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What are you doing for your birthday? friend asked, last night. Oh, I don't know, I shrugged, I don't need anything... we just went to Florida! And today I bought an expensive dress for the bar mitzvah. But I did tell the kids I want a hand drawn/written card from each of them...! She gave me a beautiful beaded necklace. A birthday card in which she called me her 'best friend.' Hubby thought we should eat at the local sushi place, tonight. Perfect, what more do I need?

Friend and I had whispered among ourselves in a kitchen corner about daughter upstairs. In the past, she would occasionally have chest pain when anxious. And now it was constant, she told me, it wouldn't go away. I think I need to go to the doctor to get some anti anxiety med, I'm going to the gym twice a week, eating well, trying to sleep, I'm doing everything right.... But I live in fear. When she walks through that door, she brings incredibly bad energy and she is just so mean and irrational. I know she's suffering, but I can't fix her or make her do anything to help herself. You know the other day, when she didn't come out of her room all day? I was so scared. I couldn't bring myself to go up there to knock on her door, she wouldn't respond to texts. When 2nd sister came home, I asked her to knock on the door and when I heard her voice, I was just relieved....

As much as I want Jake to be competitive and assertive, I realize that his sitting next to the adults, joking with us and being comfortable in his own skin, is huge. That he tries and cares about other people's feelings. That he is fairly easy going but also knows to defend himself. These are such valuable assets.

What do I want for my birthday? Everything that can't be guaranteed. Kids who are happy and work hard, kids who find love and develop strong friendships, kids who appreciate the good things and always get up and try and try again. Kids who do. Kids who look on the bright side. All that aside, looking at the present, just today and where we are, we have it good. What more could I ask for?

Happy birthday to me.