Tuesday, April 3, 2012
What a day
Belac asked me to straighten out the sheets on the top bunk as I was tucking him in. Its a real son of a bitch, that top bunk where he likes to sleep. I couldn't see well in the dark and then somehow fell off his ladder, had part of the ladder stab me in the chest and then fell to the ground, banging my leg on a corner. I was smarting. My husband ran up the stairs in response to the commotion, what happened? Then I heard Belac yell at me - PUT THAT LADDER BACK ON RIGHT NOW!!!! I told him, I just hurt myself can't you see?!? And all you care about is your ladder? FIX IT YOURSELF!!! and stormed out. I heard Belac sobbing. I'm sorry mom! I'm sorry! Come back! My husband met me in the basement where I folded laundry furiously and he tried to fix the ladder. Need a drink? he chuckled. What is going on in this household?! I asked him. Gimky, they are kids. They're learning and growing up. I heard my hubby coach Belac on next steps. He came down sobbing. Mom? Mom? MOM....? I'm sorry. You don't have to yell at me okay? Do you care more about your ladder or do you care more about me? I asked. You. Well, you could show me. You could ask me if I'm okay because I hurt myself. Uh. Mom? Uh. Are you okay? I'm fine now. You don't have to yell at me okay? Okay, I sighed and hugged him. I led him upstairs. In bed he continued to cry. Belac, please don't cry. You said sorry and I accepted. Do you need me to hug you some more? Yes, he said turning to me to accept the hugging and then added, you don't have to leave me, okay? Was just about to end this entry on another note. But then Belac called down for another kiss and then Jake came down right afterward and snuggled up next to me, telling me he couldn't sleep. First time in a month I am back in his room. Is it okay that my boys need so much reassurance and loving from me? Is it possible I am too nice and have created this? Too much excitement today. As Belac would say, "I went from 0 to 100 on my emotional barometer!" Ready for a new day.