trying

 I am out of practice. Years of writing here, a long absence, and here I am.

Belac is now at a new school. His old school would not refund the 2nd semester tuition. Nor would they let us attribute second semester as a charitable donation for tax purposes. Last Friday, Jake’s friend told us that his old school accepted a new 10th grader. Not only are they getting Belac’s tuition, they have a new 10th grader midyear. They are better than whole. And where are we...?

Better than whole. But it irks me so much. So much. We have money, but not that kind of money. To not blink an eyelash? It’s the principle. And for all I did for them as class parent, putting a gloss on everything and arranging huge events. In the end it was a business transaction. In the end, there was no love lost on their part. It stings.

A lot

Today, Jake heard from his top choice school. On our drive to the shuttle, he told me he wouldn’t be checking his email until very late. Why? Because his friend Jack was coming over and he didn’t want him to feel bad.

Jack - a totally smart and sweet kid - is struggling in school and has yet to get a college application submitted. He’s drowning in long term projects and time management. Hearing Jacob tell me that he was going to wait made me teary. He is such an amazing kid who thinks about these things and is willing to just wait a little more after months of waiting to hear his own fateful news for the sake of his friend’s feelings. How lucky Belac is, especially in the absence of friends, to have a brother as kind as Jake.

So much happening between Belac’s struggles and negotiations with the school, Jake and his work and the waiting on notifications, the construction on our street and negotiating a driveway with our new neighbors, my sister’s beautiful baby - a premie, who is in need of delicate care... the death of her twin, whose funeral I didn’t understand I was leading until I showed up at gravesite with a book of Catholic blessings and procedures, to now work amping up with lots of students and new plans for the summer. So much good, so much hard... I am in a better place now that we may have an option for Belac, but it’s just a lot.

plans

Soon heading off to school and dropping in for a few minutes with the grade head. He’s a good guy and I feel transparency is important. Especially as we come down to the last week of school before winter break and possibly Belac’s last day of school. My message is simple: If we can get him into another school for January, we will move him. If not, we will step up on the tutoring and barrel on.

I am trying to be very frank about Belac’s challenges with the new school without scaring them away. It is one on one teaching and very individualized. It’s like home schooling, but with multiple teachers and not me. There is time to meet Belac where he is and go at his pace. The keeping up and catching up has been unsustainable these months and caused just so much stress for all of us. Please accept him.

We will pay through the nose for doing this, with our money sunk for the year at school 1 and now half a year at school 2. But what’s the purpose of earning big bucks if you have the opportunity to save your kid from drowning? Plus, I am going to ask school 1 if they’d consider the second semester tuition a charitable donation to help us move on for Belac.

A few weeks ago, a friend quoted Bob Simon from his NPR interview a while back. “He’s not the son I imagined I would have when I pictured myself as a father, but I have come to know that he is the son I was supposed to father.”  Reading this gave me pause. These past months have just been so, so hard; reframing my own situation in this way has given me comfort. Hopefully, he’s right.