Gaming

Invited to the Italian resort owner's holiday luncheon down town, next Saturday. He is in from Cincinatti. Olivia has her daughter's first violin recital and will not miss it. Her hubby is working a show. My hubby would rather be spending time with the boys having been gone all week. Plus he finds it torture after a short while to make small talk with people he doesn't know.  I have no choice but to go. Michael has invited his investors and some met opera singers for this fancy schmancy get together and if we want to get invited back to play, I have to go and schmooze. I enjoy it, actually, as long as it's not too formal and there is mingling and I'm not stuck sitting next to someone who doesn't chat or is too self centered. But still, it does feel a bit weird to have to do this. In large part because its like I need to put on my costume to be there and am forced to play this game like everyone else.

conversations with my mom

My mom and I have suddenly become close over our dogs. Did he do all his business outside, today? I will text her randomly. Or, OMG she just pooped in the dining room again!! And she will return in kind.

The other night I almost signed off 'xx' when saying good night. Wait. This is my mom! How did this happen? And would she know what 'xx' even means...?

It is a totally crazy development how close my mom and I have become. I'd go weeks without calling her and feeling thoroughly guilty, these past few years, worried the conversations would veer to her unrelenting, black bitterness about her brother and family she could not let go. My cousin or sister would forward me a rant she wrote in a letter. And occasionally my dad would get involved, worried about anyone thinking my mom was mentally unwell, especially after 'someone' called her primary care physician with concerns. WHO DID THIS? How could someone do this and talk behind her back?? I remained silent. Technically, I had spoken to the nurse and not the doctor. Technically, I didn't know who spoke to the doctor because it wasn't me. I also knew in multiple conference calls with my sisters that the shit would really hit the fan if they knew my older sister (a physician) had called their good friend (also a physician) with our concerns about my mom's mental well being.

But this dog! I mean, it's made a dramatic difference in her being up and about and outside of her stewing anxieties and growing distrust. This little, curious, feisty little pup is a game changer. He has given us something to call and text about every single day. I have probably interacted more with my mom in these weeks than I have ALL YEAR and all because of this beautiful little thing that has entered her life, who needs and loves her unconditionally.

Grateful for Taka, the Japanese name for Kaohsiung, my mom's hometown in Taiwan.

100 DAY PRACTICE CHALLENGE

Dear Parents,

This week, I am introducing the 100 DAY PRACTICE CHALLENGE to the students.

One of my big goals, this year, is to  help the kids develop good practice habits. As I mention in the attached note and chart I will hand out, studies show that a minimum of 10,000 hours of study is required to become an expert at something and that it takes 66 days to develop a new habit. I will be asking each student to join in on this challenge and to log a daily minimum of 10 minutes of practice in one sitting. (For older students, I hope they practice 30 minutes a day, but for the purpose of this challenge, the important thing is to get to one's instrument on a daily basis.) Those who are able to reach 100 consecutive days will be featured on a newly created "HALL OF FAME" board in the studio.

If your child misses a day or two, they should not despair and should absolutely not give up! Skip the appropriate box or boxes and move on. Any student who fulfills the 100 day challenge at any time during the school year will be recognized in our "HALL OF FAME" along with those who want to share their personal records of consecutive days. :) (And as mentioned, if you are traveling for the holidays or find yourself without an instrument one day, we will figure out an alternative way in advance to earn 10 minutes of practice for that day.) This is not meant to be stressful nor a competition with others, but a personal challenge to make playing music a routine part of one's daily life.

Attached are the documents I will hand out to the kids this week.

Thank you and HAPPY PRACTICING!

GIMKY

snap

I'm so proud. Organizing a special needs Hanukkah service and wrote personal letters to each of the families. There is one family, whose father was our former president, with a 19 year old, autistic daughter who has never been to synagogue. The father and I have been quite friendly over the years, but I didn't even know he had a daughter living at home in the years I knew him, much less one with special needs even though the special needs services had been widely talked about. She is non-verbal, I've been told by a mutual friend who has never met the daughter, and demands a lot of care. I only found out about the daughter quite by accident. They never came to any of the services and I never pressured them, never brought it up, respecting their obvious need for privacy. Then over the summer, we got chummy while sitting together at a wedding. The husband was almost thinking aloud when he stated quite simply 'I don't know why but we just haven't really shared her with anyone.'

Yesterday I reached out. And you know what? I am thrilled and deeply touched. They are coming with her. And the email thread that was inadvertently forwarded made me realize just how hard things must be for this very poised, professional couple. I saw my my initial invitation. Then wife forwarding hubby my email and asking privately, do you think we could try this? Hubby writes back, maybe she could handle it now. Wife replies, do you want to write to Gimky? And then hubby writes:

Many thanks for your kind email and invitation, Gimky. Hope that you and the boys are doing well.

Regarding the Hanukkah service, your passion and big heart have convinced us. If daughter is having a good day, wife and I will try bringing her (she does love anything music based.) We are excited about it as it would represent a nice step forward for daughter.

Thank you Gimky so much for this and all that you do! We look forward to seeing you.

Best Regards,

Nicest. letter. ever.

Good night

We discussed. There is a company party in a couple of weeks, in the middle of the week, could I go? But didn't you think I didn't have to...? But hubby wondered if we shouldn't try to figure it out. Each kid to another friend and the dogs to the sitter. Gimky, if they see you, my beautiful wife.... Well, they would understand what I'm leaving every week. They'd just understand more deeply that I have a family I'm not with most of the week....

It's a lot to figure out.

Meanwhile he received spectacular feedback from his boss' bosses and all around. Pointers to get more chummy with those at hubby's ranking and who report also to hubby's boss. And then there is this peculiar situation now with hubby's boss, which I cannot even begin to write about. But this is what I fear: that his boss is not secure and too sensitive. Hubby and I discussed this at length, tonight. Apparently there was a guesstimate that there was some 10 million surplus in the department. Hubby discovered after untangling a mess of accounting that it was 5 times that amount. And it's money the department shouldn't have and should have been returned to the bigger pot long ago. I think his boss is worried about what is being exposed as hubby cleans up. And it's already a problem....

Belac gained 2 lbs and 2 inches since July! I fought the urge to weep when the doctor told me. I mean, keep this up and he could grow 6 inches in a year! Still, I'm still happy he's growing.

Pooped. I get up at 5:40 tmw and must get some shit eye.

Good night.

a new training day

Hit the snooze button twice and then my mom texted: do you want to change?

The dog was not yet whining to be let out. I put my boots and jacket on in a flash. And this time did what a website suggested last night. I carried the dog immediately from crate to the spot where I wanted her to pee and only then put her down and put on her leash. I got to the back yard via the steps she can't yet climb as quickly as possible. Pee and poop, here. We walked on the neighboring cul-de-sac. Back in our yard I waited. Normally I would have gone home by now but knew she had to do it and not wait til 8 when the kids were gone for the day and I'd be taking out both dogs. I saw her crouch. Yay!! I told her and carried her back into the house while she was a bit hyper and licking my face.

No one is down yet. Not even the other dog. I made coffee. I sat with this little pooch as she climbed all over me and wanted some loving and play. I like being up when it's so quiet like this. And I do make sure in my first and last walks of the day - I reassured hubby who didn't realize until last night that I head out at 10PM alone with the dog - that I always go the way of my neighbor's house. My neighbor has a wide view webcam that is recording off his drive 24/7. I don't go far, I can always still see our house as I wait for the pup to do her business.

The house wake up alarm is on. It's Mario music the boys and hubby chose to blare on the 2nd floor, this morning. They are hilarious to have this to bond over and discuss on a weekly basis, choosing different songs for the entire house to wake up to every morning.

Of course we aren't going to switch dogs. Her little Taka is adorable, I agree, but so is Lulu. I know from Bailey it's going to take some months to properly train her and I have a lot of patience and confidence in her. She's still just a baby.

Okay, off to oversee the kids.

tinkering

Baking a beautiful, very sweet challah. Out of maybe a dozen challah recipes I've tried in the past couple of years, this one is probably my favorite. It has a fluffy texture and a delicate crust as I slightly under bake, and the dough has extra butter and honey, a little vanilla extract, and a dusting of cinnamon and sugar over the egg wash. The boys will eat an entire loaf in a day.

A singer and I recently connected and we are going to try to get some concerts, together. We've performed both in Boston and NJ, and most recently performed a lecture concert of music by Jewish composers with her violinist husband, co-founder of their chamber ensemble. They are great musicians and spectacularly put together and organized. She is sending me example letters and coaching me on how to write to concert presenters and boy, is she good! She also sent along some recordings from our last concert, including a Hebrew Melody her hubby and I performed, and it was nice to listen and revisit this music from already a year ago.

I don't know why, but it is still kind of bewildering that new and good things can happen to me at age 46.  I mean, I know I'm actively looking for interesting and satisfying opportunities and so I am not exactly doing nothing, but I do find myself excited about how my musical life has developed as I've been able to let go more of the kids. The fact that I have more students and suddenly desperately needed to carve out space in the house for my studio with new entrance and that I was able to play in Tuscany, this summer, with an old friend.... That I received a community service award for the special needs services I organized and ran, total shock. And have now read Torah 3 times, this year, having finally learned to read Hebrew....  It just makes me realize how important it is to try in the things you want to do and in areas you are curious about. No one asked me to do any of this, but I did these things, tried to improve on what I already had, and it's just been very satisfying to figure things out.

I hope my boys find their passions and are unafraid to pursue them. So much of their life up until now is focused on what they are supposed to be doing and within a certain dictated time frame, like everyone else in this sort of rat race, and to fill up a page or two of a resume along the way. It's almost like the bare minimum of what they need to do because let's be real, those things alone will not carry them.... I love that Belac makes intricate Halloween costumes year after year and he tinkers around in the kitchen with a science experiment book. And whenever Jake has a moment to draw in his sketchpad, it's just so interesting to see what he comes up with. He is quite good at drawing from his imagination and creating a scene/story and every now and then, I notice he knows how to string a few good words together to express himself well... I hope the boys will always have the time and motivation to tinker and let their minds wander creatively. They have to make the time.

Belac's home and we are off to the doctor with a huge piece of challah I've put into his fist.

Bread

Yesterday, I took every sorry, lonely vegetable in the fridge and made a pot of soup. That is A LOT of soup! Jake exclaimed. But they finished half of it for a "snack." Waste not, want not. I'm about to leave to teach, but not before getting my bread machine to knead my dough while I'm away. There is enough time for the kids to have both fresh bread and the rest of this soup when they get home from school. Ballabusta, am I! But when I'm organized, I am less stressed. And we shouldn't be eating crap just because we need Belac to put on weight.

Today we go to the doctor for his stats. We will see how much he has grown and the blood and bone test results will be back. He put on just a pound or two even having finally grown 4 inches this past year. His weight is worse than it ever has been and not keeping up, stuck at 0 percentile. 61 pounds! I have students half his age who weigh as much as he does!

But good his $24,000/year med is now covered by insurance. And he asked to be enrolled in tae Kwon do, again. He can't help his size, but he can help his strength. Good for him.

Lulu the puppy

If I'm going to train the dog properly, I simply have to get up at 5:45 and be walking her by 6. Otherwise, by the time I bring her out for a quick pee and poop at the usual 6:30, I'm too rushed to make sure the kids are up and coming down. And even after she's done her business at 6:30, I turn my back in the house and she's pooping a second time, but now in the dining room. It's my fault. She needs a good walk, first thing and not at 8, after the kids have left the house.

Despite the extra work and hubby not being home during the week, she is really a very good energy in the house. She's very affectionate, almost in a needy way. And prevents me from helicoptering the kids. And they make good company in the studio, where they enjoy the carpet and keep me company.

I will be very glad when I've gotten her house trained though. A puppy is a lot of work considering we are not fenced in. Sounds crazy, but I'm going to attach a bell to the door. I want her to learn to ring it when she wants and needs to go out. I bet she can learn!

Email at 6am

Hi Mrs. Iron Oxide,

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving week end!

I'm writing to let you know that Belac has been talking to me about a kid in the class who has been bothering him. I guess he tells Belac constantly to 'pay attention!' I asked if it was meant to be helpful and Belac said no and that this kid should 'mind his own business.' On the street on the way home, in the hallways, at lunch, and also during your class, the kid apparently has taken it upon himself to constantly tell Belac to 'pay attention!' 

I told Belac the more he lets it bother him the more the student might be inclined to keep this up. But I also asked if he tried to talk to the boy reasonably and if Belac also couldn't come to you to ask for help. Otherwise, Belac seemed to think that if he told the boy about his grades to 'prove that he's smart', the boy might feel bad enough to stop....

All to say, could I ask you to advise Belac when he comes to you, today? I don't know if Belac  is just being overly sensitive or if the boy is in fact stepping out of line. Belac's poor concentration, after all, is the primary reason he is in your class and would both Belac and I ever love it for his concentration to be that easily fixable. :) 

(On that note, I will bring it up with Belac's neurologist about possibly tweaking his med, as necessary, because I know he needs all the help he can get...!)

Thank you so much for your attention and advice to Belac in this matter. We really appreciate it!

Gimky

omg

So went to look at Belac's grades. We were both nervous. He stresses out so much about not paying attention. Worries. I hadn't been looking at his grades at all, just making sure he gets all of his homework done, every night. I had no idea what to expect and was astounded.

He is flying without supports in regular math. No extra help, no aide to help him concentrate or organize him, he is in there on his own. And there it was: 91 average in Algebra!

YES!!!! Belac screamed.

91 in regular Science as well. 86 in Modified English, taught by Special Ed Teacher, his lowest grade.

Astounded. That's an overall grade point average of 89.25.

They are absolutely perfect grades and I am so over the moon proud of him. Of course, it's hard socially for him and he has difficulties coping, emotionally. But this is still such an achievement for him. So proud of both my boys!

celebration

Today is a work day for all. We had discussed the spiel at dinner last night. Everyone sleep in. Eat breakfast. Look at report cards online. Get homework done and prepared for a new school week.

Jake was the first one down, smelling the freshly baked banana bread. He devoured a few slices and then we went over to the computer to look at his first quarter grades. I hate this task. His grades have so often not represented his abilities or his smarts. Often, I look at his report card and wonder if we should have done private school. We were both a little scared to look, knowing how up and down his grades have been. And there it was, marking period average: 90.13.

OMG!!!! Jake jumped up and down and went to call hubby. Good for him! He has a 79 in AP computer Science, which might disqualify him for the Honor Roll, but good for him that he got his grades up there. This is absolutely fantastic for him and not without a lot of sweat and tears.

Jake, I mentioned to him, you need to get the Computer Science and Math grade up in order to get into the kind of program you want.

Celebrate with him, hubby reminded me before hanging up, don't forget! Celebrate this.

good day

Left Michigan at 8:15AM, stopped twice with 2 dogs and 2 kids, and was home by 6. We had everything down to a tee between Jake pumping gas while I dealt with the dogs, Belac tidying up the car and dealing with snacks and garbage, everyone making a quick stop to the bathroom. And even coming home, Belac and I each took a dog around the block while Jake unpacked the car and then showered. We ordered in Chinese, I got a fire roaring - the house is still very cold - and will soon take the dogs out for the last time....

I had a lot of time to think while driving home....

First, I have had a bunch of inquiries for adult piano lessons, lately, and I've decided to say yes to all of them who can come on Tuesdays and Wednesdays before 2:30, and at half the rate (or double the time) I charge my afterschool kids. They are all retirees and frankly, I enjoy them. The kids want 30 minutes, the adults always want 60. I find the conversations about music and politics during these hour long lessons stimulating and entertaining. And the adults adore the studio classes. If I could manage to attract a bunch more adult students, that would be enough for their own separate studio class....

Second, I have decided if I get the Geneva gig, I will use the opportunity to try to teach at a local university. Why not? I never pursued it before though have the 'credentials.' That would be so different and fun, a challenge. Maybe I could even help a Westchester based college start a Westchester pre-college of sorts. Of course, I earn more money with my privates but I like to keep things interesting and learn new things....

Third, big sis, her husband and I talked about living together in a multi-family type situation in the DC area. We spent time looking at sites and discussing what our needs are. We realize we are very keen on being together under the same roof. Hubby really likes being close to them, especially because the family is not able to be down there with him. Can we find something we can afford together? Could her husband and I manage to be landlords together? She - knock on wood - may soon be pregnant and they would like a bigger place. Hubby will be commuting there for the next while. Together could we buy something? A townhouse or multi family with a 3BR apartment for them, a 2BR apartment for us, and a 1BR unit or more to rent out for income? Or possibly for my dad and/or mom to come stay in the future? She agreed to reach out to her real estate agent. And I, too, reached out to an agent I found who maintains an excellent website on multiple family dwellings in DC. Wouldn't that be something if we could find something and be that close? I imagine bbqs and ending the evenings with wine and snacks in our shared backyard. My babysitting when I'm in town....

Fourth, would I ever love to be in Geneva this summer! I was asked about Tuscany and asked about dates, smack in the middle of the Geneva dates. You know what? If I presented with both opportunities, I'd choose Geneva and would forego Tuscany with barely a thought. To be teaching and playing like that in a structured program and for that level of student... So exciting. Can't think about it. I don't want to be disappointed and will just have to see if either or both formally pan out with a contract.

Exhausted. Glad to be home but sad hubby's not here. Made a concerted effort to have good chitchat with the kids, today, both in the car and over carry out Chinese food. They are such good boys and I want to do right by them. Now off to walk the dogs...!

bon voyage

In 2 hours the kids arrive home from school, and our goal is to leave immediately and drive straight to Michigan. If we drive without delays, we should arrive by midnight.

I now have a gazillion devices charging. Organizing dog stuff and Secret Santa gifts. Stuffing the kids' and my clothes into just one small suitcase. Made two large bags of food, one for the front and one for back. There are chips and nuts and dried fruits. Drinks. Bananas, chopped apples and red peppers and carrot sticks. Capri Suns, Gator Aide, water, napkins. Cereal bars. Individual containers of buttered pasta and beef sausages. What am I missing? Dog treats, water bowls, doo doo bags. Hopefully we will only have to stop for gas and potty breaks. Oh, and there is the aero bed, dance dance revolution and cards for Humanity. Car papers for my dad to sign. Pillows, blankets, neck pillows...

My Toyota has more space but we'll need to take the Subaru, filled to the brim. Hubby drives to DC from Michigan, this wknd. I drive back to NY with kids and dogs in my parents' car they are giving us. We will now have 3 cars: 2 in NY and 1 in DC. It will make a complicated situation more simple.

The heat in the kitchen is not kicking off again. I did everything my plumber taught me to no avail. I swear, this house is the money pit! We are turning on the main oil fueled heat to the house for the first time this season while away and hopefully that will be enough to keep things well above freezing in the kitchen until I can get this fixed. I just pray there are no leaks or frozen pipes (probably won't get cold enough) or any surprises for me when I return home without hubby! I remind myself I am a smart cookie, though, and can figure it out.

Happy Thanksgiving! Grateful for this good life.

forward

Catching up:

I have been in detailed correspondence with the singer who recommended me for the Geneva gig. Whether it happens or not, we have been back and forth about performing other concerts together despite her family's move to SC. We've performed several times over the past years and it's always such an inspiration to me how she is able - with so much grace and warmth - connect with her audience. She is an incredible singer, also a Juilliard grad. Her husband is performing a solo violin concert in Manhattan and we will hopefully meet up then. If I get the Geneva gig, then we'll be able to rehearse then, too.

Wrote a delicate letter to a construction company about exterior doors that were supposed to be replaced on our house. On the one hand, they have been irresponsible and unresponsive, and this behavior is infuriating. On the other hand, I paid a deposit on the doors months ago and I need them to finish the job AND do it well.

Tonight we pack up to leave for Michigan right after the kids finish school. The Subaru will be packed to the brim even packing lightly between people and their clothes and school books, dogs and their crate and beds, and Secret Santa gifts. Coming home, I drive the distance home by myself with dogs and kids in my parents car and hopefully, not in cold weather. Hubby drives to DC for work....

The distance is hard. He's here and then not here. But sometimes when he's here, it's also like he's not here. He is just swamped with work. Yesterday, he was gone by 7:30am. Home by 8:30 and then worked til midnight. I can't be mad at him but it's just hard. It's almost like he might as well be in DC then because it's like a tease. No time to read emails, read texts or take phone calls. He gets 1000 emails a day and he doesn't have time to read any of them. His assistant is in charge of managing his day and relaying messages. We've been talking a bit about whether this is sustainable. Is it off the table to move? I sort of think so. Jake is in 10th grade... And so we take the chance and he finds something else locally? We need to accept that it might not as well-paying or as 'good' of a job. So things to ponder.

Waiting now on Jake to arrive home from winter track. If hubby is indeed done at 5, we will all head into town for an early dinner, come home and finish packing and preparing for the half day of school.

Looking forward.

networking

Hi Famous Film Composer,

I hope this email reaches you well!

I recently had dinner with Olivia and we talked about your violin piece. We would still love to read it!

We may be back in Tuscany, next summer, and it looks like I may be playing and teaching in Geneva in July. We're starting to work out the details.... Hope your preparation is going well for your world tour!

Since our last exchanges, we added Famous Film Composer to our list of Pandora stations. It's been fun for our family to hear your music and be reminded of some of our favorite movies.

Don't know if you have been in England through this whole election fiasco and if so, lucky you! :)

Happy Thanksgiving! And hello to Anika, too.


Cheers,
Gimky

Taka

What a crazy jam packed week.

The highlight was bonding with my mom over the dogs. In all the years since she's been coming to visit, she has always gotten up well after my boys were off to school. She's an insomniac and not a morning person, to say the least. But every morning she was up with me at 6AM walking the dogs. Even running after me on the drive, one morning, to tell me to wait for her. One afternoon we walked a long ways (for her) around the block. Can you walk up this hill? I pointed to a street I usually turned onto to make a loop. She didn't have her cane and had just the leash. I'll try, she told me. Let's just go slowly, I told her reassuringly, take your time. And on and on we talked the whole while and during her entire visit, sitting on the floor of my kitchen and petting the dogs, cooing and holding them. 4 times a day she was walking the dogs, and one after the other.

There was little talk of her medical condition. No talk at all of her brothers and her stolen inheritance. Just continuous chitchat and interaction between us and the family over the 3 dogs.

My mom and I continue to talk easily. This morning, for 40 minutes! About how my dad feels about the dog. How he was holding Taka on the couch last night as he watched tv. How the girls behaved with him. How she'd better give me tips after her first obedience class today. How she went out with him 4 times already, first at 6AM. I looked at the clock, it wasn't even 8AM yet. And how they wanted to go out and buy a speaker like mine, today so they could play music when the dog was at home by himself. This is all incredible, really. My mom will not be able to lay in bed all day or if she does, she has to get up regularly and often to make sure the dog isn't up to no good and does his business outside.

My dad has decided to retire in June as an 80 year old. He told me he is tired and is happy to go to the hospital once a week, but no more than that. I am just so happy for my parents that they have this cute pup at home to love and bond over. I mean, he might be around until my dad is 95 years old, knock on wood! And though my mom really loved Lulu and her affectionate demeanor and I offered her to take Lulu instead, much to Jake's chagrin, I do think Taka was the right choice for them. He's little and full of personality. So alert, curious, friendly and very outgoing. And frankly, I am a bit relieved too. Not only had I gotten attached to Lulu in a short few days, it is clear that she is a positive and calm companion for Bailey who won't drive him crazy.

It's all good and I am just so grateful for these pups. Especially for Taka, who is already bringing so much joy and positivity to my mom's life for merely existing and being his adorable, playful self.

buddy

Found a buddy for an autistic teen tonight, only for him to cancel after I had just confirmed with the special needs mom, Principal and Rabbi at 6am. The mom is coming herself with her two special needs kids and needs help to be able to attend/survive a family dinner and service tonight. I looked at Jake this morning and pondered how to ask him for this favor. He was the only other kid I knew who could step in and do this without coaching, and it was important for this family to be able to attend. My parents would be in town and we were supposed to have a big dinner at home. He was looking forward to an evening off and already donates his Sunday mornings to shadowing another boy on top of a full schedule and a ton of daily homework. Pretty please could you go to synagogue tonight and shadow this boy...? This family really needs you and we will all wait on you for dinner....? He sighed after a small pause, okay. You're the best, sweetie pie, I tussled his hair, I'm so proud of you!

And that was my 5 minute post. Off to walk the dogs before running to teach.

life

Doing a massive tidying up during a quiet moment. I have 5 students this afternoon, 3 kids coming over to our house to work on a Social Studies project with Belac, hubby to retrieve from the airport, and parents arriving tomorrow afternoon and a friend of the boys' coming for the weekend, whose parents will be out of town. And 3 dogs! Two who are not potty trained. I am such a sight trying to get 3 dogs to walk together without tangling up...  And even more teaching tomorrow, my busiest day being Friday when it always collides with everything personal. And both a bar mitzvah service and party to play Saturday. And then I almost forgot, a performance class Sunday morning so I have the reception to prepare.... It will be a crazy, happy few days

Grateful that the studio is truly separate from the house. It has changed everything to be able to walk down a small hallway and enter this delightful, amazing, dedicated space for practicing and teaching, and to be so close to the kids and yet separated by two doors. Lucky we are close to school and it's easy for kids to come here on their own. I'd rather my boys be home with their friends and check able out of the corner of my eye than somewhere else. So lucky for this set up and just very, very grateful.

Full house

The dogs were good in their crate, last night, and things were fine when Bailey arrived home. They like each other enough. i think it's Taka, though, who I think will have the biggest transition of all in going home to my mom. The puppies are inseparable and sleeping on top of each mother as I type. No doubt, though, my mom will dote on him and give him her complete and adoring attention. He has no idea just how happy he will make my mom by merely existing, in much the way Bailey has in her every visit here.Though Taka is the runt and half the size of Lulu, he is curious, persistent and very outgoing. He has a lovely personality and is just perfect for my mom.

The interview went well, I think. The director spoke first and gave me all the details of the program as I murmured positively along. He told me I was highly recommended by a singer I performed a few concerts with. Are contacts ever important. And then he asked me to speak in particular about my experience working with the 10-18 year old group, his having already reviewed my website. Thank goodness for that website, which has proven itself tremendously valuable, time and time again since I built it in August. It took pressure off me to remember everything and try to sell myself in every which way. I was forthcoming and upbeat but also paid close attention to my words and sound of my voice. I strived for an appreciative, likeable, modest and approachable tone. How old are my boys? Would my family be okay with my being away? I explained succinctly that each boy went to a set of grandparents while I was recently in Italy and it had worked well and my husband had to work but would possibly visit.

I would be excited and honored to teach and play at this program and will now just wait to hear.... In the meantime I am back to real life, where the dogs need walking, the fridge restocking and some laundry washed before the students trickle in. I have a feeling this afternoon will be a little different, with students lingering in the house with 3 dogs under the roof! It is pretty crazy, come to think of it.

Interested

Wow. I was just asked by my alma mater if I would be interested in teaching in Geneva, Switzerland in July. I can't reach hubby but did reach my mom, who agreed to take the dogs and kids as necessary. At the age of 46, I just haven't fathomed I could be given new and exciting opportunities to play and teach, in Italy and now to Geneva, no less! I am so honored and flabbergasted, frankly. Let's see how this conversation goes.

Would I be interested?! Seriously?!  Of course!!

Protection

Received messages from my neighbor as we were landing at JFK. There were 2 cops at her door and our house alarm was going off. For hours, we found out later by looking at our log. Hubby and I discussed as we kissed good bye, he was continuing onto DC. We agreed to get the light fixed above the garage ASAP and to get a surveillance camera for the drive way. We really are hidden from our neighbors and passersby and people routinely cut through our street down the drive. Coming home and discussing with ADT, the alarm was physically tripped, they confirmed, and looking over the windows, I could see 2 of the front 4 studio windows had been forced and the locks had come loose. I'm not thrilled my violin - my violin without the badly needed appraisal - is in that room.

Good we have an alarm system, obviously. But now that hubby is gone during the week and things get so dark so early, I want to make sure all is in order. And you know? I have to figure out how to insure my violin.

precheck

I am manning a 4 top and all our carry ons as the kids and hubby go and look for Bkfst. Thank goodness I put belongings on every chair. There's a young Asian woman near me on her computer, and although there are empty seats all over, a man in his 60s came and is sitting across from her and eating his breakfast. She has never looked up. Deliberately. She obviously does not know the guy and he is creepy. He could have moved the chair to simply sit diagonally from her but he sits right across from her. Invading her space and it is too intimate.

Note to self: if that ever happens to me, I would say that I was waiting on my husband or friend. Even if not true.

I was patted down, breast and groin area, because I was carrying Belac's medication and needles in a frozen pack that couldn't go through the X-ray. Never happened before. The woman was nice enough but I got into a borderline fight with her partner. Why am I being patted down for this? They don't know what's in the tube, they told me. Well, you don't know what's in my husband's toothpaste, either. Well, he exclaimed back, he was sniffed by the dog. Well, I told him, so was I! All you need is a little liquid to make an explosion, he told me. Yeah, well my husband and everyone else has liquid here so why aren't you patting everyone else down? They passed the dog. So did I, I wasn't flagged for anything! These people are idiots. If I were going to blow up a plane with this tiny tube of fluid, 18mg, I would not be carrying it in a freezer pack with a doctor's note and asking to avoid the X-ray!! Nothing makes sense, the guy told me who was Hispanic and finally won a smile from me, like how did Trump get elected to office?

Hubby and Jake had been  watching from afar. What happened? asked hubby. Mom, Jake exclaimed, it's no use arguing with them.

They came back with a yogurt cup and coffee for me. In 5 minutes I will feel much better and in control of myself!

Bon voyage!

Fixing

Handed over cash and gave the workers a $100 tip. They did the nasty work of cleaning out the attics and blew in 20" of cellulose fiber and stuffed the walls of hubby's study. Amazingly there was no insulation at all on top of his study, either, to complement the hollow walls of my studio. The guy was sure no inspector or owner had ever before crawled around the attic and seen the incompetence all around. It's not my imagination, the studio and hubby's study is much warmer. I'm glad all the cardboard is out, too. We now have a proper thermal barrier.

I missed lunch and still need to pack. Waiting on hubby. I feel good, though. My students worked hard this week. The kitchen and fridge are wiped down and ready for our return. We will eat someplace out to keep things simple.

Tomorrow we leave at 5:15am for sunny California. My niece is having her bat mitzvah. As long as we don't end up stuck at a Table with anyone who wants to talk politics, we will have a great time.

Bon voyage!

attic

They are wearing hazmat and serious air masks, working up in the attic. They ripped down the cardboard and it's in huge piles on the drive. Only the area around the hatch had fiberglass around it. The rest was just cardboard as a sole insulator. The workers took a picture of the cardboard that went even all around the chimney. You are so lucky your house didn't catch on fire. Paper up to the chimney? Look at how the cardboard is colored like that, it was heated up! he pointed out in the picture he took. The rodents love this stuff for their nests, too! And the lack of fiberglass? No wonder it was so cold! The person who did it not only didn't know what they were doing, they didn't actually insulate the whole ceiling with fiberglass, just the part the owners would likely check...!

And bringing up now an air purifier as they work. I was not pro getting rid of the stuff on the floor. It could be hazardous and then what, it gets buried in the ground? Just let it be and we blow the cellulose on top of it. But the company is taking it all out. They say it's mostly dirty, old, fiberglass with dead rodents in it... They have an air suck vacuum coming out of the attic and a second floor window into the truck. The old stuff is all coming out, the new stuff going in and all up to code.

So glad to be having this problem fixed!

Wow

2 of 3 walls to the exterior in the studio had NO INSULATION at all in them. Not a single thing in those hollow walls.  Came home to be shown first hand. I could see from the outside, all the way into the plaster of the interior wall. It is unreal how the insulation was so majorly overlooked and yet believable. That room has been so cold in the winter and so hot in the summer. It took 7 years of being in this house and moving my piano and instruments in there to recognize the seriousness of this problem.

They will also suck out all the fiber glass and rock in the attic, discard all the makeshift cardboard and other insulation attached to the ceiling of the roof, possible fire hazard, and blow 10 inches and more of cellulose fiber to the attic floor before they go.

I hear it will be a very cold winter; I am so relieved to get this done this year.

Looking forward to a warmer house this winter.

It sinks in

It will be a whirlwind of a day, between overseeing the insulation workers on the house, teaching in and out of the house, and packing up the family to get into 5:15am car to JFK, tomorrow. And there are all the itty bitty details: giving Bailey to the sitter for the long wknd, picking up cash for the house job, but making that stop on my last trip home because I'm paranoid about dropping the money someplace, ironing the kids' suits, figuring out dinner, picking up an extra collar and bed in prep of the new dog, we come home on Monday night and I leave first thing Tuesday to PA to pick up Lulu and Taka....

Mom, Belac told me in bed last night, I just keep thinking about Bernie Sanders. I mean, why did he lose? Because the primaries were rigged, I didn't say. Well, I think he should have beaten Clinton. And if he had beaten Clinton, I believe he would have beaten Trump.... Jacob and dad say it probably won't be so bad, I think you shouldn't think about it anymore, he advised, you will take time to get used to it. I smiled in the dark, this kid is so sweet. I leaned over and kissed him before wishing him a good night.

I am pretty much "done" in a big way with FB. The political arguments are tiresome, people's "despair" and divisive rhetoric after the election, the doom and gloom and the outright vitriol from the left that the left astonishingly fails to recognize as being just as bad as from those on the right. We ARE snobs. Hillary made a mistake when she called Trump supporters deplorables. That was a very big mistake and was a huge slap. How is that different from Trump's name calling. Bernie Sanders would not and did not stoop to the lows either candidate did, and never would have. And basically this election has proven to me that the media and the polls don't know SHIT, I don't care how many millions you throw at them.... And I cannot stand reading the lengthy rants people post. You're not changing anyone's opinions on THIS platform. Want to change something? Go do something good with your life. Be with your children. Go outside. Talk to people on the other side of the aisle....

Hubby and I greeted each other with the oh so G rated hi honey! kiss. But later had a real hug in the kitchen when I thought, wow it's nice he's home. And then slept with him on his side of the bed. I feel sorry for the Clintons and the Trumps, both camps I view as having their marriages compromised by their ambitions and lust for power. The Obamas have been a class act and we've been lucky for them, these past 8 years. What role models! I hope hubby and I can achieve similar balance.

Michelle Obama, 2020!

the day after

I am heart broken. But can't say I'm totally surprised that Trump won. We were all living in our FB bubbles, the polls and media are not to be trusted, nor middle America undermined. It is their revolution now. For all of Trump's faults, she had serious ones of her own. He hit the nail on the head on several counts: what could she really change after already decades in public service? She talked through both sides of her mouth on many issues. And really, new revelations about her husband's abuse of power against women made things nasty. The details sickened me and I cannot look at that man either.

This house is beautiful and all, but as the worker here has pointed out, it is full of surprises and things not done correctly. There were holes in an inner wall behind heaters he spent an hour plugging up. He likened it to running an air conditioner in winter and the heater in summer. The room would be so much improved just because of that. We thought it was all fixed but then I found billows of cellulose fiber blowing right into the studio room. We can't get to the hidden holes without removing the radiators behind the sheetrock. The whole room is a mess and we are at a cross roads. Do this properly and it's turned into a much bigger job. I may have to cancel lessons, I have one kid with asthma and this dust will have to settle.

What will become of this nation, dominated by GOPs in office? Hillary gave a gracious concession speech, today. I hope Trump does some good in office and keeps his promise to be everyone's President.

The thought of it. UGH.

87%

That's what the NYT is now predicting, likelihood of a President Trump.

It. Is. Unbelievable.

Oy

This election party is not going well. I am not freaked out but everyone else is upset by how close it is. I am drinking wine. Don't know what to think.

election day

The boys, Izzy and I went to volunteer at KidsKloset for a few hours, today. It was nice, actually, and more fun than any of us imagined. We met some of the women who run the place, previously, and they were warm grandmotherly types who did not micromanage and were just so supportive of any and all the work the kids did to organize and fold clothes, carry bags and the like. It was more fun, actually, because Izzy was there this time and so we could each partner up with someone and Belac and Izzy are a good pair because she knows what to do and gives orders, and Belac listens to her. There was also a woman there, wanting to talk to me about what a hard time she was having with her Japanese daughter in law. We talked about culture clash, religion clash.... We chatted intimately and passed the time, she told me when we said good bye that I had helped her. The thing is, there was really work to be done and we delivered and the kids felt valued. Afterwards, we headed to HMart for lunch, and then home where Ian was waiting and the kids ran around playing tag, screaming and chasing each other like they were little again in the crisp autumn weather.

Now everyone cleaning up the house. Packing bags. Walking the dog and taking up their wash. I'm heating up chicken nuggets from the freezer and boiling corn. Eating up all the random food we have in prep for our trip to LA this wknd. And then off to an election party we go in a bit. We are walking the mile to our friends with a bottle of wine, root beer and chips.

It's good. Hope Hillary wins. The only thing that could have made this a better day, is if hubby had come tonight.

May the best candidate win!

Prediction

I'm sure she will win. But by how much? And what kind of craziness/backlash will ensue? Will he be gracious? It's the ugly drama I'm bracing myself for.

I have a pair of Ivanka Trump shoes. I wI'll no longer buy anything Trump.

pre election

Tomorrow is election day. I will go at 6AM-ish to avoid the crowds. Later the kids and I are going to volunteer at the Kids Kloset in White Plains and then get lunch at HMart. Belac needs 25 hours of community service in order to be recognized at graduation. And so while getting on the Honor Roll is probably a stretch for him, as are other distinguished awards, I am determined he will be recognized for his community service.

We have signed up for 3 Sunday sessions to pack food at the FoodBank. 4 sessions at the Kids Kloset on days he is not in school. And 3 SNAP services where he will help me set up and clean up. Maybe someone will be kind enough to fudge him a few hours, finding 25 hours to volunteer for a non-profit is a lot by May 1, and at this age he needs to be accompanied by an adult!

This morning, I brought over my concert dresses to Kati to try on. She has some Hungarian event to attend. We are about the same size and proportions, it's wild that we can share clothes. I've just never had anyone about my size. I am 9 lbs. less than this summer, so I am closer to where I was and closer to where she is.

I've started to eat a little bread and have a little wine, lately. Though after the Saturday night dinner at our house, I still had my second glass of wine as I was washing up dishes and without accompanying food I didn't feel like it and simply poured it down the drain. I hope I can maintain my moderation, I think it's more normal. I hadn't exactly planned to have wine on Saturday but when hubby's boss and wife and sat down with us, and they appeared so awkward and ill at ease with us at first, I felt it was better if I joined in and hubby poured 4 glasses.

Why don't the kids have school tomorrow? Crazy they are off for election day. I don't get it. Can't wait for this circus to end. I really, really dislike Hillary. I just haven't been able to jump on that bandwagon and just looking at her husband makes me sick. Seriously, those lewd stories about his forcing himself on women, even raping them... And both of their huge, fake, exaggerated smiles everywhere they go! But what choice do I have? Tomorrow I plug my nose and vote for Hillary.

Best news!

Received a call at 9am this morning from Belac's endocrinologist's office.

Aetna/CVS Caremark has approved growth hormone for Belac for the next 12 months!

After 18 months and 3 insurance companies, we have approval and coverage for this med and the deductible is reasonable. A significant weight has been lifted off our shoulders. Not just financially, but the respite from continuous worrying, figuring out and fighting over getting him coverage.

hallelujah!!

Family life

Hubby drove off at 5am. What a whirlwind of a week end. Between getting serenaded by a mariachi band when we ate a new restaurant we tried as a family on Friday, practicing some pieces with hubby, having hubby's former boss of 12 years and his wife over for dinner, hubby and I watching a couple of dramatic episodes of Downton Abbey, Jake and hubby reviewing computer science together and bonding over stories as I brought Belac to White Plains for his computer science class and shopped for clothes for me and the family at 50% family and friends day at the Gap, Belac working on a dream tree house all wknd, Jake starting his volunteer/community service, being a buddy to a special needs kid at Hebrew school, 2 hours every week, baking loaves of bread everyday, sipping some wine at dinners and hanging out with Kati and Onjy's families last night and incidentally, watching Jake and Onjy's daughter laugh and laugh over funny stories Jake was telling in highschool, I noticed when the seat became empty next to hers at dessert, he ended up over there....

A full wknd. You know, Kati told me, if you get lonely just bring the kids and sleep over. I laughed imagining that. We will be okay, we just have to figure it out.

Hubby will be home on Wednesday. Just two nights, this week, and then we go to LA for 3 nights, where we attend our niece's bat mitzvah and I chant Torah. We have an interesting week ahead for the fam and we're all looking forward to it.

angel

Hubby and I walked together, tonight. He couldn't believe how much time I take to walk the dog at night. Hubby had ordered Chinese when he got in, and they waited until I was home at 7:30 to eat. It was nice. Lots of talk about hubby's job, funny things Jake heard...

My mom and I have been texting non stop. Today she called and asked if I had called earlier I hadn't but then she had questions to ask me about house training the dog and we were on the phone at least 45 minutes. My dad got on the phone as well, and he wondered if the puppy was going to be hard for them. I will take these kinds of conversations ANY DAY over her rantings of her thwarted inheritance, my ungrateful cousins, my stealing uncle.... and will always indulge every conversation about the dogs. It's been nice to have this to bond over with my mom. Both of my parents, actually. Please dear God, let their new dog be an angel!

Thursday

One of my piano students' moms yesterday asked if she could send her husband over to move the  stack of wood in the middle of our driveway. Where is it supposed to go? I was bewildered. Really? Her husband is an Italian man in his cashmere sweaters, CFO of a company. She was going to seriously send her hubby over?? I wanted to laugh. This was leftover wood, probably 1/8 of a cord, that wouldn't fit into our cord rack, hubby thought we'd get through this stash soon enough, although I admit, it's not well positioned on the drive and causes an eyesore with the tarp over it on rainy days. How ARE things? she asked with a look of exaggerated sadness on her face.

The house is standing, the kids are alive! I laughed, we are doing just fine!

Hubby, I texted later, Julia wants to send her hubby over to move the wood on the driveway! She seems to think it's an indication of a problem...!!

I will move it myself this week end! he texted back.

Here I am hemming and hawing over this new arrangement. And yet I know that it is important he is there. I know the team has faith in him to clean up the department. And that even with the departure of the swinger, last week, which would have eventually happened anyway, it was viewed widely by the team as hubby getting things done efficiently somehow avoiding lengthy bureaucratic muck. He is there most of the week, defining roles and scope of work, training and getting his team up to speed and is responsible for overseeing their 750 million dollar IT budget, which that alone without the management piece, keeps him busy non-stop. It's exciting, interesting stuff for him.

Hopefully we will get over this hump. This morning we face timed at breakfast and watched him drive to work. I will be home for dinner, he told us, should I pick up Chinese? Yeah! the kids said.

TGITh!

in between

Today a woman drove around me and muttered and yelled something incomprehensible to me. I had my flashers on and was talking to hubby on the phone, off in a remote corner in a fairly vacant parking lot with space to maneuver all around me. He called just as I was leaving but I wasn't blocking anything or her. What was her problem? I had no feeling at all as I just looked blankly at this crazy woman, who could only wave her hands more animatedly while saying something seemingly nasty to me. 

The kids and I had had a heart to heart, last night. I told them I needed them to take more initiative. That dad was gone from week to week now, and on top of keeping this house running myself, I felt that I was spending too much time on their cases for things they should be doing more independently. I don't like to nag and they hate my nagging. I shouldn't have to tell them to bus their own plates, get things into the hamper, pack their bags, get out on time, get to bed on time, turn off lights, bring laundry down, help around the house.... I told them I felt it was hard. Jake vowed to show me he could, Belac was weepy and defensive, telling me he was trying his best.

You didn't threaten them that we'd move to DC? hubby asked, last night, because if it comes to that it shouldn't be a punishment or a result of failure. If we move, we introduce it as an exciting new development...!  I had sent him a listing of a multi-family townhouse in DC. Live in one, rent the other 2 units.... A high school friend and I have been in touch on and off about neighborhoods to explore and advised us to live in DC proper - and not the suburbs. He felt it would be really exciting for the family because there is so much to do for each of us and explained public transportation made accessibility so much easier than NYC. He highly recommended Mt. Pleasant, where he is raising his own family.

Listen, Gimky, hubby told me, I think we should consider hiring a housekeeper who comes twice a week. Someone who tidies and does laundry, helps organize stuff. And this frees you up to concentrate on the kids, to exercise, to see your friends... Hubby, we'd be silly to spend money on this! You're earning more but we are going to spend it all on dealing with you being away...? If I were more organized, the laundry would already be done already, I just didn't use my time well. Gimky, I know you don't think we need to but I think it will make things easier for you to get some help, just lighten up the load.... I didn't exactly agree but didn't say.

Hubby is gone every week from Monday to Thursday. Every week. And I am manning the ship and some days are hard. Keeping the fire going, getting the garbage out, keeping everyone on track and spirits up, dealing with the ups and downs.... It's hard to be the only adult around most of the week and I don't even have to worry about the same money problems of a true single parent. Trying not to be down or god forbid, feel sorry myself, I need to just get over it.

hard

I told hubby today I can't take dealing with the kids myself. They're going to bed too late, having troubles getting up and out in the morning. Jake called from school, weepy he had misunderstood what was due in computer science, a class he could NOT be entertaining another 0 in before semester end. Why the hell are we doing this? I asked hubby. It's not like we are sailing in Sunny Patch. Why don't we sell this house and move down there. We buy a condo and send the kids to private school? Or maybe move downtown and put them in an inner city public school. Let them fight for their education.

It's too hard for hubby to be gone all week, every week. And for what? Hiring help is not the answer. It's not hired help any of us need. The kids and I need hubby everyday. The boys need their dad, a male role model. I need hubby to climb into bed with every night. Is that too much to ask? Am I too soft that I miss him and don't like this? At all?

2nd appeal

I got a hold of someone at Cigna, who got in touch with someone who got in touch with someone. Explained that it was not our choice to leave Cigna and now we had a problem with Aetna. Could they help us? I pointed out that they authorized the med in May and we never filled the prescription, it was because we initially thought hubby's employer was changing in early June and we had that big deductible... Still, we are hoping that if Aetna sees Cigna approved us, maybe Aetna would follow suit.

The doctor's office just called me. Cigna did just fax the doctor Belac's preauthorization letter dated May 2016 after my phone call, and the doctor is faxing this info to Aetna. We are officially in 2nd appeal. And you know what? If they ultimately deny Belac the med, I have decided we should hire an attorney. It's a med that the endocrinologist, pediatrician and neurologist all believe Belac needs to be on and that's a 6 figure price tag over 5-7 years. I'm not asking for a free ride and am willing to shoulder some of that burden, but the criteria is neither transparent enough and forever changing and these denials are simply unfair to anyone seeking coverage. So fine, any insurance cannot deny you based on pre-existing conditions, but they sure as hell have a right to deny you coverage for that non-fatal, pre-existing condition. It's the same, isn't it

Makes me so mad.

AuthoriZation

No authorization letter. Why would I have kept it? It was no use to us I thought but now makes complete sense. The fight for this drug has gotten so fierce, the hospital just this month changed its policy and is now physically scanning authorization letters for the record. The argument is, if Cigna approved it, why shouldn't Aetna? 

Will Cigna reissue the letter? Well we will now find out.

Stats

Belac is much smaller than the boy featured in this article. And his growth before the hormone had stopped. I would be thrilled to pay a $500 monthly copay for his med. it has made a significant difference (he started growing again and he, too, grew 4 inches the first year)

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2010/05/04/health/04brod.html

If Belac manages to grow as tall as me or hubby 5'4" or 5'5" (forget about the 5'9", 140 lb. poster boy in the article) it will be a victory of epic proportions!

Preparing a file

Tearing apart the office looking for an old letter from Cigna approving Belac of his med. Aetna has denied Belac's med and we are preparing a file. It is not enough to have the authorization code in our appeal, Aetna wants a hard copy. The hospital did not scan the paper and I'm not sure I kept the letter. Is this the kind of thing Cigna could reissue for us? This is the $20,000/year problem I am working on this morning.