interview

We probably go to services once every 6 weeks. And the reason why is because there is a band and I bring my violin. And it's during these times that I notice that a man in his 50s always comes in alone and late. He has greasy hair, wears jeans and speaks to no one. His mouth is always moving like he's chewing something, but I don't think he is. He also kind of has a blank stare on his face. But he's always there, stays for coffee and some snack afterwards and makes no trouble at all. Maybe someone occasionally says hello. Over time, I have come to the conclusion that he's special needs.

In December, I went to the Rabbi to tell him that I thought something was very wrong with the Hebrew School. That, first of all, Belac hated going and was on the verge of dropping out. That the last time this happened, the former director had told me that the only other time they had a special needs kid in the Hebrew School, he had Asperger's and eventually dropped out. I almost tore my hair out on the spot for her non-chalance. There is only so much a small Hebrew School can do to accommodate this group, she had said. The newer director shared this same sentiment. But how does this make any sense? Did you try to do ANYTHING differently before coming to this conclusion to do nothing?

I beg to differ. When the class sizes are small, when the congregation is small, there is more ability to accommodate individual quirks. Everyone gets to know each other, pitches in a little and that is a good thing. We aren't talking about kids or people who need constant help breathing and hand holding. We are talking about people who are fairly independent and high functioning, but need a certain kind of acceptance and attention. Understanding. And come to think of it, maybe instead of forcing the kids to sit 2 hours at a time, you could get them up and moving around. Turn up some Israeli music and learn a few moves. Turn on a Looney Tunes clip in Hebrew and then spend some time deciphering it. Get some fancy pens out and do some Hebrew calligraphy. Make the learning fun and engaging. Why is this Hebrew School so backwards and so stuck in its boring ways? The same clay menorah every December. The same crafts. The same songs, over and over. How can this Hebrew School be attached to such a socially progressive and creative synagogue?

I pointed out to the Rabbi. You know that guy who always comes? With the baseball cap? You know, the one who comes by himself and talks to no one...? The Rabbi finally nodded. Someone taught him to come, I told him. It speaks volumes about this guy's parents - maybe they're no longer alive? (he nodded) - and about the community that this guy comes every week and knows he can come and does come. He's welcome, feels welcome, and coming here probably keeps him out of trouble, too. It doesn't matter that he's a little strange maybe, and what really is he getting from the service side? But when he shows up, he's counted, right? He's counted for the minyan. He's counted! And this is exactly what is missing from the Hebrew School. My kid. In Hebrew School, he's a nuisance. They don't want to deal with him, don't know how and don't want to learn. And if this director is going to shrug like the previous one and tell me they really can't do anything? That's bullshit! I had told him. Maybe the Hebrew School should spend a second looking at themselves and thinking about what they can do better. Instead of rolling their eyes at my kid, actually listen to what he's saying, what most kids are too polite to point out so openly: This is boring, this is pointless.

There have been a lot of complaints about the Hebrew School over the years. I have become friendly with enough people to know, now, that I haven't been the only unhappy parent. The school has lost a lot of kids. But I think its this conversation I had with the Rabbi that got me roped into sitting in on these interviews. I'm not complaining. There is an amazing opportunity for someone to build a great kids program. It is possible. One that gets our kids thinking and doing and focusing on kindness and social issues. I have no more patience for theoretical or more flowery, meaningless rhetoric. Let's do the right thing. Let's teach by doing. Let's get out of our big, fat bubbles. Let's find the right person for the job.