And then there was intermittent high pitched beeping. Annoying enough that I had to get up and stand in various parts of the house to figure out where it was coming from. The dog was unhappy, Belac was out of bed. It was the smoke or fire alarm in his bedroom. Found a chair and took out the battery, it still beeped despite being a hard wired alarm. Ugh. Down to the basement I went where our gazillion batteries were. Grateful hubby has always been so diligent about keeping assorted batteries in the house. Yes, there was a square one! Up I went, replaced the battery and shooed Belac and dog back to bed.
Hopefully there will never be a real emergency while hubby is gone.
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
letting them be
I have one kid, who still has a ton of homework and an exam, but hasn't gotten to any of it, because he has gotten sidetracked and immersed in perfecting an Academy Award winning documentary on Robert E. Lee, also due tomorrow, and can't move on. The movie is incredible, actually! And I have another kid, who I suggested to download some books on his kindle for when he's in Canada in a few weeks, and who purchased a 500 page book he's been waiting on for a year, and at the rate he's going, will finish tonight.
Why the hell should I interfere? Isn't this passion? Thirst? The stuff that having a mission is based on? When they are engrossed, feeding their brains, I can't help but let them be. The kids are trying to keep up in everything to get through school, and they work hard and are doing well enough, but this other stuff, THIS stuff. This is the stuff that fuels them and distinguishes them from the rest. I just can't interfere.
Why the hell should I interfere? Isn't this passion? Thirst? The stuff that having a mission is based on? When they are engrossed, feeding their brains, I can't help but let them be. The kids are trying to keep up in everything to get through school, and they work hard and are doing well enough, but this other stuff, THIS stuff. This is the stuff that fuels them and distinguishes them from the rest. I just can't interfere.
driving
Trying to help hubby figure out the best way to commute. The issue is, though just 6 miles apart, neither my sister's home nor his new office is very close to the metro or downtown DC. Our house is a shlep, also, into NYC and he'd still have to leave 45 minutes in advance and have a car to make the train in Stamford. So what is the best way, door to door?
The flying is not great. There's getting to HPN, the 45 minute flight, the 90 minute 2 subway ride, the shuttle bus to work, and no opportunity to work or relax while traveling. Hubby tells me he will never choose to fly. There's driving, which is the same amount of time, but there's the traffic and the toll of driving every single week, but looking like the best option for all it's simplicity and cheapness. There's the train into WAS, which is better because either Rockville or Union Stations are on the red lines, but he will need a car to get himself to the Stamford train station on this end and to park there, while still needing another car on the other end. And then there is the TripperBus to Bethesda. He could take public transportation into NYC and get the bus at Penn Station which takes him into Bethesda for 27 bucks. From Bethesda take a short cab to work to go get his car. But I also read horror stories of break downs on the NJ Turnpike and it's still not such an easy trip..... Then he looked into riding his bike from sister's house to office on a beautiful bike trail. But what if it rains? Or snows? And it's dark at night? There are no lamps on the path....
Tonight, hubby and I talked as he drove home to sister's. Amazing, it was 10 minutes IN TRAFFIC. You know, he told me, I think I'm going to just drive. It's the easiest, least expensive option. With that kind of daily commute while being away from us, he can catch up on sleep while in DC. It sounds right.
how it goes
My cell phone is out of commission. My appointment is not until tomorrow, and even then, I wonder if the device will have to be sent away. I wrote to my important peeps about emailing or calling our landline. I told the kids I am unreachable unless home. I have felt it pretty liberating so far, although Jake suggested I take his phone so I am always reachable.
Kati's daughter came this morning to shower and get ready for work. The dog was dropped off and is now home. Then Olivia came to rehearse. This afternoon, a bunch of students come, and the kitchen door will be shut. These are all positive, wonderful developments.
All to say, I'm trying to keep an open mind about hubby's new travel model. Maybe it won't be bad and even good. Maybe it won't be harder, just different. Instead of joking about worrying about strangling my kids midweek when hubby is not around, I should just observe and see how it really goes without imposing my preconceived notions of how it will be.
I am so proud of the close relationship I have with my boys, and proud of a certain simplified and manageable home life hubby and I created together. We are blessed with great friends. These things help. Let's just see how it goes.
Kati's daughter came this morning to shower and get ready for work. The dog was dropped off and is now home. Then Olivia came to rehearse. This afternoon, a bunch of students come, and the kitchen door will be shut. These are all positive, wonderful developments.
All to say, I'm trying to keep an open mind about hubby's new travel model. Maybe it won't be bad and even good. Maybe it won't be harder, just different. Instead of joking about worrying about strangling my kids midweek when hubby is not around, I should just observe and see how it really goes without imposing my preconceived notions of how it will be.
I am so proud of the close relationship I have with my boys, and proud of a certain simplified and manageable home life hubby and I created together. We are blessed with great friends. These things help. Let's just see how it goes.
making choices, finding opportunities
Kids up at 6:30 and out the door at 7:35 sharp. Belac's Timex was dead, when he woke up this morning, and since the strap has also been broken for awhile, we decided not to replace the battery; we went on Amazon and chose a new one for 30 bucks.
Meanwhile, Jake and I talked about an article I read this morning about helping kids' mental well being. It was all about reducing possessions and choices, reducing clutter, simplifying. What kind of choices? he rolled his eyes, I make no choices before leaving the house, he stated in his teenage way. Yes, that's because you have one pair of sneakers and not 4. You have a bunch of clothes, but just enough for a week. And everywhere you go in this house, the drawers and closets are pretty sparse. It's called a minimalist lifestyle, Jake, and we chose it in part because I didn't want to take care of stuff and in part because we didn't want you to have to, either. And you know what the article said? That studies showed that kids in this simplified environment perform better in school, and that is certainly true for you and Belac. I just want you to remember this now that you're getting older and able to make your own choices on how you want to live....
We also talked about recommendations and volunteering. If he had to ask someone to write him a recommendation, who would it be? He wasn't so sure. I told him he had to develop relationships with his teachers and that he needed to delve deep in his relationships and activities. It's not good to just have a taste of this here and there. For example, I thought he needed to sign up for Cross Country every year, he'd have 6 years of running under his belt by graduation. And then we had a discussion about volunteering. Though he's great at SNAP and has helped me for 2 years and relates so well to the kids and is ever helpful, you know what? I'm your mother and I cannot write you a recommendation. I think you should be asking Mrs. C about the buddy program at the highschool. You'd be great at it! Really great. And maybe you can sign up to be on homework help duty at the library next year. Again, something you'd be great at. You relate well to kids, you know how to be helpful and get along with people and diffuse stress. These are your strong, natural traits, so listen for opportunities, ask about them. It's what distinguishes you from others and so let's find opportunities for you to put those traits to good use, okay? In part for college, but also for your own well being and fulfillment.
I shooed them out the door, and Jake was out first. As I helped Belac heave a huge backpack onto his shoulders, I heard the door open. Jake was back. Mom...? he smiled, bye, have a good day! Awww, I came to the screen door to meet him, I love you Jake, have a great day!!
Meanwhile, Jake and I talked about an article I read this morning about helping kids' mental well being. It was all about reducing possessions and choices, reducing clutter, simplifying. What kind of choices? he rolled his eyes, I make no choices before leaving the house, he stated in his teenage way. Yes, that's because you have one pair of sneakers and not 4. You have a bunch of clothes, but just enough for a week. And everywhere you go in this house, the drawers and closets are pretty sparse. It's called a minimalist lifestyle, Jake, and we chose it in part because I didn't want to take care of stuff and in part because we didn't want you to have to, either. And you know what the article said? That studies showed that kids in this simplified environment perform better in school, and that is certainly true for you and Belac. I just want you to remember this now that you're getting older and able to make your own choices on how you want to live....
We also talked about recommendations and volunteering. If he had to ask someone to write him a recommendation, who would it be? He wasn't so sure. I told him he had to develop relationships with his teachers and that he needed to delve deep in his relationships and activities. It's not good to just have a taste of this here and there. For example, I thought he needed to sign up for Cross Country every year, he'd have 6 years of running under his belt by graduation. And then we had a discussion about volunteering. Though he's great at SNAP and has helped me for 2 years and relates so well to the kids and is ever helpful, you know what? I'm your mother and I cannot write you a recommendation. I think you should be asking Mrs. C about the buddy program at the highschool. You'd be great at it! Really great. And maybe you can sign up to be on homework help duty at the library next year. Again, something you'd be great at. You relate well to kids, you know how to be helpful and get along with people and diffuse stress. These are your strong, natural traits, so listen for opportunities, ask about them. It's what distinguishes you from others and so let's find opportunities for you to put those traits to good use, okay? In part for college, but also for your own well being and fulfillment.
I shooed them out the door, and Jake was out first. As I helped Belac heave a huge backpack onto his shoulders, I heard the door open. Jake was back. Mom...? he smiled, bye, have a good day! Awww, I came to the screen door to meet him, I love you Jake, have a great day!!
Monday, May 30, 2016
visits
Kati stopped in with Hanush, late tonight. They took their showers after dealing with a burst pipe in their house. They might come everyday and were sorry. The other daughter would come in the morning. I shrugged, it's perfect! While each showered, we hydrated and caught up. It's been hot.
Now upstairs and drinking more water. Can I really sleep up here in this heat? We have the fans going, but no acs installed in the windows. Belac told me he was fine, he'd sleep on his sheets, while Jake was wrapped in his. All the windows open. Here is where I will have to rise more to the occasion. Installing our window units, loading up our insert with more wood for heat, in.the.middle.of.the.night. Life is different without hubby to rely on everyday.
Don't worry, I told Kati when she called just now to make sure it was okay about daughter coming in the morning. It's great.
Now upstairs and drinking more water. Can I really sleep up here in this heat? We have the fans going, but no acs installed in the windows. Belac told me he was fine, he'd sleep on his sheets, while Jake was wrapped in his. All the windows open. Here is where I will have to rise more to the occasion. Installing our window units, loading up our insert with more wood for heat, in.the.middle.of.the.night. Life is different without hubby to rely on everyday.
Don't worry, I told Kati when she called just now to make sure it was okay about daughter coming in the morning. It's great.
duties
Kids and I stopped at HMart for lunch and groceries on the way home. Got right to work as soon as we entered the house. Belac working on his Social Studies movie and Jake studying for Finals. Me, practicing for my rehearsal with Olivia in the morning. It's quiet, the house is tidy, everything is good. The kids are very good.
Chatting with hubby, he had biked the 6 miles from sister's house to his office and then back. The path was beautiful and off the road, with 3 road crossings with a traffic light. But there were no lamps anywhere, there would be no way to do this at night. Everything seems to be pointing towards his taking the train and buying a presentable enough beater to either drive there or here. I also saw a bus picking up passengers near sister's house with NYC painted on the side as it's destination. We should look into that, too....
Hubby home on Thursday night, only to leave first thing to Boston to attend his 15 year MIT graduation over the week end.
Hopefully all of our hearts will grow only fonder.
Chatting with hubby, he had biked the 6 miles from sister's house to his office and then back. The path was beautiful and off the road, with 3 road crossings with a traffic light. But there were no lamps anywhere, there would be no way to do this at night. Everything seems to be pointing towards his taking the train and buying a presentable enough beater to either drive there or here. I also saw a bus picking up passengers near sister's house with NYC painted on the side as it's destination. We should look into that, too....
Hubby home on Thursday night, only to leave first thing to Boston to attend his 15 year MIT graduation over the week end.
Hopefully all of our hearts will grow only fonder.
Short and sweet
Short and awesome trip. Within the half hour, I'm driving off with the kids. Leaving my sister, who is tired and whose chest is blistered. We did, thankfully, manage to catch up as we put together the new bed and had some meals together. And hubby, who is working on integration at new company. I left him some BBB coupons. The new bed feels too hard for him and I suggested that he go buy a cushy mattress pad.
I sort of have mixed feelings about hubby's travel to and from. We drove mostly in tandem down here and the traffic was out of sight. I am a very good driver and like driving, but the traffic I found unnerving. Now we are discussing his driving to the Stamford Amtrak, parking there, taking the train in and the public transportation to his office, where he will keep another car. At least he can work in the train and take calls and even sleep. We will have to figure out an efficient travel arrangement for him.
This afternoon he goes to his college roommate's house for a BBQ. There will be 4 other Obie's there we know, all of whom work for the Army as musicians and doctors. I think it's great he will be living with my sister and BIL, people he likes to be with, and that he already has a small group of friends here. Good that he has kept up with his college roommate over the years. Better that he's not lonely.
Good luck to hubby. Good luck to us.
Friday, May 27, 2016
moving
Preparing for our trip, tomorrow. Washing linens and packing. Little Sis told me Big Sis is not feeling well. Texted me and cousins that sister has not been able to put in full days of work and that her skin was blistering. The side effects of radiation are beginning to emerge in full force.
Tomorrow we leave early and go straight to IKEA in MD. We will have lunch there and pick up a bed frame for hubby. Big Sis' guest room shares a wall with her own bedroom and I don't want any of us to bother her, knowing she needs her rest. We will get hubby and us settled in the basement right away. We've made dinner reservations, her choice.
It is so tough. I feel for my sister.
Tomorrow we leave early and go straight to IKEA in MD. We will have lunch there and pick up a bed frame for hubby. Big Sis' guest room shares a wall with her own bedroom and I don't want any of us to bother her, knowing she needs her rest. We will get hubby and us settled in the basement right away. We've made dinner reservations, her choice.
It is so tough. I feel for my sister.
awesome
Leaving the house after having spent the past 45 minutes or so dealing with technical difficulties with Belac. It is crazy! He had been planning to make a power point presentation for his civil war project, but then I noticed one of the options was to make a 5 minute movie with 15 facts of persuasion for his soldier.
Belac, why are you doing a power presentation instead of a movie...??
Mom, the power presentation only needs 10 facts and a voice over.
But Belac, almost everyone is going to do the power point. Don't you think the movie would be easier for you? Plus, no one is going to make a movie like you! You can put in cool music, pictures, effects to enhance your facts... I mean, don't you think power points are boring? Oh my God, if you made a movie, everyone would be so happy and pay attention to see something different from what most everyone else is doing!!
And we are going to DC and I don't have final cut pro there...!!!
You'll work today, and we'll come home early on Monday and you'll work Monday. I think that's enough time.
Okay, he sighed a little, fine.
Just checked on him. He was uploading some "epic" Minecraft music for the movie and totally engrossed in this new project on Final Cut Pro. This kid is truly amazing and this is just AWESOME.
Belac, why are you doing a power presentation instead of a movie...??
Mom, the power presentation only needs 10 facts and a voice over.
But Belac, almost everyone is going to do the power point. Don't you think the movie would be easier for you? Plus, no one is going to make a movie like you! You can put in cool music, pictures, effects to enhance your facts... I mean, don't you think power points are boring? Oh my God, if you made a movie, everyone would be so happy and pay attention to see something different from what most everyone else is doing!!
And we are going to DC and I don't have final cut pro there...!!!
You'll work today, and we'll come home early on Monday and you'll work Monday. I think that's enough time.
Okay, he sighed a little, fine.
Just checked on him. He was uploading some "epic" Minecraft music for the movie and totally engrossed in this new project on Final Cut Pro. This kid is truly amazing and this is just AWESOME.
beautiful job
All primed and ready for paint. My handyman did a beautiful job and I am so thrilled. It's too bad we had to bump into the kitchen a little, but it's okay. Today I teach a couple of lessons and the new door kitchen door will be shut. Families enter from the mudroom and they hang on the other side. Siblings can play in the mudroom, hall, bathroom, studio or outside, but not in my house.
My handyman pointed out, yesterday, this knob doesn't have a lock, are you sure...? Wow, I hadn't thought of that! Let's hope the door is enough!
My handyman pointed out, yesterday, this knob doesn't have a lock, are you sure...? Wow, I hadn't thought of that! Let's hope the door is enough!
view from mudroom, no more kitchen access without effort
Accounting
berry wine for house door, cool aqua for studio door - oh my god, Kati exclaimed, you've gone from only ever wanting white for everything to this?? I'm not sure they match, Gimky.... I could only laugh, they don't have to match! You look in one direction it's a red door, I explained, you turn around and it's an aqua door, you can't see them at the same time! She's right, I don't know what has come over me, but the idea of seeing these colors on two opposing doors in an otherwise completely white hallway make me happy!
Hubby off biking. Me trying to get out of bed and the kids sleeping in. Soon Bailey gets picked up for the wknd and I am off to teach. Belac and I had emptied his backpack, last night, and he made neat piles of all he has to complete during these last 2 weeks of school. A civil war power point presentation with 12 slides. A leaf lab with 4 parts. Read Act 4 and answer comprehension questions in ELA. Study guides in each class. The amount of work is overwhelming and weighs on him. I advised him to put a sticky on top of each pile with a due date which he did. You see? I waved my hand at the dining table, this is manageable.
Mom, I don't want to read Shakespeare in DC. Before or after, but I just don't want to bring the book there and read in public. We could just read it before bed, in the basement, no one will see. I really don't want to! Okay, no problem!
When I'm off teaching for 3 hours, I'm going to ask that they study and pack a suitcase for DC.
We were supposed to leave this morning for DC but Belac had begged and begged to stay for his last class of the semester at the Burns. There was still some last editing to be done and he wanted to bring bags of Doritos for the party. Hubby had initially said no, but looking at each other I shrugged, why not? It's his passion and I respect it, and frankly being creative is the most important thing he or Jake should be doing with their time.
My school is happy to see me this morning, anyway, and you know? This entry way was not exactly cheap. Good for me to get my hours in.
Thursday, May 26, 2016
sunny in sunny patch
Hubby and I attended a 7:45 am meeting about Belac today. And it was in this meeting, his teachers told us they had never seen such a strong work ethic in any student. Any student. I was so proud. He does work so hard. We were there almost 2 hours, and during a fire drill, when we were outside I started showing them Belac's montage. Someone needed a Kleenex, and another teacher asked if he'd ever show his movies publicly, believing it could help others....
Had my last day of classes at one of my schools, and on the way home, stopped at a mall to pick up a new comforter for hubby I had been looking at online. It's a beautiful, colorful and soft duvet cover, and I bought a hypoallergenic, non-down insert. Tomorrow I will pick up some new sheets, too. Throw it all in the wash and help him put together and make his bed on Saturday in DC. I hope he'll be comfortable and look forward to sleeping in the evenings at big sis'.
It's Thursday, 3PM! And now we have a 4 day wknd. I am so proud of my dear Belac and so grateful for my beautiful family and our Sunny Patch life.
Had my last day of classes at one of my schools, and on the way home, stopped at a mall to pick up a new comforter for hubby I had been looking at online. It's a beautiful, colorful and soft duvet cover, and I bought a hypoallergenic, non-down insert. Tomorrow I will pick up some new sheets, too. Throw it all in the wash and help him put together and make his bed on Saturday in DC. I hope he'll be comfortable and look forward to sleeping in the evenings at big sis'.
It's Thursday, 3PM! And now we have a 4 day wknd. I am so proud of my dear Belac and so grateful for my beautiful family and our Sunny Patch life.
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
changes
DC, Scottsdale... There is no rhythm to the traveling yet and it's begun before hubby has even officially started his job. It's a night here, 3 days there, a meeting there. This morning, there is a town hall and hubby's position is being announced. He told the head of HR, last night. There needs to be better communication and assurances from the company, or we are going to have a massive exodus before the integration is complete. She understood. Morale is so low at company and in a way, hubby feels sheepish that he was offered this job. Just 4 people in finance have been offered positions and his was a pretty big promotion. Yes, he worked his ass off for it and played his cards well, but there was a lot of good luck involved, too.
Isn't it interesting that as he is growing, so am I? And so are the kids, as we let go just a little bit more on the reins. I just hope that we don't grow apart or that some unforeseen thing happens that makes us regret going down this path. Every now and then I worry about either of us, especially him, getting hurt or killed in travels. Lovely, I know. Lately, we've been face timing while brushing our teeth at the same time. Sometimes face timing at meals for a few minutes. Keeping close will take more effort, but we have to do it.
Isn't it interesting that as he is growing, so am I? And so are the kids, as we let go just a little bit more on the reins. I just hope that we don't grow apart or that some unforeseen thing happens that makes us regret going down this path. Every now and then I worry about either of us, especially him, getting hurt or killed in travels. Lovely, I know. Lately, we've been face timing while brushing our teeth at the same time. Sometimes face timing at meals for a few minutes. Keeping close will take more effort, but we have to do it.
"assistant"
Hubby told me last night that he just met his designated assistant.
As in your very own secretary??? Are you SERIOUS...? Well, is she cute like the ones in Mad Men...? And to do what? She's going to take all of my calls when I'm on another call, she's going to help me with scheduling and travel arrangements and manage things when I'm in meetings. And this is a full time job? Yes, and she will help others on my team, too, don't forget. She sits outside your office? Yes. Is she Asian? No. She's...? What Louise was... From Trinidad? Yes. But does she look like a Chinese mix like Louise? No. How old? 40s. Is she married? Yes, with kids. Hubby was laughing.
Hubby, I'm not calling to speak to you only to have some woman pick up. She's not picking up your cell phone, is she? No!
Oh my God, I can't believe you have a secretary!!!
Gimky, she's what they call an 'assistant.'
It is totally weird to me that he has someone helping to manage his work over there. But on the other hand, it will make his life easier. It's been 2 weeks of traveling, already, with much more to come. It's already overwhelming to help him figure out travel. Human Resources asked him how he preferred to be contacted. Please don't send me more emails, he told his team, I already can't keep up with my inbox. Please feel free to call me or stop by my office, I prefer to have a conversation with you.
Good he has an assistant, but she better not be too cute!
As in your very own secretary??? Are you SERIOUS...? Well, is she cute like the ones in Mad Men...? And to do what? She's going to take all of my calls when I'm on another call, she's going to help me with scheduling and travel arrangements and manage things when I'm in meetings. And this is a full time job? Yes, and she will help others on my team, too, don't forget. She sits outside your office? Yes. Is she Asian? No. She's...? What Louise was... From Trinidad? Yes. But does she look like a Chinese mix like Louise? No. How old? 40s. Is she married? Yes, with kids. Hubby was laughing.
Hubby, I'm not calling to speak to you only to have some woman pick up. She's not picking up your cell phone, is she? No!
Oh my God, I can't believe you have a secretary!!!
Gimky, she's what they call an 'assistant.'
It is totally weird to me that he has someone helping to manage his work over there. But on the other hand, it will make his life easier. It's been 2 weeks of traveling, already, with much more to come. It's already overwhelming to help him figure out travel. Human Resources asked him how he preferred to be contacted. Please don't send me more emails, he told his team, I already can't keep up with my inbox. Please feel free to call me or stop by my office, I prefer to have a conversation with you.
Good he has an assistant, but she better not be too cute!
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
over the moon
Tonight, hubby and I took turns playing loud pieces on the piano, closing both doors and listening from the kitchen. We could still hear each other's every note though quietly, but the sound did not reverberate throughout the entire house like it once did. What a thrilling development.
I have so much practicing to do for Italy and will be able to practice in the evenings. I can teach my more than dozen students and cause less disruption. I am over the moon happy!!
yippeeeee!!
I am so thrilled!!!
looking good
It's shaping up!
A musician friend wrote that he needs a place to stay for 5 nights during a trombone festival at Juilliard. He leaves early and comes home late, everyday. Could he stay with us? Yes. And it's perfect. He will get the music studio and bathroom, which will soon be closed off for everyone's additional privacy. Of course he can come be with us on our side, but it's nice we don't have to share and clean the upstairs extra.
Thrilled!!!
framing it out
I am so excited. My handyman and his partner are working on the new entry today! Soon our living space will only be accessible by door off the mudroom. Students and their families are clients and remain on one side. Friends are friends and can open the door into the house. There needs to be a clear separation now. Even with the new set up, the families are spilling out of the studio into the kitchen, one sibling of a student even spent some time banging on the kid piano all the way in the sunporch and I heard Jake, studying nearby, asking the kid to 'please stop!'
So happy about this new development! It's the perfect set up for all.
new team
We have come to figure out that it is actually easier for hubby to drive. Though asking a lot of hubby to do this, week in and week out, it's the same amount of time as flying door-to-door. Not to mention that hubby gets stressed out about all the pieces of flying: getting to the flight on time, the flight actually being on time, getting to the metro, waiting for the transfer, waiting for the bus... he just can't relax. He feels better about just getting in the car and driving all the way there, even if there is traffic. Plus, it had been too iffy to fly in Monday morning for a 9am meeting, so he flew night before... And now unclear if he will be done Wednesday night or Thursday morning. Nice as it is that the flight is reimbursed on current company's dime, the flexibility of driving is turning out to be the answer, so long as he is not too tired....
Last night we caught up about his 17 person team in DC het met. All of them, much to hubby's horror, had been promised their jobs. Gimky, he told me, first of all, I do not understand what they all do. We have a powerful and efficient 8 person team. They are bigger but not that much bigger that justifies 17 PEOPLE? And now 8 more, not guaranteed? I think there is much dead weight and people pretending to have jobs.... There was a thorny guy who told me at lunch he was head of Finance at USAir before this. He's clearly upset he doesn't have my job, probably doesn't want to report to me and someone younger than him, and wanted me to understand his qualifications. Also, the guy from U of M that is like the speaker for the group, he talks the big talk and I can only assume he tried to lead this group for awhile and wants to be seen as my peer, but I see people are very withdrawn and I have yet to hear him say anything of substance. I have to tread carefully, the team looks to be a bloated mess and the contracts are a disaster! It will take minimum a year to figure out and then to get people onboard to charge fees differently and much more efficiently. It is craaaaazy complicated and convoluted what they have been doing! I think they are seeing me as a 'restart' button, an excuse to clean up and change the way fees are charged, and I think the previous person was overwhelmed and just hired and hired, trying to get help. I mean, imagine if we were in the kitchen cooking, right now, and we had 8 more people in there all trying to cook something?? That's what's going on!
It completely stressed me out to hear about what hubby needs to do. Fit into the culture and yet get so much done that is so anti-culture. The CEO of current company had advised hubby. Push the envelope in the beginning and try to get things done. That's what they hired you to do, the culture is otherwise complacent. If you don't try to be ambitious and go in there trying to get things done, right away, you won't get anything done while there. But also be realistic... I sort of teased him, well, this isn't the same ho-hum job, anymore, are you excited? I bet you're sort of excited, right? I took a good look at his face and was sort of surprised to see he was smiling. I think he's excited about the new responsibilities! Gimky, he told me, I have to tread carefully!
Last night we caught up about his 17 person team in DC het met. All of them, much to hubby's horror, had been promised their jobs. Gimky, he told me, first of all, I do not understand what they all do. We have a powerful and efficient 8 person team. They are bigger but not that much bigger that justifies 17 PEOPLE? And now 8 more, not guaranteed? I think there is much dead weight and people pretending to have jobs.... There was a thorny guy who told me at lunch he was head of Finance at USAir before this. He's clearly upset he doesn't have my job, probably doesn't want to report to me and someone younger than him, and wanted me to understand his qualifications. Also, the guy from U of M that is like the speaker for the group, he talks the big talk and I can only assume he tried to lead this group for awhile and wants to be seen as my peer, but I see people are very withdrawn and I have yet to hear him say anything of substance. I have to tread carefully, the team looks to be a bloated mess and the contracts are a disaster! It will take minimum a year to figure out and then to get people onboard to charge fees differently and much more efficiently. It is craaaaazy complicated and convoluted what they have been doing! I think they are seeing me as a 'restart' button, an excuse to clean up and change the way fees are charged, and I think the previous person was overwhelmed and just hired and hired, trying to get help. I mean, imagine if we were in the kitchen cooking, right now, and we had 8 more people in there all trying to cook something?? That's what's going on!
It completely stressed me out to hear about what hubby needs to do. Fit into the culture and yet get so much done that is so anti-culture. The CEO of current company had advised hubby. Push the envelope in the beginning and try to get things done. That's what they hired you to do, the culture is otherwise complacent. If you don't try to be ambitious and go in there trying to get things done, right away, you won't get anything done while there. But also be realistic... I sort of teased him, well, this isn't the same ho-hum job, anymore, are you excited? I bet you're sort of excited, right? I took a good look at his face and was sort of surprised to see he was smiling. I think he's excited about the new responsibilities! Gimky, he told me, I have to tread carefully!
Monday, May 23, 2016
Transition
Hubby's mattress has arrived at big sis' house. He bought a queen sized heavenly bed at a discounted 450 dollars through current company. This wknd we buy and build an IKEA bed frame and nightstand and get his bedroom set up in DC. We bring an aero and sheets so we can all stay in his guest area in my sister's basement when we visit.
Hubby texted while on plane. Though still with current company, he needs to be in DC next week. Could I drive home with the kids by myself on Monday? He'd fly home Thursday night?
Our reality has begun, I thought we had a couple of months. I observed myself. Not really crazy about this but it's doable and fine. We are going to give this our best shot, as it's a job that gives us a certain financial security and the better ability to pay for college and provide supports as needed going into the future.
We are going to miss hubby during the week.
Hubby texted while on plane. Though still with current company, he needs to be in DC next week. Could I drive home with the kids by myself on Monday? He'd fly home Thursday night?
Our reality has begun, I thought we had a couple of months. I observed myself. Not really crazy about this but it's doable and fine. We are going to give this our best shot, as it's a job that gives us a certain financial security and the better ability to pay for college and provide supports as needed going into the future.
We are going to miss hubby during the week.
home improvements
The handyman is here. He installed grab bars in the bathrooms as per my mom's request. Is replacing broken outdoor lights and a bathroom light, and putting all the outdoor ones on a timer. Cutting a saddle, where the carpet meets the wood floor, so no one trips. He's replacing a deadbolt with a keyless one in the mudroom door and figuring out how to make a step or a ramp to our mudroom door, 2 inches above code. My mom has often told me the step is too high, and then a few months ago, someone actually tripped and fell into the house on all fours, not realizing how high the step is.
We have a whole list of things for him to fix and tomorrow, he starts framing out the doors. Very happy for the improvements, all about safetly, security and convenience.
Insurance headaches
Received a call as I left to teach a class. We scheduled a delivery of Belac's med. Now, the Cigna contact finished up, according to my records, you have a co pay of $2400 for this 3 week supply, how would you like to pay? Oh wow. I was speechless. Is our deductible for the year $3600? Yes.
Can I call you back? Uh, to be honest, my husband's employer is changing and we are being forced off Cigna in July. So, uh, you know.... We will be fulfilling the deductible but then, uh, not really benefitting from it for the rest of the year. I made calculations in my head. We have enough until September stashed in my fridge. Also, I knew that we would be able to by a cheaper generic brand if we had to and that we could maybe get a 4 week supply for 1800....
Oh my god. Honestly, at the end of the day, you need money. We are rich enough to figure out how to make it work, but not filthy rich enough that this won't hurt. Thank God for hubby's job! Thank God I have the wherewithal to figure it out.
Can I call you back? Uh, to be honest, my husband's employer is changing and we are being forced off Cigna in July. So, uh, you know.... We will be fulfilling the deductible but then, uh, not really benefitting from it for the rest of the year. I made calculations in my head. We have enough until September stashed in my fridge. Also, I knew that we would be able to by a cheaper generic brand if we had to and that we could maybe get a 4 week supply for 1800....
Oh my god. Honestly, at the end of the day, you need money. We are rich enough to figure out how to make it work, but not filthy rich enough that this won't hurt. Thank God for hubby's job! Thank God I have the wherewithal to figure it out.
new office
The big windows are nice, too bad they don't look like they open. Lucky him! We will help him decorate. Nothing too much, but a better arrangement for the furniture and make it just a little less blah. That extra desk needs to go and the round table not shoved in a corner like that. I wonder if someone is leaving him that rug. Ever since the music studio, I have embraced color, especially happy colors.
Hoping it's a good fit with this job and that we can make this work for all of us.
web history
Gimky, I found some interesting websites on the browsing history of my iPad that I know I didn't visit.
What??
When I tell you how graphic and of what subject these websites were about, you'll die laughing.
Tell me!
Hubby was in DC, sitting in the lobby of his new company when he followed up with a call. I heard him giggling. Have you heard of squirting? he lowered his voice but was still laughing. NO! Well, go look it up and you'll see what you find! NO...!
Hubby initially thought it was Belac, but I'm positive it's Jake. Were all the websites featuring acts with girls? Yes. Is this what they call porn? Yes. So he was on porn sites? Yes.
I don't really mind, hubby told me, he's curious. But on Saturday afternoon when I was out of the house, he must have wasted all of his time on this. It's really the time sink I'm most concerned about, he told me. We discussed his hiding his iPad, the only device in the house that does not have restrictions on youtube. Or possibly just putting the controls on youtube for only during the week. We will figure it out.
Will you tell him what you saw that you think he saw? No, hubby told me, I'm just going to hide my iPad. And we should make sure the controls on each device are what we want and need them to be. Okay, I gotta go meet my new team, he told me, see you tonight!
Good luck.
What??
When I tell you how graphic and of what subject these websites were about, you'll die laughing.
Tell me!
Hubby was in DC, sitting in the lobby of his new company when he followed up with a call. I heard him giggling. Have you heard of squirting? he lowered his voice but was still laughing. NO! Well, go look it up and you'll see what you find! NO...!
Hubby initially thought it was Belac, but I'm positive it's Jake. Were all the websites featuring acts with girls? Yes. Is this what they call porn? Yes. So he was on porn sites? Yes.
I don't really mind, hubby told me, he's curious. But on Saturday afternoon when I was out of the house, he must have wasted all of his time on this. It's really the time sink I'm most concerned about, he told me. We discussed his hiding his iPad, the only device in the house that does not have restrictions on youtube. Or possibly just putting the controls on youtube for only during the week. We will figure it out.
Will you tell him what you saw that you think he saw? No, hubby told me, I'm just going to hide my iPad. And we should make sure the controls on each device are what we want and need them to be. Okay, I gotta go meet my new team, he told me, see you tonight!
Good luck.
home
Shared a glass of wine with the Zs when I pulled into their drive, last night, and heard they managed to get Belac to eat an entire 1/2 lb hamburger and chips and cookies. He was given a Coke and wanted the Coke, but was worried about drinking it. Could I call my mom and ask if it's okay? No, she's driving. Could I call my dad? No, he's flying. Belac, Kiki told him, I'm letting you know on behalf of your mom - and I've made the decision and am sure she'd be okay with it - you can drink the Coke. Before we headed home, he told me, Mom? I'm stressed out. Why? Because I just have so much work to do! I know, I told him, it's a lot! Did you get everything done for tomorrow? I think so... Okay, well, we will get up early and check, okay? I will help you.
This morning, I heard Belac in the shower before I had a chance to even get out of bed. Jake was down by 6:51am. I looked around and laughed. It wasn't that bad but took a few pics to indulge hubby later. I noticed that he had washed everything, they ALL cleaned, Jake clarified, but nothing was put away. So 10 minutes of tidying up, wiping down the surfaces and sweeping the floor, and it looked perfect. I peeked into my studio, it looked perfect. The living room was untouched and after bags were packed, the dining room was cleared out.
They did a good job, all in all.
This morning, we spent the last few minutes together trying to get a NYT cardboard movie viewer to work that had come through the mail. You'd think that if they bothered to send something like this to all of their customers, at such expense, they would have made the instructions idiot proof. Even IKEA instructions were clearer than this. The boys took turns trying to turn the box into a movie viewer, it was pretty funny as we all tried hard to make it work. And into the trash it goes.
And then they were off. I kissed them good bye and watched them walk until I couldn't see them anymore. I'm so glad to be home!
Sunday, May 22, 2016
in parallel
Called home and they were all in the car. Where were they going? To see the Captain America movie. I'm glad. Mom, Belac told me, I will finish my homework after the movie. Good! I told him, and also good the 3 of you are doing something together!
Cleaning the apartment, now, getting coiffed, and will warm up just a little before stopping in to see Mir on my way to the concert.
See you tonight, I told the boys, I love you!
Cleaning the apartment, now, getting coiffed, and will warm up just a little before stopping in to see Mir on my way to the concert.
See you tonight, I told the boys, I love you!
Saturday, May 21, 2016
violinist
I was completely riveted and on the edge of my seat during the Saint Saens, tonight. I didn't know the piece, and I listened and was stunned. I just have not heard that kind of violin playing before, such passion and control and discipline, and a sweet clarity that was astounding. I was near tears in parts and this does not happen to me when I listen to people play. This 22 year old kid, mature beyond his years and playing a Stradivarius that NEC is letting him play for the next year, is moving to NY. He's playing in Mostly Mozart in August, and I'm going to make sure I'm there.
changes
I have not touched my garden and there is work to be done, but it's already exploding. My peony bush is huge, my forget me nots doubled, and my irises must have quadrupled after I split them all up. And my strawberry bushes are just huge and spreading... Belac puttered with me outside, this morning, as I showed him what was happening and he followed me with interest. There was a certain brush growing everywhere, it was so uniform and pretty, that even if it's a weed, I told him, I will let it stay.
My childhood friend and colleague in Boston texted and wondered if I was still here?
The week snuck up on me, I apologized, and I drove home for a quickee visit and am rushing back. I knew she'd understand, we'd see each other back in Michigan at her brother's summer festival. She has twin boys, adorable, talented and such well-adjusted boys. She plays cello everywhere, her husband plays in the BSO, but when she's not at the cello or if she's away, especially, her waking moments are of her children. It's the most important thing to her and she doesn't apologize for it and is so full of unconditional love for her kids, I really respect that and their great relationship really shines. She is an amazing mom. If there ever was such a thing, the perfect mom.
So I'd better be off. But not before explaining an exciting new development.
I have been in talks with the various teachers at the Burns over the years, bringing my endless ideas and anecdotes to them about how they could expand their school. We've talked about the exceptional minds studio in LA. We've talked about John Travolta's improv classes for kids on the autism spectrum, and how now it's grown into a full acting/film program in various campuses around the country. Did they want me to introduce them to the educational director at the local theater in town? We are very, very good friends and I've talked their ear off, too. I have inundated them with statistics and really pushed them, if there was ever a place to do something exceptional for this particular community, it would be in this town, with this school district.... His teachers at the Burns have seen Belac's work over the years and his recent montage video was an opportunity for me to thank them for giving him the tools and experience in these past 5 years, to tell his own story and perspective. They were very moved by Belac's montage.
And you know what? 2 days ago, I received an email from the curriculum director, cc'ing 4 other Burns people. They asked me to come in to brainstorm and discuss. One of the Executive founding members had wanted to start special needs programming, years ago, but they weren't ready. The director explained, we are feeling more ready now. Could I come in and talk to them? Of course!!!
I think it's my last time with this Boston gig. I don't want to be strong armed into coming back. I think it's time to make room and move on to new things. I'm grateful to this group, but it is time to keep following my passions and to grow. It doesn't have to be performing, it doesn't even have to be just music. I want to explore new things, while keep the old that is fulfilling! It's time to let this Boston gig go.
My childhood friend and colleague in Boston texted and wondered if I was still here?
The week snuck up on me, I apologized, and I drove home for a quickee visit and am rushing back. I knew she'd understand, we'd see each other back in Michigan at her brother's summer festival. She has twin boys, adorable, talented and such well-adjusted boys. She plays cello everywhere, her husband plays in the BSO, but when she's not at the cello or if she's away, especially, her waking moments are of her children. It's the most important thing to her and she doesn't apologize for it and is so full of unconditional love for her kids, I really respect that and their great relationship really shines. She is an amazing mom. If there ever was such a thing, the perfect mom.
So I'd better be off. But not before explaining an exciting new development.
I have been in talks with the various teachers at the Burns over the years, bringing my endless ideas and anecdotes to them about how they could expand their school. We've talked about the exceptional minds studio in LA. We've talked about John Travolta's improv classes for kids on the autism spectrum, and how now it's grown into a full acting/film program in various campuses around the country. Did they want me to introduce them to the educational director at the local theater in town? We are very, very good friends and I've talked their ear off, too. I have inundated them with statistics and really pushed them, if there was ever a place to do something exceptional for this particular community, it would be in this town, with this school district.... His teachers at the Burns have seen Belac's work over the years and his recent montage video was an opportunity for me to thank them for giving him the tools and experience in these past 5 years, to tell his own story and perspective. They were very moved by Belac's montage.
And you know what? 2 days ago, I received an email from the curriculum director, cc'ing 4 other Burns people. They asked me to come in to brainstorm and discuss. One of the Executive founding members had wanted to start special needs programming, years ago, but they weren't ready. The director explained, we are feeling more ready now. Could I come in and talk to them? Of course!!!
I think it's my last time with this Boston gig. I don't want to be strong armed into coming back. I think it's time to make room and move on to new things. I'm grateful to this group, but it is time to keep following my passions and to grow. It doesn't have to be performing, it doesn't even have to be just music. I want to explore new things, while keep the old that is fulfilling! It's time to let this Boston gig go.
visit home
There was horrible traffic going home and I missed Belac's screening at the Burns by an hour. But I made it to his Hebrew School graduation and saw our friends. Every graduate was given a Jewish adjective to sum up their years at the Hebrew School when called up for their certificate, and the Principal had chosen Lev for Belac, the word for 'Heart'. She explained, Belac cares so much about other people and their feelings. He has so much heart.
The kids had hugged me. We caught up. The whole family recounted Belac's movie he starred in, laughing and explaining about his character's obsession about a donut. Hubby and I shared wine and sat on the driveway. I laid down with Belac, who told me he wanted to talk to me awhile and wanted to explain to me what he was stressed out about - being without us. And finally we all went to bed and I slept in until 8. I was so tired.
Couldn't believe I had to drag myself out and back to Boston. Mom, Belac hugged me, I hope you have a good concert. Really, he is the sweetest kid. Of course, driving off, there was a huge stretch of traffic on the 84. I called hubby along the way. We have to meet the lawyer and draw up a will before going to Italy in a few weeks, I reminded him. But I also felt that we needed to reassign guardianship in the event of our deaths and wanted to explain. We had always chosen our two youngest siblings as being the ones. But one is about to have a 3rd child and a new job. The other has 3 children, already, and they can barely manage with their own full time work on top of that. You know, I think we should put older sister in charge, I told him. If something happened, she'd have the band with to figure things out, she doesn't have kids. She's on the east coast and 4 hours by car, and there are good schools in DC. Or maybe we'd make some temporary arrangement with Kati.... But can you just think about? It doesn't have to be a forever decision and we can change our minds. But right now, both of us leaving the country together, if something were to happen to us, the person I think most equipped to deal with things and to figure things out for the kids, at the moment, is big sister.... Could you just think about it?
I arrived here and laid in bed and studied my music quietly. Soon I'll shower and go through my pieces quietly. Hubby will already be gone to DC by the time I get home, tomorrow, and I don't want the kids to be alone long - figuratively so, they will be with the Zs. When are you coming back? Belac had asked me, what time? I was realizing I was promising him something, that I had to drive safely and come back in one piece. I never thought about it before, really, but I've been thinking about my mortality. Around 9, okay? I'll come pick you up on my way home from Boston.
The kids had hugged me. We caught up. The whole family recounted Belac's movie he starred in, laughing and explaining about his character's obsession about a donut. Hubby and I shared wine and sat on the driveway. I laid down with Belac, who told me he wanted to talk to me awhile and wanted to explain to me what he was stressed out about - being without us. And finally we all went to bed and I slept in until 8. I was so tired.
Couldn't believe I had to drag myself out and back to Boston. Mom, Belac hugged me, I hope you have a good concert. Really, he is the sweetest kid. Of course, driving off, there was a huge stretch of traffic on the 84. I called hubby along the way. We have to meet the lawyer and draw up a will before going to Italy in a few weeks, I reminded him. But I also felt that we needed to reassign guardianship in the event of our deaths and wanted to explain. We had always chosen our two youngest siblings as being the ones. But one is about to have a 3rd child and a new job. The other has 3 children, already, and they can barely manage with their own full time work on top of that. You know, I think we should put older sister in charge, I told him. If something happened, she'd have the band with to figure things out, she doesn't have kids. She's on the east coast and 4 hours by car, and there are good schools in DC. Or maybe we'd make some temporary arrangement with Kati.... But can you just think about? It doesn't have to be a forever decision and we can change our minds. But right now, both of us leaving the country together, if something were to happen to us, the person I think most equipped to deal with things and to figure things out for the kids, at the moment, is big sister.... Could you just think about it?
I arrived here and laid in bed and studied my music quietly. Soon I'll shower and go through my pieces quietly. Hubby will already be gone to DC by the time I get home, tomorrow, and I don't want the kids to be alone long - figuratively so, they will be with the Zs. When are you coming back? Belac had asked me, what time? I was realizing I was promising him something, that I had to drive safely and come back in one piece. I never thought about it before, really, but I've been thinking about my mortality. Around 9, okay? I'll come pick you up on my way home from Boston.
Thursday, May 19, 2016
The problem
The problem is that my life stops for this Boston gig. I'm not here all week to do anything but this group. Once upon a time I maybe needed a breather from my family. Once upon an time I probably needed more of something else besides the family. But my life has evolved during these 16 years with the group.
If this gig were in NY, it would be perfect. I'd rehearse, I'd be home, teaching, with my family, eating and sleeping in my own bed. It would just be one part of my everyday. But it's not this way, and amazing as some of the musicians are, and even if I don't play with the same caliber people in NY, generally, it's no longer this thing I need or really want to give up almost a week of my life. I'm double the age of this violinist. Double. Sure it's great to play with him, but they are going to come and go. And this piece of crap music, really? And the Bloch that does nothing for me and really isn't chamber music. I came all the way for this? Would she dare give his music to the other pianist? What do I need this for?
I guess I'm angry. I realize sometimes it just has to get to this point for a decision to be made. She could tell something was up last night. I left her house quickly. I was tired and fed up, and just wanted to stop smiling and reassuring her. I'm done!
If this gig were in NY, it would be perfect. I'd rehearse, I'd be home, teaching, with my family, eating and sleeping in my own bed. It would just be one part of my everyday. But it's not this way, and amazing as some of the musicians are, and even if I don't play with the same caliber people in NY, generally, it's no longer this thing I need or really want to give up almost a week of my life. I'm double the age of this violinist. Double. Sure it's great to play with him, but they are going to come and go. And this piece of crap music, really? And the Bloch that does nothing for me and really isn't chamber music. I came all the way for this? Would she dare give his music to the other pianist? What do I need this for?
I guess I'm angry. I realize sometimes it just has to get to this point for a decision to be made. She could tell something was up last night. I left her house quickly. I was tired and fed up, and just wanted to stop smiling and reassuring her. I'm done!
Learning
I want to sleep in but I must be turning into an old person. Both mornings I was awake before 6am, well in advance of my 7am alarm to catch the family at breakfast.
This morning at 7:15, things sounded calm and I was on regular speaker phone. Kids were eating smoked sausage. Belac told me he had a math test, today, and that he thought he had studied it well. I suggested to hubby to toast up some cinnamon toast for Belac's lunch. What are you eating? I asked hubby. He was going to stop at the bagel shop on his way through the village. Makes sense. When I'm helping the fam out in the morning, I'm never eating and just sipping coffee. There's no time.
Are you coming home on Friday? hubby asked. Not sure... getting here the traffic was terrible and it was hard to drive under those conditions, everyone bumper to bumper and speeding and stopping... and driving around everyday the traffic has been out of sight! Unlike anything I have seen!I want to see all of you but I'm afraid of dealing with that kind of driving two days in a row. Gimky, you have to drive carefully driving home on Sunday... I know.
I'm playing with an amazing violinist who won the Avery Fisher career grant. He's fabulous. But I'm done. Fun as it is, and I love the singer, last night's rehearsal on this meditative piece was the nail. Fundamentally, I shouldn't be stuck in Boston all week for these pieces. It's just not worth it to me to suffer through this piece only for me to read two days later this piece is horse shit, and I have to totally agree. And while I've played plenty of crap before, the flutist's squeezing every drop from the rag and the other musician's sucking it up like it is the most reasonable thing in the world, made me want to scream behind my quiet exterior. What was I doing here? She lacks judgment and she also doesn't value me properly because I'm not one of the shiny new ones. I've begged her to take my stupid bio of her website if she wasn't going to replace it with my new one, and it's still there.
Did I mention? I'm done. I know I've been toying with it for years now, but I'm done.
Proud of my family, though. They were on schedule this second morning, and everyone sounded calm and content enough. Success!
This morning at 7:15, things sounded calm and I was on regular speaker phone. Kids were eating smoked sausage. Belac told me he had a math test, today, and that he thought he had studied it well. I suggested to hubby to toast up some cinnamon toast for Belac's lunch. What are you eating? I asked hubby. He was going to stop at the bagel shop on his way through the village. Makes sense. When I'm helping the fam out in the morning, I'm never eating and just sipping coffee. There's no time.
Are you coming home on Friday? hubby asked. Not sure... getting here the traffic was terrible and it was hard to drive under those conditions, everyone bumper to bumper and speeding and stopping... and driving around everyday the traffic has been out of sight! Unlike anything I have seen!I want to see all of you but I'm afraid of dealing with that kind of driving two days in a row. Gimky, you have to drive carefully driving home on Sunday... I know.
I'm playing with an amazing violinist who won the Avery Fisher career grant. He's fabulous. But I'm done. Fun as it is, and I love the singer, last night's rehearsal on this meditative piece was the nail. Fundamentally, I shouldn't be stuck in Boston all week for these pieces. It's just not worth it to me to suffer through this piece only for me to read two days later this piece is horse shit, and I have to totally agree. And while I've played plenty of crap before, the flutist's squeezing every drop from the rag and the other musician's sucking it up like it is the most reasonable thing in the world, made me want to scream behind my quiet exterior. What was I doing here? She lacks judgment and she also doesn't value me properly because I'm not one of the shiny new ones. I've begged her to take my stupid bio of her website if she wasn't going to replace it with my new one, and it's still there.
Did I mention? I'm done. I know I've been toying with it for years now, but I'm done.
Proud of my family, though. They were on schedule this second morning, and everyone sounded calm and content enough. Success!
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Dinner
Just plopped down at swish shabu after praying to the parking gods to give me parking space nearby. I was in an exceptionally terrible mood after my 3rd rehearsal of the day. A terrible 5 minute piece that is supposed to be so fucking simple and that was torn apart and gone over as nauseum. I wanted to shoot myself. My granny eyes were killing and we were beating dead horse. It's always when I'm assigned to play with the director that I lose my patience. She can't let things go! And we have TWO more rehearsals to go on this screeching howling thing!
Bless my piano technician's soul but it sucks he lives so far away from everywhere I need to be. If I were with my cousin I could walk home from here. I'd be 10 min away from my rehearsal. Instead there's no direct way and it took me an hour in horrible traffic to travel 11 miles. LOcation is everything.
My food is here for me to cook! Udon in abroth with duck egg and cilantro and veggies to simmer. Glass of wine. I will feel better in 20 min.
Bless my piano technician's soul but it sucks he lives so far away from everywhere I need to be. If I were with my cousin I could walk home from here. I'd be 10 min away from my rehearsal. Instead there's no direct way and it took me an hour in horrible traffic to travel 11 miles. LOcation is everything.
My food is here for me to cook! Udon in abroth with duck egg and cilantro and veggies to simmer. Glass of wine. I will feel better in 20 min.
staying
I've been practicing since 9 and getting good work done. No dog to walk, no laundry to wash, things to take care of. Occasionally I check my phone and I have a pile of bills I brought to pay and a book to read, but mostly I am at the piano. I brought my stack of Italy music, too.
Maybe I got the idea to move the piano into the family room after being here last time. The piano in this apartment, is in what should be the dining room. The apartment is sparsely furnished with maybe the discards of their above apartment, faded and dated but perfectly nice sort of furniture. It's so bright and cozy and clean and there is wood everywhere. Quiet. The piano feels like it has purpose and importance where it is situated, like at home, now. I just love it.
Conflicted about whether or not to go home on Friday. I'm done at 3pm and don't have to be at curtain call by 6, next day. I'd have the evening and morning with the fam. But it could be time that I rest up and practice for Italy and not be on the road an extra 7 hours before a concert.
I should stay.
Maybe I got the idea to move the piano into the family room after being here last time. The piano in this apartment, is in what should be the dining room. The apartment is sparsely furnished with maybe the discards of their above apartment, faded and dated but perfectly nice sort of furniture. It's so bright and cozy and clean and there is wood everywhere. Quiet. The piano feels like it has purpose and importance where it is situated, like at home, now. I just love it.
Conflicted about whether or not to go home on Friday. I'm done at 3pm and don't have to be at curtain call by 6, next day. I'd have the evening and morning with the fam. But it could be time that I rest up and practice for Italy and not be on the road an extra 7 hours before a concert.
I should stay.
Friends
8:06AM
Kati: what do you need me to do today?
Wow. We've been so busy we haven't talked to each other since Mother's Day BBQ at her house, but she remembered when I didn't.
ME: I think it's okay, thanks! Belac will go to library after school and then to his art class at the church and Jake will go there to walk him home. I think it's good practice for them! But maybe you could call after 5 to ask Belac if he needs help with anything? He was crying this morning Bc Mark was impatient with him and they made up before school started, but maybe he needs a little soft touch to make sure everything is okay. :) he has a ton of hwk. Yesterday I had Sean go over for an hour to make sure everything was okay and to help Belac with SS. Tomorrow I have Josh going over there for an hour to just hang with him before Hebrew school....
Kati: which number should I call? Or should I just go over?
ME: They probably won't be home until 5:10. Calling is fine or even stopping by to say hi I think is even better. Even if you go over for like 10-15 min is good. Just to say hi, ask the kids what they need to do for tomorrow. I would really appreciate it. Just showing up is good. You don't have to stay long.
Kati: Okay, I will stop by at 5:15.
ME: Thank you!
Hubby wrote to say the Zs will take the boys on Sunday and have dinner together. He will fly off and I will pick up the kids.
I don't mind asking because I have helped these families a lot, and I know they want to help whenever they can. We just don't take them up on it often. Clearly we have the best friends and a great community.
reflections
He bought this place 30 years ago less than 200 grand, an exorbitant price back then for a place in Somerville. He always had a tenant downstairs and lived upstairs. Never had kids. Then a dozen years ago, his girlfriend moved in. Together, a piano technician and a psychiatric nurse, maintain this charming duplex house. It's such a beautiful and civilized way to live. Two years ago, they did away with the tenant and he moved some pianos in. Her grown children and their families come to stay here from far flung homes abroad. And meanwhile, their neighborhood has become a hip place to live, and a place they could not afford on today's income.
I can't tell Deb, this visit. She's playing the concert and the season is not over. Piano tech reminded me, you were one of the originals. But I'm going to plant the seed and mention at some point that hubby has accepted a job out of state. Also, sitting in my rehearsals last night, I couldn't help but think I was here all week for these pieces, not even a full program, and that I was losing more income by being in Boston and playing these concerts than completing a full week of teaching. Being here is not worth it to me like it was before. And I'm saying this even after my kids are older and more independent and I have places like this charming apartment to stay in.
The interesting thing, too, is that speaking candidly, last night, Deb talked about her disappointment with a couple of the new musicians for cutting out on rehearsals. What did she expect? They are fabulous. They play at Lincoln Center in the chamber music series, teach at top music schools, and they look like fashion models. You think they will devote themselves to our group? Of course not, they don't need us. And meanwhile, in the past two years as she has gotten caught up with this group of big wig young players, I have gotten the feeling she doesn't need me, and meanwhile figured out other places and other endeavors to deliver in ways I've been needed. It's sort of too late about this group now, even if she has a change of heart. I have a growing studio with some strong kids, I love my classes, I play all of the time at my own classes and services and lessons and though it's not exactly a formal concert, I get feedback and genuine appreciation I don't get in Boston. And I'm doing all the special needs work and running a program. And maybe what I have with Olivia can grow into something, we talked about adding a cellist and becoming a piano trio....
Deb can easily find other great pianists. The truth is, I'm replaceable here, in a way I am absolutely not in my other endeavors. It's been over 15 years with this group and time to move on.
Deb can easily find other great pianists. The truth is, I'm replaceable here, in a way I am absolutely not in my other endeavors. It's been over 15 years with this group and time to move on.
Facetime
Joined the family at breakfast via FaceTime in enough time to see a Belac, trying to hide his tears from the camera, a glum Jake and an impatient dad. I saw Belac taking a long time trying to take out some frozen waffles to toast for lunch. I saw Jake eating rice and beef for breakfast. And hubby egging Belac on and everyone understandably ordering him around but making things emotionally worse. I noticed his hair was wet and it was just minutes after 7. Good job getting showered and downstairs! I told him.
Mom? I just wish you were here.... Belac said, weeping even more, while trying to hold it back. Dad is yelling at me... I don't want him to drive me to school, I'm going to walk. And I never had to pack my own lunch and it's the first time, okay? You have nothing to cry about, I heard impatient hubby off camera, you have no idea what is worth crying about, I could give you what to cry about ---
UH, Hubby? Hubby...? Hello? You there? Could you call me back privately please? NOW?
Sweetie pie, I know it's hard on top everything else but try to keep it positive, okay? He has what to cry about. He is missing me, trying to do everything to get out successfully and it's hard, okay? Try to be positive and encouraging, OMG I sound like you! I looked endearingly into the camera. But you cannot send him to school crying like this, okay? I already read enough in his reports about his not being able to recover emotionally from setbacks at school and the last thing we need to do is send him to school actually crying. At least not this week while I'm away. Try to be positive. For every one instruction you need to say like 5things that have nothing to do with instructions. Can I FaceTime with him again?
Joining back in, I noticed that Belac was back to eating and no longer crying. A few minutes of quiet was good for him. So did you have boys group, yesterday? Oh, mom! He took the phone. Ben told a funny story, he went to Virginia on the week end and saw a sign that said - unintelligible. I heard hubby laugh and caught a glimpse of him sitting next to Belac drinking water. You see? They are trying. What? More unintelligible talking and hubby explaining a little. Relieved there was a little bonding before school. Hubby now had his arm around Belac.
Okay, guys! Pack your bags, lunch and look around for stuff you might have forgotten, like your phones!
Gimky, hubby teased, by your own admission you need to say 15 more things now.
I rolled my eyes. Just keep it positive! I told him before I made kissy noises into the screen.
The roles will be reversed next week. It's good for both of us to experience the other side. The kids are resilient and will figure it out. Tomorrow will be easier and the day after and then after that. These are growing pains.
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Long day
What a day!
At 3:30 I pulled over to get gas and call the kids. Jake was home first and we chatted about his day and as he flipped the roast in the crock pot and he got the rice cooker going. Belac told me his day was good but that he had so much homework. I told him that I had heard from Sean and he'd be over in a half hour to help with Social Studies.
Mom, Belac called me not a minute later, I need the PW to the computer. I gave it to him and he was off and ready to work on SS.
Got back on the road and hubby called. Gimky, I heard his voice was tense, company just told me they scheduled a meeting on Monday for me to meet my new team. I'm thinking the 6:15 am flight is cutting it too close. Can you change your flight to Sunday night? We can't leave the kids alone! Not just for a few hours? we've don't it before! Gimky! While I'm flying and you're on the road? No way, I don't feel good about it. Okay, so let's ask any of our friends to take them in for dinner, and I will pick them up between 8-9pm okay?
Rehearsed 2 of 3 pieces tonight. Now staying in Somerville at my former piano technician's downstairs apartment of their duplex. He and his wife left me food and some wine, the sweetest thing! The apartment is just adorable and I can't wait to play the piano the morning. He asked about Mark's job, we talked about life.
Face timed hubby and Belac at 10 as they got a tour of my digs, watched me eat a sandwich, pour myself a glass of red, and chat about our day. This is going to be our new reality, soon enough.
I am feeling it. It might be time to move on and let go of this Boston gig.
At 3:30 I pulled over to get gas and call the kids. Jake was home first and we chatted about his day and as he flipped the roast in the crock pot and he got the rice cooker going. Belac told me his day was good but that he had so much homework. I told him that I had heard from Sean and he'd be over in a half hour to help with Social Studies.
Mom, Belac called me not a minute later, I need the PW to the computer. I gave it to him and he was off and ready to work on SS.
Got back on the road and hubby called. Gimky, I heard his voice was tense, company just told me they scheduled a meeting on Monday for me to meet my new team. I'm thinking the 6:15 am flight is cutting it too close. Can you change your flight to Sunday night? We can't leave the kids alone! Not just for a few hours? we've don't it before! Gimky! While I'm flying and you're on the road? No way, I don't feel good about it. Okay, so let's ask any of our friends to take them in for dinner, and I will pick them up between 8-9pm okay?
Rehearsed 2 of 3 pieces tonight. Now staying in Somerville at my former piano technician's downstairs apartment of their duplex. He and his wife left me food and some wine, the sweetest thing! The apartment is just adorable and I can't wait to play the piano the morning. He asked about Mark's job, we talked about life.
Face timed hubby and Belac at 10 as they got a tour of my digs, watched me eat a sandwich, pour myself a glass of red, and chat about our day. This is going to be our new reality, soon enough.
I am feeling it. It might be time to move on and let go of this Boston gig.
good
My spots appear benign and will need to be monitored annually with MRI and mammo. I am considered high risk, but not high like if we had the gene. MRI now scheduled in 2 weeks. I consider this good news!
Scramble to get to Boston.
Scramble to get to Boston.
Waiting
Waiting for my ultrasound.
This time the office is filled and the tv is on full blast.
This time I'm consciously hoping they find nothing. And even after this I have to check in at the MRI office next door. I received notice that Cigna cleared me for an MRI, as well, and now I can make an appointment.
Last night, my mother posted a photo of her sitting at a dinner with my sisters' parents in law and her estranged brother and his wife of like 30 some years. They were on a cruise for their medical school - they all went to the same medical school. It just makes no sense at all. That she has suddenly befriended her older brother and his wife that she despised for decades, all because of her now estranged relationship with her younger brother. Really? It was that easy to forgive and forget? It would be maybe something to rejoice. But they live just miles from me and whose kids, my cousins, I was forbidden to be in touch with on any holiday or for any excuse, even though I've been in NY since age 22 and had no family to spend time with when I couldn't get home for the holidays. She couldn't try to have made amends for me? Decades ago? So what does that mean that they are sitting over a meal together?
Life is short. Life is also very weird. I cannot control my mom's behavior or actions, but I can take note and pay attention to my own. She was supposed to help this week and we had discussed it before she refused to come to Thanksgivong and flew back to Taiwan instead. I think they forgot and that's why they are on this cruise. And it's okay, it was an opportunity for us to try flying solo a little. My parents will be back when I'm inItaly and need help with Belac, and I'm grateful.
It's 10 and the technician is running late! Hoping it's nothing.
This time the office is filled and the tv is on full blast.
This time I'm consciously hoping they find nothing. And even after this I have to check in at the MRI office next door. I received notice that Cigna cleared me for an MRI, as well, and now I can make an appointment.
Last night, my mother posted a photo of her sitting at a dinner with my sisters' parents in law and her estranged brother and his wife of like 30 some years. They were on a cruise for their medical school - they all went to the same medical school. It just makes no sense at all. That she has suddenly befriended her older brother and his wife that she despised for decades, all because of her now estranged relationship with her younger brother. Really? It was that easy to forgive and forget? It would be maybe something to rejoice. But they live just miles from me and whose kids, my cousins, I was forbidden to be in touch with on any holiday or for any excuse, even though I've been in NY since age 22 and had no family to spend time with when I couldn't get home for the holidays. She couldn't try to have made amends for me? Decades ago? So what does that mean that they are sitting over a meal together?
Life is short. Life is also very weird. I cannot control my mom's behavior or actions, but I can take note and pay attention to my own. She was supposed to help this week and we had discussed it before she refused to come to Thanksgivong and flew back to Taiwan instead. I think they forgot and that's why they are on this cruise. And it's okay, it was an opportunity for us to try flying solo a little. My parents will be back when I'm inItaly and need help with Belac, and I'm grateful.
It's 10 and the technician is running late! Hoping it's nothing.
Day 1
Everyone up early. Kids helped themselves to udon. Talked about last minute stuff. Hubby joked that I should take before and after shots of the house, right as I leave and right as I return. He laughed his head off thinking it over.
I reminded the kids how they could help each other. Belac, stressed out about homework - and had worked ahead without one complaint with over 3 hours of it, last night, was encouraged to ask Jake for help. It will be feel so much easier the rest of the week, I reassured him, because you did a lot extra yesterday! Belac was encouraged to remind Jake about packing carefully. Think positively, I told them as I kissed and hugged them goodbye at the driveway, and help each other.
Hubby showed the boys at breakfast how they could Facetime me with ipad. I will be gone 6 days and 5 nights, a record. We have no sitters or grandparental supervision and I actually think and hope it will be okay, even better than if there was someone around all of the time. They will need to rise to the occasion, think and do on their own without the excessive muddling of others. It will hopefully be a great learning experience.
Little sister told me, last night. You've been training them their whole lives! They will be fine.
Hope so.
I reminded the kids how they could help each other. Belac, stressed out about homework - and had worked ahead without one complaint with over 3 hours of it, last night, was encouraged to ask Jake for help. It will be feel so much easier the rest of the week, I reassured him, because you did a lot extra yesterday! Belac was encouraged to remind Jake about packing carefully. Think positively, I told them as I kissed and hugged them goodbye at the driveway, and help each other.
Hubby showed the boys at breakfast how they could Facetime me with ipad. I will be gone 6 days and 5 nights, a record. We have no sitters or grandparental supervision and I actually think and hope it will be okay, even better than if there was someone around all of the time. They will need to rise to the occasion, think and do on their own without the excessive muddling of others. It will hopefully be a great learning experience.
Little sister told me, last night. You've been training them their whole lives! They will be fine.
Hope so.
Monday, May 16, 2016
love
Uh, mom, uh, guess what? he said as he entered the house, twirling his hair, absent mindedly. WHAT...? I got a 100 on my English test.
You DID...?? Uh, he said, almost not sure anymore, I think so, I need to check again.
Show it to me! 30 questions on comprehension and short answers, I saw, on 3 chapters of Midsummer Night's Dream. A couple of questions on perspective. I looked the test over. Seriously, I'm not sure I could have answered all the questions correctly, the characters and their motives are so complicated to keep track of! I was so proud of him!
But mom, he told me, you're going to be gone. It's, like, not a good week for you to be gone. I have so much to do! I'm just worried....
You will be fine. Let's work and also, Jake will help you. He doesn't have tennis, this week. You should ask Jake to help you.
I love you, Jake told me later as he helped himself to bowls of udon. I think back to last week, he had called from school just to tell me he received another 0 in French for missing homework.... He needed it off his chest.
I really have the best boys. And I think because we are generally gentle with each other, soft in ways.... I think it makes it easier for the boys to open up and say things because they feel safe about it. I have a certain relationship with my boys I never had with my own parents. I don't take it for granted. These are simply the best days. I love my boys!
You DID...?? Uh, he said, almost not sure anymore, I think so, I need to check again.
Show it to me! 30 questions on comprehension and short answers, I saw, on 3 chapters of Midsummer Night's Dream. A couple of questions on perspective. I looked the test over. Seriously, I'm not sure I could have answered all the questions correctly, the characters and their motives are so complicated to keep track of! I was so proud of him!
But mom, he told me, you're going to be gone. It's, like, not a good week for you to be gone. I have so much to do! I'm just worried....
You will be fine. Let's work and also, Jake will help you. He doesn't have tennis, this week. You should ask Jake to help you.
I love you, Jake told me later as he helped himself to bowls of udon. I think back to last week, he had called from school just to tell me he received another 0 in French for missing homework.... He needed it off his chest.
I really have the best boys. And I think because we are generally gentle with each other, soft in ways.... I think it makes it easier for the boys to open up and say things because they feel safe about it. I have a certain relationship with my boys I never had with my own parents. I don't take it for granted. These are simply the best days. I love my boys!
Fazioli
Was just sent a picture from the Tuscany guy. Here is the beautiful Fazioli I will be performing on with Olivia, this summer. So excited.
productive day
Cooking, baking, practicing, organizing, washing clothes, putting away, packing... overall a very productive day. I feel much better about leaving the house and our life in a pretty organized state.
What is more important than the kids and family? Nothing. They are my priority above all, and it matters the most to me that I do a good job as their mom.
But that's the thing. Eventually the food I prepared runs out, things get messy again... what happens really is the legacy you leave with your kids after the time you have with them. Hopefully, they always work hard and pick themselves up, over an over. That they are kind and helpful, honest, rise to the occasion to be positive and productive citizens, that they make and keep great friendships... that they stay away from drugs and don't abuse alcohol....The things you try to help them now, to do on their own later. It takes time and I feel time ticking away.
I will never ever regret this time I have had with my kids and it's gone by fast. And to think, after all this time and the kids being more independent, when I could actually spend more time in Boston, I continue to find myself wanting to be there less and less? I don't need this gig the way I used to and maybe this is the year I just let it go. The group is in good shape. She hasn't updated my bio in 2 years, despite my pestering her. And I just have more rewarding things going on that don't take me away like Boston does and away from the kids, I hate leaving. Hubby will soon be on the road all of the time. I'd rather take the kids to DC and for us to be together.
Things to think about.
touching base
TO: Mrs. D
SUBJECT: Touching Base
TIME: Today 11:08AM
Dear Mrs. D,
Hope you are doing well, and see you soon at Belac's
meeting!
I just wanted to touch base because I will be gone this week
for work, Tuesday to Sunday. Hubby will be in charge, but if there is anything
we need to know, please do not hesitate to call or email either of us! I
stressed to Belac that he should make good use of his last periods with you to
get any help he needs.
On the homework front: ENGLISH - Belac and I finished
reading and discussing Chapter 3 in Midsummer Night’s Dream over the wknd. We
will look over the study guide tonight and hopefully he will be in good shape
for Friday’s test. As for SCIENCE, he is almost done with the 5 leaves of his
lab and I will make sure he gets started on the Classification lab before I
leave tomorrow. However, I will not be able to check on the 3 homework pieces
of the Science lab this week. I get home very late on Sunday night, so again I
told Belac he needs to check in with you at some point over Science. He knows
to be doing a page of the Science review, every day. As for MATH, I’m sorry
that he didn’t check the teacher's website about the Math quiz, last week. Hopefully he
can finish it today, he did review the concepts over the week end and should be
okay. SS – I think Jake can help him with any homework if he needs. Is there a
test coming up soon, there or anything major due this week?
PS – Did I ever mention to you that Jake has somehow been on the
honor roll and high honor roll, all of 9th grade so far? He has to
work very, very had to keep focused and on top of things, but I really can’t
believe how much he has matured. I mentioned to Asst. Principal that all the extra
help and interventions of Middle School really make a huge difference. I think
back to how you signed him out, every day, and how frustratingly forgetful he
was! It’s still hard, but the interventions have all really helped!
Thanks so much for everything!
Gimky
917-XXX-XXXX
Hubby
914-XXX-XXXX
*************************
TO: Gimky
SUBJECT: Re: Touching Base
TIME: Today 12:01PM
Hi,
So for English, he is good. He
just has to study for the test on Friday.
For science, there is a lot going
on. He has to continue to work on the leaf lab, the classification lab
and I will give him a study guide for the test next week. In order
to do the other 3 parts of the leaf project, he needs to have all of his leaves
collected and bring them to school so I can help him.
For Social Studies, they are
starting a Civil War project. All of the documents are on Mr. S's
page. I will be updating my page and I am sure Mrs. D will put the
documents on her page. I attached the "Overview" for the
project. They will be working on it in class, but there may be some
homework if they do not finish their class work. I will help Belac at the
end of the day to prioritize what has to get done each day.
I am so happy to hear about
Jake! I am not surprised he is doing so well:)
Thanks,
TD
prepping
Making bread and defrosting a roast I'm putting in the slow cooker, first thing tomorrow morning. Jake will later just push a button to make the rice and boil up some peas for dinner. Tonight I make a double batch of sautéed udon for dinner, and there will be leftovers for breakfast/lunches for the rest of the week. Also baking a tray of chicken thighs and making a bean salad. Good for another dinner and snacking. There's also some frozen pizzas and dumpling in the freezer. Plenty of ramen.
Dog goes to the hotel in the morning. I know they will miss him, but expecting anyone to give the dog a good walk before leaving the house for the day is too much.
The kids have clean clothes and food. Clean sheets on their beds. Hubby to have dinner and evenings with, hubby to give daily shots and meds, hubby to drop them at the door of school in the morning before he is off for the day. It's as easy as I can make it for them, without actually being there doing anything for them.
Tonight I remind Belac how to Facetime me with the ipad, if and when he needs me.
Hopeful.
Dog goes to the hotel in the morning. I know they will miss him, but expecting anyone to give the dog a good walk before leaving the house for the day is too much.
The kids have clean clothes and food. Clean sheets on their beds. Hubby to have dinner and evenings with, hubby to give daily shots and meds, hubby to drop them at the door of school in the morning before he is off for the day. It's as easy as I can make it for them, without actually being there doing anything for them.
Tonight I remind Belac how to Facetime me with the ipad, if and when he needs me.
Hopeful.
trying
Noticed one checklist he made for packing his school bag. Another with the Finals schedule. He really is trying.
preparing
Hubby and I mapping out the next month. Over Memorial wknd, we will drive my car down to sister's. It's bigger than hubby's and can carry more stuff. We are buying an ikea bed frame in MD and putting it together in her basement. He'll bring down a suit and his old hybrid bike and helmet, he will now have some doubles of things, like a gym bag and running shoes, so he'll never carry clothes between cities.
Now doing a gazillion loads of laundry and hanging out in the basement. I called the cleaning service, who comes occasionally to do a top to bottom scrub down. In less than 90 minutes, a team of 3 zooms through the entire house. One does the bathrooms, another the kitchen. Still another dusts everywhere. Someone vacuums all the floors, with another right behind washing them. I think they like coming here and don't charge me much. Without much clutter and stuff to work around, it's a quick job for its size.
Bye, Miss! One of them called down just now. Thank you soooo much!!! I called up. I just love it when the service comes and parts of the house are all clean at the same time. I'll be gone all week and for many reasons, it's better to leave the house sparkling clean for the fam.
Now doing a gazillion loads of laundry and hanging out in the basement. I called the cleaning service, who comes occasionally to do a top to bottom scrub down. In less than 90 minutes, a team of 3 zooms through the entire house. One does the bathrooms, another the kitchen. Still another dusts everywhere. Someone vacuums all the floors, with another right behind washing them. I think they like coming here and don't charge me much. Without much clutter and stuff to work around, it's a quick job for its size.
Bye, Miss! One of them called down just now. Thank you soooo much!!! I called up. I just love it when the service comes and parts of the house are all clean at the same time. I'll be gone all week and for many reasons, it's better to leave the house sparkling clean for the fam.
a new kind of week
Mapping out the week for Belac, homework wise. It's complicated. He has 5 long term Science assignments due before the end of the year, with various check points. How does any kid manage this?
Jake, I asked at breakfast, did you get study guides for your Finals in all of your classes? He thought about it and the answer was no. Well, which classes are you missing? He thought about it some more. I don't have study guides in any of my classes. Mom! I went to the seminar, and basically I just have to study A LOT for every subject. That's impossible! You have Regents exams and finals in every class, and the teachers should have told you how to prepare. You need to talk to each teacher about how to prepare and I need to see evidence of your notes talking to each of them in your assignment pad, okay? The exams are less than 4 weeks away.
Yesterday, we looked at the boys' report cards. Belac has an overall average of 87, which is awesome. English, of all subjects, is his strongest grade which is ironic. But it is also where he exerts his most effort and I reread everything with him outside of class. It clearly makes a difference. Jake had something like 88 for 3rd quarter, having fallen off the high honor roll. It was not as bad as it could have been because he actually performed well on his midterms. This kid just has to get his work turned in! He is better but just continues not to be reliable in this way and routinely shoots himself in the foot.
Already, Jake got himself into a bad situation the beginning of this last quarter, and has started with a 75 average in Social Studies due to missing assignments. 96 average in Science. In real life, I wouldn't care so much about the disparity in grades, but as a high schooler one is expected to be a generalist and grade point averages matter for college admissions. He has 4 weeks to get it together and figure out how to get that Social Studies grade up. It's not really the grade that bothers me so much, but the fact that his grade does not reflect his knowledge and understanding of the material. Unless he fixes this problem, of knowing what and when everything is due, being unafraid to check in with his teachers, checking and double checking what he has written in his pad, he will sink! Whether it is school, a job, or even in interpersonal relationships... you need to be accountable and dependable!
When Belac comes home, he has every assignment and due date memorized in his head. He knows what needs to get done and he never forgets to turn everything in. It's amazing. However, he often needs help understanding what is expected of him and especially someone to read long passages with him for comprehension. Jake, on the other hand, knows what he needs to get done when he sees an assignment and I never ever help him with homework. But he has to get the correct problems done, not forget to answer any questions and consult the rubric, know that something is due one day and not another, and most importantly, get the damn thing turned in. I just lose my mind when I see his homework neatly sitting in the printer in the middle of the school day, since he's again forgotten to take it with him even after telling me he has everything!
Tomorrow I leave for Boston. The following week, hubby leaves for DC. For different reasons, each week will be difficult in its own way. We will see what happens.
Jake, I asked at breakfast, did you get study guides for your Finals in all of your classes? He thought about it and the answer was no. Well, which classes are you missing? He thought about it some more. I don't have study guides in any of my classes. Mom! I went to the seminar, and basically I just have to study A LOT for every subject. That's impossible! You have Regents exams and finals in every class, and the teachers should have told you how to prepare. You need to talk to each teacher about how to prepare and I need to see evidence of your notes talking to each of them in your assignment pad, okay? The exams are less than 4 weeks away.
Yesterday, we looked at the boys' report cards. Belac has an overall average of 87, which is awesome. English, of all subjects, is his strongest grade which is ironic. But it is also where he exerts his most effort and I reread everything with him outside of class. It clearly makes a difference. Jake had something like 88 for 3rd quarter, having fallen off the high honor roll. It was not as bad as it could have been because he actually performed well on his midterms. This kid just has to get his work turned in! He is better but just continues not to be reliable in this way and routinely shoots himself in the foot.
Already, Jake got himself into a bad situation the beginning of this last quarter, and has started with a 75 average in Social Studies due to missing assignments. 96 average in Science. In real life, I wouldn't care so much about the disparity in grades, but as a high schooler one is expected to be a generalist and grade point averages matter for college admissions. He has 4 weeks to get it together and figure out how to get that Social Studies grade up. It's not really the grade that bothers me so much, but the fact that his grade does not reflect his knowledge and understanding of the material. Unless he fixes this problem, of knowing what and when everything is due, being unafraid to check in with his teachers, checking and double checking what he has written in his pad, he will sink! Whether it is school, a job, or even in interpersonal relationships... you need to be accountable and dependable!
When Belac comes home, he has every assignment and due date memorized in his head. He knows what needs to get done and he never forgets to turn everything in. It's amazing. However, he often needs help understanding what is expected of him and especially someone to read long passages with him for comprehension. Jake, on the other hand, knows what he needs to get done when he sees an assignment and I never ever help him with homework. But he has to get the correct problems done, not forget to answer any questions and consult the rubric, know that something is due one day and not another, and most importantly, get the damn thing turned in. I just lose my mind when I see his homework neatly sitting in the printer in the middle of the school day, since he's again forgotten to take it with him even after telling me he has everything!
Tomorrow I leave for Boston. The following week, hubby leaves for DC. For different reasons, each week will be difficult in its own way. We will see what happens.
Sunday, May 15, 2016
big week
This afternoon Belac became weepy. Mom...? I'm just... worried. I'm just worried I'm going to do bad when you're gone. And maybe, maybe when you are in Boston and dad is in DC, I could stay at someone's house?
Belac, first of all. Dad will be home. Every night. He's not going anywhere this week, okay? Second, just try your best. That's all anyone is asking of you, is to do your best. Should I call Sean and ask him to come by for an hour on Tuesday? Help you get organized with homework?
Uh, yeah, sure, he wiped his eyes, I'm just worried I'm going to get bad grades or something.
Belac, we'll make check lists and I'm just asking you to look at the check list and also do what you're supposed to do. Okay? Noone is asking you to be perfect. Plus --- and now Jake was listening....
You could help Jake, ask him if he checked the website. Ask if he has everything packed. You are good at that kind of stuff, so you could help Jake. Jake, I turned to him, you could help Belac if he is having a hard time with homework. You are good at explaining the concepts and understanding what the teacher wants. Got it guys? They nodded solemnly. Dad will be home in the evenings with food and to help anyone with their homework. But you need to try to get everything done before Dad comes home, okay?
Belac in his second hour of homework. We are trying to get everything done and then some. He has an ELA test on Friday, so trying to read chapters of Shakespeare before I leave on Tuesday morning and a huge Science lab due right after I return home - this will be tricky - so just trying to get him ahead on it and prepare him for what he needs to do by himself. I feel bad he is stressed, but better that he tries to get as much done when I'm present to help him.
I really hope it goes well this week.
Belac, first of all. Dad will be home. Every night. He's not going anywhere this week, okay? Second, just try your best. That's all anyone is asking of you, is to do your best. Should I call Sean and ask him to come by for an hour on Tuesday? Help you get organized with homework?
Uh, yeah, sure, he wiped his eyes, I'm just worried I'm going to get bad grades or something.
Belac, we'll make check lists and I'm just asking you to look at the check list and also do what you're supposed to do. Okay? Noone is asking you to be perfect. Plus --- and now Jake was listening....
You could help Jake, ask him if he checked the website. Ask if he has everything packed. You are good at that kind of stuff, so you could help Jake. Jake, I turned to him, you could help Belac if he is having a hard time with homework. You are good at explaining the concepts and understanding what the teacher wants. Got it guys? They nodded solemnly. Dad will be home in the evenings with food and to help anyone with their homework. But you need to try to get everything done before Dad comes home, okay?
Belac in his second hour of homework. We are trying to get everything done and then some. He has an ELA test on Friday, so trying to read chapters of Shakespeare before I leave on Tuesday morning and a huge Science lab due right after I return home - this will be tricky - so just trying to get him ahead on it and prepare him for what he needs to do by himself. I feel bad he is stressed, but better that he tries to get as much done when I'm present to help him.
I really hope it goes well this week.
Saturday, May 14, 2016
mazal tov!
It was the most beautiful wedding I ever attended. No offense to anyone else's wedding I've attended.
I played Israeli folk songs on violin for a half hour as people mulled around and arrived. The wind was extreme. I had a heavy rock on the base of my music stand, the sheets in binder paper clipped in multiple places, sunglasses in my hair to keep it from blowing everywhere, and I was very aware of my billowing dress...
The parents (friends of mine) both sang blessings to their kids, the groom started sobbing in his vows to his girlfriend of 11 years and had to take more than a minute to regain his composure, and I sobbed along, not even having met him before today. Beautiful vows.
I stayed for apps and a glass of wine. And then heard beautiful toasts from the bridesmaids, friends since middle school, and grooms men. There was a poem about how love is like a dog, and I laughed my head off. And then his a cappella group sang with him in a love song to his new wife. It was unbelievable. Her dad with guitar sang a song about Maya, a bird who was flying away, the song that inspired her name. Her mom sang some gentle refrains from John Denver/Placido Domingo. The brother gave a toast that was both funny and real. No one spoke with notes but from the heart. There was just so much love and warmth between them all, easy communication. I really was blown away.
Meanwhile, hubby and Jake had so much to say about the bar mitzvah they attended that morning. I was at another with Belac in the morning. He recalled how Greta became so emotional, Steve had to talk for her. Expressing that they learn something new from their children everyday and that the time has been so special. How Mitchell apologized in public for things he did to torment his little brother, and made all of us laugh. How amazing ANDREW was, amazing. This kid who has been suffering from severe anxiety and has been in therapy and taking some meds... How flawless and confident he appeared in everything he did, and mostly how happy he was.
Hubby grilled meat. We lingered at dinner catching up with each other, the four of us, all having attended milestone events where you reflect on where you are and how far you've come and where you are going. Belac told of how he met Matthea's boyfriend at her party and how another girl gushed over him.
A beautiful day.
Friday, May 13, 2016
short lived
Interrupted a lesson to join in on a call to new company's Human Resources over health insurance. It is impossible to stay with Cigna past July. We can't individually pay more to have it, and they are only contracted to offer it to CT employees, not residents of NY or DC, who both must select Aetna.
I am flabbergasted.
She is going to call CVS Caremark to understand if Belac's specialty med is a medical claim to Aetna or a pharmaceutical claim to CVS. With Blue Cross it was first pharmaceutical to CVS, then a medical claim to BCBS and we were denied both. With Cigna, CVS Caremark not involved. This does not bode well for us.
Hubby has warned me to be prepared to look into the generic brand to pay out of pocket. UGH!! How can we leave Cigna??
I am flabbergasted.
She is going to call CVS Caremark to understand if Belac's specialty med is a medical claim to Aetna or a pharmaceutical claim to CVS. With Blue Cross it was first pharmaceutical to CVS, then a medical claim to BCBS and we were denied both. With Cigna, CVS Caremark not involved. This does not bode well for us.
Hubby has warned me to be prepared to look into the generic brand to pay out of pocket. UGH!! How can we leave Cigna??
going
Picture from a performance class, last night. My kids auditioning for NYSSMA, this week end, gathered to play for each other. Most came without parents and just walked from their homes. I handed them each a cookie afterwards with a few encouraging words to each. Sweet and simple!
These next 2 days are my busy ones. Today I have 3 classes, a rehearsal, 3 lessons and a service to play. And incredibly! At 9pm, we will leave the kids for an hour and meet Olivia and her hubby in downtown Sunny Patch for drinks! I forget they are late birds and so this works! We have a lot of catching up to do. They want to know about hubby's job and what we're going to do.... Tomorrow morning, I play a 2-1/2 hour bat mitzvah service, then drive up to New Paltz to play a wedding. Hubby at another bar mitzvah in the morning with Jake and will be in charge of shuttling around the kids all afternoon, which we usually split up.
Hopefully we can go into town for dinner, tomorrow night. Who wants to cook?
And I'm off! Feeling like we won a million bucks with Belac's insurance. But I urged hubby to call his new company. We could get Cigna, it appears, if our home zip were in CT. But it looks like NYers are supposed to sign up with AETNA! I'm sure we can work it out, hubby, please call them and explain. Or find out if we make your home address in Chevy Chase, where you'll be living with big sis, if we can get Cigna.
cough
Brought Jake to the doctor after school, yesterday. He has a persistent cough that won't go away and I was afraid there might be fluid in his chest. He has coughing fits that leave him in tears and this was our very first 'sick' visit in our 11 years with the doctor.
Take your shirt off and get on the table, Jake, the doc instructed.
The doctor's back was from me. And then I saw Jake, shirtless for the first time since the summer. I was completely astonished. My boys' loose fitting clothes, because they are so slender, disguise a lot of what is underneath. Jake had gotten so muscular and defined, and whereas the rest of his body was hairy, his chest was completely bare and had the pearlescent sheen of a baby's unexposed butt.
He's a good, happy kid. Articulate and funny. Helpful. His healthy appearance will help him, too. What more could I ask for?
Waiting back on a nasal swab for whooping cough.
Take your shirt off and get on the table, Jake, the doc instructed.
The doctor's back was from me. And then I saw Jake, shirtless for the first time since the summer. I was completely astonished. My boys' loose fitting clothes, because they are so slender, disguise a lot of what is underneath. Jake had gotten so muscular and defined, and whereas the rest of his body was hairy, his chest was completely bare and had the pearlescent sheen of a baby's unexposed butt.
He's a good, happy kid. Articulate and funny. Helpful. His healthy appearance will help him, too. What more could I ask for?
Waiting back on a nasal swab for whooping cough.
insurance update
To: Family
Subject: insurance update
Time: Thurs 1:10PM
He is 61 pounds (negative percentile for weight), 0 percent BMI and now on the chart at 1st percentile for height because he finally started growing and grew 3 inches during the past 8 months of being on growth hormone. The doctor notes that Belac is responding superbly to treatment, will probably grow 4 inches in this year alone after prolonged and poor growth, and they are meticulously collecting data to show this treatment has been effective. We are still hoping an insurance company will cover him.
Again, what we are seeing is that no one wants to give in to covering these non life threatening conditions that are quite expensive. I think people have abused it in the past, parents wanting their kids to gain a couple of inches for more cosmetic reasons, and that has also not helped.
The good news is we are pushing ahead with this insurance company, going all the way to state appeals, if necessary, as we did before. If they don't ultimately approve it, Mark has the opportunity to make a new insurance election with his new job in July. Maybe another insurance company based in another state will not give us these headaches!
love, Gimky
***********************
To: Family
Subject: Re: insurance update
Time: Thurs 1:16PM
By the way, Belac's growth hormone levels were extremely low and far below standard deviations, which is why he has responded so well to the treatment. But the criteria for insurance companies is extreme and above and beyond. In just that one criteria out of 3, he is so close but surpasses the limit by a hair. The other 2 criteria he easily fulfills.
*********************
To: Family
Subject: Re: insurance update
Time: Thurs 2:09PM
JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH THE DOCTOR, WHO JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH CIGNA!!!!!
We left Cigna initially because they were so terrible. There was a computer glitch that would every other month drop Belac from our insurance and wouldn't reimburse anything, and we kept having to get him reinstated. Wasted hours of our life on straightening out Belac's paperwork, over and over. Then gladly left for Blue Cross Gold and paid for it, but they ultimately wouldn't give Belac coverage where we most needed it. When it was advised to return to Cigna, and not even for the 'best' plan, we were shocked out of our minds but really had no choice if we wanted to try to get Belac coverage.
It worked. Very, very happy!!!
Subject: insurance update
Time: Thurs 1:10PM
Thought you might be interested to know, that despite all
of our careful planning and selections, our new insurance company just rejected
growth hormone treatment for Belac based on their standards of deviations.
I got a call this morning from my doctor who asked me to
dig up previous records and I poured through them by phone with her. She was
preparing to have a peer to peer conversation with our insurance company today.
I also went to the hospital this morning to retrieve previous records and bone
density films.
This time she believes there is a fight to be had based
on their criteria. She is trying to first establish and show that before Belac
became her patient, he was not within standard deviations, and the reason for
that tiny growth that sent him right over the edge in one criteria, is due to
onset of puberty, which she can prove because of testosterone levels in regularly retrieved blood work.
He is 61 pounds (negative percentile for weight), 0 percent BMI and now on the chart at 1st percentile for height because he finally started growing and grew 3 inches during the past 8 months of being on growth hormone. The doctor notes that Belac is responding superbly to treatment, will probably grow 4 inches in this year alone after prolonged and poor growth, and they are meticulously collecting data to show this treatment has been effective. We are still hoping an insurance company will cover him.
Again, what we are seeing is that no one wants to give in to covering these non life threatening conditions that are quite expensive. I think people have abused it in the past, parents wanting their kids to gain a couple of inches for more cosmetic reasons, and that has also not helped.
The good news is we are pushing ahead with this insurance company, going all the way to state appeals, if necessary, as we did before. If they don't ultimately approve it, Mark has the opportunity to make a new insurance election with his new job in July. Maybe another insurance company based in another state will not give us these headaches!
Will keep you posted!
love, Gimky
***********************
To: Family
Subject: Re: insurance update
Time: Thurs 1:16PM
By the way, Belac's growth hormone levels were extremely low and far below standard deviations, which is why he has responded so well to the treatment. But the criteria for insurance companies is extreme and above and beyond. In just that one criteria out of 3, he is so close but surpasses the limit by a hair. The other 2 criteria he easily fulfills.
*********************
To: Family
Subject: Re: insurance update
Time: Thurs 2:09PM
JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH THE DOCTOR, WHO JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH CIGNA!!!!!
BELAC HAS BEEN APPROVED FOR GROWTH HORMONE!!!
She called it an 'insurance miracle'!
And with that and after 8 months of no growth hormone coverage,
he is now covered. We will never leave Cigna! At least not for the next 8
years, the course of his treatment, that would otherwise be $2000/mo out of pocket. We still
have a very large deductible, but the point is, it is fair and we get some
coverage instead of none!!!!
WHAT AMAZING NEWS!!!!
**********************
To: Family
Subject: Re: insurance update
Time: Thurs 2:16PM
LOL!
We
switched from Blue Cross Gold Plan to Cigna Silver Plan. We made disclosures
upfront about an unspecified chronic condition and its estimated costs, we
noted that our doctors were in network and we had to make certain disclosures
about our finances and our willingness to shoulder some of the burden. The program we used advised us to sign up with Cigna and elect to pay a
more sizable deduction. They couldn't tell us that the growth hormone would
be ultimately covered, but that it successfully steered us to a company that not only covered us but
within a first appeal was a shock.
We left Cigna initially because they were so terrible. There was a computer glitch that would every other month drop Belac from our insurance and wouldn't reimburse anything, and we kept having to get him reinstated. Wasted hours of our life on straightening out Belac's paperwork, over and over. Then gladly left for Blue Cross Gold and paid for it, but they ultimately wouldn't give Belac coverage where we most needed it. When it was advised to return to Cigna, and not even for the 'best' plan, we were shocked out of our minds but really had no choice if we wanted to try to get Belac coverage.
It worked. Very, very happy!!!
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