borderline

My friend called, last night. Asked me if I could go buy a box of ramen that little sister loves. Gimky, I'm going to Hungary this wknd to get older sister. They tried to check her into a hospital and she wouldn't stay. She is not to be left unattended, the doctor says, and my family has called for me to come bring her home.... She's locked herself up and is doing nothing. I found out she flunked all of her classes. They can't deal with this, understandably. It's so bad.... I don't know what's going to happen when I bring her home.

Ugh.

Last night, I asked hubby if he thought maybe my mom was sent away to live with her grandma in Japan because her parents couldn't deal with her. That maybe it was more than my grandfather's affairs and her making his life miserable about it.

Maybe, it's possible....

Someone a long time ago, once told me that my mom was such a handful. That if they were out and she didn't get what she wanted, she threw herself to the ground in hysterics. And my mom also told me in a rare disclosure that in her final exams of highschool, she didn't take them. She just signed her name and turned the paper over. It's not fair to boil anyone down to two unattractive stories, but these are just a few of the memories anyone has ever bothered to share with me about her previous life.

This morning, my old school friend in Michigan wrote to me. I have been chatting with her about possibly helping me find my mother a doctor. A therapist type under the guise of a neurologist label, who could possibly talk to my mom and also know how to deal with a non compliant immigrant who won't admit to any mental issues, but whose severe pain manifests itself in physical yet elusive, non diagnosable conditions. Unfortunately, this could be just another of many instances of dragging her parched lips to water only for her to not drink, but we are trying....

There is such stigma of mental illness in Asian culture. It is shameful, a sign of weakness and the appearance of which causes extreme secrecy, avoidance, denial and dishonor to a family. And this is how my mom has come this far and gotten no help at all.