reflections

He bought this place 30 years ago less than 200 grand, an exorbitant price back then for a place in Somerville. He always had a tenant downstairs and lived upstairs. Never had kids. Then a dozen years ago, his girlfriend moved in. Together, a piano technician and a psychiatric nurse, maintain this charming duplex house. It's such a beautiful and civilized way to live. Two years ago, they did away with the tenant and he moved some pianos in. Her grown children and their families come to stay here from far flung homes abroad. And meanwhile, their neighborhood has become a hip place to live, and a place they could not afford on today's income.

I can't tell Deb, this visit. She's playing the concert and the season is not over. Piano tech reminded me, you were one of the originals. But I'm going to plant the seed and mention at some point that hubby has accepted a job out of state. Also, sitting in my rehearsals last night, I couldn't help but think I was here all week for these pieces, not even a full program, and that I was losing more income by being in Boston and playing these concerts than completing a full week of teaching. Being here is not worth it to me like it was before. And I'm saying this even after my kids are older and more independent and I have places like this charming apartment to stay in. 

The interesting thing, too, is that speaking candidly, last night, Deb talked about her disappointment with a couple of the new musicians for cutting out on rehearsals. What did she expect? They are fabulous. They play at Lincoln Center in the chamber music series, teach at top music schools, and they look like fashion models. You think they will devote themselves to our group? Of course not, they don't need us. And meanwhile, in the past two years as she has gotten caught up with this group of big wig young players, I have gotten the feeling she doesn't need me, and meanwhile figured out other places and other endeavors to deliver in ways I've been needed. It's sort of too late about this group now, even if she has a change of heart. I have a growing studio with some strong kids, I love my classes, I play all of the time at my own classes and services and lessons and though it's not exactly a formal concert, I get feedback and genuine appreciation I don't get in Boston. And I'm doing all the special needs work and running a program. And maybe what I have with Olivia can grow into something, we talked about adding a cellist and becoming a piano trio....

Deb can easily find other great pianists. The truth is, I'm replaceable here, in a way I am absolutely not in my other endeavors. It's been over 15 years with this group and time to move on.