update

Hi Dr. WiseMan,

Hope you had a great week end.

Just wanted to touch base before Belac's session with you, today.

I learned a little more about Belac's playdate, and believe they may have had clothes off at some point.... I do want to stress with Belac 2 points. 1) that his body is his temple and he should not engage in activity he doesn't want or knows is not right (of course the underlying issue is, he needs to be confident with himself and not worry so much about people liking and including him), 2) he is too young to be engaging in sexual behavior with another individual. (FYI - I said he needs to wait until he is an adult, and he agreed. Whether that is 13, 16, 18 or 21, we didn't clarify, but he understands, he's not an adult, yet.) Also, 3) to be reminded that he has trusted adults (mom, dad, you) he can talk things over with, if he finds himself in confusion, etc. Another very important point: what happened was serious and not right. Belac is not allowed to now turn around and initiate/coerce this kind of sexual play with another kid. *If someone says no, it's NO.*

That said, my attention now turns to this boy. A trusted friend of ours was troubled to hear that this boy told Belac, after Belac expressed not wanting to get onto the top bunk with him, "It will be quick." Her gut and emotional reaction upon hearing "it will be quick" was that this excuse was something this boy had been told before. That this was learned behavior. She urged me to act in the best interest of this child, too, and consider also that this boy may be a victim of abuse. He just turned 11, FYI. (Belac is turning 12 in February.)

I have said nothing to the parents or anyone with direct contact with the boy. I do not want to over react to an incident that may be in the realm of normal and curious play, but do feel I need to at least allude to something, eventually, with his parents. (i.e. play of a sexual nature?) Especially because the kids have 6 more years of school together and because the boys have a lot of mutual friends. I don't want to regret not having said anything if something troubling or similarly confusing occurs in the future again with Belac or with another of Belac's friends. Your thoughts on how to approach this would be really appreciated.

Thank you so much.

Gimky