doesn't do well at home and needs to be traveling.

Sometimes I wonder if her seeing my sister's family in Hawaii, or my pictures of Belac's birthday party make it worse for my mom. Instead of being happy, it maybe emphasizes something she doesn't have with her own kids or in her own life. I'm always asking hubby a million questions about his take on my mom, he has an outside perspective. He thinks these things effect her, but not for the reasons I think. That they show her that despite her withdrawal from us, she sees that our lives go on and fully, even without her. When we were young, our worlds stopped when hers did. No longer.

Belac's party was absolutely beautiful and incredible, amazing! I will post pictures tomorrow when I have a moment.

party time

Hubby successfully picked up 2 boys on treacherous roads, but then couldn't get up our driveway. He ended up parking on neighbor's driveway. Boys amusing themselves with video games, ping pong and piano playing, popping into the kitchen occasionally for something to drink or a nibble of chips or veggies. It is so informal and easy, I think everyone is at home. Setting up the table and getting the fixings and french fries ready, hubby stoking a fire outside for burgers.

Hubby and me with 6 boys under 14 during a blizzard! Just cancelled lessons in the morning, knowing that it might be awhile for any of these boys get picked up. Plus the driveway is just terrible. despite being plowed 4 times, already, today. One of the boys slipped and fell! I have to heavily salt it in the morning, unfortunately. Hubby made me a martini, LOL. But these boys, they each are here often and it's the easiest thing in the world. They are hyper at times, but good buddies who are very comfortable with each other.  No one is left out, Jake happily in the mix with this crowd in a way he is not with anyone his age, and I think they all just appreciate a certain free roam and seemingly long leash here, though I have a very close eye on things and am just very quiet about it. I just heard who among them claims to be bisexual and who someone else has a crush on!

Happy Birthday to Belac. I am as happy as he is that his buddies are here.

go car, go

One of the boys 'distraught' to not be able to come. His parents don't have a car with 4 wheel drive and live in a neighborhood on a hill. Gimky, the streets are not good Around us. Mark is willing to try and even if he gets up halfway - we could walk him down, she finished my sentence. He has 4 wheel drive and lock and might be fine. Are you sure? Let's try but now, though, before it gets dark.

And so off he goes to try to pick up Belac's friend. As long as we live in this neck of the woods, hubby and I will never go back to two wheel drive.

sleep over

Ethan just arrived several hours early, after a 25 mile drive with his dad. Belac and I just finished setting up his bedroom. It looks awesome. Unfortunately, one kid will be stuck with a camping mattress and a sleeping bag, and we discussed making some kind of concession for that. Or possibly putting one kid in the guest bed and dragging a mattress into the guest room, so that everyone sleeps on a real mattress. However, it was really important to be Belac that everyone be together and no one feel left out. Please mom, can we try it this way?

Jake begrudgingly let us take his single mattress and will sleep on a queen aero on his floor.

Blizzard birthday party. Ian just asked if he could come early. Yes, come any time!

Happy Birthday to my boy!

Snow day

8 egg frittata with kale, mushrooms, garlic, cheese and cilantro

It was already after 8, and Olivia would have texted by now. If we were to meet at 9:30, moved up from 10:30, we'd have to get out there soon to clear the driveway, as would she. I kept googling for road conditions to no avail. Hubby was not in favor of my going out in this and we both looked outwards. They had begun plowing our street but it was coming down heavily. And who knew what the Saw Mill looked like by us? A notoriously curvy section with no shoulder that often floods over and then is closed.

I found it curious she hadn't texted. Was she waiting for me to? I'd go for her, but for anyone else I would have cancelled yesterday. This is the nature of mixing personal and professional, this dance.

I wrote at 8:23 in my pajamas when I should already be warmed up and getting ready to go:

Olivia, it doesn't look good.... They just started plowing our street and I'm concerned about this section of the saw mill by us, which is famous for its flooding and slippery conditions and is often closed when there are problems. Any chance we could get in for even a little bit on Sunday, I wonder?

I was surprised, she wrote back immediately. She WAS waiting for me to write, and to be honest, I think she was hoping I would somehow make it. At least like me, she didn't want to be the one to cancel. I will contact them! she wrote back, yes, it would be crazy!!!!!

I asked Jake if he'd eat some frittata, knowing it would take 45 minutes to make. I knew I wouldn't be going out in this. I began percolating coffee. We have 2 kids who can later come on foot for Belac's birthday slumber party. Not sure if the other two - including Ethan, Belac's best friend who is currently visiting his dad in Ridgefield - will be able to make it.

C'est la vie. What a pain! But when it comes to anything to do with driving, better to be safe than sorry.

Friday

Showered and in pjs in front of fire with wine in hand. So glad. Listened to hubby play piano and now both chilling. He showed me some crazy assorted cupcakes he purchased from Fairway. They are perfect. And they cleaned the kitchen, too. And the garage, which now houses his Subaru and a cord of wood. Our bikes have gone into the basement. TGIF.

Olivia told me her hubby would come pick me up in the morning if I was afraid of driving. I am more afraid of not having a dress rehearsal and will be there! Let's go early.

Cupcakes

Hubby, I was going to stop at Whole Foods and realized I didn't have my wallet. Can you stop in Greenwich and pick up cupcakes. They used to have Minion ones at the counter. And even if they only have Cookie Monster or Super Bowl themes, just pick 6 up. They will be funny. I would rather not have to bake tonight. xx

Snow glitch

Can't believe we might not have a dress rehearsal before this Monday recital. We have plenty of Met people coming, musicians I went to school with and who haven't heard me play in decades. between the snowstorm and other programming, I really can't get in there to play on the piano for an hour?

I just realized I need to pick up some gas for the snow blower and make sure it's running. And also pick up a ton of anything effective to throw all over our drive after snowfall. I have 6 families on Sundays who walk up our steep, slippery driveway for lessons. Depending on what it looks like, I will call a snow day. And now hubby called, he and the kids will clean out the garage, tonight while I'm working, so we can park one of our cars in there.

I love the snow! But it's messing with my life right now.

Hallelujah!

It will be an exerting kind of long day and a half for me.

There is enough fettuccini and meat sauce for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's just that kind of day. Still, what could be more decadent?

The kids are dressed and down! Hallelujah!

off to bed

He told me he worried he would turn into a girl because he's 'weak.' I might be bisexual, he added.

What is bisexual? I asked. Attracted to both genders, he told me.

And what does that mean? I asked. Feeling like a boy and girl.

Do you feel like a girl? Well, I don't want to be a girl but I'm not, like, into sports.

Do you want to be a girl? No.

So, first of all, you are physically a boy. And if you want to be a boy, then you are boy. If you worry you are girly and it bothers you, there are ways to feel more manly. But I need to tell you there are many ways to be a boy and being in sports has nothing to do with it.

Like, I want to code....

Okay, well that happens to be a very boyish career. But again, Belac, you are physically a boy and if you want to be a boy, then you are a boy. If you want to be a girl, there are ways to go about that to become a girl, but if you want to be a boy, then you should feel relieved, because guess what? You are a boy and there's nothing to change to be a boy!

So, the other piece is, are you attracted to boy or girl? Boy.

What does that mean? I want to be a boy.

But when you look into your future, about being with someone all of the time and sharing a bed with them at night, kissing and hugging them, do you want that person to be a boy or girl? Girl.

Okay, so you know what you seem to be telling me? You are a boy, you want to be a boy, and you want to be kissing girls and are 'attracted' to girls. Is that what you mean? Yes.

Mom? We talked about my birthday presents and special needs and this.... Yes? Well, it's kind of good, like it's good. Yes, it is! And we should talk like this more often! I'm so proud of you, Belac. Thanks, Mom. Now off to bed!!

Documentary

TO: School Psychologist, Psychologist Intern, Guidance Counselor, Social Studies Teacher, Speech Teacher, Special Ed Teacher

CC: Hubby

SUBJECT: Documentary

January 21, 2016 at 10:07PM

PS - I just wanted to tell you that I had the most amazing conversation with Belac, tonight, who offered to me that he has Asperger's. We have never suggested that, nor has anyone thought that of him, exactly. However, he told me that he figured it out because of the documentary you had mentioned he'd be seeing today. So, how does that make you feel? I asked him. Okay, he told me, because I have special talents. Yes, you absolutely do! I told him.

We talked a half hour about so many things related to special needs. Also, how he might be able to blend in more than others, and so he had to be even more understanding to the kids who appear more special needs than he and who probably didn't have the benefit of having the strong friendships he has. Of course, in middle school style, we ended up on topics of what it meant to be bisexual and transgender... but these were all good and important conversations to have. 

Thank you so much for such a thorough and thoughtful meeting, yesterday, and to each of you for taking the time to really understand and help Belac. We are so very grateful to each of you!

Stay cozy and warm through the blizzard!

Gimky

Home sweet home

Jake and I came home to Belac and his friends. Ethan in the middle of making ramen and then going outside with Jake to look for an Amazon package. Josh and Belac playing a little wii before walking to Hebrew School and Jake studying, vowing to get the rest of his Science review done (200 more questions in Castle Learning) before doing anything 'fun.' I am impressed by it all.

Hubby going into the city to meet his buddy from Berlin for a company dinner. Me making jarred spaghetti for Jake before going off to Hebrew tutoring. Just scooted the boys out the door.

That we are so close to everything is such a positive way of life. The kids come and go from here because they can, and we have such strong friendships as a result. It again came up that Belac surprisingly has such strong friendships at school, and that it is remarkable compared to others with his similar diagnosis. It's a combination of so many things. The play dates, Hebrew School, family dinners, meetings, and parental friends and support.... But I believe the intimacy of what we have is also due to this house, which is both accommodating and well located by foot. I am so grateful for this home and our friendships.

Bernie

What will you do if it's Trump vs. Hillary?  I've been asked. I don't know. All I can say is that I'd vote for Trump over Cruz, anyday! It just has to be Sanders, that's all. But if there is a terrorist attack in the States, this year, we all know what will happen. We will have another President Clinton. 

Go Bernie! 

boys

Finished my class and the phone rang. It was Jake. I put down my piano and bags of instruments in the middle of the stairwell. He just got home from his midterm. How did it go? I have to shop and will be home in an hour... By the way, you know the Amibo thing that Belac wants? Well is there a particular character I should buy? What do you want for lunch? What's up next...? Don't forget, there's track in a few hours, maybe you can finish studying before then....

I went to the store and bought hamburger patties and buns, pickles, cheese and a variety of fixings. Bags of seasoned fries. Seltzer and diet Cream Soda, his favorite. Next door, I had bought Belac the Amibo and a Super Mario Bros game he had been talking non-stop about. Came home to share a couple of sushi rolls I had bought from the deli counter. What do you think? I asked Jake. It was nice to have some down time with him, just to myself.

Tomorrow I teach and play from 10-12:30 in Greenwich, 1-5:15 at home, then 7:30-9 at the synagogue. Get up to practice, the next day, and head to my dress rehearsal with Olivia on Saturday. There will be no time to get everything done if I don't start today. There are Belac's blankets the dog threw up on that still need to be washed and a cake to be figured out and made, he asked for a Super Smash Bros themed one and I didn't see anything that would pass at the store, much as I wanted to just buy everything and be done.

On Saturday night, Belac has a birthday sleep over with his 4 closest friends: Josh, Ethan, Ian and Noah. He wanted to have burgers and fries and soda and an evening of playing WiiU with his friends. Gone are the days of the scavenger hunts, I can't believe he's going to be 13 years old in eleven days. There's just no way!! He is becoming a teenager!

networking

Last night, the CAO and Controller of acquiring company asked to be LinkedIn with hubby. He had sat in on hubby's presentation, that day, and they had chatted briefly afterwards. Acquiring company is in town, this week, figuring out how to merge the companies.

That's a good thing, right? I asked hubby, because if you weren't in the realm at all, he probably wouldn't do that, right?

He shrugged, it's probably a good thing.

Would they let him commute? They'd never let him work remotely, he couldn't effectively if he had something similar and a team to manage. But we'd have to deal with his being gone, like all of the time. But like we agreed, we shouldn't leave any stone unturned in his search. And at the end of the day, who  knows? Maybe we'd move, but I really can't worry or think about this now in the hypothetical....

home life

After the kitchen reno, we only used the dining room when we had guests. So turning it into a study hall was the best decision ever.  It's sunny in there during the day, devoid of visual distractions but connected to active rooms so you never feel like you're missing out on anything. It's easy for me to pop in and out of there to check on Belac's work and make sure the kids are using their time efficiently.

We had before talked about Jake 'earning the right' to work upstairs after a couple semesters of good grades. He initially balked at studying downstairs but now he was almost panicking. Mom, I don't want my desk upstairs, ever! I like it much better down here! Okay, I told him, that is fine with me. Actually, I didn't say, it's much better, this way.

The bedrooms now are only for sleeping in and for reading an old fashioned, turn the page kind of book. Nothing is upstairs that shouldn't be, no toys, computers, tv, phones. The electronics stay downstairs. This is just good common sense. You can find a quiet corner in the downstairs and still have a little privacy and I am all in favor of downtime, but everyone is held more accountable for whatever it is they're doing in these open rooms. We all have plenty of stuff to keep on top of. Hopefully, because of how we have organized the house, Jake will never turn into a teenager, holed up in his room for hours and hours.

littlest cousin

I know a bit about my littlest cousin's situation. Middle cousin and I have talked about it. He is in Lisbon teaching and some weeks can't pay for food.

Listen, I told him tonight on skype, after he admitted to me that he doesn't want to do what he's doing forever and his prospects are slim. If you told me that you love your job and Lisbon and you're done, that's it, I'd never interfere. But we are in NY for sure until the end of this year and live on a train line. If you want to make a go at it, to find any kind of internship and then pound the pavement and look for a job while staying with us, that's fine. I'm sure my older sister would let you live with her temporarily, too.... I'm pushing you because I know neither your nor my parents are. And I'm talking to you like my own child. It's never too late, but waiting could make things harder for you. Don't get stuck there if that's not where you should be. Get your resume out everywhere and see if anything pans out. You have me and older sister in major east coast cities to help with housing....

We should talk more often, he told me, I really appreciate this.

Ugh. What happened that he ended up out there, totally poor and hungry? My grandmother, his primary caretaker, died his junior year. I begged his parents to come from Taiwan for one year until he graduated, but they wouldn't. Couldn't, supposedly. And by then my mother was not on speaking terms with my cousin. So what happened? He went to the local boarding school. My uncle signed over a check for it, wrote him off just like that. Cousin had just lost his primary caretaker since the age of 1 and was sent away. Grandma would be so appalled to see what has happened to him. His older sisters are physicians and well adjusted. She left this world too early to see her youngest grand child off.  And no one is helping him now. Pushing him, questioning him, prodding him to improve his life.

I am usually free between 1-3, I blew him a kiss, let's talk more!

Lessons

I have begun with 3 new students within the past week. So far so good. I am utilizing every minute that Belac is out of the house for art and film classes and doesn't have to be overseen by me. I have a bunch on Sundays, when hubby has the kids himself, a couple during the week day when the boys are in school, and just one lesson when Belac is home, but right after his Hebrew tutoring, when he's allowed to chill and have a snack and quietly do homework or draw. It works so far. And if this other family will take an hour slot, the only hour left when Belac is not home every week, I will have a full schedule of students.

I like it right now. And you know why? I have become strict. If you don't practice, I don't want to teach you. Period. I will let you go. It is not worth it to me to teach kids who don't regularly practice. And I also make it a requirement that parents have to sit in on their kids' lesson the first year. the kids with parents who can be present are far better off prepared week to week.

Almost every weekday, this month, I have given an hour piano lesson to a kid, home from Oberlin for winter break. He always wanted to learn the piano and because of his guitar playing, it has come quickly. In 2 weeks, he finished year 1 books. I have been teaching him music theory, too, and today we talked about Rachmaninoff. I can't help but think that maybe he learned more in these weeks than he ever could have, as a youngster forced to take lessons.  A lot happens when you're motivated and want something.

Music and more

I think our rehearsals are part music, part therapy. Olivia asked something about role models and how I thought I might approach things in terms of my own experience with my own parents. And eventually I was telling her a story and my visceral memory, like it was yesterday, of swearing I would never be like my mom and I would show her. Like really feeling it so angrily. What happened...? she asked in disbelief, even though I had just explained. I didn't tell you that story, before? I thought I told you once, I said as I saw her eyes wet and then I started getting weepy myself, realizing I had shared something so deeply personal and terrible sounding. Gimky, you were so little. I know, I brushed away a tear, I got over this a long time ago, I don't know why I'm weepy....

Our recital is going to be awesome. Our families come to our dress on Saturday and we all go out to lunch afterwards. It has been so fun.

7:45 AM

Met with 6 of Belac's teachers, this morning, to go over all of his testing and progress reports. It was fascinating and interesting, though nothing was a big surprise. General global problem is lack of focus. And discussion that his smarts point to general Ed classes, but his disability points to modified setting, though not for lack of academic ability.

Our school does a good job. I especially appreciate the psych intern who works with Belac and who I think is so strong and will be head of her own department someday.

How is Jake? The guidance counselor asked. I could have told her that he made the honor roll recently, she would have appreciated knowing. But we were in mixed company and I didn't want to sound a certain way. Plus he's still working on keeping these kinds of grades up and I assume nothing. Great! I replied, knocking on wood, he is doing great.

prospects

They met in two separate meetings. Hubby made a presentation giving synopsis on IT infrastructure and how it's paid. He thought it went well. Apparently, there were other private meetings, today, with both companies going through each employee in hubby's division, line by line, looking at performance reviews and histories, who they recommend is worth keeping, who maybe not so. Of course the question becomes, how does aquiring company retain those they need? They can't realistically assume all will relocate.

The interesting thing is that only 30 percent of hubby's job is paid by corporate overhead, whereas others are even 100 percent. Acquiring company made a promise to Wall Street to cut their corporate overhead by 200 million dollars, so from a purely savings standpoint, hubby's job is safer than others. Now if they kept him, hubby, that's another matter, because the job could stay but be filled by someone else. But they also need to retain people from hubby's current company in the acquisition.

We did the math on what it would cost to commute and rent a studio apartment in DC. It would be a pretty huge expense to eat on our own dime. Meanwhile, we talked about the consulting company again, and it's become clearer that they seem to want hubby and his colleague together. That between the two of them, they could be a heavy hitting team. Would you find that interesting? I asked hubby. Maybe, he replied, but it's A LOT of travel....

We are still months out and it is too soon for him to be actively looking for a job. Still, we are hopeful.

B'nei mitzvah

I struggled learning Hebrew, but as soon as I put the letters to tropes, I have sailed. Last week, Sterling assigned me 4 verses for my Torah portion at Belac's bar mitzvah. I learned the whole thing. At Belac's session today, I asked him if I could show him what I learned. I had a couple of days until my session and I didn't want to be solidifying anything wrong.

The whole thing? Yes the whole thing. Without the vowels? Yes. In fact I had it almost memorized.

I chanted. The Orthodox way a la Pocket Torah.

He nodded his head and raised his eyebrows. You had long verses, but we should have given you more. We could give you more, what do you think?

Nah, I told him, it's Belac's big day. But that was fun, I laughed, I wish what I had to learn were longer...! I also couldn't help thinking how education is wasted on the young.

You should have your own bat mitzvah, that's what! he seemed to be cajoling me.

I shrugged. Maybe.
.

Rehearsals

What I love about Sylvia's playing is that she has a Jascha Heifetz type discipline and fire. Her passions come from a truly effective place, undiluted by indulgent sentimentality. Shes very old school in a way. She's the only one I know who would go with me even though the last movement began a bit too fast and reckless, we were on this path and there was no stopping or holding back. For all of its hiccups, that reading was probably the best and we laughed our heads off at the final cadence.

For 3-1/2 hours we rehearsed today. Could it be less time there, quieter here, breathier at the start, moving through this passage.... We picked through everything and it was very good.. No clash of egos or feelings of inadequacy on either side, it just somehow works well between us. Always has.

What a fun few hours. Tomorrow, we do it all over again. 

Early

Hubby off at the crack of dawn and a little more dressed up than usual. The finance teams of his company and the acquiring company are meeting today. We decided, yesterday, that he should throw his hat in the ring and see what happens. Do we want to move to DC? Not really, but it doesn't hurt to see if and how much acquiring company might want him. He also has been in touch with a buddy, who works in Brussels and lives in Berlin. He plans to get his severance from their company and move on. Let's help eachother, he called, I am looking to be a CIO of a small company, what do you want?

And what do you want, hubby? I asked. I'm not sure, he replied.

Everyone down by 6:45am. Belac freshly showered and pecking away at breakfast, while bemoaning the fact that his brother has half days, this week. Jake sipping down a shake while reviewing for a midterm, this morning. He has exams, everyday, no classes. He has been diligently studying, I have seen, but hope whatever he has been doing is adequate. Me stoking a 1200F fire on this freezing day. Now I have a little time to practice before Olivia shows up to rehearse. Good thing, because the Brahms is killing me.

We can't know what's going to happen and everyone wants to fare well. It would be easy to be stressed for each of us. But it helps in these times that we're getting up early and generally preparing in advance so the accumulation of all the little things don't add to stress.

The outsiders

Finished reading the Outsiders with Belac, earlier, a story about choices and fighting destiny. The character of Ponyboy is so deep and complex. I found myself weepy, at times, feeling his confusion and struggles, his yearn for a better life.

The table is set and the fire is burning. Hubby outside stoking the coals in the bbq. It's Kati's hubby's birthday and they are coming for dinner. I'm sautéing broccoli, she's bringing special French fries,  and we are grilling steak. I am defrosting a Quebec sugar pie for dessert and she brings a tub of vanilla. A decadent, happy way to end what was already a great wknd.

Dinner with childhood friend

Home. After dinner in CT with my childhood friend. Full bellies over dissecting the latest Star Wars movie. Well, mostly discussing it's problems. And also talking about marriage. We all have parents elsewhere. It's good to have lifelong friends. Regina told me once how hard it was to be the longest surviving one. Kids all amused themselves. They are like family and I basically weeped a little telling friend's hubby why he has the best parents in law ever. A very sweet evening.

cleaning

How to keep a clean house: Work from home and have 12 families trekking through your house all week. This is my reality. Most of the time the kids help a little everyday. Today, things were messier than usual and I zoomed around putting things away and wiping everything down. 

The reality is, it just has to be tidy. No one wants to see our dirty socks on the bathroom floor or that someone hasn't flushed or our dirty dishes and glasses all around. I'm sure if asked, no one really cares but I am also a very private person and don't need anyone seeing our bad habits and what's in our garbage. I keep pens out in view, because open up a kitchen drawer and you'll see Belac's meds. The fridge is also kept in certain order and the 9000 dollars worth of growth hormone tucked out of sight. The water dispenser is inside the fridge and people notice things. Our life is our own business and when you work from home, you have to make that extra effort to preserve your family's dignity. And that means constantly cleaning up and taking care.

Early morn

Dragged myself out of bed at 6:15 to meet hubby and Jake, already downstairs. Helped him go through his bag and suggested everything stuffed in this duffel was not a good idea. My back pack is smaller, Jake explained. But it has better shape for what you have, and you don't have to empty the whole thing to get to something on the bottom.

We re packed. I helped him wipe down his shoes, muddy from the hike. Hubby tapped his watch, Jake, let's go. The bus leaves in 10 min!

How much money did he have? Enough. No really, how much? Do you have 20? Hubby, can you give him another 10? It's best to have 20, I told Jake. If you buy lunch, then, you'll still have 10 left over in case something comes up. Always good to have some money on you....

And off he went, wearing a full out school track outfit with jacket and pants. He looked like such a man! The team was told upon arriving at the Armory, they were to make their 'presence immediately known.' What does that even mean? The school has extremely strong runners that consistently win, one of whom made a state record a couple of weeks ago, running a mile in 4:06. I guess they are supposed to feel confident but hopefully in a good way....

Good he's on this team, even if he's in the shadows of these strong runners.

 Now ready to tidy up. Students arrive in 2 hours.

Livid

Someone wants a hotel room for her daughter, and daughter's hubby and baby, since they are stranded in NYC. Fine. We found one for her daughter, but now this woman wants us to email and call the girl to see if she really wants it. Really? We're giving you a discounted hotel room. Just to process the papers will be 20 minutes, and hubby is up at 530 and going to bed. We got just what you asked for. Give us a cc number and it's done. But we are supposed to deal with this girl like she is our own kid? And now they have told us the girl was able to make her own arrangements. Really?

We are very generous. But this level of chutzpah is a bit outrageous. For someone we barely know, we would have gladly booked it. But the amount of back and forth and a request to get unnecessarily involved? She was a freaked out parent of a fully grown kid with her own family who ultimately didn't need her meddling into their affairs.

I am very involved with my kids but hope I can and will let go over time. Eventually they grow up and have to figure things out themselves. It's for the best.

Good saturday

Up to greet the plumber. In pajamas. Jake came to us at 9am, the plumber was at the door. We never sleep in like this and we had no idea he was coming.... Then off as a family to get Belac's photo taken and then to an appointment for a passport renewal. Next stop HMart for lunch and to pick up a few things. Home to get a little work done, and then an easy, beautiful 3 mile hike at Rockefeller. A little more work and dinner, then everyone doing their own fun. Jake reading, hubby playing piano, Belac looking up things on the Internet....

This was our Saturday. A happy good Saturday.

Did you set out your track outfit? Charge your phone? Hubby up at 5:30am, tomorrow, to make Jake Mac and cheese first thing. He has a meet tomorrow and needs to be on a bus to the city by 7am. I teach 4 students and need to practice. The house is a mess. I will get up and deal with it tomorrow.

Tomorrow there is work for everyone. Today was awesome. Lazy but productive.

furnace

Every so often, we have to get the local plumber here. Something goes wrong with something attached to the boiler. The other day, I wanted to see if we could get away with heat just in the kitchen and the fireplace. Well, I couldn't get the separate zone to kick off, even after spending an hour studying the manual and figuring out that the thermostat, coil and kick unit were independently working properly. The coil was hot, the water level looked high enough, why was the hot water not traveling up to the kitchen?

Let's see what's happening, the plumber told us, this morning. He refers to our boiler as an inherited problem for its general inefficiency and unreliability.

Hubby and I discussed after he left. Even though our labor of crazy right now is keeping the fire going in our EPA approved insert, our next major improvement will need to be a new, high efficiency furnace.

It never ends!

Birthday

Hubby and I sitting side by side in front of the fire, with my feet in his lap. He is drinking a scotch and looking at FB birthday wishes, me a dirty martini, kids playing with Ethan on the Wii. Ian just asked to come over. Of course, come! This, on his 45th birthday and at the beginning of MLK week end. I made a reservation for 14 and in an hour, we will all walk up the street and enjoy pub grub and 45 free chicken wings. Dot and her BF, Kati, Lulu, hubbies, kids.... And this time I bought a cake for afterwards.

We have good, fun and reliable friends and a very good life. And I love that hubby is not materialistic and like me, is happy enough to be with others on a birthday. If the kids weren't around, I told him, I'd make you happy in front of this fire.... Hubby looked at me astonished and laughing, later! After the kids are in bed! But we will have eaten and drunk too much, tonight...!

Happy Birthday to hubby! And happy life to me, for somehow marrying the most wonderful man.

jake

Jake weeping by the fire and we came to a truce. We both agree to try to be more patient with each other. We talked about stress. Do me and dad add to your stress? We made a plan for today, when the kids have a half day and need to amuse themselves quietly from 1-5 as I teach. They are allowed down time but not allowed to be on the computer for 4 hours. There's drawing, reading, studying for one midterm....

Jake is such a thoughtful, deeply feeling kid. An amazingly want to do the right thing kind of kid and so mature and fair in articulating what he needs from us. I look at him at 5'-10", my baby! Almost a man, but he will always be my baby! This sweet, happy, lovable kid who made me a mom.

to teacher

Hi Tania,

Hope this email reaches you well!

Belac and I are finishing reading the Outsiders, this week end, and if he can turn in the outlines - not tmw but Tuesday - that would be great. It really helps his comprehension when we read together.

Also, it seems he might have a problem in Science, because he has no data from which to make his table and charts. Days and dates are almost all empty and there is basically 0 mold growth over 65 days. Also, I notice that there is a lot of basic info not filled out in his science packet. He says he has been having trouble with his partner, that the boy has just as much trouble as he does and so they don't help each other at all. I told him he really should speak up and talk to you or the Science teacher. Or at least tell me, when there is a problem.

Is there any way that you could give him some mold data to work with - or that he can 'borrow' data from another student, tomorrow, so he can make his charts over the week end?

Thanks so much! Hope you have a great wknd!

Gimky