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I haven't written forever. Don't exactly know how I feel about it. I was too busy engaging with my family. And time spent normally blogging was taken up by correspondence with my family. Over my mom. I think she is going crazy, and she's taking my dad down with her.

She is on and off FB, deleting Friends, like the weather changes. She has unresolved medical issues. She's depressed. Angry. Unreasonable. Not in reality. Pathetic. A pain to be around. Won't let it go with her dad. Disowned my cousins and will not communicate with me. Called people in the wee hours, tried to facetime them at those times, left crazy messages. Now she's planning to go to Taiwan during Thanksgiving. To do what? Uncover the truth about her inheritance? She thinks they are going to have a better time there, she alone with my dad, both elderly, doing what? Her kids and grandkids are going to be here, at my house. And she's not going to be here? She thinks she's hurting us, but mostly she's hurting herself. God help her if she survives my dad, I have no idea what she's going to do. Money wise we are fine, but I do not know if she will get out of bed or be able to function in this world.

Meanwhile, Caleb is having a hard time. Anxious. Worried about school. Jacob is hopefully going to do okay, but has a huge schedule and cross country practice 2 hours a day after school. Hopefully he can manage it all. Everyone posted happy photos of their kids. My photo was of 2 sad kids, mourning the loss of summer. It was funny! But I deleted it from FB right away, I don't want to embarrass my kis.

I have spent most of my day getting this house in order. We have no ac during the hottest late summer heatwave, the house is 87 degrees, hot and sticky. By midday I want to kill someone and my patience is thin. It is going to cost 1600 to fix a brand new condenser. On top of that, I have been fighting with insurance over our medical bills. We have been approved 4 times, denied 4 times, we are now in appeals with the help our doctor. We are expensive. No one is making money off of us, they will find every loop hole there is to relinquish their responsibility.

And the synagogue!! They need me for everything right now, and I'm accompanying Fri and Sat services until they can find someone. I really don't have time. I spent hours making a band booklet. Then rehearsed last night. I don't have the time. Then the rabbi, looking like she is on the verge of a nervous breakdown, said under her breath: yeah, it'll be fine, even though my husband is about to leave me, I'll be fine. Oh my god, I stopped and when I asked, what? She said never mind, everything was fine. I wanted to cry for her. And it explains her weird behavior whenever I see her. Her husband is NOT nice. Suffered a stroke and seems like an angry man. They moved cross country for this job to be closer to a daughter and their new grandson. Everyone has their story and struggle....

I went private with the blog because I didn't like that a stranger was actively trying to friend me, and lives not far away. I also don't like that my next door neighbor was reading me. I also worried someone would give my mom all these mad entries about her. I just realized that it needs to be more private. I am happy to share with people who don't pretend to not be reading with me or who I know of are sound mine, and just basically look upon me with belief in me despite all of my own struggles.

Last night, we went out to eat in town. Cooking in this heat is a nightmare. Within 10 minutes, I was feeling more myself. Sure, I had a lychee martini with hubby. But just being in a climate controlled setting did wonders and I could look around the table at my family and breathe some sigh of relief, despite what is ahead, feel some love and relax a little.