I am on a train to Bos. Using my pda to write. No kids. No husband. Just a small bag (and my thumbs.) I traveled just like this years ago. Ate on the cheap, traveled w/o map or itinerary, saw friends at will. Now I am traveling not exactly for pleasure, but it might as well be for all its novelty. I admit this freedom makes me nostalgic for the time when I only had myself. I am searching for something. Recently I have been feeling like something is missing. Do I sound like a midlife crisis in the making?
While at Juilliard, my mentor Albert Fuller had me write a 1-, 3- and 10-year plan. What are your goals? How are you going to get there? I have no idea what I wrote, anymore. I probably wanted an academic job, to get married, and have a house full of kids. 15 years later and going through this exercise, today, I wonder what dear Albert would say to me.
At the top of my list are now impossible things. Cure my child of autism, for one. Second, sell the darn house. The beyond-my-control like nature of my wishes make me sigh. 15 years ago the world was my oyster. I was excited and had no idea what amazing things were in store for me. Today I am in a much different position. I find myself trying to make the best of what I've got.