Sunday, February 19, 2012
my two front teeth
My husband asked me what I want for my birthday. Birthday? Didn't we celebrate in December already? Honestly, I don't want a single thing and as far as I'm concerned, my husband has already done enough for me. In December, he cashed his company stock to pay off my student loan. For the first time in 24 years, I no longer owe money for my education. My MIL laughed in shock/horror. You're 42 years old and you still had college loans? You see, in Canada, college still costs - even for the best schools - less than 10k for undergrad. It's unfathomable to my MIL that people would go into such debt for an education. Of course, I didn't have to go to private colleges. I could have gone to the University of Michigan, where I was accepted into their music school and would have paid in-state tuition. And then I could have gone onto Indiana University, where I did apply and was also accepted into their graduate program. And would I have been worse off? Those are great music schools at more than half the cost. I probably would have been upset to forego the opportunity to go to NY and to Juilliard, given the opportunity, and I would have never met my husband, but I have to believe that there were other valuable lessons and opportunities I would have gained. At a time when I feel and understand that helping my kids find their way is not exactly a piece of cake, I am in awe to look around me and see our siblings having so many kids. Like in utter awe. How do they have the energy? How will they be able to provide financially? How do they have the confidence they can manage? My husband and I are stretched and at full capacity and we have just 2. But that's the way it is with kids and opportunities, isn't it? It depends on your appetite for risk. And this is why I know I have truly reached middle age! I went and got 3 degrees from private institutions, with no thought at all as to how I'd later pay for it. And even up until a couple of years ago, even with autism in my life, I was ready to have a 3rd kid or adopt a bunch of foster kids, even when I had even less idea where Belac would land. But something happened recently, like this past year. I realize, you know what? I have enough on my plate.