My husband's cousin slept in until like 10. Then he watched movies. He told me he'd be leaving before I returned home in a few hours, so we hugged good bye. But then he ended up staying longer to finish his movie, not even pausing when the kids arrived home from school. There's nothing totally wrong with this, of course. I had invited him to stay much longer if he wanted. He's young. He just graduated college. He's on vacation. But I just can't help it. In my mind, everything is wrong with this. You know, if he had to worry about paying his rent and his next meal, would he spend his time like this? I think not.
I always had a job from the moment I could drive at 16. Always. And some of those jobs were quite unglamorous. I waitressed a lot and for years until I had enough work to pay my bills accompanying everyone and their wanna-be-the-next-Met-diva sister on the piano. And call me a snob, but I really think that at age 22, I could not have sat in someone's house sleeping in and watching movies while there were other people in the house working, cleaning, studying, and playing by themselves. If I saw a pile of clean clothes in front of me, even if they weren't mine, I seriously think I would have folded them or done a few dishes or simply hung out with the boys, even if my heart wasn't entirely in it. Am I expecting to much? Am I being fair? I don't know. But sweet and good as this kid is, I suspect he lacks a certain drive and hunger.
And I guess this is what I worry about with my kids, Jake in particular. About their having the desire to DO instead of waiting for something to happen. Being curious and inquisitive and coming up with ideas. Finding pleasure of working really hard at something that you lose yourself in. Belac has that about him and is quite clear and aggressive about what he wants and needs to do, but Jake hasn't found that something yet. It's okay, he's just 11, but I miss a certain drive and decisiveness from him. To compete in this tough world, more importantly, to find fulfillment in his life and work, he's going to have to become more self-motivated and hungry, even aggressive to a certain degree. I look at what might be a grown up version of him, here, and the truth is, I worry.
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Sometimes I think kids and young adults are getting so caught up in this peer pressure of being expected to do well at one thing, to be excellent at this one thing... sports or academics or whatever... that they are failing to learn the rules of multitasking and seeing the forest for their own particular variety of tree. It is no longer important to just be a good kid who is average at everything. It is no longer important to be a young adult who does averagely in a variety of things. Their socially sanctioned narrow beam of focus, does not allow or train them to see the variety of things they should be doing including age appropriate duties and responsibilities.
ReplyDeleteMy own 20 year old nephew who is staying with us for most of the summer is driving me CRAZY with sleeping in till noon and incessant movie watching and just not "seeing" chores that need attention. Of course I am not supposed to say anything to him because his year at college (albeit a very prestigious university with very tough cpursework) has been tiring! I really hope his internship comes through and he can start soon! Ofcourse that will mean that I will be ironing his office shirts and packing his lunches, but atleast he wlll be waking up at a decent hour!
Kiran! :) You make me laugh.
ReplyDeleteDo you think it is because moms do too much for their boys? I only have boys but grew up with almost all girls (4 girls, 1 boy) and I certainly do more for my boys than my mom ever did for me!